What can you do with $26,000?

You can buy a Toyota Prius, or two. You can order a Russian mail-order bride off the Internet. You can take a vacation to the Middle East. Finally, you can make a sound investment and bet $26,000 on the Miami Dolphins to win the Super Bowl.

There are so many wonderful things you can spend $26,000 on, but one West Boynton resident, Frank Crisci, has spent that amount on Halloween decorations for his home since 2002.

He has more than 60 tombstones, one with the name Roth, almost a dozen decorated corpses, a crazy female zombie in a coffin, a mutant dog named Satan, aka my sister Brooke, and a Grim Reaper that watches over the entire yard.

He even has an 8-foot vampire creeping down from the roof.

Other than the fact that Frank spent more on decorations than I get paid in a year, I assume trick-or-treaters must love his ghoulish setup.

The attention to detail is remarkable. One corpse was clothed like a pirate wearing MC Hammer pants. I thought to myself that it might in fact be Hammer. His career died years ago anyway.

Another body lay in the grass with a ripped, bloodied tank top and jean shorts. This person must have been dead for some time, because jean shorts are so 10 years ago. What a fashion no-no.

Another victim had pink Skechers sneakers on. These victims must have died from lack of fashion sense.

The tombstones say Mason, Wylde, Waters and … Roth? It said Roth died in 1751. I know what you’re thinking. Yes I was brought back to life to write these amazing, award-winning columns.

It is not a Halloween party without a tiki-hut type of setup accompanied with your own three-fingered goblin bar tender to serve you drinks.

One such tiki hut is located a bit away from the house on the north side of the lawn, where Dave took it upon him self to buy a Monster (an energy drink) and vodka. Get it? I said Monster and vodka. Not funny? I know.

Frank’s Halloween obsession did not stop with the lawn but moved into the garage, where a creepy fortuneteller was accompanied by an Elvira-looking brunette, wearing skin-tight black leather.

Dave offered the mannequin some of his drink and finally found himself a date for his blowout Halloween bash at his home in Jupiter. So far, the guest list includes, Dave, the mannequin and a homeless man he paid to come. Was that insulting to homeless people?

Finally, near the west entrance of the garage is a doghouse with the name Satan on top. Inside sits a cut, deranged looking dog-thing with sharp teeth and blood dripping from its mouth.

What did I do? I love puppies. I knelt down to pet the little fella.

Mike Rothman can be reached at mkrothman@tribune.com.