My boy David Cook is THE NEW AMERICAN IDOL!

It's true. Didn't think it would...or even COULD...happen. But, David Cook won Season 7, last night...in what I consider kind of a shocker.

Yo, it's a HUGE shocker! Archie TOTALLY won the night on Tuesday, so...didn't see it coming!

Maybe you guys should've listened to the Queen of American Idol a bit better all season! Ha ha.

I'm just missing something, clearly. I never liked him. I STILL don't like him. I mean, what HAPPENED? Unless...you don't think...

Dude, I doubt Chris Daughtry is an evil overlord running a shadowy cult devoted to the distruction of Rock. I like the cartoon, though. But, seriously...even you have to be a LITTLE surprised, Julie!

Cute cartoon, Clyde. But, no. Cook did this all on his own! I was all ready for the huge, predictable let down that would have been David Archuleta taking home the title, but gasp…what did Seacrest say?! Could it be?! Is it he? Yes it’s true! David Cook wins season seven of American Idol! I don’t know if it was the producers or the judges messing with us, but after last night I had all but given up hope that my boy Cook could win it all. He proved you all wrong and won the night!

Right, I was there. And you've earned gloating rights, of course...


Ok...in all seriousness, I don’t think Cook or Archuleta expected this to happen. I must not have been the only one voting like crazy for Cook after the show ended last night. I just couldn’t bear to see that Disney kid beat out the Rocker. What’s that you say Clyde? The Rocker can’t win? Well he did!!

I maintain that David Cook is NOT a real "Rocker." He's a sappy, faux-rock gorilla with bad hair. But, it's true...I was proven wrong. All throughout Idol history, I've been extremely accurate, but I have to admit -- this season had me baffled. I just don't get it! How did it all come to this?!

Did you vote, Clyde?

No, and I've never voted. Not once, in the history of the show. I try not to get caught up in the emotion of the season, to cover it objectively...but, this season, blogging it and studying it so intimately, discussing it with you two every week, I just couldn't get a grip on what was really happening. I'm still at a loss - what happened?!

Julie voted. I bet a LOT of Julies voted.

Did YOU vote, Funk?

Dogg, I didn't even watch.

Well, unless the two of us could've - somehow - voted 12 million times, last night...I'd say it really didn't make much of a difference.

Nah. Y'know, I was so sure Archie was gonna' win, coming outta' the finale...I don't know, just didn't think I needed to sit through all two hours of it last night. Not when they have TEN SECONDS worth of information to give us!

I only watched the second hour, actually. I turned it on at EXACTLY the moment Brooke White took the stage with Graham Nash - so, good timing for me. But, Artie...I don't blame you.

Yeah. By the time the Top 12 was doing their last performance, I was ready to quit. This finale took FOREVER! Please, Idol, no more 2 hour shows! One hour is more than enough! There were def several performances you could have cut out, last night. Keep in mind, this was the point in the show when I was getting bitter thinking that Archie was about to win. So, I wasn't in the mood for that kind of thing.

I hate the group numbers. I completely tuned-out during that bit, chatting with the others in the room, watching with me. But I imagine you might have been a bit MORE in the mood for it had you not just sat through nearly 2 hours of that feel-good, goofy, time-killing filler.

Exactly! You can only take SO MUCH of that!

The Idol finale is definitely an endurance test...but, yeah, when I dug up the news that David Cook had won...

Tell us, Artie. What was that magic moment like?

Yes, please. Take us inside the mind of Artie Funk, having heard the dreadful, sickening news?

I was like, "REALLY?!" I thought somebody was joking with me, at first. I had to question my usually-trusted informant's credibility. Total shock, dude!

I watched it...and I smiled and said, "Nooooo way." I was literally stunned. Just had to laugh. What a complete and total theft Cook had pulled off. Even after Simon's PATHETIC little plea for forgiveness from Cook before the winner was announced, I had no clue what was coming! I'm not going back on my word - David Cook is completely undeserving of joining the list of American Idols, and I do not understand his popularity at ALL. Julie, you're in love with him. Shed some light on it, please.

You guys probably just HATE him too much to realize that he really DOES have a great voice, and, like I've said before, David Cook is the better singer/performer and he deserved to win! He will sell more albums than Archie ever could, and he's going to have a much longer career than that Archie ever could. He knows who he is and the music he wants to put out in the world. Archie was his dad's puppet, maybe in a few years he'll cut the strings and make it on his own...but I'm betting he'll just get a new puppetmaster.

But, come on. He's no Carrie Underwood. He's no Kelly, no Ruben. He's not even a Fantasia! He MIGHT, on a GOOD night, be able to show up Taylor Hicks. And, well, Jordin Sparks is still kind of a work in progress, so...he could probably take her out. But, really, I don't think he's got such a great voice. I don't LIKE that we know exactly what his album's going to sound like, or that he makes Cougars happy. I'm hardly David Archuleta's biggest fan, but...can't we agree that he fell into that Melinda Doolittle trap, being the best singer but the least personable? He has a better voice and a wider range than Cook...he was just too goony to be taken seriously!

That kid was a FREAK, dogg. And, Julie... I heartily disagree with you. I don't think ol' Cookie will outsell Archie. I think the future holds a classic Season 2 and/or Doolittle Trap scenario, where the well-liked personality won over the more talented vocalist. I guess the "Cougars for Cook" ate up all the "Grannies for Goo-Goo Face" as well as the "Tweens for Twitchy" in the texting war. Who knows, though. Once the awkward, single-vocal chorded wonder gets over his gooniness, and outta the evil clutches of his Stage Dad from Hades, he might be able to take on the other big runners-up, like Clay or Daughtry in sales figures.

Yeah, he was definitely "too goony to be taken seriously," Clyde. I'll give you that! I think people must have had some SERIOUS Daughtry Guilt, or maybe we just really underestimated how hateable Archuleta is…I know I’ve thoroughly disliked him on several occasions. Now I almost feel bad for the kid…I certainly wouldn’t want to deal with his dad after letting go of the biggest reality competition on TV.

Oh, that kid's doomed. David Archuleta is going to be beaten with a stick day and night until he turns 18, and it's all your fault, Julie!

Clyde! There's nothing funny about child abuse.

You have to admit, there's something a LITTLE funny about Archie Abuse...you know, at least the imaginary kind.

Maybe. Just a little.

Heh heh. Yeah...it's pretty funny. That poor kid had so much pressure on him, and you just KNOW he had to be crushed.

But, you know what? I think we're missing the important thing, here. Clyde, you said you'd wear one of my dresses if David Cook won American Idol, this season! Well...it just so happens...that I brought along a LOVELY, pink number for you.

Awww, yeah! Put it on, Clyde!

Fine, fine. I'm a good sport. Let's get on with it...

I LOVE IT! Ha ha ha. Clyde, you look so GOOD in pink! You should wear things with color more often!

Dude, it's Amanda Overmyer! Right here, in the FOX43 Idol Expert office!

Amanda Overmyer? Don't you think that's a LITTLE harsh, Artie? I have to look better than THAT!

By the way, I did not miss hearing Amanda Overmyer at all...I could have lived a very happy life having never heard from her again, Idol! Oh...and I can’t believe they brought back Renaldo for the finale, that was ridiculous. It was seriously a spectacle with the whole marching band behind him and everything…oh jeeze Idol, what are you coming to.

I'm the one wearing a dress, and I'LL decide what qualifies as ridiculous around here, thanks! I LOVE Renaldo. I'd have rather HE won this season than Cook. In fact, I've had the video of his audition on my iPod since the week it happened! Julie, he is your BROTHER! Your best friend FOREEEEEEVER!

NO! STOP IT! I can't stand that song!

Singing the songs, the music that you liiiiike!

Seriously, you guys! That's REALLY annoying!

We're brothers til the end of time! Together or not, you're always in my heart! Your hurting feelings will reign no moooooooOOOOOOOOoooore!!!

I wanted to talk about the finale! Come on! Syesha looked awesome last night, I loved her dress. Her song with Seal was cool, but I felt like she should have been singing in a higher key!

WE ARE ALL BROOOOOTHERS!

How much did you love Jason’s “Hallelujah?" It was great! It almost made we want to download it!


YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREEEEEVER!

I liked Carly and Michael coming back for a duet, they did leave the show to soon, or at least Johns did, but I wish they would have given them a different song to sing! Come on, guys! You won't even stop to make a CARLY FAT JOKE?!


SINGING THE SONGS, THE MUSIC THAT YOU LIIIIIIIIIKE!


David Cook actually fit in quite well with ZZ Top even with the lack of beard. I really liked his voice to “Sharp Dressed Man!” Guys! I set you up! Do a David Cook has no beard because he's bald joke! SOMETHING! ANYTHING BUT THAT SONG!!!

WE'RE BROTHERS TILL THE END OF TIME!


I'm trying to be professional, here! Brooke’s duet with Graham Nash certainly seemed the most natural of all the pair ups of the night! I'M SURPRISED CARLY SIMON DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR A DUET! Hear that, guys? BROOKE! YOU LOVE BROOKE, RIGHT? WILL YOU STOP SINGING FOR BROOKE?!!

TOGETHER FOREVER, TILL THE END OF TIME!


I HONESTLY DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT THE JONAS BROTHERS, OTHER THAN THEY'RE BIG WITH THE DISNEY CHANNEL CROWD! THEY SEEM LIKE CUTE KIDS -- MAYBE THEY'RE RECRUITING ARCHIE FOR THE GROUP! HE'D FIT IN PERFECTLY!!!! GUYS! YOU'RE KILLING ME!?!!

I AM YOU BROOOOOOOOOOOOTHER! YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREEEEEEEEEEEEVER!!!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! That's IT! I am OUT of here! Join me for the So You Think You Can Dance? blog, right here on Electric Blogaloo, Chatterheads! See you for Season 8 of American Idol, if these guys ever stop SINGING THAT SONG!

A Few Moments Later, After Julie is Gone...

Well, David Cook may have won, but...thanks to Mr. Renaldo Lapuz, I think we got the last laugh on Julie Heart.

That was HOT, man! We got MAD skillz, dogg!

I guess it was a pretty entertaining season, overall. Plenty to talk about, a lot of great characters...I mean, Carrie Underwood's skimpy finale outfit ALONE was enough to make the whole thing worthwhile for me!

Really? I'll have to check that out...

A must-see, definitely. She was "SMOKIN' HOT," as you'd say. But, I guess there isn't much more to say.

Yeah. I guess OUR finale's dragging on a little long with a bunch of filler!

Ha ha ha, true. Well, that's all for Idol Chatter, this season. See you next time, fans. Ready to get out of here?

I've BEEN ready. Let's put Season 7 and this weird David Cook win behind us and not look back, dude!

Thanks for reading all season! We hope you'll keep checking out Electric Blogaloo for all the latest FOX43 news and gossip. And don't miss the "So You Think You Can Dance?" blog, coming very soon! Idol Expert Julie Heart stars...but it's got a flavor all its own, and a few surprises in store as we head into the summer. Until next time, Idol Chatter...out!

***** DISCLAIMER *****
The opinions expressed by the three "FOX43 Idol Experts" do not necessarily reflect the opinions of FOX43, Tribune Broadcasting or FOX.
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