The Top 8 Guys go under our microscope! Who's in, who's out?
 | Funk: Dude, the guys did their thing, and we're gonna' have to go on without Julie Heart, this week! |
 | Collins: It's true! Julie's off on holiday for her birthday, this week. She'll be back soon, fans. In the meantime...there's no one to stop us from mercilessly mocking David Cook's rapidly-retreating hairline, or from calling out Luke Menard as a talentless hack prettyboy who deserves to be shot into space without a helmet. |
= BEEP-BEEP BOOP BOOP BOOP...BEEP-BEEP-BEEP BOOP BOOP! =
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| Funk: That, uh...that your phone, Clyde? |
| Collins: Yes, voice message. Just a moment. |
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| Funk: Your ringtone is "Funkytown?!" Yo, Clyde...dude, what's up with that? |
| Collins: Julie keeps changing it, whenever I leave it on the desk. And...I don't know how to fix it. Actually, speak of the devil...the voice message is from her! |
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| Funk: Yo, speakerphone! |
| Collins: It's a new phone. I'm...not really certain...how...um...oh, there it is. |
 | Heart: Okay, Clyde. I know it's about the time we'd usually be in the office, working on the column...so, I just wanted to send some suggestions for while I'm away. First of all...LEAVE DAVID COOK'S HAIR ALONE! HE'S A GREAT SINGER, AND YOU GUYS ARE COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT HIM! | |
| Collins: I'm already regretting this speakerphone idea. |
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| Heart: Also, make sure the Chatterheads all know how much I wish I could be there. I'm off on a ski trip, but there's nothing worse than missing American Idol, in my mind. I'll be watching, and I'll definitely have a few thoughts on this week's performances when I get back! Most importantly, have fun, boys...but don't be too mean! Keep in mind that whatever you end up posting, I'll be READING! See you next week! | |
= BOOOOOOP! =
| Collins: Well, there you are. Miss Heart wishes you all well, and...well, Artie, looks like she wants us to be on our best behavior while she's away! |
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| Funk: That in mind, I think it's time to unveil this week's Idol Chatter sponsor, and start the column! |
| Collins: Truly beautiful, and how brave of Mr. Cook to put it out there that this serious issue affects him. Way to take a stand, Baldy McGrunt! |
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| Funk: So, so brave...anyway, to the recap, dogg! We got a LOT to talk about. Incase you didn't know, there are only 8 guys left in the running. |
| Collins: Indeed, the pack of hopefuls is thinning faster than David Cooks hai -- aww, too easy. Julie, I'll let that one go, in your honor. On to the first performer! |
THE IDOL EXPERTS ON...THE TOP 10 GUYS
Luke Menard
Performed: "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by Wham!
| Collins: Luke Menard should go home, once again, this week. I don't know what more I can say. There is absolutely NOTHING redeeming about this guy. It was nasal, fruity and thoroughly unlikeable. For the record, that entire decade was a complete waste of time, musically. Perfect for Luke, really...GO HOME! |
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| Funk: I watched. I didn't really hear much that impressed me...and it wasn't really worth rewinding the DVR to listen again. Sounded like a decent George Michael impression, but...that's not going to win this competition. I could do a decent George Michael impression. |
David Archuleta
Performed: "Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Collins
| Collins: He's the new frontrunner for the guys. He continues to make songs sound original, and has the ability to actually surprise us...whereas someone like, oh, I don't know...Michael Johns...is always just the same bloody thing. Archuleta is very good, something to look forward to each week. |
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| Funk: It was really good! I really liked it. Simon's right, though...he needs to show us his fun side, next week. Quite impressive, though, and I liked his interpretation of the song. |
| Collins: He DID start out by wowing us with that John Mayer song. I think we've seen young, hopeful songs from him...and he wants to show a little depth, and that he can dabble in different styles. I don't fault him for his song choices, to this point. In fact, doing something too boppy could kill the "you sound older than you are" vibe he's got going. |
Danny Noriega
Performed: "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell
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| Funk: HUH?! I didn't like it at ALL! It wasn't even CLOSE to good! |
| Collins: Actually, I liked it. It's an overplayed, cheesy song...but, I thought it was a perfect choice to show off his personality and attitude. That's pretty much his strongest area. I mean, his voice isn't the best, but he's got enough personality to keep going. I disagree, Artie. He should keep going, thanks to this. |
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| Funk: I don't know what you saw in it. His vocals were breathy and...just didn't do anything for me. I usually dig that song, so...I don't know. |
| Collins: Funny. I HATE that song, and I didn't dislike his version. We'll have to leave it to the fans, I suppose. But I think he may be on the chopping block, either way. MAYBE. |
David Hernandez
Performed: "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion
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| Funk: Not a good sign when I start LAUGHING during a performance. I thought that was pretty bad, too. |
| Collins: Ballads are so boring. Not his strongest, it was a bit showy...a bit Disney movie, even...but he's STILL one of the best guys in the competition. He should be safe, because this will work to his fanbase. But, Celine simply isn't cool. She was never and WILL NEVER BE cool. So, this song does him no favors. Nor does his "booger" story. Erk... |
Michael Johns
Performed: "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds
| Collins: Okay, I don't like this song. It's one of those instant turn-offs when it pops up on the radio. I don't have much in the way of 80s nostalgia, of course. That it was on some awful movie soundtrack really doesn't matter to me...though, I suspect it'll mean a lot to his fanbase. Look, Johns isn't bad. He's obviously talented! But, THAT SAID, he officially BORES me. I just don't care when he's singing, and he has yet to prove to me I should absolutely buy his music. Why would I? He'll be safe, but I doubt he can win this competition, anymore. He's got "Season 7's Chris Daughtry" written all over him. |
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| Funk: Uh...I thought it was good, I liked it! It was kind of...wavy and fluttery, a little nervous here and there. But pretty good! I like that song, personally. It was cool. He reminds me of the late lead singer of INXS a lot, don't know why... |
| Collins: A fine performance of a song I hate...he'll be safe, but I think he'll get a bit stale, just my prediction. We'll see! Either way, I just can't get into him. And I never understand anything Paula talks about. Ever. Just wanted to get that out there. |
David Cook
Performed: "Hello" by Lionel Richie
| Collins: Fine. So he wasn't horrible. Decent reimagining of the song, but I don't like that they changed the order of performers to allow for his guitar to be fixed or tuned or whatever. He should've been forced to go on without it, if he wasn't ready at the time he was supposed to perform. That's just me, maybe...but I think it'd have come across a lot different without the instrument. |
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| Funk: I HATE myself, but...I think that was really good. |
| Collins: Definitely memorable, and I think he'll be back next week. Just to blow balding kisses at Julie Heart. |
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| Funk: He just had his "moment" last night. It was pretty good. |
Jason Castro
Performed: "Hallelujah" as made famous by Jeff Buckley
| Collins: It was in Shrek. That's where you know it from, people. |
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| Funk: I want to hear him do Rage Against the Machine, next week. I liked it, except for the note he bumbled at the end. He may have shown up without the guitar...but he didn't show up with a different kind of song. He dropped the crutch, but didn't exactly hop away from it. He's pigeon-holded into the acoustic guitar musician kind of niche. If the judges wanted him to take a risk this week, I don't know if he really pulled that off. |
| Collins: I have mixed feelings about this. It was a good vocal, but is he popular enough to keep going? His bad interviews are no longer cute, and I don't know if slow songs win new fans on this show, unless it's a grand slam. I like him still, but I don't trust America enough to proclaim him safe. They've made bad voting decisions before in far more important national contests...and they could do the same with Jason Castro, who belongs in this competition. |
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| Funk: Not to get too political, Clyde...let's stick to American Idol, here! |
| Collins: Of course. And on the point you were making, I actually really like that singer-songwriter, Folk-y persona he's got going. I think it suits him, and the second he takes a huge risk, he'll go home. If he's still around for a 90s week, I hope he does that Del Amitri song, "Roll to Me." Perfect for him, a bit more upbeat. But, we'll see if he can survive this week and have that chance to go home next week or the week after. |
Chikezie
Performed: "All the Man That I Need" by Whitney Houston
| Collins: Meh. Lucky he went last, because it wouldn't have been particularly memorable or impressive if it had fallen earlier in the show. I think Chikezie's just a tad overrated, and he won't end up winning this thing. Tough call, really...but he has yet to really stand out, even last week when he added his name to the lyrics. Don't know. I thought it was uneven, and I just don't love him. That's all. |
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| Funk: It was pretty good...eventually. First part was boring and quiet, but he busted it out in the end. I like Chikezie, good voice. Solid performance! |
| Collins: Well, we may very well differ on our predictions, this week, Artie! Let's get to it... |
THE NIGHT'S BEST
| Collins: Take it first, Artie. |
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| Funk: I'll fill in for Julie, this week...and give David Cook that honor! |
| Collins: David Archuleta and David Cook. Both took very recognizable songs and gave them a twist, and I think they were head and shoulders above the others. |
THE NIGHT'S WORST
| Collins: Luke Menard must go. He's EASILY the worst. |
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| Funk: David Hernandez, dogg. Just not good. |
WHO'S GOING HOME THIS WEEK?
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| Funk: I think Luke's got to go, he's on borrowed time. If he doesn't go home, something's wrong. He doesn't have the star talent to stay in till the Final 12. I'll half-heartedly say Hernandez, too. He didn't hit his mark this week, left a sour taste in my mouth. I HOPE it's not Chikezie. |
| Collins: Luke Menard and Chikezie will go home. Chikezie has to go at some point, and I think he has the least to offer to this competition, at this point. He just feels old and tired. I'm hoping Jason Castro is safe, personally...but I think he will be. |
OVERALL STANDINGS
TOP GUY/MOST LIKEY TO WIN RIGHT NOW
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| Funk: David Archuleta continues to prove himself uber-worthy of all the adoring fans he no doubt has. And I'm one of them! |
| Collins: David Archuleta stayed on top of the dogpile, I agree. Who can touch him? Michael Johns is the obvious choice, and they always go home early. David Cook's rock moment was a FLUKE. He won't win this thing, sorry, Julie. Archuleta's the safest bet, at the moment. |
GUY ON THE RISE
| Collins: David Cook, sadly. It'll just make it sweeter for me when he finally crashes and burns. Also, this is make-or-break week for Danny Noriega. Either this clicked and people are warming up to him...or it's over. I'll tentatively put him here. |
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| Funk: It's gotta' be David Cook, winning some haters over out of nowhere. The surprise on the rise! |
SLIPPING
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| Funk: I thought Danny slipped this week! And David Hernandez wasn't that spectacular. And I'm a little bit worried about Chikezie, but we'll just have to wait and see. |
| Collins: David Hernandez, kind of on the same footing as Danny Noriega, right now. He wasn't his best, and has been consistently strong up to this point. Is he really going to slide into obscurity? Probably not. Then again, can Danny win this thing? Probably not. They're both such gray area contestants. |
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| Funk: Tough call, man. But, hey...the night started off slow and had a few surprises! The biggest of the night was definitely David Cook, for me. He definitely didn't phone it in, like Julie did this week! Man, what a show for her to miss! |
| Collins: Good she wasn't here to crow about how amazing he is and all that. It is interesting that his comb-forward sponsored this week's Guys Night post, though. He, arguably, stole the show, and I think he pretty much dominated this column! Will the ladies stack up? 80s Week mercifully concludes tonight, and we'll be back tomorrow with our thoughts and predictions, same place as always. |
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| Funk: Catch you then, peepz! |
***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
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