Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

(AP Photo)

Half-asleep still on Saturday morning, I screamed at the television because two guys I never heard of came in fifth out of five in a rowing preliminary event.

Wide-awake of Saturday afternoon, I pumped a fist or two when some 2008 high school graduate rallied from five points down to win third place in an event that with all its technological advances is the closest we'll ever to get to a real lightsaber fight.

Fully functional on Saturday evening, I got really mad when some tall bald guy and short dude with a goatee, ranked No. 1 in the world, got lost in the sand to some dudes from Latvia. Latvia! They have beaches in Latvia?

The emotional rollercoaster continued Sunday through hoops, gymnastics and swimming. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I off my meds? Do I just have more issues than normal? Why do I care about 64-kg. preliminary bout between some Russian guy and a Spaniard?

Ah, yes, it must be that Olympic bug that's going around. It's a viral strain that strikes my central nervous system every fourth summer. It keeps me awake late at night and wakes me up early in the morning. It makes me care about 84-pound teenage girls throwing themselves through the air. It gives me whiplash when I hear a broadcaster scream "World Record!"

Yes indeed, I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Olympics (and some cowbell!)

I'm wondering what it is about the Olympics that turns us into extreme nationalists and maniac jingoists for 16 days. It's more than just national pride. I think I need to contact some shrinks about this. "Hey, doc, Mark La Monica from Pet Rock here. Got a few questions about Olympic mentality."

Surely, I could use the cloak of reporting to examine my own issues, right?

P.S. Sign up for mobile alerts of your favorite events at NBCOlympics.com. It's pretty cool stuff. I'm tracking Team USA hoops, Michael Phelps, Dara Torres, Natalie Coughlin (helloooo, huuuuuuuuge Olympic crush!) and some girl on the Jamaican track team that I used to cover back in the days when I was a high school and college sports writer.

P.P.S. Follow all the Olympics with news, results and photos in Newsday's Olympics section.