What IS it with you and dancers? Why do you hate on us so much?

Honey, I hate on everyone, not just dancers. And, as I've said before...it's a general ATTITUDE. It's how they take something so goofy so seriously. And, for the record, there's ONE certain dancer of whom I happen to still be very fond, so it's not fair to say I hate ALL dancers.

Oh, knock it off. That ship has sailed, Mr. Collins...you had your chance. And, Clyde, not everything's a big joke! Professional dancers like myself DO take it seriously, because we love it! Oh, and, "for the record," call me "honey" again and you'll have to be CARRIED out of here.

Yeesh. Err...moving on to Jessica and Will! Look, Daphne! Jive dancing! Let's get bloody SERIOUS about JIVE DANCING!

Heh....you just better be bloody paying attention, Clyde. Will is the perfect example of a REAL MAN. It might benefit you to take notes!

Oh, is that so? What's this "Will" kid have that I don't?!

Well, for one thing, he puts the right moves on ME every time!

OUCH! You're not playing nice at all, are you?

Just trying to live up to the high standard Julie Heart set during Idol Chatter!

Well, speaking of Idol, there's one thing I know we BOTH still agree on - David Cook winning was an absolute TRAVESTY.

Definitely! He was awful, I'm with you on that. But this is SYTYCD, so what do you think of Jessica and Will?

Will was far more crisp than his partner. He really pulled off the style well, with snappy movement...while it just served to point out how more sharper he is than Jessica. She's okay, but it almost looks like he's LITERALLY pulling her through some of the parts of the dance. When one dancer's better than the other, you can tell that the better is dancing circles around the worse dancer to try to pull the average up for the both of them. It was energetic, I love the song, but...like Fake Simon said, she's leaning on Will. With a less talented partner, she's S-O-L.

Wow. That was actually...insightful!

Of course it was. I never said I was incapable of watching dancers...I just said I don't particularly LIKE watching them. How about you, Daph?

Well, you CAN tell that Will is a better dancer than Jessica, but Jessica's dive over Will and coming up through his legs was cool. But it is obvious to everyone that Jessica is holding Will back. That has been obvious since week one, though!

I can't really comment on that, as I haven't seen these people since I sat in during the Charleston auditions...but I'm with you on Jessica being the weakest link in this duo. Getting two dances can go either way for them - either Jessica will step it up, or we'll be reminded further that Will's far superior.

Very true. Up next is Comfort and Thayne doing a Broadway number. This was their first time on stage as a couple, and it was most definitely my least favorite Broadway number of the season. Don't get me wrong, they danced it really well. It just didn't have the spark the other ones did. But like I said Comfort and Thayne danced it well, and the two do seem to work well together. I think this will be a better partnership than Chris and Comfort were.

There was no chemistry at all. Thayne didn't dance WITH Comfort...he danced around her, like a prop. I thought Comfort basically WAS a prop, here. The leg thread-through move was interesting, but nothing felt natural. Well, as "natural" as anything can feel in a cheesy Broadway routine. Yerk. Seriously, though...what did Comfort do, other than be the one dragged and flipped around? I'm with Fake Simon again...the chemistry wasn't there.

On stage next, we have Kourtni and Matt with Hip Hop. I hope these two can not only show the personality that I know they have, but their awesome dance abilities.

I gather that you're tired of just seeing "personality" out of these two, and are looking for a bit more depth?

No, these two aren't showing enough personality in their dancing, but I know they got it in them somewhere. At least I hope.

Ah, all cleared up. Well, for their part, I think the dance was okay. Once again, I'm going to proclaim the male dancer in the pair SHARPER in his movements. They weren't really in unison, but I have to say it was very nice of J.C. Chasez to lend Matt an outfit. Classy, that one.

I think the problem with these two is that they are so uncomfortable outside their own styles that it shows in their dancing. It was, like, they did the dance...and that was it. It wasn't as good as it could have been. They didn't have the big moves...and it was a little slow. Nigel said "hip hop on sleeping pills," and I think he was exactly right there.

It did feel a bit like it was underwater, really. We'll have to see if they can tread water a little better in their second routine.

Chelsie and Mark hit the stage next, with their first number now. They did a Jazz routine from Mandy Moore...and I didn't think it was as good as last week, but I liked it. These two are really growing on me fast. They looked like they were having a lot of fun tonight. I enjoyed it.

It was a fun and perky dance. Chelsie is so babyfaced - and Mark isn't much older-looking - that I started out thinking it looked a bit like two dancers who escaped from the Disney Channel. But as it went on, it got a bit naughty, and the flirtation, while CUTE, comes off a bit creepy because she's so young-looking. Like, it feels wrong finding her attractive, because she could easily be 15. But, you know...it was the first dance that really made me want to watch the entire time. My favorite of the night, so far. Playful.

Let's see if Kherington and Twitch can top these two this week. They are stepping out with a Paso doble.

I'm sorry, I missed all that. I was too busy laughing at the dumb matador costumes and the dippy cape dancing bit in the beginning. I didn't like this at all, just too goofy for me. I wasn't sucked into the dance at all, it was just so...dumb. They looked ANGRY at each other, not passionate.

Woah, we've got a BIG disagreement, here! It is obvious that I am not the only person who loves them...the crowd is going crazy for them. Wow! These two have such energy that they can pull this kind of dance off! They were AWESOME!

HUH? WHEN?! Was it during the times I blinked? I wasn't into it at all.

It wasn't that they nailed it technically, they are just good performers and that is what made it awesome.

All that says to me is that, had this been two other dancers, it would've been EVEN LAMER.

Whatever, Clyde. I thought it was good. Next up, we've got Katee and Joshua, doing a contemporary piece from Mia Michaels.

Why don't you go first, this time?

Sure. First, I want to say I hate Katee's hair like that. Now, with that out of the way, I liked the dance....didn't love it though. They had some really awesome moves in there, and they danced it very well. It was one of those moments where the only thing that i didn't love about the dance was parts of the choreography. Clyde?

I'd like to start by saing that Katee's hair is terrible. I'm SO not into this kind of thing. Their movements were just weird-looking. It was so slow in parts it looked like a montage of still pictures of two dancers. Problem is, that wasn't what they were going for. Her movements look really awkward. I just couldn't help but yell, "DO IT, SEAL! DANCE HER BACK TO LIFE!" Or...whatever this was supposed to be about. Why was Joshua so WINDED after that? Aren't these people PRO dancers? Shouldn't they have a bit more stamina than this? I know it takes a lot out of you, but...they're TRAINED to do this stuff.

They were basically RUNNING AROUND, Clyde! You think YOU could do better?

Well, I'm not a dancer. But, here's an example. A while ago, I took up Cycling. I was winded and beat after just a few minutes in the beginning...but, a few months later, I'd built up some STAMINA, and I can make it up a steep hill without sounding like a 400-pound man with collapsed lung running a marathon! You'd think that DANCERS who have been dancing all their lives might be able to dance for a few minutes without looking like they're about to DIE afterwards! That's all.

Well, now we have another Hip Hop routine, by Courtney and Gev. Want to take the first swing at this one?

Seeing the jerseys made me think about how I'd love to see the CG robot NFL on FOX uses going into commercial doing this dance. It was interesting. Not a lot of interaction...aside from high-fives and some face-buster thing into Courtney's knee at one point, I don't see why this was a couples dance. They weren't terrible, wasn't a bad routine. It just seems that the girl was better for the first time tonight, ha ha.

I thought Gev would do well with hip hop. But honestly, Courtney owned that. She did really well with this one. This style suited her, more than it suited the other Kourtni. I enjoyed that one.

Well, I guess this is the end of the first round?

I think in my mind, Kherington and Twitch, Courtney and Gev, and Chelsie and Matt are the front runners. Let's see what round two has in store, and if Jessica and Will, and Kourtni and Mark can redeem themselves.

I was instantly turned off by the use of "Alone," the WORST Heart song. Ugh. The passion was there a little more this time, I'll say. Jessica didn't do much to save herself...and Will continued to show that he's much better. I didn't much enjoy it, because it felt a bit 80's and overly emotional. Like I was stuck watching some terrible Bollywood-meets-Molly Ringwold movie, or something. I wasn't a big fan, but any fool can see Will's the standout of this pair.

Clyde, there is no such thing as a bad Heart song! You are just trying to be mean to me now. And Molly Ringwald in anything is just AWESOME! As for the dancing, they did much better this time, with Lyrical Jazz. Well...I should say Jessica did much better this time, Will is consistently great. I'm with you, Clyde...Jessica is still not on the same level as Will though. And my oh my...Will gave us ladies a treat tonight. That guy can dance shirtless any day.

I'll admit, he makes me want to give up on working out. Like the same way Jimi Hendrix makes you want to put down a guitar and never look at it again. Anyway, let's move on to Comfort and Thayne and their Smooth Waltz.

Smooth was the key word here. That was so nice. Comfort looked lovely. I really am happy to see her and Thayne together. They are working out so well.

It was...slow. I guess it was good? I don't know, it's not really my style. It was definitely better than their first dance, but...I don't know. Comfort actually DANCED this time, rather than just exist around her partner. These two aren't my favorites.

Well, maybe Kourtni and Matt will pull you back in with their Mambo. This is Kourtni and Matt at their best so far this season.

It looked like Kourtni was having fun with it. Although I didn't feel the spark was there between the two. I guess I should be used to that, right Clyde?

Now, now. I seem to recall there being QUITE a spark between the two of us. Don't pretend we didn't have something good, Daph. We were a couple for 4 and a half years...and I KNOW you enjoyed every second.

EASY, there! I was just joking. Of course we had our fun.

Oh, yes we did. Anyway, I wasn't a fan of this dance, actually. The spark WASN'T there. Actually, I think MY problem with these two is their personalities...especially Kourtni. Her personality is the REASON that I don't like 99% of the dancers in the world. She's obnoxious, and clearly thinks she's better than she really is. Her partner's still slightly better, but...nope, wasn't feeling this one. More energy, but this show's LOSING ME! COME ON, SOMEONE! PULL ME BACK IN!

Chelsie and Mark try to do just that next, with the foxtrot! Apparently, Chelsie is quite at home with it...

Just a note to all this kiddies out there - when you have a chance to dance to Paul Anka, grab that chance! Why? Paul Anka is the man, THAT'S why.

Chelsie should win the season. She's fun and young and peppy. There, I said it. Based on this ONE show, this is the best and most exciting couple. Mark looks a bit like Pete Wentz, which is a problem for me. But, otherwise, I enjoyed it more than the last few dances. Wasn't perfect, didn't LOVE it, but...good enough.

I think what our untrained friend Clyde is trying to say is that you can tell Chelsie is a pro at the foxtrot. And Mark seemed to fit into it very nicely too. In the past two weeks these two have become one of my top three couples.

Top 3 couples? Out of what, SIX?! Yeah, that's going out on a limb, Daph. Hey, quick, pick your three favorite Beatles, why you're at it.

Very funny, Clyde. And there are SEVEN couples.

Kherington and Twitch are up next. Let's see if they can wow us with routine number two.

My favorite Mia Michaels number this season! That was wonderful. I hate always having to say that I love Kherington and Twitch, because I really feel biased, but they really are amazing. It is no secret these two are my favorite and they continue to prove why every week!

Was she really dancing...or just bouncing around and throwing flowers? I don't know. It was a scene, but...I don't know, didn't seem so much like dance. If this were So You Think You Can Do Performance Art Pieces?, I'd be all for it. Great abs on Twitch, which I'm gathering is a big part of this show. Clearly, they were selling chemistry this time. And I think Fake Simon and Mia Michaels were trying to steal our thunder, Daphne.

What?

You know, him joking about how this was inspired by their relationship and all that.

Oh, I see. Well, our thunder stopped rolling a long time ago, so that's fine with me. But anyway...I'm still loving this dance. It was great!

It was definitely memorable, I'll give it that. And it seemed to get fans of the show all hopped-up, so...must've done what they needed to do out there with their "contemporary" routine. Whatever that means. I guess, when it comes to THIS show, it means anything that isn't a Broadway musical from the 1950's.

Katee and Joshua are doing the West Coast Swing next choreographed by the one and only Benji!

Yay! Go, Benji, go! I LOVE that little dog!

Clyde, I'm...not even going to comment! Katee's hair is much better now. There were a few moments there where I had to stop and say "woah that was cool". Benji came up with a great routine! That was a lot of fun.

That was pretty good. Started off kind of lame for me, but got better. They're very sassy, but not in a horrible way. I'm gathering that the fan-favorite dances are the ones that contain the most simulated sexual intercourse? Seems to be the pattern.

Clyde! Dance IS sexy, that passion is just part of it!

Sometimes, sure. But I've noticed you really liked the ones that were more...naughty. Shall I call the psychiatrist? Maybe get to the bottom of that?

For YOUR sake, I won't comment on that. Let's just move on to our LAST dance of this action packed night - Courtney and Gev, with another Broadway number!


Blurg.

Stay with me, Clyde. Just ONE MORE, you can do this! I liked this one much more than Comfort and Thayne's broadway number! But once again, I think Courtney out shined Gev, but that doesn't mean he did a bad job. I think Courtney and Gev are on fire tonight!

If by "on fire" you mean "totally weak," I'm with you. It was technically okay, I guess. I was just bored the whole time. Broadway isn't my style, I guess. I mean, why was Courtney so worried about being from New York, but having to play the tourist? Where did that even COME IN?! She had to pretend to look surprised and amazed on occasion? Oooh, scary. Big challenge, I'm sure. It just kind of happened, I don't know. Forgive me if I can't connect with people wearing goofy get-ups like that and dancing to something so old-fasioned. It'd be a great performance...if they were in high school.

Oh, please. Clyde, you still don't get what's so great about dance, do you? So end of round two, and I think Kherington and Twitch, Chelsie and Mark, and Courtney and Gev walked away the winners again. That leaves me with four couples to choose from for the bottom three this week. Katee and Joshua are safe. They weren't the best, but they were very good.

I was feeling Chelsie and Mark, even though I don't like Mark. Kherington and Twitch are OBVIOUSLY favorites, so they're safe. Katee's hair deserves to go home, but they're probably fine after that last dance. Courtney and Gev are going to be fine because I don't like them...so I'm sure they appeal to dance types. Who are the other couples?

That means Will and Jessica, Thayne and Comfort, and Kourtni and Matt are in my bottom three. I am going to say that Matt will be going home. And either Jessica or Kourtni will be the girl eliminated. I'd rather see Jessica go home, because she is really holding Will back. BUT, I don't think Kourtni would be able to keep up with Will either.

Call me when Twitch and Chelsie dance together, will you? Otherwise, you can hav the rest. Will was fine too, I suppose.

Oh, he's FINE, alright...

Calm down, Daphne. I believe Jessica and Matt should leave, though I despise Kourtni and I'm pretty sure Comfort isn't doing Thayne any favors.

Well, we'll see how our predictions go! Clyde and I will be back on Monday to give our thoughts on the results show...which, sadly, means this painful experience is being prolonged for a few more days! Hopefully Julie will be back with us next week...

I'm sure she'll pull through. You know, I kind of think she may have been FAKING her "awful cold" just to get the two of us alone together, again.

REALLY? No, Julie wouldn't do that to me.

Oh, Julie would. She LOVES good gossip, and I think she was trying to put us into this mess to see if we'd kiss and make up.

Heh...in your DREAMS, Clyde. And, remember, YOU were the one who left ME and went traveling around the world after school.

I know. Look, I know we've kind of been thrown back into each other's lives by this blog gig, but I do hope we can forgive and forget. I mean, I really did care for you, but...I just knew you'd be better off and find more success without me holding you back. And you've done very well!

Well, if we're going to do this HERE...yes, we BOTH have. You lucked into the music industry, I've gone on to dance and teach, so...can't say it didn't work out the way you planned.

Well, as we heard Heart sing ealier tonight...we've both had to do it "Alone." Sadly, that's my fault.

Eeew. I don't remember you being so SAPPY. And, you know, as close as we were...you went YEARS before you even so much as sent me a LETTER. That's the worst part, bud...you went and disappeared, just left me a crummy note and took off.

Yeah, I know...but, if it's any consolation, you know I've always cared for you very much. I mean, this is pretty embarrassing, but...I knew I'd be seeing you again this week, so...I dug this up from an old photo album.

Clyde...

Remember that trip? We had a great time. We always did, that's what you liked about being with me. I helped you lighten up and have fun, when you were busy STUDYING and practicing all the time. We had a good thing, and I gave that up. I'm not wrong very often, as my Idol Chatter fans know. But I'll admit it when I'm wrong about something...and I was wrong to do what I did, just running off on you. You deserve better, and I'm sorry.

I...we should...probably end this column before it gets even more awkward.

Oh, right. Right. It's been a REAL treat watching this goofy show with you. If it got us talking again, it was worth sitting through two hours of that mess. And we'll both give our thoughts on who went home and all that on MONDAY, after the big July 4th holiday weekend! Maybe Julie will even join us with HER reaction, too.

Yeah...we...um...wow. Hey, sorry to air this out in front of you, Dance fans. Hope you enjoyed the column, and the great night of dancing this week. See you next time.

I know you don't drink coffee. Shall we get some hot chocolate or something?

We...probably should "hash this out," like you said earlier. I'm still mad at you, you know...

Yeah, yeah. Still all serious about everything, I see. I'll fix that, let's get out of here and catch up a bit, have some fun.

This won't be pretty. I am SERIOUSLY going to kill Julie when I see her...