The Lovely Logo

Look, it has its own little logo and webpage and everything. Isn't that cute? Gosh, American Idol Songwriting Competition, your parents must be SO proud!

The Mission

As usual, Idol wants you to become part a massive, united group of people who think about the show WAAAAAY too much to be considered normal or healthy in any way.

(By the way, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for joining me, once again, here on Idol Chatter! Come back often, and hear all about nothing but American Idol! It's TOTALLY healthy, we promise.)

Okay, so, now that you understand that this is an incredibly vital mission, and that, as a fan, you have a moral obligation to participate...how do you vote?

Your Part in All This

You register with the site (so that it can save your song ratings), then open the handy song player and let them know what you think of all 20 amazing, unforgettable selections.

Are You a Moron?

Idol is completely aware that you may happen to be part of that small, oft-ignored cross-section of viewers who also happen to be complete morons. Or, perhaps, you despise the ideas of free will and exploration. That's why they've created another handy little section of the site that features handy little hints on how to handy little decide whether or not you handy little like a handy little song!

Let Idol Hold Your Hand (and Subtly Try to Influence Your Choice)

I am not a fan of this. Here's how it should really go - the Clyde-Honest Truth (TM)! We are going to be stuck with this song, as a nation, for the entire summer. It will be an overplayed radio single, heavily pushed on iTunes, performed daily/nightly on the talkshow circuit...it'll be EVERYWHERE. It will be in your raccoon wounds.

So, I beg of you: Choose. The. Song. That. Sucks. The. Least.

That's all you have to do. Don't choose something because of its mushy lyrics or whatever. Don't choose it because it's really representative of David Archuleta's journey, and you want him to win.

Choose the song that will be the least ear-stabbing upon multiple thousand listenings.

Recently, I zipped through the selections and jotted down some thoughts. Know what you're getting into...American Idol is looking for The Next "A Moment Like This" (TM), and these sappy attempts - largely - don't disappoint.

All You Will Need sounds like The CW Network threw up, and they used the vomit chunks littering the sidewalk as sheet music. It's every "just let go" and "be free" and "heart and soul" cliche you've ever heard in a One Tree Hill promo. Yuck.

Who Should Sing It: No one. Ever.

You Believed in Me was written to celebrate the love and support with which our own Julie Heart has showered David Cook all season. In fact, this song sounds like it was written by someone fully expecting him to win. I didn't much like it, which means it'll probably be popular.

Who Should Sing It: David Cook

Only Love is a John Mayer-y Pop song, complete with "change the world" lyrics. A few "na-na's" were added in the background, so that the final moments of Season 7 can sound like the world's largest rendition of "Hey Jude." We'll just all join hands and sing across the country, swaying and praying that the world will be a better place. Golly.

Who Should Sing It: David Archuleta

Dream Big, besides being all over TV as a phrase right now thanks to the Juno DVD commercial, is a song written for all the "little girls" who want to "reach out for something more." It would do for a female winner, but I don't know if any of the ladies left would really be able to pull it off. It was more of a song for one of the castaways.

Who Should've Sung It: Kristy Lee Cook

We're Gonna' Make It is really boring. A lot of these are straight-up LOVE SONGS written for radio play...and, if this is the winner, it won't last long.

Who Should Sing It: It's a bit Brooke-y, and Jason could pull it off...

Overcome proves that it's possible to make that awful, faux-rawk Daughtry music sound even cheesier! Lucky us. It's a Country ballad, but written for David Cook. "Look what I've done! Look what I've overcome!" Yep. If he wins, it's an historic step for all bald men with a dream.

Who Should Sing It: I guess David Cook is the only one who could take on something this horrible and have people not point out how horrible it sounds...

Here I Am is a piano-ified cheese-fest. Yeesh. The lyrics make you want to move to a cave and give up music forever.

Who Should Sing It: Archie or Jason. More Archie, though.

Thank You Whatever Comes Stupid title, but okay for a girl song. More piano-y stuff, it'll sound great next to the latest Gnarls Barkley single, this summer. (Cough.)

Who Should Sing It: Brooke. Kristy Lee could've worked it out. Maybe Carly, a little.

Fly Me Away is a weak song, and the production is poor...so the instrumentation swallows the lyrics. It's a falsetto-fest.

Who Should Sing It: Jason Castro

You Believe in Me probably wins. I'm going to go out on a limb and make a call. It's a sappy ballad with a nice rasp for Brooke White, and, even though it's completely boring, the lyrics will have her crying by 1:30. THAT is the ending producers ALWAYS want...and this season promises to deliver on winner waterworks.

Who Should Sing It: Brooke would sound best.

You Can Do Anything is a song I don't think ANY singer could make into a hit. It's a laundry list of cliches, including my personal favorite, "find your own star." Yay! Ugh! The worst part, lyrically, may be that it goes from "anything you can dream of" to "anything now." Huh? What does that even mean? Awful song.

Who Should Sing It: KLC was the only one gooey enough to pull this off, and America has already said no.

In This Moment is the kind of absolutely garbage I imagine that crybaby Josiah would've written. It's a stream of consciousness, Howie Day-style pile of phlegm, and the title makes it clear that the songwriter looked at the quintessential Idol song, "A Moment Like This," and decided to rewrite it in the key of SUCK. It starts off with some creepy, Psycho-style lyrics: "Mother, can you hear me?" (Shiver!)

Who Should Sing It: No one. The terrorists have WON if this song is chosen.

Align is a lovely attempt at a song that might be legitimately radio-worthy. It's over-sung, but the little guitar breaks are nice. I wonder if people will want to hear the remaining guys sing this? It's actually okay, for what it is, and that pretty much guarantees that it will not win.

Who Should Sing It: I'd like to hear how any of them would tackle it, really. It's not the typically End of Idol Song (TM).

The Time of My Life is what happens when someone REALLY does his or her homework about what producers want in a final song. The lyrics make it perfect for the coronation performance, and the lyrics SHOULD have the potential to make the singer cry. Once you get past the "magical rainbows" and "beautiful horizons" of which the lyrics speak, you realize that this could easily be The One. Cheesy? Sure. But there's really no avoiding that, now is there?

Who Should Sing It: Archie, and he WILL cry while singing it.

When You Come from Nothing is a little bit Country, with "keep the faith" lyrics that remind Kristy Lee Cook that you've got to "belive in something with you come from nothing." Clever little wordplay, but the person who'd make this song a hit is already gone.

Who Should've Sung It: KLC...again. Sorry, there's a lot of Country-ish stuff, here.

Faith is awful. BOOOOO. Stop with the pseudo-religious stuff, please. "Oh, what faith can do...it led met to you!" Yuck. It's Christian Rock, wrapped up in a Pop love ballad.

Who Should Sing It: Syesha could give it much-needed soul, and Brooke would probably convert non-believers to any faith she wanted with her version.

Stronger could be a Carrie Underwood song. It's not OVERLY Country, and might work for a few of the ladies. "Don't go caving in...so what if it takes a little longer, it'll make you stronger." Hm...

Who Should Sing It: Surprisingly, Carly might sound best. Brooke could do it, too.

Believe is a piano-y R. Kelly-style R&B song.

Who Should Sing It: If David Archuleta did this song, it'd probably be really good...and a bit of a shock to his audience. No one else should even attempt to sing it.

Something Like Heaven is a bit "meh." It's boy-specific. Kind of a love song with the usual cliche lyrics...it feels a bit Nsync, even. It shouldn't win.

Who Should Sing It: What's Blake Lewis up to? Let him beatbox all over it, give it a hook. Otherwise, it should be avoided like Paula Abdul.

No Turning Back has interesting writing. It's a bit Oasis-y, kind of Faux-asis. It's a good finale song, and I think it's quite passable. Rock-ish, with lyrics like "feel the elevation." Not the worst, by a long shot.

Who Should Sing It: I'd like to hear any of them try it. Cook and Castro have the edge with this song, and Carly might actually surprise with a decent take on it.

So, there you have it! All 20 songs in the running to become the Season 7 winner single...in Cliffs Notes form. Clyde's Notes, if you will.

You've still got time to vote...so, jump in and try to save us all from a mediocre finale!

If I had to choose, I'd go with Align, The Time of My Life, or No Turning Back. Which would you like to see win the songwriting contest?

Leave a comment and let us know.

See you tomorrow, after the Top 6 take on Andrew Lloyd Webber.