Continuing our trend of ancient music performed by singers dared to sound modern, our brave Top 5 took on Neil Diamond (who is totally selling a new album - SHOCK)!

So this week’s mentor is Neil Diamond…I’m not a big fan of the guy, honestly before the show I couldn’t have named five of his songs, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

With all due respect to Neil Diamond...it's time to stop with the ancient songs written by ancient musicians. Let's get CURRENT. Do you know why David Archuleta and David Cook are doing well? All of these contestants have been encouraged to sing in certain styles or genres, and the Davids' styles happen to be the ones ruining radio at the moment. They're not daring, they're not new...they're same-y, but sound current compared to the others because what they do naturally just happens to be in style. If the nation was still fascinated with Dave Matthews Band or we were in the 1970s/Lisa Loeb Week, Jason or Brooke might have a better chance. Syesha belongs on Broadway, or in musical movies. If she goes that route, she could end up very successful. The Battle of the Davids that's looming overhead isn't going to be good for the music industry. Jordin Sparks? Does the same thing you hear on the radio all the time. Forgettable, already passe, not good for music. We don't need another Daughtry or another Josh Groban. We need someone different to blow up the drek on the radio with something TRULY different. The way this season is going...it's not going to happen, and I think that's depressing. Anyway...let's go on and disagree about the performances!

I'm not a huge fan of "The Diamond", but having seen the obscure movie Saving Silverman one too many times has made some of Neil's songs endearing to me. So Clyde says the competition is fixed, but in the words of Wayne Lefessier, "Yeah, sure. But he's America's greatest songwriter. And he's our hero." So bring it on! Neil Diamond's library is CRAZY diverse, so let's see where these cats take his songwriting skills.

Jason Castro
performed Forever in Blue Jeans and September Morn

First of all, I think we have to address this...did Paula Abdul just reveal that there really IS a fix?

I mean...he had only performed once. She KNEW what his second song would be. She probably heard it in rehearsal. But...how did she know he wouldn't kill with it on the live show? Hm...FIX! THEY WANT HIM GONE! And now...I offically want HER gone.

Have you ever been trying to hide a surprise party...and then your idiot aunt blurts something out at the dinner table two days before? Then she tries to cover it up by acting confused? That's what that was. She killed the show. If she's not back next year...oh, well. Tiffany! You're on-deck!

I was not a fan of the rapid fire judge commentary in the middle, that was just weird and rushed. Let's get to the performances, though. Jason’s first song was “Forever in Blue Jeans”, and def sounded like his style. He seemed a lot more comfortable and natural with this song. His second song was ok, but I’m still not impressed. I’m not sure if he’s a good enough contestant to continue to compete with the other top five. His vocals have been unimpressive, and the second song was a bit too mellow, he should have gone upbeat.

His first song was good! Pure Castro Magic (TM). Sounded good to me, I enjoyed it. Didn't hear anything wrong with it. The second...wasn't that great. Kinda' awkward and boring, much like many of his interviews. Oh, my GOD...Paula Abdul was RIGHT! Glad we got her prophetic vision on tape, thusly proving that she's a precog!

"Forever in Blue Jeans" was good. I liked his version. "September Morn" was a bit boring, don't know if it's the one I'd have closed with. Both decent vocals. People either get his laid-back style by the point...or they don't. I hope he's safe, I doubt he will be. Maybe enough little girls love his dreamy, blue eyes. I just wish, after Paula reviewed his second performance, he'd been brave enough to question whether anyone should even listen to her at this point, because she knew what she was going to say about it before he even sang. This is Castro, though. He's just going to stand there and let the show happen around him. We know that.

David Cook
performed I'm Alive and All I Really Need is You

First song was vintage David Cook. Second song...vintage David Cook. He NEVER DOES ANYTHING DIFFERENT. Overwrought, watered-down rock is his deal, and the judges love all over him for it. I don't care much for him, I think he's overrated. What else do you want from me at this point?

I'm tired of complaining about him, because he's going to be here forever.

"I'm Alive" was actually pretty cool. In the first part of the song, he fell into the Our Lady Peace song trap, where the it was too low for him, down where he couldn't do anything with it. But the rest was good! The rocky, Neil Diamond feel was pretty cool. Oh, and enough with the AC/DC stuff. We GET IT. You like them. Stop it. Anyway, second song...it was pretty good. Just kicked Jason Castro to the curb, I think...but it wasn't a bad vocal. It just wasn't the greatest. There were a couple moments in there I thought were really good. Puts him over most of the others at this point, because the sum of his two performances is greater than anyone else's.

Aww, even Neil loves David Cook! I really enjoyed David’s first performance, he picked a song I’d never heard before, so it sounded like it could have been his own. The second song was a good performance, but I didn’t like the song as much. It sounded a little sappy to be a rock ballad, at least he did make it his own though. Either way the judges liked it and so did the fans-you know he’ll sail through.

Brooke White
performed I'm a Believer and I Am, I Said

Okay. "I'm a Believer" was fun and goofy, but not going to win her any fans. The producers didn't do her any favors with the awful, gawdy backdrop and lighting, either. She sung it too low, and the only part I really liked was the end, when she started getting all raspy and shouty. Not enough of that. Could've been a good calculated risk, kind of just odd. Now, the SECOND SONG...much better. Was it enough to erase last week's false start and her weak first performance of the night? She needed a homerun, and I don't know if that was it. Still a fan...and SHOCKED the judges gave her ANY positive remarks at all.

I love “I’m a Believer” but with each passing day I’m believing less that Brooke can do this. She seemed awkward playing to this song, the music behind her seemed too loud I could hardly hear her, and the vocal wasn’t anything to write home about. I think the only benefit was that people know this song…but I’m not sure people will think she did it justice. For her second song it was interesting that she changed the words to “I am I said” so it was Arizona instead of New York…but then the lyric about the two shores didn’t really make sense. Her performance on this song was ten times better then the first song though. This style with her at the piano was so much more comfortable and natural for her. She had a better vocal with this, and she seemed less nervous.

Most people will remember "I'm a Believer" from the hit movie Shrek. Brooke's cover really wasn't very good. She tried to get into it and act all upbeat, but she came off as cheesy and awkward. Love the shiny pants, though! The second performance was better, but it was shaky at parts. I liked the second one a lot better because it felt a little more natural... then again, maybe it's the Artie Loves Piano Chicks Thing (TM). And the fact that she took Neil Diamond's suggestion to change the lyrics to "Arizona" was a good idea, despite the "two shores" deal Julie mentioned. Overall, with a weak, awkward first performance and a decent, more heartfelt second performance, I'd say she's about even with Jason Castro, but a tad better than him right now.

David Archuleta
performed Sweet Caroline and America

"Sweet Caroline" was stupid, his weakest in a while. We've seen every trick in his book, and he's BORING. No one cares, though. And as for his second song, good to see the spirit of Kristy Lee Cook is alive and well. Two shrewd, predictable choices. I. Am. Over. This. Kid.

"Sweet Caroline" was such a smart song choice for David Archuleta. Not only is it one of the most popular bar songs that people love to sing along to, but he was able to showcase his vocal as well. He’s not one of the contestants that needs to make sure people remember him, but people will remember that he sang this song. Again for the second song smart going with the “yay America” vote…Kristy Lee would be so proud. There was a little flub up in the middle, but no one will ever notice because they’re so in love with this kid.

I don't think the first song was his best. The beginning was funky...and not in a funktastic, brassy, "Artie Funk" sort of way. More in a stinky, just got out of gym class and my tee shirt smells bad kind of way. Taking the karaoke favorite and putting the Archie Smarm (TM) on it was pretty much the only play he has anymore, and I don't know if it really was that great. Meh, dogg. Second performance was more of the same. It was really good...FOR David Archuleta. Plus, he's gonna add in the flag-waver vote this week. But I don't think he did this on purpose. I don't see him being as calculating and conniving about his song choices as KLC was, like you two imply he is. I think he's literally too young and naive to think like that. Anyways, if you figure that Cook grabs most of the teen rocker vote, then Archie has the tweens, grandmoms and NOW anyone who's a flag-waver...he's probably on top this week. Not that he's my FAVORITE, but...

I think he could end up in the Bottom 3 or 2, this week. It's time for a shocker. Won't happen, of course. But his performances weren't really THAT good. Will the fans even NOTICE? Doubt it. Just give the little freak the title, already. It's over. I'm done trying to predict this season accurately...the deck is stacked.

Syesha Mercado
performed Hello Again and Thank the Lord for the Nighttime

The Future Mrs. Artie Funk delivered a good, solid vocal on "Hello Again." It sounded nice! Of course, everyone will remember this song from my favorite movie, Saving Silverman. Um...decent song choice for her, because it let her belt. I mean, she did really well, but she didn't floor anybody with that performance, I don't think. It lacked...shine? Is that the right word? I don't know. The second song was a little better, mostly because it had more energy and that's what I like to see Syesha doing. Upbeat, happy songs are better than slow, Whitney, belty songs. For me.

Did you just make "Whitney" an adjective, Artie? I like that.

I'm doin' my thing, yo! Overall, I'd say she's got two decent performances, and it's tough to say who's going to be in trouble. But...given her history...she might have needed that "shine" on the first song to get her through to next week. And P.S.-- singing barefoot is still completely AWESOME.

Syesha looked really good last night, and I don’t mean that in a Paula Abdul "you sounded horrible" kind of way. Her vocal was really nice and strong, not the most memorable performance, but it wasn’t bad. For the second song - I love when Syesha has fun with a song, it makes her so much more entertaining to watch. Simon was a little hard on her saying she would be the one to leave. I do agree she’ll be leaving soon, just maybe not tonight.

Syesha is more at home with this Broadway, theatrical stuff. We all know that, now. I don't know if it'll help her win American Idol, but maybe it'll be enough to win her a few fans and keep her around another week or two. MAYBE. She was better last week and was in the Bottom 2, so...maybe America just doesn't WANT to like her? Both songs were solid, but her second was a bit too over-the-top for me.

The Davids were my top performers of the night. Archuleta had smart song choices, I liked Cook’s performances better. Brooke, Jason, and Syesha would be in the bottom three if we were to have one, but they’ll probably make it a bottom two again this week. It’s a tough call but I think Jason and Brooke will be the bottom two with Jason heading home.

Anyone not named David is in danger of elimination...moreso this week than any other previous week. Especially Jason Castro. He's in REAL trouble. He's my go-home guy. As for the other slot for the Bottom 2...it's a toss-up for me between Brooke and Syesha. If we're basing it solely on the performances tonight (which we NEVER are), I'd say it's a tough one. I'm gonna' go with Brooke, because of the lack of quality on her first song might be insurmountable. For some reason, I find myself listening to PAULA'S critiques on Syesha. I kind of agreed that she showed BOTH of her strengths in both of her songs, so I'm inclined to agree with that. Weird, huh?

Here is my call. David Archuleta goes home...TONIGHT. Bottom 3 is Archie, Syesha and Brooke. Bottom 2 are Archie and Brooke. Archie goes home. There it is. That's my call. The end. Jason deserves to be safe after Paula Abdul's sniper job on him halfway through the show. If he goes home, there's a controversy, so he WON'T.

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

Join our Idol Experts for some funny and honest commentary that didn't make it to our written Idol Chatter column! In this episode:

-Carly went home
-Andrew Lloyd Webber ROCKS
-What saved Brooke?
-Battle of the Davids

And more!

Check them out here on the Blogaloo, or hit up FOX43's YouTube page. They'll be up there, too!

Leave a comment to let us know what you think...or to join in the discussion. If it's a good one, we may even bring it up in the next episode!

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 3:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS:

We can count the number of finalists on one hand! Who left after Broadway Week?

Andrew Lloyd Webber was the greatest thing to happen to Idol this season. Who'd have thought?! His honest, constructive criticism and advice has elevated the performances of all of the finalists. What this week was NOT...was easy to predict. First of all, Seacrest only whipped-out his Bottom 2.

With whatever image that may have conjured in your mind secure for the next several days, we learned that Syesha Mercado and Carly Smithson, both of whom have been teetering on the verge of elimination off and on for weeks, were our Bottom 2.

Our Idol Experts made their calls...

...and they have to live with them, as the world was shocked to learn that Carly Smithson has been eliminated. Talk about the drama of live television...favorites to leave Brooke White and Jason Castro looked like they were about to die upon hearing Seacrest declare them SAFE.

Carly and Syesha had to be equally as surprised, as the judges and fans seemed to eat up their performances, the most energetic and memorable either has put on in weeks.

FOX43 Idol Expert Artie put Jason, Brooke and Syesha in his Bottom 3, which, when you consider we only had a Bottom 2 this week and count all of his choices, leaves him 1 for 2. We didn't know, going in, that we'd only have a Bottom 2, so we're giving our Experts the benefit of the doubt and allowing all 3 choices to count. Artie said Brooke would go home, which was a popular sentiment. He was wrong, and here's what he has to say...

Funk: I don't want to give you any thoughts on Idol! I quit the blog! I was SHOCKED that Brooke was safe. Not even in the Bottom 2?! I disagreed with Simon's comment that the restart made her human, because...DUDE, how much more human can she be? She's cried, she's already restarted once, she...is wicked human, by now. Inexplicable save from the fans. Not that I'm unhappy about it, but confusing nonetheless. And...Syesha's gone next week. She handed in one of her best performances of the competition, and she's STILL in the Bottom 2. Maybe they're living in a cursed hotel room together, or something? I dunno', dogg. As for Carly, oh well. Catch you on the flip-side.

FOX43 Idol Expert Julie Heart put Jason, Brooke and Carly in her Bottom 3. That gives her a score of 1 out of 2 for the Bottom 2, but the one she got right was the big one! She called Jason going home, and...well, that just didn't happen. Julie, what's going on?

Heart: Seeing Brooke safe and Syesha in the bottom two was a shocker, she thought she was going home after that false start. Idol was really trying to pull out all the stops to surprise the audience by having Jason safe going up against Carly. Jason looked like he thought he was going home too. I am glad these were the two performances to hear again though, I would not have wanted to sit through Jason or Brooke’s songs after last night. It does go to show you that this competition is more about your fans than your talent. I’m sad to see Carly go home, but I knew her days were numbered.

FOX43 Idol Expert Clyde Collins selected Syesha, Jason and Brooke for his Bottom 3, and that makes him 1 for 2 on the Bottom 2. He thought Syesha and Carly were interchangeable, but went with Syesha simply because she performed first. He called for his personal favorite, Brooke, to go home...so he's got to be glad that she dodged the bullet. Right, Clyde?

Collins: First of all, to Julie, I'd like to note that your boy Cook has been lucky on more than one occasion that this show sometimes seems to be more about fans than talent. The fans got it RIGHT, doing what was best for the show overall. That said, who saw this coming? When you look at their performances, I thought Jason and Brooke were just fine. Carly was fun and Syesha was...well, at least better than usual. But the changes they made threw off whatever fans they have, and I'm glad the voters ignored the judges and gave Brooke and Jason some credit. I honestly thought Brooke would go home, and proclaimed my hate for this season of American Idol, because I have so little faith in the voters. This week...they showed me that Brooke and Jason, the only interesting things left this season, are at least popular enough to weather a storm. I hope they both stick around, and as for Carly...well, at least she went out on a high note. People will remember her for this, and she should have little trouble attempting to become this season's Daughtry. Best of luck, but it was going to happen at some point.

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 1:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Carly Smithson, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

Destined to be the least-downloaded week yet on iTunes, your Top 6 tackle Andrew Lloyd Webber!

With Kristy Lee finally gone, the real competition can begin. We’re down to six contestants and they had to prove they can be like Fantasia and Clay and do a little Broadway singing.

Clyde, here. I officially don't like American Idol anymore, this season. It's rigged, it's over, it's not going to end well for the future of humanity. That said, I was prepared to hate this night...and actually came out of it respecting Andrew Lloyd Webber. He was the best mentor, by far, offering honest and helpful criticism to all of the contestants. Good man. But, yeah...if you're trying to convince America that one of these kids is the NEXT POP MUSIC SENSATION...maybe move Broadway week back to the Top 10 theme, or something. We're too close to the end for themes that actively work against contestants sounding current and cool.

Yeah, dogg! Artie in the house! This is, actually, sadly, my week. I guess I like Broadway stuff...dated a lot of ladies who were musicians, so...you know, you pick up a few things, dogg. Let's get MUSICAL!

Syesha Mercado
performed One Rock & Roll Too Many from Starlight Express

You could really tell that Syesha had fun singing that song. She really made a performance out of it, her personality came out and it reminded me why I liked Syesha so much in the beginning of the competition. She got great marks from all three judges; this song could keep her in the game this week.

Shame she went first. By process of elimination, she and Carly are in danger of being part of the Bottom 3, deservedly or not. This was her best performance. Ever. She has never done anything nearly as exciting or fun. And you know what? I STILL don't care about her. Her voice is fine, I guess, but she doesn't connect with me. Too little, too late. She goes home before the finale, but not this week.

It was REALLY good, and I think she hit a clam at the end. Like RIGHT before the end. Clyde, can I say that?

What? The clam thing? Sure.

SWEET. She hit a BIG clam at the end. But other than that, it felt like she was in her element. I would go see [insert Broadway show name here], starring Syesha! Big voice, nice movement, trottin' around on stage...a little out of Idol's regular performance zone, but I liked it a lot. Pretty big clam, though. Dogg.

Nice use of clams, Artie. I'd almost forgotten that catchphrase.

Thanks. Oh, and did I mention that she looked SMOKIN' hot, too? Because she diiiiii'.

Jason Castro
performed Memory from Cats

You know what? It was a bit overly-emotional, but I never perceived it as fake. He tried his best with a well-known song, and I actually listened to it the entire way through. He connected. It was a good performance, I thought. Nothing wrong with it, very Jason-y. At this point, either you like that or you don't. I happen to like him, and think the show suffers if and when he goes home. Could be this week, but you never know. He took a chance with this, and made it into a Castro song. Archie was complimented for making his song sound like a David Archuleta song, but Jason was bashed. Don't get why the producers and/or judges are so anti-different, this year. I guess they're dying to crown Daughtry 2.0 or Archie the Mouseketeer.

What a shame this season turned out to be. I sense great disappointment ahead, already. The wrong people have America snowed, completely. Sorry, Jason. Bottom 3, because a lot of people don't get you and the show doesn't WANT them to.

It was good! Really clean, and he brought that Castro Purity (TM) to the song that we've come to expect, know and love from our boy. And, he had my favorite quote of the night: "I didn't know it was sung by a CAT." Dude. It's a show...called CATS. EVERYBODY'S A CAT. Still love him, though. Oh, and by the way...Clyde, I'm with you on the whole fix theory, here. I can't believe that NONE of the judges liked his performance. Yo, what the [expletive]?!

Hearing Jason sing "Memory" was a little weird for me. His voice sounded a little whiny doing it the way he did, and I was not impressed by the vocal. I hate to say it, but Jason’s days are numbered and we all know it. He’s just not good enough to go a lot further in the competition.

Brooke White
performed You Must Love Me from Evita

Brooke had a cute moment with Andrew Lloyd Webber when he was explaining the song to her, and I liked that. She had a hard start in the beginning, which wasn’t as cute and forgivable this time around. She def sang with emotion for the song, but I think the song itself was a little too hard for her. Maybe if she wasn’t so nervous she could have done a better job.

Awww...MAN! Crap! She's gone. She needed to have Her Moment of the Entire Show to make up for the restart thing...and all she did was hand in a solid performance. That's not going to be enough to overcome her SECOND restart of the competition. People aren't going to vote for that, and that makes me sad. But...ouch. The only way this could work out for her is if she gets the sympathy outpouring, but I kinda' don't think that's coming, because she's already been in the Bottom 3 a couple times.

Shame she had the false start, and also that she was part of the Obvious Trio Producers Want to Go Home (TM) at the top of the show. It was handled as well as it could be, again...but it may be one too many screw-ups for the most vocally interesting singer left this season. I'd also like to note that she's the new Vote for the Worst contestant, with KLC out of the way.

What can I say about it? Well, the judges hate her, the producers hate her, and America's patience for her may have run out. I still think she's the best one out of the bunch, but what I think doesn't matter anymore, this season. Once she started again, her vocals were fine. Any shakiness worked well with the lyrics and the mood. Is THIS the song she'll sing on her way out the door? It's quite sad, if so. I want her to go out on a high note, because it's clear to me that the fix is in and none of the contestants I like are going to win. The pity vote, as Artie said...or Vote for the Worst...may save her this week - MAYBE - but she's in serious danger of elimination.

David Archuleta
performed Think of Me from Phantom of the Opera

David looks and sounds like a little Disney prince on stage singing this kind of song. He was theatrical as always…but I guess that was ok this week? It was a good vocal, because he always has a good vocal, but I agree with Simon –it was forgettable.

That was really...it was good. I'm surprised Momma Funk didn't call me up last night and ask how to download a song she heard on American Idol. ALL of his fans loved that. I don't know who to give credit to for the arrangement, but it was appropriate and cool. The one to beat!

Clyde, here. I officially hate this week, again. This kid schlock-ed his way through another song, and his fans will eat it up. He should be in the Bottom 3. Sadly, he will NOT be. If there's any week in which he MIGHT end up in the Bottom 3, it's this one. He was just as vanilla as ever. Yuck. Whatever, America. If this is the kind of trash you want to love, far be it from me to stand in your way. You and Archie deserve each other.

Carly Smithson
performed Jesus Christ Superstar from...well, Jesus Christ Superstar

Yo, Clyde! She did it, ha ha ha!

Here's a "Get to Know the Real Clyde Collins Moment" for you. One of my biggest guilty pleasures is Jesus Christ Superstar. I love the music. I know all the lyrics. I watched it over and over again as a kid and teen. Haven't seen it in a while...but I said to Artie, going into last night, that anyone who did a song from that particular show would get my vote. I'm here to make good on my word. I am THRILLED that Carly was steered in the right direction by the ONLY decent mentor so far this season, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and went with this song. Had she done "I Don't Know How to Love Him," I'd have peed myself. But I'll take this. It was fun, it was cheeky, it wasn't religious-for-the-sake-of-votes, like Kristy pulled off. That said, she's probably safe BECAUSE, I predict, the KLC supporters who liked her BECAUSE of the Jesus stuff will probably get behind Carly. She's also in danger of Bottom 3, just by nature of being Carly. But I think Syesha takes that bullet, instead. Good work, Carly. You made Clyde care about you. FINALLY. Now, keep it up...give into the Dark Side and embrace your Pop-Rock past. The Celine thing? Yuck. I will drop you SO FAST if you bore me, next week.

Yay, Clyde...we agree on something! I’m SO glad that Andrew Lloyd Webber convinced Carly to do Jesus Christ Superstar- that rocked! With her big voice, she was really in her element with this song. Easily one of the best of the night, but will it be enough to keep her out of the bottom three?

She was CLEARLY havin' fun, and it wasn't even Jesus she was happy about...it was the gargantuan notes she was punchin'! And they ALL sounded good, tons of energy...I think AL-Dub was totally right to switch her song. It was probably the most fun I've seen her have during a performance, and that was reflected IN said performance, yo! It was pretty good!

David Cook
performed Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera

That was really refreshing hearing David Cook just sing "Music of the Night" the way it was meant to be sang. I think he made a good choice not changing it, and may have surprised people that he really can sing. You all know that I love David Cook, but this made me fall for him again.

I find him fakey and overrated. This didn't win me over. He's all muddy and muttery on the lower notes, and injecting that rock scream at the end was unnecessary and tacky. Look, I really don't want to go into it, because it's quite clear that this season's turning into the Battle of the Davids (TM), and I'll have plenty of time to hate on him to no avail in the weeks ahead. Safe, but sorry.

So...I'm trying to decide whether or not that was GENUINELY David Cook...or if that was even more of the same FAKEY FAKERSON thing. For once, I can say I thought that was a really good vocal. I know the song well, and he did a good job singing it. The weird thing is that he didn't put a spin on it. Archuleta performed a version of a song from the SAME musical, and that version was a Pop version. This was, like, straight out of the musical...and I don't know if it means that David Cook is secretly harboring dreams of Broadway stardom. Is this who he REALLY is? Because I don't know if he'd be doing as well on this show if this is who he REALLY was...because he'd lose if he took on David Archuleta's style head-to-head. He genuinely thinks he's a rocker, and he's stuck to those guns until tonight. There was no Rock element, except for the last note...I don't know. If this is NOT who he is, he's just playing the game, and he's reaching out for new fans. Irregardlessly, it was a good performance, dogg. I'm just so conflicted on the inside, and I just don't see why he had any trouble picturing Andrew Lloyd Webber as a 17-year old girl. Interesting, that's all I can say.

David was my best of the night with that amazing vocal, but Syesha has a close second with a fantastically entertaining performance. The bottom two are easily Jason and Brooke, neither had a great night in this category, I would say David Archuleta deserves to join them, but with all his fans he never will –so I’ll put Carly in the bottom three because I think she has fewer fans. I also wouldn’t be surprised to see Syesha in the bottom three as well because she sang first. I think Jason will be the one to go home. The two David’s are the only ones that you can be pretty sure are safe.

The Bottom 3 will be the first three performers on last night's show - Syesha, Jason and Brooke. It'll come down to Brooke and Jason, and Brooke will be sent home. Part of me wants to say it'll be Jason. It'd be more exciting...the world would be shocked, Brooke would probably fall down and die, and Vote for the Worst pulls her through. But I doubt she gets the causal voters, this week. I don't know if KLC's fans will flock to her after the big mistake, though they might've if she hadn't false-started. I don't think anyone can save her, because her mistake was too big to overcome at this stage. What a sickening shame. Best of the Night was Carly Smithson, honorable mention to Jason Castro for having some cajones. Worst of the Night was David Archuleta.

Tonight was weird. I think I expected a lot more of what David Archuleta did...different versions of Broadway songs. Strangely enough, I think some of the more solid performances came from the straight-up Broadway-style performances! Bottom 3...man, after the beating he took from the judges, Castro's down there. After the restart, Brooke is down there. And, because she went first, Syesha's down there. Best of the Night were the Davids, honorable mention to Syesha. Worst of the Night had to be Brooke, because the only thing you remember about it is she had to restart...and the awkward silence from the audience during the judges' comments. Things are looking dark...for Brooke White. I think she goes home.

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

The fans pick the song this season's American Idol winner will sing. Clyde tells you which ones aren't completely horrible.

By Clyde Collins

This is quite a difficult assignment, I must say...because these songs are, by and large, syrupy, gooey messes.

Let's start off by taking a look at how you'd go about voting, if you so choose. You'd start by going here. Better get on that fast, though...

The Lovely Logo

Look, it has its own little logo and webpage and everything. Isn't that cute? Gosh, American Idol Songwriting Competition, your parents must be SO proud!

The Mission

As usual, Idol wants you to become part a massive, united group of people who think about the show WAAAAAY too much to be considered normal or healthy in any way.

(By the way, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for joining me, once again, here on Idol Chatter! Come back often, and hear all about nothing but American Idol! It's TOTALLY healthy, we promise.)

Okay, so, now that you understand that this is an incredibly vital mission, and that, as a fan, you have a moral obligation to participate...how do you vote?

Your Part in All This

You register with the site (so that it can save your song ratings), then open the handy song player and let them know what you think of all 20 amazing, unforgettable selections.

Are You a Moron?

Idol is completely aware that you may happen to be part of that small, oft-ignored cross-section of viewers who also happen to be complete morons. Or, perhaps, you despise the ideas of free will and exploration. That's why they've created another handy little section of the site that features handy little hints on how to handy little decide whether or not you handy little like a handy little song!

Let Idol Hold Your Hand (and Subtly Try to Influence Your Choice)

I am not a fan of this. Here's how it should really go - the Clyde-Honest Truth (TM)! We are going to be stuck with this song, as a nation, for the entire summer. It will be an overplayed radio single, heavily pushed on iTunes, performed daily/nightly on the talkshow circuit...it'll be EVERYWHERE. It will be in your raccoon wounds.

So, I beg of you: Choose. The. Song. That. Sucks. The. Least.

That's all you have to do. Don't choose something because of its mushy lyrics or whatever. Don't choose it because it's really representative of David Archuleta's journey, and you want him to win.

Choose the song that will be the least ear-stabbing upon multiple thousand listenings.

Recently, I zipped through the selections and jotted down some thoughts. Know what you're getting into...American Idol is looking for The Next "A Moment Like This" (TM), and these sappy attempts - largely - don't disappoint.

All You Will Need sounds like The CW Network threw up, and they used the vomit chunks littering the sidewalk as sheet music. It's every "just let go" and "be free" and "heart and soul" cliche you've ever heard in a One Tree Hill promo. Yuck.

Who Should Sing It: No one. Ever.

You Believed in Me was written to celebrate the love and support with which our own Julie Heart has showered David Cook all season. In fact, this song sounds like it was written by someone fully expecting him to win. I didn't much like it, which means it'll probably be popular.

Who Should Sing It: David Cook

Only Love is a John Mayer-y Pop song, complete with "change the world" lyrics. A few "na-na's" were added in the background, so that the final moments of Season 7 can sound like the world's largest rendition of "Hey Jude." We'll just all join hands and sing across the country, swaying and praying that the world will be a better place. Golly.

Who Should Sing It: David Archuleta

Dream Big, besides being all over TV as a phrase right now thanks to the Juno DVD commercial, is a song written for all the "little girls" who want to "reach out for something more." It would do for a female winner, but I don't know if any of the ladies left would really be able to pull it off. It was more of a song for one of the castaways.

Who Should've Sung It: Kristy Lee Cook

We're Gonna' Make It is really boring. A lot of these are straight-up LOVE SONGS written for radio play...and, if this is the winner, it won't last long.

Who Should Sing It: It's a bit Brooke-y, and Jason could pull it off...

Overcome proves that it's possible to make that awful, faux-rawk Daughtry music sound even cheesier! Lucky us. It's a Country ballad, but written for David Cook. "Look what I've done! Look what I've overcome!" Yep. If he wins, it's an historic step for all bald men with a dream.

Who Should Sing It: I guess David Cook is the only one who could take on something this horrible and have people not point out how horrible it sounds...

Here I Am is a piano-ified cheese-fest. Yeesh. The lyrics make you want to move to a cave and give up music forever.

Who Should Sing It: Archie or Jason. More Archie, though.

Thank You Whatever Comes Stupid title, but okay for a girl song. More piano-y stuff, it'll sound great next to the latest Gnarls Barkley single, this summer. (Cough.)

Who Should Sing It: Brooke. Kristy Lee could've worked it out. Maybe Carly, a little.

Fly Me Away is a weak song, and the production is poor...so the instrumentation swallows the lyrics. It's a falsetto-fest.

Who Should Sing It: Jason Castro

You Believe in Me probably wins. I'm going to go out on a limb and make a call. It's a sappy ballad with a nice rasp for Brooke White, and, even though it's completely boring, the lyrics will have her crying by 1:30. THAT is the ending producers ALWAYS want...and this season promises to deliver on winner waterworks.

Who Should Sing It: Brooke would sound best.

You Can Do Anything is a song I don't think ANY singer could make into a hit. It's a laundry list of cliches, including my personal favorite, "find your own star." Yay! Ugh! The worst part, lyrically, may be that it goes from "anything you can dream of" to "anything now." Huh? What does that even mean? Awful song.

Who Should Sing It: KLC was the only one gooey enough to pull this off, and America has already said no.

In This Moment is the kind of absolutely garbage I imagine that crybaby Josiah would've written. It's a stream of consciousness, Howie Day-style pile of phlegm, and the title makes it clear that the songwriter looked at the quintessential Idol song, "A Moment Like This," and decided to rewrite it in the key of SUCK. It starts off with some creepy, Psycho-style lyrics: "Mother, can you hear me?" (Shiver!)

Who Should Sing It: No one. The terrorists have WON if this song is chosen.

Align is a lovely attempt at a song that might be legitimately radio-worthy. It's over-sung, but the little guitar breaks are nice. I wonder if people will want to hear the remaining guys sing this? It's actually okay, for what it is, and that pretty much guarantees that it will not win.

Who Should Sing It: I'd like to hear how any of them would tackle it, really. It's not the typically End of Idol Song (TM).

The Time of My Life is what happens when someone REALLY does his or her homework about what producers want in a final song. The lyrics make it perfect for the coronation performance, and the lyrics SHOULD have the potential to make the singer cry. Once you get past the "magical rainbows" and "beautiful horizons" of which the lyrics speak, you realize that this could easily be The One. Cheesy? Sure. But there's really no avoiding that, now is there?

Who Should Sing It: Archie, and he WILL cry while singing it.

When You Come from Nothing is a little bit Country, with "keep the faith" lyrics that remind Kristy Lee Cook that you've got to "belive in something with you come from nothing." Clever little wordplay, but the person who'd make this song a hit is already gone.

Who Should've Sung It: KLC...again. Sorry, there's a lot of Country-ish stuff, here.

Faith is awful. BOOOOO. Stop with the pseudo-religious stuff, please. "Oh, what faith can do...it led met to you!" Yuck. It's Christian Rock, wrapped up in a Pop love ballad.

Who Should Sing It: Syesha could give it much-needed soul, and Brooke would probably convert non-believers to any faith she wanted with her version.

Stronger could be a Carrie Underwood song. It's not OVERLY Country, and might work for a few of the ladies. "Don't go caving in...so what if it takes a little longer, it'll make you stronger." Hm...

Who Should Sing It: Surprisingly, Carly might sound best. Brooke could do it, too.

Believe is a piano-y R. Kelly-style R&B song.

Who Should Sing It: If David Archuleta did this song, it'd probably be really good...and a bit of a shock to his audience. No one else should even attempt to sing it.

Something Like Heaven is a bit "meh." It's boy-specific. Kind of a love song with the usual cliche lyrics...it feels a bit Nsync, even. It shouldn't win.

Who Should Sing It: What's Blake Lewis up to? Let him beatbox all over it, give it a hook. Otherwise, it should be avoided like Paula Abdul.

No Turning Back has interesting writing. It's a bit Oasis-y, kind of Faux-asis. It's a good finale song, and I think it's quite passable. Rock-ish, with lyrics like "feel the elevation." Not the worst, by a long shot.

Who Should Sing It: I'd like to hear any of them try it. Cook and Castro have the edge with this song, and Carly might actually surprise with a decent take on it.

So, there you have it! All 20 songs in the running to become the Season 7 winner single...in Cliffs Notes form. Clyde's Notes, if you will.

You've still got time to vote...so, jump in and try to save us all from a mediocre finale!

If I had to choose, I'd go with Align, The Time of My Life, or No Turning Back. Which would you like to see win the songwriting contest?

Leave a comment and let us know.

See you tomorrow, after the Top 6 take on Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 5:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, music, single, Songwriting Contest

A long-awaited exit leaves us with a Final 6, and our Idol Experts are all over the map.

Mariah Carey Week wasn't friendly to the ladies. In fact, the judges had very few kind words for the gals, but pretty much drooled all over the guys during Tuesday's performance show. It was pretty obvious to our Idol Experts that the Bottom 3 would be entirely female...

...but who went home?

The Bottom 3, after Seacrest jerked us around for an hour, ended up being Syesha Mercado, Brooke White and Kristy Lee Cook.

In the end...it came down to Brooke and KLC, and the Lady Cook was sent packing this week.

As happy as some people are going to be about this...you have to admit, it's a bit of a surprise now that she's finally gone.

FOX43 Idol Expert Artie put Brooke, Syesha and Carly in his Bottom 3...and that's another 2 for 3 for the Man They Call Funk (TM). He thought Carly would be sent home, and even went so far as to put KLC in his Best Performances of the Night! Artie, help us figure it all out.

Funk: That just goes to show you...America hates trying to be predicted. Dude, when I tuned in and saw Brooke and KLC left, I started laughing. I was just trying to imagine what Clyde's living room looked like at that moment. I pictured him crying into his own hands, because he's just sworn allegiance to both of these chicks! I had this horrible feeling that Brooke was about to get axed, balanced by the less-horrible feeling that KLC was about to bite it. I was quite relieved to see that it was the latter of the two. Of course, after growing praise and seemingly growing popularity...she finally goes home. What can you say, man? That's the way the...COOK...crumbles? Heh. Very funny. Dogg.

FOX43 Idol Expert Julie Heart put Carly, Syesha and Kristy Lee in her Bottom 3, and said Carly would probably be the one to leave. KLC was in there out of sheer spite and blind hatred, and Julie didn't hide this fact. No need to point out that she was wrong...pretty sure she doesn't care because she's been holding nightly candlelight vigils for the removal of Kristy Lee Cook since about Week 3. Julie?

Heart: YAAAAAAAAY KRISTY LEE COOK IS GONE AT LAST! She really was the Sanjaya this year, leaving the same week he did. I knew as soon as I took her off the hot seat to go home she would -and thank god. It’s a little late, but better late than see her in the final two. As soon as the stage had two on each side I realized they kept alluding to having one group here and another group over here…but Ryan didn’t actually say who was safe and who was in the bottom three so I had a feeling they were gonna try to pull a fast one and change sides on us. I hate when they play these stupid tricks on us and force the last one to choose sides, that’s just cruel. I really thought even though David Cook didn’t do as great as the judges praised him for he had a big enough fan base to keep him out of the bottom three...they had me worried for a minute, there! And I think it’s a good idea that they’ve been having past idol contestants come back to sing on elimination night. I think it’s a lot more original than just getting big name celebrities to perform, and it’s actually helping the Idol careers. P.S. Eliot looks so much better with his teeth fixed!

FOX43 Idol Expert Clyde Collins was 2 for 3 on his Bottom 3 predictions, with Carly, Syesha and Brooke as his selections. He thought Syesha would be sent home, rather ironically on Mariah Carey Week. He also listed KLC among his Best Performances! In fact, as Artie pointed out, Clyde pretty much came out in strong support of Miss Lee Cook, if only to spite those awful David Cook fans. They win again, naturally, and Clyde has the floor.

Collins: America was wrong. Kristy had been improving, and was definitely better than a certain OTHER Cook who performed Tuesday night. In fact, I still believe it was one of her stronger performances. Every other week, she seemed ready to leave...but this week, you can tell it really stung. I guess the people dying to see her go will love gloating over her pain, but I think that, even though she NEVER would have won this season, it was not her week. Had the judges switched their "critiques" of David and Kristy Lee's performances, I have a feeling she'd still be around, and we'd be Brooke-less. I'm a MUCH bigger fan of Brooke's, but I'd have understood completely if she went home this week. I think this season is starting to get to me, because I refuse to believe what the judges are telling me...that some of these jerks are so amazingly talented. I just don't see it. What I was saying in announcing my support for KLC...JUST AS I DID FOR SANJAYA, THE ONLY THING WORTH WATCH THAT SEASON, BY THE WAY...was that I would rather see her succeed than either of the Davids. I am completely against the course Season 7 seems to be taking, and I'd rather blow it all up with an anarchist move like supporting KLC than see it go down the way it will probably go down. You want to talk about too many fans? Those guys have TOO MANY FANS. They're not as good as people think. Kristy, you're a martyr to me, now. I was just starting to appreciate what you meant to this season - you were to most people what David Cook is to me, and I respect you for providing that kind of pain. Sorry if I made fun of you too often...but, to be fair, you did sing "God Bless the U.S.A." and that's terrible. Brooke, glad you're still in it, hopefully (but not likely) to win it. My last hopes for enjoying this show are Brooke and Jason, so...buckle-up, fans. It's time to take out the trash.

THAT'S RIGHT! TAKE THAT!

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

The recording industry is, apparently, nothing new to a few of our Season 7 Idol finalists. Making an album? YAWN. That's ancient history.

Aside from Carly Hennessy-Smithson (we've all heard about the legendary bellyflop that was her attempt at Pop stardom), four other contestants have albums listed on Amazon.com. And, luckily, the majority of them allow you to listen to clips of the tracks!

The only one that doesn't have preview audio? Read on, and know that it'll cost you $75 if you want to own it and check it out for yourself.

David Cook's "Analog Heart"

Cook's album sounds like the kind of drek you might expect from him. Shocker, huh? And that dopey "Give Back Hand" thing he did last week? Even THAT wasn't original - look at his bloody album cover!

Guy really seems to be in love with his own hand. All I'm saying.

Listen to the tracks, then realize why he should NOT win American Idol. He can't be a rocker. He tries too hard to be a rocker.

Maybe he could be the next Meatloaf? David Cook might work as a Rock Opera-er.

Otherwise, pyeeeeew. I do not like him, and I would not purchase his music. His album does little to change my mind.

Clyde's Review: 1.5 out of 5

Kristy Lee Cook's "Devoted"

KLC has a sweet, unassuming Country girl sound. She could've EASILY become a star already, had any of these songs was picked up by Country radio...isn't that terrifying?

It's actually not terrible. It's not great or earth-shattering...but, she's playing to her audience and sings the right song style. That's proven to be a good thing for Ms. Lee Cook, and the low expectations everyone has for her performances make it easy for her to look like she's improving by leaps and bounds with each passing week!

So, in conclusion, album not bad. They could re-release this with the Idol single if she wins, and no one would know the difference. Sounds as new and fresh as today's Country artists ever sound...which is always about 15 years old.

Clyde's Review: 3 out of 5

Carly (Hennessy) Smithson's "Ultimate High"

Ah, Carly Hennessy. Your album reeks of "released in 2001 to make a bid at joining the Britney/Christina Pop Princess ranks." The songs are over-produced schlock, and her voice is so computerized, it's hard to tell it's even Carly singing after having heard her on Idol.

I have to say...I do prefer the Pop side of her to the Celine side of her. This stuff just feels so outdated and gooey by modern standards.

I'm sure she'd much rather be remembered for some power ballad-type thing than "Get You Off."

Sorry, Carly. Maybe in a parallel universe 2001...

Clyde's Review: 2.5 out of 5

Michael Johns' "Rolling", as part of the band Film

Clyde's Review: 3 out of 5

Michael Johns' album is like that one CD you don't remember buying back in high school because one of your friends was kind of into it for a little while. It's been living in a shoebox for 10 years, and when you blow the dust off the box and take the disc out today for a trip down memory lane...

...man, you feel old. And you wonder why you spent $13 on this, instead of putting to toward a better CD or a MAD magazine.

It's semi Rock-y, Adult Contemporary stuff that would appeal to his fanbase, and I don't think it's entirely horrible. Just not my thing.

Unlike Cook's, which was, indeed, horrible regardless of what styles of music you enjoy.

This thing does sound aged, though. And it's not THAT old. Appropriate, considering the singer!

Clyde's Review: 3.5 out of 5

Brooke White's "Songs from the Attic"

There are no song clips to listen to for Brooke's album. Unless you're smarter about computers than I am and can find her stuff elsewhere by yourself...you'll be paying a whopping $75 to get your hands on this little disc! Wow.

To hear her cover of Aerosmith's "Dream On," the song that KILLED Michael Johns, click on this underlined phrase.

Fake piano, yes. But I like her cover, anyway!

Clyde's Review: I didn't get to listen to her album, but her voice still shines on "Dream On." America, keep her around and give her the chance she deserves as the only truly unique voice on the show! I'll give it a 5 out of 5, just be true to character.

(C'mon, you know it's awesome. Get this girl outta' the attic!)

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 4:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: albums, American Idol, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, music

Join our Idol Experts for some funny and honest commentary that didn't make it to our written Idol Chatter column! In this episode:

-David Cook v. Our Lady Peace
-Mariah...scary...
-Post-Johns Idol
-Too much religion?

And more!

Check them out here on the Blogaloo, or hit up FOX43's YouTube page. They'll be up there, too!

Leave a comment to let us know what you think...or to join in the discussion. If it's a good one, we may even bring it up in the next episode!

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 3:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, podcast

Adding Mariah Carey to the Idol mix, means trouble for the ladies...

Well, the Top 7 tackled Mariah Carey songs...and that's a tall order for the girls! Going in, I had no idea how the guys were gonna' do this week.

I have to say, I was very unhappy about this night, going in. I'm not a big fan of Mariah Carey. In fact, I only actually enjoy ONE of her songs ("Hero"). The squealing thing she does is a complete turn-off, and I was hoping one or more of the contestants would change up her music to the point that I actually LIKED it. So, did anyone manage to win me over? Keep reading.

Yeah...I'm looking for these performances to go one of two ways. Either good...or completely in the toilet. Again, I'm not expecting to recognize any of these songs...so, that'll be fun for me!

A learning experience, as always, Artie. Why don't you start us off with your review of the first singer, Little Archie?

David Archuleta
performed When You Believe by the immeasurably-talented and influential John Farnham!

Didn't take long for someone to bust out their imitation of Mariah's falsetto! She even mentioned it in her coaching session. It actually didn't sound bad! It was a really solid vocal, and he did a good job. Don't know the song...didn't make me want to run out and buy it. Decent.

I actually thought he did a pretty good job, he showed off his range and did some runs, but how can you not in a Mariah song. Little theatrical as always, but I doubt he’ll break that habit anytime soon. Overall good performance.

Another solid vocal from Archie, the Awkward Teen Wonder. He is who he is and does what he does. It's a guy night, obviously...

Carly Smithson
performed Without You, perhaps the most telling song title of the night

First off, Carly, girl...you looked FOOOYYYYYYNE, last night! Shoobie-da-dip-dop. I don't think she performed very well. The vocal was shaky, and I did not enjoy the performance, personally. Julie?

Carly really sounded like Carly last night, which is a good thing. She has a great voice especially when she’s not trying to be someone else. She still doesn’t have enough confidence in herself, but I don’t think she’ll be compared with Mariah or Celine as much this week. Simon’s comment could really hurt her with the votes though, don’t underestimate what a judge like Cowell can do to people’s opinions.

Big notes okay, little notes boring and uninspired. A bit boring, she could go home. Yet again.

Syesha Mercado
performed Vanishing, something of which she's in danger of doing

Not a terrible vocal, kind of like Carly...just not terribly memorable. I don't know, good idea choosing a song no one would recognize...but, really, she didn't make me care about it. A few muddy low notes, a bit off on some of the big stuff...with a great last note. She's also in trouble, tonight. Sadly, because Syesha should NOT go home on Mariah Carey week. Come on. Let's be a little racist, for a moment. It's a travesty if she goes home.

Syesha def looked like a diva last night. This was a really difficult song, and I actually agree with both Paula and Simon on the song choice…it was a good decision to choose a song that not many people know because she can’t be compared as much, but at this stage in the game she needs to be remembered, and people remember you based on songs.

Woah. Syesha lookin' HOT, too. I don't really know how to feel about this performance. It was okay, I think. No Colton Berry, if I'm being honest. She brought the big voice, but I wasn't sure if it was really, really solid...good enough to be okay-ish. I was glad she went big, but didn't pull it off as well as she could have. But, again...looked amazingly hot.

Brooke White
performed Hero at the piano, all sappy

Hm. The only Mariah song I actually like...wouldn't you know, Brooke did it! I was sure, coming in, that someone else would take this one. A capable, cute performance...a little rushed at times, didn't connect with this song as well as she seemed to with others. I don't know, she's my favorite, but this was a bit weak. I liked when she picked it up a bit in the bridge...don't know if it'll help. Could be in the Bottom 3, and if she goes home, I officially move my support over to KLC. Because I'll be depressed about everyone I'm stuck with. Well, Castro's okay. KLC and Castro. Is that what you want, America? Me backing them up? Keep Brooke alive!

I KNOW THIS SONG! Brooke was shaking like a LEAF! It kinda' indicates to me that she didn't really like her own performance that much. It was a little off, but I liked her mellow, not over-the-top, non-Mariah take on it. She made a Mariah song not sound like Mariah, which I LIKED, but I don't think she performed it well. Wasn't awesome, not the worst thing I've ever heard.

Brooke tackled the BIG ONE, "Hero." I like when Brooke sings at the piano, but when they go in for those close up shots you can really see how nervous she still is. I think she could have showed a little more range in the beginning but I liked when she started pulling it out mid way through. A few parts felt a little rushed, not her best performance, but not her worst either.

Kristy Lee Cook
performed Forever, which is about how long she'll probably stick along

I wish to go last, if you don't mind.

Kristy Lee I really hope our time is through….unfortunately I have to admit you had a good vocal and I fear we may see you another week. She really is a smart competitor for being a blonde chick...picking a song of Mariah’s that she could handle. And yeah, I guess giving it that Country twang connects to her fanbase…but I still hate her.

That was...pretty good. She cashed-in on Mariah Carey week, against all odds! Gotta' give her some credit. Aside from Archuleta, probably the most solid vocal so far. Even though the whole lower register was soft and weird, she cranked out those big notes and...sounded good! Hate, hate, HATE her. But she sounded good.

I officially announce my support for KLC. She's won me over. She looks good, she sounds better every week, and her song choices are BRILLIANT. If only the judges would get over hating her so much and stop giving her backhanded compliments, she might actually become a favorite, again. Kristy Lee Cook could easily end up as the last lady standing, and you know what? Good for her. She's playing the game so well, and if David Cook is going to get credit for uncommon bravery...she gets credit for her shocking survival skills and making gold clothing look better than it's ever looked before. Safe this week, and, for once, I support it! GREAT finish, go download that single, America. She's not as bad as we thought, let's put down the Hater-ade!

David Cook
performed Always Be My Baby by HIS FAVORITE BAND, Our Lady Peace (I mean, Mariah)

There were parts of it that I thought were good...but I think there were MORE parts that were off, vocally. I'd put him on par with Brooke for the night...because they both took Mariah's songs and made them sound different...or their ARRANGERS did, whoever did it...but the vocal was off at parts, and I don't think it was that great. I wanted to like it, but his performance didn't GET me there, if you know what I'm sayin', dogg. Yo.

The judges loved all over him. This show is FIXED. Look, at what point can we finally admit that what they're calling "original and brave" is predictable? After he wins? I must be watching a different show. I hated it. The beginning was mumbled and boring...it sounded like he NAPPED through it. And he resorted to the same rock scream he does every week. Same key, same shout, same. The last note was a trainwreck. Everything about this was THE SAME. People keep talking about him being original, but he's NOT. He's doing what he does. Nothing different.

After seeing David singing with his guitar to Mariah, I really wanted him to come on stage with it, but no. ::tear:: I still enjoyed his rocked out version of her pop hit “Always be my Baby.” This song was actually a guilty pleasure of mine in my preteen years, so it was hard to hear his voice to it, but he created a pretty original take on it that I liked. You boys may be surprised to hear this, but it wasn’t my favorite performance from him, but the judges loved it and the crowd went wild, so you know he’ll sail through this week.

I'm not surprised, Julie. It was HORRIBLE. And Randy's standing ovation? Paula saying it could be in a movie sountrack NOW? I mean...they've already crowned him, and it was lousy!

And he cried! Don't get all mushy on us, Cook. That performance did NOT deserve the kind of crazy praise it got.

Jason Castro
performed I Don't Want to Cry like that kid you know who plays a little guitar and is kinda' good

You know what? I like that they gave this a bit of a Latin or R&B vibe, whatever it was. Don't change his singing style...change the backup instrumentation and the arrangement. I liked this performance, and I really needed it after hearing David Cook spit up into the mic to a standing ovation. Randy Jackson, that "beach luau" thing is what I LIKE about him.

That was good! I liked it. I might buy that! I think, as Clyde might say, he hit a clam. ONE clam. Wasn't enough to take away from the Jason Castro-ness of it all. It was light and airy and natural. Yeah, TOP SHELF STUFF!

It had a cool coffee house vibe to it and it was good vocal. Not my favorite from Castro but it wasn’t the worst of the night either.

Let's start with the easiest part, Worst of the Night. Brooke White wasn't the worst because of the theme or the song choice...the song got away from her. Best was probably Archie, with KLC getting an honorable mention. Castro was no slouch either. As for Artie's official Bottom 3, I'm gonna' put Brooke, Syesha and Carly in there...even though I DON'T think David Cook sang as well as the judges gave him credit for. He didn't do poorly enough to rank down in the dregs, this week.

I don't know what he has to DO to be in the Bottom 3, after this week. He was a nightmare. So, who do you think goes home?

I'm gonna' have to go with Carly. This will be her third time in the Bottom 3, and I think third time's a charm. Her performance wasn't good enough to stop the downslide she's been on.

Okay...Bottom 3 - Carly Smithson, Syesha Mercado and...Brooke White. I SHOULD just go ahead and pick Brooke to go home, but I can't do it. If Brooke leaves, I'll be depressed. Syesha and Carly are both doomed...have been for a while. I'll pick Syesha to go home, because it should never, EVER happen, this week...and probably will. Very close call, though. Props to KLC for her big comeback, and I'm a fan of her continued success. If I have to sit through David Cook, I want Kristy Lee Cook to stick around and annoy the male Cook's fans. Best of the Night were Archie and KLC...honorable mention to Jason Castro. Worst of the Night, whether you want to hear it or not, were David Cook and Brooke White.

Ooh, I get to go last this week? Cool. My bottom three this week will include: Carly-because those jabs Simon takes have hurt her before, Syesha-for not picking a very memorable song, and Kristy Lee-because I just want her to leave and I don’t care who knows it. I really hope KLC will be going home, but I think it could be Carly's week to leave. Jason and Brooke had weaker performances this week, but I feel like they have enough fans to carry them through. I hate to admit it, but David Archuleta had the best performance of the night; I still love David Cook more though.

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

The dearly-departed this week was no surprise to our Idol Experts! It was who else rounded out the Bottom 3 that surprised viewers...

Idol Gives Back was nice and all, but it's time to get back to the business of selecting America's Next Top Idol!

It's getting a bit hairy, because, no matter who leaves, somebody out there is losing a favorite. The remaining singers are pretty much all popular and talented enough to stick around...or, at least in Kristy Lee Cook's case, lucky enough to have ducked that sniper fire to this point.

So, who went home and left the other 7 behind?

The Bottom 3, rather shockingly to some, consisted of Syesha Mercado, Carly Smithson and Michael Johns. Kristy Lee Cook was the last to be led to safety, before the others...and was FULLY prepared to be in the Bottom 3, again. But, you loyal Chatterheads knew that wasn't going to happen...and it didn't.

In the end...directionless wonder (and Aussie) Michael Johns was thrown to the dingoes. His attempt at Aerosmith's "Dream On" wasn't good enough to keep him around, and Syesha and Carly live to sing another day.

Crikey!

FOX43 Idol Expert Artie put David Cook, Michael Johns and Syesha Mercado in his Bottom 3...for a very respectable 2 for 3 finish. He thought Syesha would go home this week, but we're sure he's glad he was wrong on that call! Artie?

Funk: I predict Michael Johns will be the Bucky Covington of Australia...we might accidentally hear his name again, maybe. I'll still probably never buy anything he puts out. Unless it's an INXS cover song. Syesha seemed to be a popular choice to pick to leave this week, but I guess her vocal and the comparisons to Fantasia weren't bad enough to cost her a lot of votes. Maybe people still have more faith in her than we give her credit for? Carly's slipping...and maybe KLC will hang herself next week. Song-wise. Of course. Dogg.

FOX43 Idol Expert Julie Heart was a total baby about it and decided not to pick a Bottom 3 or guess who would go home this week. Julie, explain yourself.

Heart: OK, I’m not anti-Jesus or anything, but I have a real problem with making the top 8 singing “Shout to the Lord” on American Idol. Aren’t American values freedom of religion? What if one of them doesn’t believe in Jesus and doesn’t really want to sing about him, do they have to anyways? Alright, that’s all I’m gonna say, inspiring or not, I just didn’t think that was right. Brooke and Cook safe of course…and who ever would think little David wouldn’t be safe? Jordan’s duet with Chris Brown was cool, I haven’t really heard a lot that she’s done since she won last year. I think I might actually download that. I really would have been surprised if Jason wasn’t safe after singing "Over the Rainbow," it really was a great performance….I have a sinking feeling the next person is going to be safe as well…NOOOOOOOO KRISTY IS SAFE AGAIN!!! What is wrong with you people?! She needs to go home! Yeah ok she sang well last night, but she doesn’t deserve to be here! She IS the Sanjaya this year! I’m starting to get the feeling everybody is going to be safe this week because of Idol Gives Back…but maybe not. Holy crap Michael’s going home?!? Are you serious? Kristy Lee is safe and he’s going home? You could tell Carly and Syesha were shocked to be safe. Michael’s got such a great voice and personality, he has that “it” factor –I think he’ll be fine with his career, and now that people actually know his name he’ll be able to sell some music!

FOX43 Idol Expert Clyde Collins was perfect on his Bottom 3 predictions! He put Carly, Syesha and Michael with the bottom-feeders, this week...and went 3 for 3! However, like his pal Artie, he got this week's castaway completely wrong. Mr. Collins thought Carly Smithson would take the plunge, and she was safe. Clyde? You haven't been wrong in a while. Is everything okay?

Collins: Glad to shed the dead weight that was Michael Johns, and glad we're well on our way to never hearing anything out of him ever again. Carly will fall at some point, and Syesha's on borrowed time, as well. I overestimated the amount of fans Johns had, and I'm not unhappy at all...or even all that surprised. Johns was just filling a seat, as I've said many times. He had no direction, clearly didn't fit in...so long, mate. It was an easy choice this week, really. When you consider that David Archuleta, the Cooks and Jason Castro were guaranteed to be safe, that only left Brooke on the possible chopping block. I took a chance and went with Johns over her based on the order in which both performed, and it paid off. Glad that inspirational garbage is over, it was giving me cavities. Back to the competition!

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart, Results

Our very own Idol Expert Artie found something that he thought was more than coincidental, and he wanted to share. So take it away, Funkenstein...

I was cruisin' around the Internets and happened upon a page that made me giggle. I then highlighted the relevant parts and added a message to one of our Idol Finalists...

When I saw the banner ads for Crest Toothpaste all over the official Idol site the other day, I nearly mistook the girl for our dear ol' Kristy Lee Cook. Then I realized that my mistake could be something of a prophecy. It was like I was looking into a sad, harsh crystal ball. The sparkly smile, the curly hair framing a pretty face, and no sound.

You could pretty much cut KLC's face out of that line-up of potential singing stars and toothpaste it right over their current generic purty girl, and it's like you've zoomed into the Crest campaign for 2012.

Or sooner.

Even the ad's message of "Keep it Fresh" is eerily relevant to her run on the show to date. It's like she's sending a message from the future to other contestants, warning them of the dangers of being boring beyond belief, week after week.

Good luck using your pretty smile for money, honey. I don't know how good the tooth-modeling money is, but I hope it's enough to save Midnight (her horse she sold to get to the Idol auditions) from the glue factory, if it's not already too late, that is...

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by JT at 4:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Kristy Lee Cook

Idol, Idol, on the wall...who's the most inspirational of all?

Well we are down to eight, and I feel bad but I think getting rid of Chikezie and Ramiele has gotten rid of some dead weight - so let’s see how they did without them...

Hello. My name is Clyde...and I'm very bitter and emotionally distraught after last night's performances. I don't know if I'll be able to make it through this column. Artie, Julie...if I fall over, leave me behind and go on without me. Save yourselves.

Inspirational songs, huh? Can't wait to see Kristy Lee Cook reboil "Amazing Grace" for the third time!

Michael Johns
performed Dream On by Aerosmith

Faux-rock continues to absolutely DOG this guy. He can't get over trying to sell us on being a rocker. He's NOT. The blues-y thing last week is his genre, and he should stay there. As a result, we got an AGONIZING attempt at Steven Tyler's falsetto screaming...and it was just stupid. GO BACK TO RUSSIA, AUSSIE!

This was DEF one of the more memorable first performances of this season. I think he’ll make it through this round, but when he started getting screechy high up there it was a bit much for me. I don’t know if that was a song I would have expected from him, but it was alright….and, yes, Artie he is looking like Scooby-Doo’s Fred with that ascot.

(L-R David Cook, Michael Johns, Brooke White, David Archuleta, Jason Castro)

I really like that song a lot...but, I don't really think I liked his take on it that much. Uuuuuuuugh...it's hard to sing that song. Let's just say, I was left hoping that wouldn't be the best performance of the night, because it wasn't that cool. As soon as I heard the opening notes and heard what song it was, I was IMMEDIATELY scared to hear how it would end. Not sure he pulled it off with Steven Tyler-esque finesse.

Syesha Mercado
performed I Believe by Season 3 American Idol Fantasia

I'd like to opt to go last, here. Thanks.

This was a really good song choice for her. I doubt many people knew Fantasia’s version, well ya never know, it was idol fans watching. I like how it started slow and then jumped up the energy. And when she hit that high note…WOW that’s impressive. This was a big song, but I think Syesha rocked it. She may not have had the overwhelming emotion that Fantasia gave when she won, but how could you when you’re just singing to survive another night.

Dear Syesha...you should never, ever, EVER do that Mariah Carey screech again. You break my heart when you do that. Thanks. Love, Artie. Other than that...I thought it was good. I was with her until she busted the octave pop stuff at the end. I question her song choice, because...really? Fantasia? Really?!

Bad song choice. Fantasia sings that song quite well. In fact, singing this song immediately invites comparisons to Fantasia. That Mariah screech was horrible, and she's in trouble. Here's how this song is SUPPOSED to sound. Boo, Syesha.

Jason Castro
performed Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, playing a UKULELE

Love the Fat, Hawaiian Guy version. LOVE IT. And I love that he came RIGHT OUT in his intro vid and gave credit to the original singer, Brother Is. It was a nice performance, clean and genuine, simple and surprisingly memorable. Kat McPhee used this song to secure a spot in the finale, and...well, I don't think Jason has the staying-power to be there till the end...though I HOPE he does. We'll see, but he's safe this week.

BOOM! I really, really liked that. I'm a fan of that arrangement, and a fan of him mentioning that right off the bat. I don't believe Julie when she says David Cook gives credit for the songs he steals, so good for Jason. Anyway...REALLY good. Awesome. I still love Jason Castro, he's awesome. I might even download the full version on iTunes! And hot use of "novelty" instrument, once again. Keytar, say hello to ukulele.

BAM! Hot.

I love this version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow!" It was used perfectly in an episode of Scrubs, and I really enjoyed Jason singing it too. His vocals were great, and when he had those high notes they were perfect. He really made a comeback in my book with this performance, it was a great song choice for him and I loved it. His interview this week was even good-without all that awkwardness. Jason is back!

Kristy Lee Cook
performed Anyway by Martina McBride

Blasted Country singer. The monster they call KLC survives another week. Move on, she's got too many fans. And NOT a horrible performance. It was actually quite good, for Kristy Lee. I'm just over her. She outlasts some other more-talented but less-adorable singer.

I'm saying this because I WANT HER TO GO HOME SOON. That was pretty good. I mean...still playing to her audience, solid vocal. I'm not an expert on pitch and tone, but...when I have to question whether or not it was really solid, I'm assuming it's NOT. And I questioned a few times with this performance, so...maybe a bit off at times. I think she's safe, given that performance and song choice. May still be in the Bottom 3, but...safe.

Her vocals sounded really good, but she seemed weird just standing in front of the microphone in the beginning. All and all this was a good performance for Kristy Lee, but I hope it’s not enough to keep her around-there are just too many better singers in the competition that I don’t want to see leave before she does.

David Cook
performed Innocent by HIS FAVORITE BAND, Our Lady Peace

Going last, again. Ugh.

Clyde, just go ahead and bash him.

Sure? Because I really hated it.

(Sigh.) Yes, yes. Go ahead...

I really hated it. The song was dreary and just muttered, and I don't care WHO his favorite band is...it's awful. Bad choice, worst of the season for him, and the first week he TRULY DESERVES to be in the Bottom 3, even if he won't. I'll stop there, there's nothing positive I can say about his performance or his awful, showy, indulgent, Bono-style hand message at the end. Just terrible.

He’s already a star, and he proves it every week. He has the “it” factor and I think he was very original choosing Our Lady Peace when everybody else seems to be picking the same kind of song that they thing is inspiring so far. I liked him going into the crowd and singing in front of the judges I thought that was cool. The one thing I will have to agree with Simon on is that white coat though, it looked like it was two ties short of a straight jacket.

Jeesh. Get OVER him, Julie. This was a trainwreck. Artie? Please, break the tie.

I'm a BIG fan of Our Lady Peace. This could've been either REALLY good for me...or REALLY bad. And...I HATED it. It was terrible. No one has ever heard that song, and now, no one ever WANTS to hear the original after hearing him murder it. That's a TOUGH song to interpret anyway, and that lead singer has a STRANGLEHOLD on that particular style. And most people might not like that anyway. It was just too much for him to try to sell to the audience. It was a tough task, and the did NOT pull it off. There's NO WAY his legions of fans are going to stick with him through THAT.

Carly Smithson
performed The Show Must Go On by Queen

OK. If I have heard that song...she really made it her own, because I didn't recognize it. It was OK. I didn't have a real problem with it. Sounded OK. I liked the 'tude she was showing off, kind of fit the song. I liked it.

When I first heard it, I thought it wasn't a TERRIBLE performance...but, since I had no idea where she was going with it, I was paying too much attention to the arrangement. Once I thought about her shouting vocals...all she has is power-shouting. Her arsenal is pretty limited. That kind of thing will get you to the Top 10, but you have to show some range and subtlety in your vocal style. She has FAILED. Carly, you looked better this week...but I'm thinking you're in a LOT of trouble.

It was good for Carly to do a song very not "Celion" this week, it reminded people who Carly is, and she’s not always Celion. Her voice is strong as always, and I disagree with the judges, and think that she did connect with the song. But I do have to agree with Simon she looked good last night, and did sound a bit too angry for what was supposed to be inspiring.

David Archuleta
performed Angels by the spellbinding John Farnham! (Robbie Williams)

I think this is the first time we’ve seen David at the piano since maybe Hollywood week, and I loved it. He looks so much more natural when he’s playing and singing, rather then the awkward theatrical moving around the stage we’ve been used to the last couple weeks. Great song for him, but it was slightly nasal. I am so glad that he’s showing us why he deserves to still be in the competition again, because I was starting to think his unoriginality was going to bore me to death.

To be honest with you...I don't think I've actually HEARD any of the songs he's chosen in the last 4 weeks. This was OBVIOUSLY his week. He did fine. He's totally safe. Sounded good, didn't really know the song...cool that he tickled the ol' ivories. It's David Archuleta, man. He's...gonna' be rackin' up the votes. So...decent job.

Let me preface this by saying I still can't STAND this goony kid. With that said, it was actually pretty good. Not perfect, a bit nasal and muddy in the lower notes. He was MADE to belt out big notes. I didn't hate it, I wasn't as bored as I've been the past few weeks, with him. The piano thing was a good idea...but, you know what? It doesn't matter what I say. Love him or hate him, he's cruising toward the finale. Safe, safe-ity, safe-safe.

Brooke White
performed You've Got a Friend by Carole King (w/ a loving nod to James Taylor)

I love this song, and her vocal was okay. A bit forgettable, so good that she went at the end. Hair was a bit flat, cute outfit, surprisingly leggy. I don't think she's in trouble this week BECAUSE she keeps up that lovely eye-contact during her performances. Still genuine, nothing fake about her...deserves to win over all the other females still in the competition. There were worse, she's adorable...she'll be safe. Better knock it out of the park next week, though...or we're seriously stuck with a dreary, all-male Top 4. And, and by the way...KEEP THE GLASSES. She was wearing them in the intro video...and they're super-hot on her.

Yo, SECOND THAT, dogg! Love the glasses, Brooke! Anyway, about the performance...awwww! Yay, Brooke. That was solid! Good! I like that song, and I liked her take on it. Nice and mellow, subtle...very Brooke-y! Didn't knock it out, and that worries me a little, because she's been in the Bottom 3, like Clyde said...but yeah, at least she didn't go first, again! Good enough to keep her safe, good for her. I just wanna' hug her!

She really is a flower child stuck in a new generation. I liked it but I don’t think it was her best performance. It’s probably better that she closed the show rather than opened with that song, because I think it could have put her in the bottom three for sure. After being in the bottom three last week, though…I’m not sure if she really is safe.

Best of the Night were Castro, Archie and, I don't think I'll ever say this again...but either Brooke or KLC. Wow. Weird. Did I just say that? That's just spooky. I'm scared too, America. I better wrap this up. Worst of the Night was EASILY, HANDILY David Cook. That was such a mess. Bottom 3 would be David Cook, Michael Johns...because it wasn't great and he went first...and a toss-up between Carly and Syesha, I think. They both had OK performances with rough aspects that I could say easily led to their being in the Bottom 3 this week. I'll have to pick...Syesha. And going home this week...dogg, I have NO idea. I'll say Syesha's leaving. Tough for me to say, because I thought most of her performance tonight was strong, vocally. But the pitch pop thing may have boned her, and she's been unpopular for the last few weeks anyway, and that may just be the equation that takes her out. =^(>

I’ve decided that I’m not going to name names this week of who I think is in the bottom three, because whenever I say anything about this person they never go home-and I think I’m jinxed. So I’m just going to say that I think the bottom three is going to be all female, and I’m a little disappointed in my girls after this show –the boys kinda kicked your butts.

I'll keep this brief, because it's getting harder to call and I'll write 8 pages if I try to explain it all. Best of the Night were Jason Castro and David Archuleta. Worst of the Night was David Cook, honorable mention to Michael Johns. The Bottom 3 will be Carly Smithson, Syesha Mercado and....this third one's a big, dumb toss-up. I'll go nuts and put Michael Johns in there, even though David Cook BELONGS in there and Brooke was underwhelming, if pleasant. Mostly, because he went first and that attempted Steven Tyler falsetto scream was godawful. So, who's leaving?

Sorry, Carly. You're headed home. And take that awful tattoo with you.

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

Join our Idol Experts for some funny and honest commentary on the State of the Idol! In this pilot episode:

-Destroying Davids
-Touching Jason
-Who's in the Finale?
-Are the Judges Playing Favorites?
-Which Singers are TOO Popular?
-Julie Has No Catchphrase

And more! Give it a listen. See what it's actually like to be in a room with the three of us the day after American Idol!

Check them out here on the Blogaloo, or hit up FOX43's YouTube page. They'll be up there, too!

Leave a comment to let us know what you think...or to join in the discussion. If it's a good one, we may even bring it up in the next episode!

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, audio, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart, podcast

Artie and I were watching a DVR playback of the Top 9 before Ramiele hit the bricks...and stumbled upon an interesting scene.

By Clyde Collins

Is there hidden meaning in DaVinci's The Last Supper? Aw, who knows? All that stuff with the novel and the movie and all the symbolism and secret societies...at the end of the day, it was probably all just well-crafted fiction that people embraced because it offered a tantilizingly different perspective on ancient, supposedly-sacred history.

Well, among the millions of American Idol faithful who watch each week, the show is sacred. The finalists and their fates are discussed with great fervor, and any new insight into how the show works or why thing happen is greeted with a healthy mix of fascination and skepticism.

Fear not, Chatterheads. This is Clyde. I don't steer you wrong. My words are prophetic and the theories I'm about to lay out for you are, besides being absolutely brilliant, quite likely to come about.

Read on, as I examine the American Idol Last Supper.

Okay, so...this isn't DaVinci's original mess-on-a-wall-you-can't-really-even-see-anymore version. But, it's close enough. Also, it's far more vibrant.

Obviously, I'd need a picture of the Top 12 if I wanted to include all groupings of apostles. I've left out some of the guys, including James the Lesser and Andrew...and heavy hitters Simon Peter and Judas Iscariot. No biggie. Historical/Biblical accuracy is not my point.

Good blog fodder is what I'm looking for, and I think you'll enjoy it.

At the head of the table, you've got Archie. Kind of a bookend, could be a clue that he'll be the last one standing at the end of the season. The disciple shown at the Last Supper is, reportedly, "Simon the Zealot."

Everyone keeps telling Archie he's talented and brilliant beyond his years...and it's hard to match his zeal. I mean, he's got zeal spilling out his ears. Just listen to that dopey giggle he gives whenever anyone looks at him or speaks to him. He's loving life, blissfully unaware of how big of a goon he is. True Zeal (TM) is bringing John Farnham to the American viewing audience and expecting no one to care. Simon the Zealot was, supposedly, put to death by being hacked apart with a saw. Ironically, whenever David Archuleta performs, I can be heard sawing a little wood, too.

(Because he's boring and I fall asleep when he sings. Get it?)

Symbolic of Idol Contestant Fate (1-10): 8, because I have an awful feeling we'll be forced to hear a lot about David Archuleta, whether he wins this season or not. The best symbolism is that, in this image, Archie makes it to the end of the line. He could very well stick around to the bitter end of Season 7.

At the OTHER end of the table, you've got the lovely Syesha Mercado, standing all alone. Just look at the body language going on, here. She's the only one not cuddling up with the rest of the group.

The cheese is standing alone, and you have to wonder what she did or ate that caused everyone to slowly back away.

In the painting, Bartholomew is standing a bit apart from the other closely-grouped disciples. He just wants a little love, maybe a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

His reward for hanging out through all this? Flayed and crucified upside-down.

I'm pretty sure Syesha's departure from the show will be a bit less violent...but WAY more dramatic. We'll all have to pretend we're shocked and disappointed, and she'll be all sad...then, a week later, we'll realize that she really didn't bring much of anything to the show and was just kind of filling a seat.

Ol' Saint Bart is best known for being boys with fellow apostle Philip. Wowee. I hope, thousands of years after I'm gone, I'm not best-known for being friends with someone. That's like being remembered as a President's brother, or one of the Flavor of Love girls.

Symbolic of Idol Contestant Fate (1-10): 9, because no one's going to care about Syesha years from now. She's just going to be one of those obscure names in history, a person who happened, but didn't make a big enough splash to be known as anything other than a contestant at the same time as the person who wins. Sorry, 'Yeesh. You're headed home.

This one I love. Notice the two foreigners are standing together? Yep. And at the Last Supper, Matthew and Jude are the only ones not looking at Jesus.

Clearly, they're the odd men out.

Michael Johns is standing in the Matthew Position (TM), and, by all accounts, Matthew is only really interesting or noteworthy if he happens to be another person, known as "Levi." Some people have said that he wrote the Gospel of Matthew...highly unlikely. Matthew is pretty much just another pretty face taking up space.

Hello, Michael Johns. You're the wallpaper of this season's Top 10.

Carly Smithson, in the Jude Position (TM), however, is perfect. "Why?" you ask, setting me up perfectly. Because he's the Patron Saint of Lost Causes and Desperate Situations. Carly pretty much fits that bill, having bombed once with a professional singing career...and, at this point, it looks like she's slowly going down in flames.

Anyone else see that happening? She's taking damage left and right, and it's only a matter of time before the mighty falls. And, hey, she may stick around for a while...it took an axe to take out ol' St. Jude. If Simon continues his "you look disgusting" hatchet-job, however...it may just count as enough of a beheading to send her on her merry, Irish way.

Symbolic of Idol Contestant Fate (1-10): 10, because aimless Johns is just filling a seat, and stop trying to make Carly happen. Carly isn't GOING to happen.

Check out this trio, where Thomas, James the Great and Bartholomew's homie, Philip, are hanging out in the painting.

This is just such a neat, little group...of doomed singers. The Idol contestants include two ladies who have been walking around with targets on them for WEEKS, and poor, talented, smooth-sounding Jason...who probably won't win, either. He doesn't belong with these two, talent-wise. So, why is he with them? Let's see if we can figure that out.

Thomas, of Doubting fame, is best remembered for questioning Jesus after he appeared before them after...you know, all that messy stuff. He's also known as the "Twin," and, let's face it, Ramiele is Danny Noriega without the Y chromosome...or personality.

What makes James so "Great?" Um...well, I don't know. Funny thing is, there were TWO Jamses in Jesus' personal Top 12, so that whole "Greater" thing may just have been to tell him apart from the other guy (sometimes called James the Lesser, which totally bites for that guy). He preached in Spain, supposedly, and was one of the "Sons of Thunder" in the Gospel of Mark. No word on whether or not everyone kept wondering when he'd go home, or if he sang "God Bless the U.S.A." to keep his undeserved place among the disciples safe. Good for him, though. Just look at him, at the table, arms all spread out like, "Tah-dah! Love me!"

Philip, in Castro's spot, has long hair. Also, he's totally dreamy. Get this. Not only was Philip totally cool with a bunch of the other guys, he spoke Greek AND actually had a speaking role at the Last Supper, showing he's willing to accept criticism or advice from superiors. Castro's taken suggestions from the judges willingly, and they so infrequently get what he's trying to say with his performances, he might as well be speaking Greek.

Everybody kind of LIKES Jason, but no one's ready to annoint him Season 7 Savior, just yet. I think we all kind of know that, as neat as it might be to have him come from behind and stick around to the end...he'll probably just end up going home and leaving someone far less interesting to become Top Guy.

Symbolic of Idol Contestant Fate (1-10): 1, because I have no idea what I was getting at with any of this. It's just all over the place. All three are going home, though. I think I peaked with the Patron Saint of Lost Causes/Carly bit. Oh, well...let's finish this!

And, in the end...we come to the "cup" symbol. Much like in Dan Brown's story, the trianular shape between my favorite, Brooke, and Julie Heart's favorite, Cook, is no accident. It hints that he's the Jesus of this group. Depending upon which version you believe...she's either the Mary Magdeline or John the Beloved.

(Given her G-rated backstory, I'm leaning toward the latter.)

Do you believe in David Cook? What would David Cook do...with a record contract? When he finally leaves the show in disgrace, are we going to have wailing and gnashing of teeth? Is his best material even HIS, or "divinely" inspired by a far more intelligent author?

Personally, I like the idea of Brooke as the Most-Loved Guy. I mean, she's feminine and adorable. She's got a prominent position in the image above, and in the overall cast of characters, this season. John the Apostle was a fisherman, and she's got an uncanny ability to hook and reel you in with her bright, relaxing vocals.

According to the research, he was a pretty big deal, went on to be an awesome part of the whole thing that crew was trying to put together.

If Brooke wins, she'll have tons of potential to build a long and fruitful career. She's not overrated. She's humble and down-to-earth enough to be the Anti-Britney I thought the show might be looking for, this season.

Her Last Supper counterpart didn't have some huge, awful, gory death scene, either. If she can outlast the other ladies and stick around to the end...she just might glide gracefully into the title of American Idol, and the world will be right, again.

Or, David Cook or David Archuleta will win, and the world will be plunged into darkness for millenia.

Symbolic of Idol Contestant Fate (1-10): 7, because Cook and White both DEFINITELY have a chance at becoming The One this season. Will it come down to the two of them, Top Guy and Top Gal? I won't give that a big 100% yes, because, as we've seen, anything can happen. And that Archie guy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Sadly.

Battle of the Davids could be your finale...and, man, what a good night that would be to spend camping outdoors, without any means of watching.

All of my fact-finding on the identities and histories of the apostles was done on Wikipedia, so...take it with a grain of salt. Obviously.

If you feel this is somehow blasphemous, well...it's just a blog, baby. Get some sleep, you'll be over it in the morning. And if you aren't, hit yourself in the head with a hammer. For me.

Just thought that ordering of Idol contestants looked comically familiar...and, you have to admit, there could be plenty of hidden meaning in that image. What else do YOU find in there? Feel free to leave your analysis in a comment.

We're down to the Top 8, and favorites are going to start falling.

If the voters don't keep you around, it doesn't matter WHAT I wrote in here or in what order you're standing - you're out of the picture!

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Last Supper, spoilers

The dearly-departed this week was no surprise to our Idol Experts! It was who else rounded out the Bottom 3 that surprised viewers...

Another one bites the dust. We're down to the Top 8, and it's only going to get tougher from here on out...well, after Kristy Lee Cook goes home next week, I mean. Then it's tough to send people home.

The first to enter the dreaded Bottom 3 last night was Ramiele Malubay. The cheese stood alone for a while, until she was joined by Kristy Lee Cook, who pretty much earned her inevitable departure next week by trying to make a bitter, un-funny joke about one of the silver stools they use for the Bottom 3 being "Kristy's Seat." Boo, darling.

A bigger boo to America, who failed to cast enough votes Brook White's way to keep her safe. The sultry blonde singer - a favorite of our Clyde Collins - was the last to join the elite group in danger of going home...after Seacrest pronounced Jason Castro safe.

In the end...it was the adorable-but-robotic Ramiele Malubay who received the fewest votes. She will return to her chamber to recharge and emerge, batteries full, to return to her old job as a Bender.

Kiss her shiny, metal...y'know.

FOX43 Idol Expert Artie put Ramiele Malubay, KLC and Syesha Mercado in his Bottom 3, and said, rightly, that Ramiele would go home. That's 2 for 3, and right-on with the castaway! Not bad, Artie! What do you say?

Funk: I didn't WANT Syesha to go home, so I'll gladly be wrong on that one. But Brook? I'm REALLY upset about that one, dogg. Ramiele, like we've been saying for weeks, just wasn't bringing anything really hardcore to the competition, so...no big loss.

FOX43 Idol Expert Julie Heart has had some bad luck with her predictions over the past few weeks. This week, she tried a different approach...picking choices she considered a bit outside-the-box. Did it pay off? She chose Ramiele, Jason Castro and Carly Smithson. That's...well, still 1 for 3. But she DID get it right when she said Ramiele would be evicted from the IDOL APARTMENTS, this week. Julie, what happened?

Heart: They def set it up for us to think Carly was in the bottom three being the third one out on stage, but I'm glad she was safe. I really thought Jason was going down when he was pitted against Brook...I was NOT expecting to see her in the Bottom 3! You knew Ramiele had to go home this week, even she knew she was going home, but she is the first one that I'm actually sad to see go. I'll miss her! Also, I could've lived without updates on Bucky and Phil Stacey. Bo Bice is still cool, in my book. And it sounded like there was something in Dolly's throat. Weird!

FOX43 Idol Expert Clyde Collins came through with another 2 for 3 set of predictions and the correct call on who would be going home. His Bottom 3 of Ramiele, KLC and Jason Castro was as close to perfect as it gets (the final bottom slot came down to Brook or Jason), and he, like his Expert pals, knew Ramiele tiny self would be sent packin'. I doubt there's any need to ask, but...any comments, Clyde?

Collins: I know what I'm doing, clearly. Ramiele was an easy pick, though. Look, some of it's luck. Any week, there can - and often WILL - be a "shocker" like Brook ending up in the Bottom 3. As soon as we get rid of Kristy Lee next week, it's going to become very difficult to definitively say "THIS PERSON IS GOING HOME." Everyone left (after KLC leaves) is very talented and has shown that they can make it to the bitter end of this thing with the right song choices and a bit of luck. Brook in the Bottom 3 didn't surprise me as much as it did others. I kind of worried about whether or not her going first on Dolly Week would lead to the outcome we saw...and that, paired with kind of a safe, uninspired performance, put her down there. Castro was great, and I'm GLAD I was wrong about that. He deserves to stick around for many more weeks. We begin picking off the pointless, aimless Michael Johns and Syesha Mercado once Kristy's gone. After them...well, Castro could go at any time, even though I think a Castro/White finale would be an awesome display of clean vocals and dreamy singing styles...it's kind of a toss-up! But I think Brook bounces back to safety next week, and we see Syesha and Carly continue to fall apart. Will I be right? Watch and see...but, yes, probably. :)

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart, Results

The Top 9 singers took on Country legend Dolly Parton...and we'll tell you who should go home!

Dear Idol...if you're going to try to play an April Fool's joke on us, put up a big, full-screen graphic. Don't have Seacrest talk onstage!

Cute little intro. Fooled absolutely no one, but still...if we MUST continue this strange April Fool's Day tradition every year, at least they tried to be clever. Let's talk about the singing, though. I thought they were moving AWAY from pushing guest musicians who've just released new albums? Oh, well. I was completely prepared to hate everything that happened, last night. Dolly Parton is NOT a personal favorite, and Country weeks are usually pretty lame. In general...I didn't end up hating it, so much as not really caring about any of the songs.

That April Fool's Day intro was L-A-M-E...and I was pretty sure, going in, that this was gonna' be another week where I didn't recognize any of the songs. I was worried for Ramiele and missing Chikezie before we EVEN SAW this episode. It's just unfortunate that he went home. But bring on the Dolly, Idol! Let's do this!

Brooke White
performed Jolene

Not her best. She's still got a good voice, and it was a clean, crisp vocal...but, in the end, I wasn't blown away by the performance. Anyone who can make this hokey song sound appropriately emotional, please, show me. I defy you to make me care about "Jolene" at all. Let's hope she's safe off a strong fanbase and doesn't fall victim to being in the Dreaded First Positon (TM).

Sweet! Never heard this song before in my life, but it was cool! I liked it. I might even like it if I heard Dolly sing it, too. I have a feeling I'd still like Brooke's a little better. It was good, I liked it! Upbeat, heartfelt...cool. I just hope she isn't damaged by the Number One spot...totally right, Clyde. That spot has done serious damage, this season. It sounded like the opening theme to Firefly, which I thought was cool.

She sounded like she had a lot of confidence, last night, and I liked that. It's sexy.

Agreed.

Amen, dogg.

Settle down, boys. She sounded good, and it didn't seem like the cute, little Brooke we're used to, with her guitar and the band behind her. But as soon as the judges started talking, she turned it on and turned into the old, fun-loving Brooke. I do think she plays it up a little for the judges.

I don't get that at all from her. She's one of, maybe, THREE genuine people still around this season.

David Cook
performed Little Sparrow

I'll go first, this week! I'd like to point out how much I love that they had to address the PROBLEM of Cook getting extra credit for the musical arrangements of other people. Sweet victory, and I'm glad that haters won. I'd also like to note that the verson of "Little Sparrow" he used this week didn't really stack up well against the performances of the past few weeks...surprise, the weakest night for him in weeks was the night he came up with his own arrangement. If he wasn't who he is, he'd be in trouble. But...the little girls love him and a bunch of awful young guys must be fooled...so, whatever. He's safe. I thought it was forgettable and quite a bit weaker than his past few performances. Before he even sang, I predicted the judges would say he exceeded expectations on a night he wasn't expected to be as strong. I predicted I'd disagree, and that he'd go on to next week, regardless of how good or bad he is. No shock, the judges loved it. Seacreast actually said, "Another strong night for David Cook!" Whatever, it's a total fix at this point.

Okay, now I'll give a REAL assessment of his performance.

Wait, let me guess! He was awesome and his hair isn't stupid?

Well...yes! I was hoping you might finally leave him alone, now that he gave credit...but I guess not. He made his own arrangement, and it was GREAT. The judges and the fans still love him, even if you don't, Clyde. And on the topic of his hair...hair on his head, good. Hair on his face, bad.

I've...never heard that song, either. I mean...sure. It was...good? I JUST DON'T WANT MOMMY AND DADDY TO FIGHT ANYMORE! WOULD YOU TWO JUST MAKE UP?! IT'S JUST A HORRIBLE, STUPID REALITY SHOW GAME! His performance was OK...but it IS funny they made a big deal out of him arranging it himself. I'd never buy it...but, I could say that for a lot of performances. Nice forehead-enlargement...I mean, haircut. Ha ha.

I wanted to point out that I wrote a column on this SICKENING SCANDAL (Cook taking credit for being innovative and brave when singing other people's covers) just yesterday...Julie and I even debated a bit more in the comments. That's what got Artie so worked up, and I'm sorry if our bickering has scared you, little guy. It's not your fault, it's David Cook's. Check that column out, but I wanted to point out that the second video I used from YouTube, which pretty much laid out all of the weeks Cook sounded suspiciously like another singer or band and included footage of the originals performing their housed versions, is no longer available. I think Lord Idol is trying to keep it quiet. Because that video really did show it quite clearly...but, enough on that topic. Who's next?

Ramiele Malubay
performed Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?

After tonight, I don't think she'll ever be crossing our television screens again, at the very least.

You may be right, Clyde...as much as it hurts to say those words. She's so cute and sweet...but how far can that take you in a competition like Idol when there are so many BETTER contestants this year? She sounded good singing, and I liked that it was an upbeat song...but she still hasn't mastered performing on the big stage.

I think this is the week she goes home. It's sad, because it was definitely her best performance in weeks. She hit a few ugly notes, but it was decent. The question is, will anyone care or remember this performance? The love and the energy that surround someone like Carly or Archie or even David Cook at this point...they just aren't there. It seems like even the judges and Seacrest are just waiting for her to go. They have nothing really left to say, because it's wasted breath! Dead cutie walking.

She has solid vocals, but never uses them in a good song, which might inspire people to LIKE HER. That didn't do her any favors, I don't think. No extra voters are going to call in to support her this week. She just needs to break into Hip-Hop or SOMETHING where she's able to be the kooky, fun, talented little firecracker we all want her to be. She's got a highly sample-able voice. If someone comes up with a riff or something for her, and then drops her boomer voice hook over a tasty backbeat, a la Rhianna in "Umbrella", I think she could have a decent Hip-Hop hit out there. That said... she's going to lose American Idol. Soon. Dogg.

Jason Castro
performed Travelin' Through

I didn't think hippie boy would be able to pull off a spiritual song! That was good! I liked it! I felt like I could've been sitting around a campfire on the beach with him during that song, and that's what I look for from him. Nice!

This was a really good song choice for Jason! It fit him well, and he sounded good and looked natural.

Dolly seemed to think this song was a bit of a departure for Castro...but, really, he's a TEXAN. Of course he can handle Country music. She was making a value judgement based on his "funky" look, and it showed just how out of touch the old bat is. It was VERY nice. The vocal was great, and I think he'll be safe this week not JUST because it was his best performance in a few weeks, but because it was a very religious song and he was wearing a cross, as well. Look out, KLC. He's coming for your new fanbase. And remember, everyone...even though he denies it, Simon Cowell hates Country music. He doesn't get it at all.

Carly Smithson
performed Here You Come Again

Was this her Comeback Week? Maybe. It sure beat last week! She hit a few clams, but it was solid. Some quality belting at the end, and it was pretty good, even if it got a bit Celine for my liking.

OK, I have to admit...it WAS a bit Celine. But, it was still a good vocal, and there was feeling behind it! Simon was a little harsh talking about her wardrobe, though. Like he should talk! I don't think I've ever seen him wearing a COLOR!

A bit off-base, maybe...but Simon's right. She needs to snap it up a bit. She looks like she just grabs the old shirts she used to wear while bartending out of her closet and runs to the stage, most weeks. Stylists, get to work! Homegirl has an image problem.

That was Carly! Another solid, Carly-esque performance. She's kinda' starting to wear on me, because I think she actually wants to BE Celine Dion, and I don't want anymore Celine Dions in this world. Because I don't like Celine Dion. Celine Dion.

David Archuleta
performed Smoky Mountain Memories by the amazing John Farnham! (Just kidding.)

This was a very strong performance, not stage-y or theatrical, like last week. A great vocal, as always, and with actual emotion behind it. I do wish he'd take a risk at least once, though.

He'll NEVER mix it up. This is the only Archie you'll ever see. What did you think, Artie?

It was good. What do you want me to say? It was good. I think I made my point when I talked about his fans tossing granny panties at him. But, he's got a good voice.

He's good...but I'm completely OVER him. He's a bit boring, really. The judges may hail this as the Golden Boy's big return, but he's obviously flawed, and too young to understand any of these big, syrup-y songs he's taking on. Yawn. I say it's past this little boy's bedtime...

Kristy Lee Cook
performed The Coat of Many Colors

Speaking of someone who should've been put to bed a long time ago...Kristy Lee Cook is next!

That was a delightfully snotty thing to say, Julie! I applaud you!

Thanks! Here's where I might lose you, though. Not only did she look HOT in that dress last night, but she was in her element with Dolly Week! I hate to say it, but she was more memorable than Ramiele.

That's what she needs to do EVERY week. If she could make every song sound like that, and somehow keep all her critics from saying "stop making all the songs sound like that," she'd be OK! Obviously, this Country thing is right in her wheelhouse. It was nice. Probably the least awkward I've ever seen her, dude.

It SHOULD have been her easy, coasting night. But when you're in her situation, you don't get to have those! It was a bit nasal and fake. She stole Brooke's No-Shoes thing, and it was nice...but nowhere near great. Randy pointed out that this IS supposed to be her week, which is kind of a backhanded slap in the face. "Of course you were decent. But it's only because it's stupid Dolly Week, dawg!" Simon was right-on, though. She was pleasant...but who cares? Lame song choice.

Syesha Mercado
performed I Will Always Love You as though Dolly and Whitney Houston mated

Didn't realize this was a Dolly Parton song. Hm. That was pretty good! Probably a little predictable, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. THAT is the Syesha voice style I like, I just miss the curly hair.

Obvious song choice, much? She's not Whitney. We've established that. Still, mixing the two versions of this song wasn't half bad. The judges didn't help her out at all, but she was MUCH better than she's been the last few weeks. That last note was impressive, but I still don't think she can win this competition. Better, but it's just a matter of time...

She brought out the BIG GUNS with this song! Syesha had her Memorable Moment of the season, and if Simon hadn't been so hard on her, I'd say she was definitely safe from the Bottom 3. Her vocals weren't spot-on, but it's undeniable that this girl can sing!

Michael Johns
performed It's All Wrong, But All Right

I kind of like how he frowns when he sings...but, no, I'm not trading David Cook for Michael Johns, just yet! He did a good job with the song, but it was a little weird hearing him do Country. So wrong, but...so right?

Right enough to keep him safe. What should've been a rough night for him turned out okay! The song choice was better, tonight. He should hold on tight to that Blues-y thing and never let go. It gives his voice MUCH-NEEDED depth. The "Rock" genre is already taken this season, apparently. But, yeah, he should be okay. It was decent, and I hope an upward trend continues for Johns. This was the first week I've actually been okay with his performance. It was still over-the-top and schmaltzy, but better than he has been.

Why did he dress like Fred from Scooby Doo? What was up with that scarf thing, dogg? That was awright. Yeah. My mom's probably fanning her face after that performance. Sounded pretty good from "Mr. I Want to Do the Rockin'-est Queen Songs Ever Recorded in Medley Form." He made a Dolly song - which, surprisingly, I've never heard before - sound good.

Ramiele's going home! That puts her in my Bottom 3, along with KLC and Syesha. It HURTS me to put Syesha in there, because I really think she's got talent. But when compared to these other monsters, she's not pulling her weight. I'm tired of Ramiele. I'm tired of Kristy Lee Cook, even if the Country thing may have kept her safe for another week. My favorites of the week were Brooke White and Jason Castro. Yeah. They were the two I just genuinely enjoyed. I don't think I enjoyed any of them, except for Brooke and Jason. All the rest are my Worst of the Night. Dogg.

I was really surprised that so many of Dolly's songs worked for these singers! It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm going to have to put Ramiele in my Bottom 3 again. I think this may be it for her. To join her, I'm going to take some off-the-wall guesses...because I'll probably be wrong, anyway. Jason Castro, because he's the weakest of the guys, right now...and Carly, because she wasn't very memorable. It has nothing to do with her singing, because her vocals were great.

I think you may be on to something, Julie. I thought Jason was one of the BEST performances we saw last night, but it probably doesn't matter. He doesn't deserve it, but...he's probably going to be down with the Bottom 3, again. Look, we're at the point where I start doing tournament brackets in my head far more convoluted than any March Madness freak could ever put together. This week's Bottom 3 will be Ramiele, KLC and Jason Castro. I'd rather see Archuleta or Syesha in there in Jason's place...and if they are, I'll gladly be wrong. But at this point, anyone could be in there, and it'll get tougher and tougher each week. I think Jason keeps going in this competition, outlasting everyone's predictions. I even think he could win it, but it'll take some SERIOUS luck and a few screw-ups from others along the way. I'd love to see Jason and Brooke in the most laid-back, vocally-clean finale in Idol history. But, we'll see. Ramiele and KLC should be sent home next, though. It's time to get serious and kick these two losers to the curb. Ramiele's done, because she might actually be a Fembot.

No personality, just droning on and looking nice. The Best of the Night were Jason Castro and Syesha. I don't think it'll matter, though. One of them will probably be in the Bottom 3, unless America REALLY hates Carly Smithson. I don't know if they do, but it would be an absolute gutshot to her, and I don't think she'd fully recover her lost pride if she's down there with the bottom-feeders, again. I think she's doomed, anyway. Former frontrunner...probably on her slow, painful way out. Worst of the Night were Ramiele and Miss Lee Cook. Brooke White was solid, but her position in the batting order could hurt her. If she, or ANYONE ELSE, goes home this week instead of Ramiele or KLC, I might die.

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
***************************

Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
TAGS: American Idol, Artie Funk, Clyde Collins, Idol Chatter, Idol Experts, Julie Heart

Let's just come out and say it: DAVID COOK IS DOING COVERS AND GETTING UNDUE CREDIT FOR BEING BRAVE AND COMPLETELY ORIGINAL!

By Clyde Collins

Unlike David Cook, I give plenty of credit to my sources.

I owe a great deal to Chris Harris of MTV.com, and his quality article, "American Idol" Dark Horse David Cook: Is It Fair For Him To Cover Other Covers?

YouTube yielded this lovely faux duet: David Cook & Chris Cornell. The two versions are pretty close...

I'm sorry, folks, but it's true. I know it won't matter to a bunch of you Cookites, but it bothers the $@#(*#$ out of me.

I've been saying from day one that there's something completely phony about this guy. He's just another Daughtry. And the SAME THING HAPPENED WITH DAUGHTRY! He had to come out the next night and make sure everyone knew he didn't come up with the arrangement of whatever song he'd oozed through the night before.

Think Cocky Cook will do the same?

It's true that Seacrest noted that it was Chris Cornell's version of "Billie Jean" before Cook sang...but I didn't hear it. The only reason I know it happened is because it was mentioned in Harris' article. It must've been quick or inaudible or something.

I wouldn't have minded it that much, had the judges not spent the next 5 minutes after his performance bowing to him and telling America he's the greatest innovator in music history. It's. Just. Not. True.

Maybe Randy misspoke when he called Cook "the most bold contestant we've ever had" that night? "The most BALD" would've been a far more accurate description. I think Phil Stacey had more hair.

And, for the record, I'm convinced that David Cook hasn't given in and shaved his head for one of TWO possible reasons: 1) He's in love with himself and can't bear to part with what remains of carefully-sculpted locks, or 2) Chris Daughtry beat him to being the Bald Rocker, too.

Anyway, this wasn't the only week he's pulled off the same stunt. Read on.

Everyone on Idol does covers. That's fine. But when we start complimenting someone on arrangements, we've got to give credit where it's due. Vocals? That's one thing. But if the singer did not come up with the arrangement, they shouldn't be celebrated as a hero, and, certainly, they aren't deserving of such compliments as making "music magic."

Right, Julie? ;)

Now, now...wait. It's unfair to pick on the compliments of fans who probably didn't know any better. Ms. Heart wrote that comment after watching the performance, in the afterglow of her undying love for Cook.

How COULD anyone have known it was a cover, unless they were intimately familiar with the original cover as arranged by Mr. Cornell? A co-worker first pointed it out to me. It wasn't until then that the already-sour taste in my mouth over David Cook made complete sense.

Derivative is one thing.

Same-y? Fine. Pretty much all of them are, in some way, every season.

But inspired? Creative? Courageous?

There are good performances on American Idol, but it's becoming obvious that the judges and/or producers are pushing David Cook HARD. I don't see what he'd bring to the music world, and his voice is good enough...

...but part of enjoying a rock performance is an emotional connection with what the singer's saying. It's that FEELING.

How can I truly ever become a fan of David Cook if I don't think he's genuine?

Say the worst-case scenario comes true, and David Cook wins Season 7. Fast-forward 2 years. What has he added to the music world? Does anyone still care? Or have they all gotten past the hype and flocked to the real innovators, the musicians with honest, unique voices and an innate sense for hooks and arrangements?

I'm thinking producers are looking at a possible Cook win as something that might make Idol seem more "legit" to the types who usually hate on it. The problem with that is that those same people already hate and resent that Chris Daughtry happened. It's not going to be much different this time around, either.

People will say he DOESN'T rock.

They'll say he's FAKE.

They'll say...the same thing I've been saying all season.

Every time one of these faux-rockers shows up on Idol, we have to sit through the judges telling us how they're a "breath of fresh air" and "very brave" to take on such a unique and innovative arrangement.

And EVERY TIME, it comes back to bite them in the Ace Young!

From Harris' article:

"...Cook's take on the track was actually former Soundgarden/Audioslave frontman Chris Cornell's version. Cornell's cover appeared on his sophomore solo album, Carry On, which was released last year."

This much we knew. But it continues!

"Ultimately, I think Cook deserves credit for being smart and aware of new or different versions of songs — different than the ones people are familiar with. I don't know if he should get credit for being brave, but he should get credit for being smart and singing these songs well."

Agreed. Shrewd song choice, Mr. Cook. It worked. You fooled the world, once again. But they'll see you for what you are, sooner or later.

"Just three weeks ago, a Seattle band came out against Cook, claiming he'd ripped off their rockin' cover of the Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby." Doxology said they recorded their version of the track more than a year ago and even had it available on iTunes and their MySpace page. According to the band's manager, the cover was what Doxology is best known for, but the guys didn't sue Cook — they merely asked for recognition."

They won't get it. But David Cook will certainly take all the recognition for his AMAZINGLY ORIGINAL ARRANGEMENT!

Come on...

As Entertainment Weekly's Michael Slezak notes:

"Even prior to that claim, several "Idol" fans took to the message boards to cry foul over Cook's cover of Lionel Richie's "Hello," one they claimed was very similar to Incubus frontman Brandon Boyd's solo take on the track."

What? You mean all of Cook's stand-out moments this season weren't really as special and unprecedented as that walking rip-off with a comb-forward would have us believe?

SHOCK! Blasphemy, in some circles.

Then again, Slezak's next point has to hold SOME truth. Right?

"It's not like Cornell's version was a #1 hit. The average 'Idol' viewer at home may not even be aware of that version, so he could have gone ahead and not credited it at all, and I wouldn't be surprised if the judges didn't know that version. The judges give him credit for bravery and innovation when he's just really being smart and savvy and picking interesting versions of the song that really suit his vocal style. What he's doing is really no different than any contestant on the show. David Archuleta picked Stevie Wonder's version of 'We Can Work It Out,' and Carly Smithson picked Celine Dion's version of 'I Drove All Night.' Cook is just picking slightly more creative and interesting versions of his songs. It's hard to make a case that he's doing something unfair. He's just a smart competitor."

The version wasn't a hit. Most people probably don't know it.

THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT DAVID COOK DIDN'T COME UP WITH IT! They all but gave him a songwriting credit! Michael Jackson WHO? Chris Cornell WHAT?

He's benefitting from the style and genre he's come to represent. This is a style the mainstream may not be as familiar with as, say, a Whitney Houston, Queen or Celine Dion song. Everyone, even people who HATE the woman, know what Celine's songs sound like. I didn't know that was Stevie Wonder's version of "We Can Work It Out," but it didn't matter. It SUCKED. No one cared. The judges didn't shower Archuleta with rose petals and wash his feet with fine ointments.

They did, however, give Cook a sickening tongue-bath from head to toe.

There's the difference Slezak is trying to downplay.

David Cook, mark my words...you're going down. And when you do, I will dance upon your musical grave.

Those out there who are just starting to hate on him because he's become sort of a frontrunner...know that I am your KING. I've been there long before there was a bandwagon...but, still, we welcome your support in our fight against Baldy McFake.

See you tomorrow, with our usual Idol Chatter column, where the trio reviews and rates the night's performances.

It's some kind of Dolly Parton night, which pretty much guarantees it's going to be horrible.

See you there!

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
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Posted by Prisoner No. 24601 at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
TAGS: Clyde Collins, David Cook, Idol Chatter, scandal