Talk of the Tents

By Mark La Monica

First rule of Fashion Week: Upon entering the tent, get a WE bag. They make great gifts. And they're free.

On Wednesday morning, I followed the rules. On Wednesday afternoon, I tried breaking the rules by going in for a second bag on the same day. That's a flagrant violation of WE protocol.

Seeing how I stick out here like a homeless guy drinking at Tavern on the Green, the lady recognized me.

"C'mon, it's for my mother," I said.

She didn't believe me, which was smart because I was lying. But she insulted my manhood. No self-respecting man can allow such things to go unchecked. The WE girl will be made to repent!

Determined to exact revenge, I went into the WE booth this morning fully armed. I had Mama La Monica on Ready 5.

Once again, the WE girl remembered me, most likely because of my adoring smile and green, brown and blue eyes.

She said something to the effect of "This is for your mom, right?"

I admired her punkish attitude, but she clearly didn't know who she was dealing with. I'm the king of the check, meaning when someone gets uppity, I check them back into Reality Hotel.

"It is," I respond. "Don't believe me? Here, talk to her."

I handed the WE girl my Razr cellie. They spoke. I got the WE bag. It's not for my mom.

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