Thank you, Internet



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Worst Opening Pitches: Ceremonial Pitches Gone Bad


What does every president since William Howard Taft, Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and a nude female skydiver have in common?

All have thrown out the ceremonial pitch at a major league baseball game. And yes, a female skydiver in her birthday suit landed at Hi Corbett Field in Tucson, Arizona, to throw out the opening pitch in a 1978 minor league game.

Some of those ceremonial pitches were strikes and others were...well, not even close. In honor of Opening Day, the crew at Watch This Now is paying tribute to those ceremonial pitches that were most unceremonious.

We proudly present the five worst opening pitches of all-time (as long as all-time is defined as "found on the Internet").

5. Dr. KO

An administrator at the University of Nevada-Reno medical school threw out the first pitch and also managed to throw himself.

4. T-Rex

Who invited a Tyrannosaurus Rex to throw out the first pitch at U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago? Everyone knows they have itty-bitty arms.

Plus as far as dinosaurs go, the T-Rex is way overexposed. How about giving a little love to the Muttaburrasaurus?

3. Real Men of Genius

I feel bad for this guy. Not only is he embarrassed, but his shame became part of a beer company's advertising campaign.


2. Mariah Carey

The pop singer opened a Japanese baseball game last year with this remarkable pitch. I bet the pitching mound has never seen shoes like those before.

1. Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory

Wow, to beat out Mariah Carey and the dinosaur, you know Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory's pitch has got to be dreadful. If you want to learn more about the pitch, check out this clip of the mayor on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

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About the author
The Internet: It's like your parents. It cares for you, feeds you, lets you sleep in its bed when you're awake at night... it's always there. Our solemn mission at "Thank you, Internet" is to give it a phone call once in a while, compliment it on its watercolor drawings and buy it birthday cards - metaphorically speaking, of course. Your job is to sit back and enjoy our frenzied attempts to celebrate said Internet, in all it's weirdness, utility and blatant stupidity. By the end of your visit, you too will be saying, "Thank you, Internet."

DAN SCAPUSIO joined the Sun Sentinel's online team in 2008. A self described Internet enthusiast, he says the World Wide Web brings him joy, sadness, excitement, joy and a deep sense of terror all at once. For him, it's a crossroads where college humor and the most valuable scholarly information can be found and, in some cases, even melded.
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