Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps returns to Baltimore in a Hummer and with a pretty serious-looking security patrol. He is met by many, many people, several of whom are squealing and screaming marriage proposals at him.

I like that the first shot of this video is of some guy selling gold medals out of a shopping cart. Why didn't someone tell Michael Phelps that it was this easy? You didn't have to go to Beijing to earn your eight gold medals. Just buy them from the dude with the blue cart! They're three for $5! Just think, you give him $15, that's nine gold medals, and you didn't even have to swim a lap.

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