Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

No, that's not a typo in the headline, but rather a succinct, metaphoric wrapup of the newest character to enter the mix on "Entourage."

I'm all for character development and enhanced plotlines and developing a show beyond its initial premise in order to keep things fresh, but this new guy Dom alters the show's dynamic in a negative way.

I don't see how Dom, played by Domenick Lombardozzi, fits into the show. Of course, I don't know what the remaining shows have in store, but my research indicates Dom will be around for at least a few more episodes. The guess here is that he'll do something dumb to tick off Vince and he'll get tossed from the crew.

The sooner the better, in my opinion. If I wanted to see boarish, over-the-top Italian characters wearing wife-beaters, I'd order up "The Sopranos" on Netflix. Instead, I found myself excited that this was one of those 22-minute episodes, rather than one of the longer episodes that leaves less downtime before Dane Cook's "Tourgasm" starts at 11 p.m.

(To clarify -- for my personal safety -- this is not a bashing of the rather large Lombardozzi, but rather the introduction of the character on the show. Besides, he played "Joey Chips" in the movie "Kiss me, Guido" which is beyond hilarious on many levels.)

We all have that one "friend" in life that we like to hang out but our other friends can't stand. We even have that peripheral friend that no one likes but everyone is afraid to say anything. Heck, some of us are those people in certain circles or certain occasions. And if we don't like them in real life, we shouldn't like them in TV life.

The character of Dom is the "Entourage" version of Farva from "Super Troopers." That obnoxious DB that people loathe at first sight. Even Turtle and Drama, so quick to be excited at Dom's arrival, turn against him in a matter of 12 hours.

After 24 brilliant episodes in a row, we can sit through one bad episode and not worry about the show's direction. But that doesn't mean we have like to new character.

Turtle said it best. "Five is too much. Four is perfect."

By Mark La Monica

Three episodes into the season and we've got a three-way tie for first place and Drama is nowhere on the list yet. But he's got nine more episodes to make up a one-game deficit in the race for the Big Knish, given to the winner of Best Printable Line.

Episode 3 belonged to Ari Gold. He put the kabosh on his daughter seeing teen actor Max Ballard. His daughter didn't like that and gave him the "I hate you" speech.

Mrs. Ari had a snide remark for Ari about child therapy.

Ari responded, "In this town, as long as I keep her off an 'E! True Hollywood Story,' I've done my job."

Correct, dad.

Best Printable Line standings
Ari 1
E 1
Turtle's Mom 1

By Mark La Monica

Rare is the summer Monday that transpires without people saying they want to hang out with Johnny Drama or live the Hollywood lifestyle depicted on "Entourage."

Just as scarce are the days gone by where we don’t wonder what would happen if “Entourage” came home for an episode.

Hey, why not? The backstory to the show is that Vince, Drama, Turtle and E grew up together in Queens before moving to Hollywood. Most episodes make reference to New York at least once.

In real life, the crew is from the New York area. Adrian Grenier is from Queens. Kevin Dillon is from Mamaroneck. Jerry Ferrara is from Bensonhurst. Kevin Connolly is from Long Island (Medford). Even the show’s creator, Doug Ellin, is from Long Island (Merrick).

To this point, all we’ve seen of New York is Scarlett Johansson talking to Vince on her cell phone inside Grand Central Station.

So, here’s a crazy scenario for an episode. It’s concocted for Season 4, since the remaining 18 episodes of Season 3 have already been written and/or filmed and only the cast and crew know if any of them contain a New York episode.

EPISODE TITLE
Subway

BRIEF PLOT SUMMARY
Vince Chase is asked to throw out the first pitch for a Mets-Yankees Subway Series game at Shea Stadium in July. So, he and his crew return to New York for an extended weekend and travel to the Hamptons after the game. Along the way, they hit up a few places you might find familiar. And, of course, there are plenty of hijinks.

CLOSING CREDITS MUSIC
“New York (Ya Out There)” by Rakim.

EXPANDED STORYLINES

Friday Night
Why the Mets? Why Shea Stadium, instead of the more fashionably chic Yankees and more historic Yankee Stadium? Simple: Vince and the boys are all from Queens, which is where the Mets just happen to play. Plus, the Mets are slowly gaining control of the New York front-runner baseball fans, so the pairing of the big A-lister and the Mets makes sense.

In the days leading up to his debut on the mound, Vince is slightly concerned about not making a fool of himself at Shea. He seeks help from the knower of everything: Johnny Drama. Drama teaches him how to pitch. “Bro, I read for Charlie Sheen’s part in ‘Major League,’” He tells Vince.

Part of the beauty of fame is getting crazy access to whatever’s available. In this case, the boys venture into the Mets’ clubhouse to shoot the breeze with the players. Drama already knows Tom Glavine, but it’s unclear how. Drama challenges him. After two swings and two misses by Drama during batting practice, Glavine plunks him in the arm with a fastball.

Meanwhile, Turtle is still in the clubhouse, alternating between hitting on David Wright’s girlfriend and telling Pedro Martinez how much he enjoyed Grady Little’s managing in 2003.

Once the moment arrives, Vince throws a perfect strike to catcher Paul Lo Duca. The boys then go to their seats right near the Mets dugout. Turtle is dressed in Yankee gear, because, well, he’s Turtle and this is the Subway Series. When he goes to the concession stand to pick up perishables for the boys, he gets into it with Met fans Cowbell Man and Joe Benigno. Turtle challenges Benigno, but Sid Rosenberg steps in to break up the madness. Again, he somehow knows Drama.

Leaving the Stadium, E suggests a late-night meal at their favorite place when they were in high school: Wo Hop. It’s a 24-hour Chinese restaurant on Mott Street in Chinatown. “Downstairs?” Vince asks. “There’s no other way to eat at the Hop,” E responds. “Just making sure, E,” Vince says.

The guys eat and laugh inside the dingy restaurant. The scene is reminiscent of “Diner,” one of the movies that help inspire creator Doug Ellin’s vision for the show. Drama’s 1992 black-and-white publicity photo is still on the walls of Wo Hop, right next to a picture of 1980s comedian Fred Travalena.

Saturday
During breakfast at the Gansevoort Hotel, in strolls Lindsay Lohan. She also happens to be in her hometown this weekend and is staying at the hotel. She and Vince talk life, love and work. They discuss maybe doing a film together sometime.

Lohan says she’s heading to a party that night in the Hamptons at Diddy’s house. Or Russell Simmons’ house. She’s not really sure which one, but invites the guys to meet her out there.

After spending the afternoon driving around the old neighborhood in Queens, where E stumbles upon an ex-girlfriend from high school and gets emotional about it, they set out for the Hamptons.

Too much traffic on the Southern State Parkway gives Turtle road rage and he decides to take the streets for a while. In a rented Lexus RX 350, they get hungry and stop for lunch at All-American in Massapequa. Per the rules of summer on Long Island, there is at least one youth baseball team in there ordering everything on the menu.

Once they reach the Hamptons, they head straight to Surf Club, where Dan’s Papers and the Impulse I-Team battle for the best photo of Vince. From there, the guys go for a few belts at Conscience Point. Then Neptunes. Lohan calls Vince and wonders where he is. He tells her he felt weird about crashing the party without an invite from the host. Lohan gets the host and puts him on the phone. “Vince, it’s Diddy. Get over here now. Take that, take that, take that.”

Driving to Diddy’s house, the guys pass a one-car accident. “Yo, we must be close,” Drama says. “I think that was Billy Joel’s car.” And there we have the Best Printable Line from this episode.

Sunday
The day begins on the beach. Early morning. Four guys are awakened by the sun and the smell of themselves. They’re still in last night’s clothes.

As they feebly attempt to piece bits of the previous night together to form one consensus story, a now revived Turtle sets forth a plan. “Fellas, there’s only one thing to do now,” he says. “Boardy Barn!”

Reluctantly, the guys nod because they know a wild night in the Hamptons is not complete without a stop at the Boardy Barn on Sunday.

Oh, look, Lohan is partying it up with some friends at the Barn. She sees Turtle and walks over. “Last night was great, Turtle,” she says, then walks away. Stunned, shocked, mortified and perhaps a bit stunned, shocked and mortified, Vince, E and Drama stare at Turtle with their mouths agape. Turtle stares at himself.

The guys then drive back toward the LaGuardia Airport. Vince and E are in the back. Drama is driving. Turtle has shotgun. He’s earned it.

Fade to black. Cue music.

By Mark La Monica

The exchange was exquisitely simple and profoundly true.

"Let's get hammered," Vince said to E at some random high school party during episode two.

"With high school kids?" E responded.

"We'll make their night," Vince said.

So true. America is enamored by celebrity life and, as marketing and advertising people will gladly tell anyone who will listen, teenagers set the tone for what's cool and hip.

I'm wondering if life can imitate art.

With the high school graduation season about to kick in, I'm strongly leaning toward rounding up my crew -- Joey Jitsu, Dirty Cash and Yogi (hey, we need an old man in the group) -- rolling into some backyard parties and pulling a VIncent Chase pulling an "Almost Famous" in the second episode of "Entourage."

There's no doubt my entourage and I would kick it up a notch, but there's one minor problem: we're just an entourage. Lower case e and no quotes around it. None of us are famous, almost famous or even close to being close to almost. We're household names . . . in our households.

It's always a sad moment when reality kicks your dreams of grandeur in the groin. Alas, we're left with free time and some imaginations.

What if i were a high school student? Who would I want to swindle their way into my graduation party so I could score serious bonus cool points and have a great story to tell later in life?

Hmmm, so many things to consider. Do you pick the hot famous chick and dream the impossible dream? Or, do you pick the great music group to drop a backyard impromptu concert so everyone can rage? Or do you recruit a pro wrestler to beat up the kid who used to stuff you into a locker after every gym class? Or, do you go the Reggie and Jay way and find the trail the big movie star guy to help get you in good with the ladies at school?

Rule out the first option since with today's tabloid coverage, Gawker Stalker and camera phones, there's absolutely no way you'd get Lindsay Lohan or Jessica Alba alone "to talk."

The band idea has potential but comes with extremely high backfire potential, kind of like when the hot golf PR girl shot the puck into the net in "Happy Gilmore."

The pro wrestler idea is good, but there some external concerns and they include buzzwords such as "premeditated" and "first-degree."

So we're left with finding the cool guy to help us score with the ladies. You could stalk the actual Vincent Chase, Adrian Grenier, but then you lack originality and that's a major no-no.

The pick here is Colin Farrell. He's a big-dog movie star. He's good looking. He's a bad boy. At the track, they call that a trifecta and it pays big. And he's known as a guy who knows how to party. He could stand on the garage with a Solo cup in his hand and incite the crowd. And all that does is make you look cool because he vouged for you. It's sort of like Johnny Depp being accepted in "Donnie Brasco" because Al Pacino was a respected gangster in the movie.

If you've got Colin Farrell telling that unattainable high school girl that you're a cool guy to hang out with, lock and load, kid. You may not have been voted most likely to succeed, but every girl will want to sign your yearbook. Or your pecs.

Use the comments link below to tell us who you'd want for your "Almost Famous" moment.

By Mark La Monica

At 9:54 p.m. Sunday night, I set the away message on my AIM to:

ok, seriously, it's sunday night and entourage is on. why are you bothering me when you should be watching it? in the meantime, go read my entourage blog at http://www.newsday.com/entourage.

Two pals, L-town friend Autonacci and Ex-student friend Big Al, ignored my away message and sent me IMs anyway. Both of the messages were direct quotes by Ari Gold from this week's episode. So, I can't really get mad at them for such technological indiscretions since they were already doing what I told them they should be doing.

Despite their Jack Abramoff attempts to influence the judges here at the "Best Printable Line" home office, we choose to award E with the line of the week. (Although, honorable mention goes to Johnny Drama, who nearly became the first person in the two-year history of Best Printable Line to win the weekly award without talking -- the dive into the pool was fantastic.)

As the gang drives into the valley to watch "Aquaman" on opening day, the temperature rises to 106 degrees. Johnny Drama feels every bit of the heat and is seen in the backseat with a towel over his head as he sweats through his sleeveless T-shirt.

Turtle takes a cheap shot at him.

But E wins when he fires off, "Yeah, seriously, Drama, 'cause I haven't seen someone sweat like that since Patrick Ewing retired."

Wow.

Season 3 Standings
E 1
Turtle's Mom 1

By Mark La Monica

We caught up with Mark Wahlberg, executive producer of HBO's "Entourage," and made him answer some of our questions. He kindly obliged. Click the photo below for the video.

Mark Wahlberg

By Mark La Monica

Just about every entertainment and/or trendy hipster magazine the past two weeks has had the boys from "Entourage" on the cover. Newsday and The Daily News put the cast on their front covers this Sunday, typically the biggest circulated papers of the week.

Stories about the HBO show, which began its third season a few hours ago, were everywhere this week as the slow-building buzz from the past two seasons has grown into the boulder chasing down Indiana Jones at the beginning of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

All the hype creates an opportunity for disappointment. Sort of like the Super Bowl. Roughly 411 hours of pre-game coverage rarely produces an exciting game for fans who don't root for either of the teams playing.

The first episode was no Super Bowl. It had just the right amount of its core ingredients as creator Doug Ellin brings viewers into a third season. It was exactly as good as it is supposed to be.

Johnny Drama (Kevin Dillon) is still Johnny Drama, always coming up with some ridiculous theory about something and providing the show's more amusing moments.

We get to see the beginnings of a new side of Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven), from his new office at his new agency to more personal scenes at home with Mrs. Ari. Although, I get the feeling there's going to be more tension between Ari and E in the coming episodes and that Ari might come close to getting fired by Vince again.

The show's first episode took a softer approach, what with the introduction of the crew's moms. But what wasn't lacking was the show's brilliant writing. Shows as terrific as "Entourage" get by on their scripts. Eventually, the hot chicks and the sex and the hot cars and the sex with the hot chicks in the hot cars gets old. Don't believe me? Ask yourself this question: Is Maxim still a worthwhile magazine to read? Not so much.

If Ellin and the rest of the show's writers stay true to the nature of the show's concept, we'll have plenty more enjoyable Sunday nights.

By Mark La Monica

Last year, Johnny Drama took home the Big Knish award as the Season 2 winner of Best Printable Line. Can he defend his title? Given the nature of the show and the writing, there's a solid chance. He's been installed as the 3/1 favorite in the Blog It Out sportsbook (aka, my workspace in the office).

The guidelines of Best Printable Line have been expanded to include usage of the em dash, better known as ----. This means we can include quotes involving not-so-nice language, provided we don't actually type the not-so-nice language.

So, here we go with the Best Printable Line (BPL) from Episode 1. The winner is Turtle's mom.

When the crew's moms got off the plane in Los Angeles, the crew was there on the tarmac to meet them. Turtle's mom was dressed in a black and red Adidas jumpsuit with a red visor, which is beyond hilariouson so many levels.

Turtle asked, "Did you bring a dress to wear?"

Turtle's mom replied, "No, I'm gonna wear this. ----ing idiot!"

Boom!

By Mark La Monica

More than a few thoughts ran through my mind while working on the red carpet for the New York premiere of Season 3 of "Entourage." Here they are:

* There's TV hot, Internet hot and movie hot. Then there's Emmanuelle Chriqui hot.

* Prince, in 1994, asked the question in the first lyric: "Could u be the most beautiful girl in the world?" Clearly, Prince hadn't met Chriqui yet. If he had, he'd know that there's no need to ever ask that question.

* It's Jessica-Alba-asked-me-out impossible to call Kevin Dillon anything but "Johnny Drama" when interviewing him.

* Saigon came down the red carpet unnoticed by everyone but myself, Camera friend Lil Jon and Johnny Dra . . . er, Kevin Dillon. I said hello and asked Saigon if he wanted to wreck the mic with a little Newsday.com exclusive freestyle. He laughed an appreciative laugh and said no thanks. I offered to beatbox for him. He laughed again, which was a shrewd move on his part because I am Doug E. Stale when it comes to beatboxing.

* The first theory here is that I challenged Saigon to a rap battle and he declined to participate, making me the B. Rabbit of the Red Carpet. The second theory is that I'm just a nutjob. I like my first theory better, but the second theory is more widely accepted as fact.

* Mark Wahlberg is a genuinely nice fella to deal with.

* "So, Turtle, are you going to get a last name this year?" I asked. "Turtle's not gonna get a first name this year," responded Jerry Ferrara, the actor who plays Turtle. Good point, Jerry.

* Mrs. Ari, aka Perrey Reeves, is fantastic.

* Kevin Connolly, the actor who plays Vincent Chase's best friend and manager, is as down to earth as is humanly possible, a refreshing change of pace in celebrity journalism.

* James Woods. Hilarious.

* Hey, look, there's Rex Lee. Llooooooooooooooooooooooooooooyd!

* The first two episodes of the third season as just as good as they're supposed to be. Other than that, I won't reveal any details.

* Did I mention yet that Emmanuelle Chriqui is flawless?

Click the photo above or right here to watch the red carpet video

During an interview this past weekend, Entourage star Kevin Connolly said he’s still getting used to do all the press and publicity stuff he does to promote the show.

I told him that if he can get through any scene with Johnny Drama in it without completely losing it, then he could pretty much handle any interview by any interviewer.

“He’s my favorite character on the show,” Connolly, aka “E” said. “He kills me.”

Indeed, Drama is a hilarious character and his hijinks are classic. But the show works so well because of the on-screen chemistry of the ensemble cast. Still, we all have our favorites. Who’s yours?

Listed below are the six main characters with reasons to enjoy each one. Vote for your favorite.

E
Has a great job . . . doesn’t have to wear a suit to work . . . doesn’t even need an office . . . drives sweet Maserati without the hassle of having to pay for it . . . only has one client to concern himself with.
Vote for E.

Vincent Chase
Movie star . . . gets tons of free stuff . . . has other people to do things for him . . . chicks . . . never forgets about his boys . . . doesn’t get road rage because other people drive him places . . . never has to wait in line at a club or bar.
Vote for Vincent Chase.

Johnny Drama
Younger brother is rich . . . gets acting roles based primarily on his DNA . . . “Pacific Blue” residual checks . . . the Brooke Shields and Joyce Brothers scenes from the second season.
Vote for Johnny Drama.

Turtle
Relaxing wardrobe . . . suits are illegal in his closet . . . no job stress . . . drives a $75,000 Hummer . . . just hangs out all day and collects a paycheck . . . has unlimited bank account in Vince . . . knows everyone in town.
Vote for Turtle.

Ari Gold
Powerful agent . . . impressive wardrobe . . . hot wife . . . can basically say whatever the heck he wants to people . . . he’s his own boss . . . cell phone full of A-listers . . . will hug it out when necessary.
Vote for Ari Gold.

Shauna
The most bad-ass publicist in town . . . juiced in to everything . . . perhaps the best curser west of Brooklyn . . . has an assistant to bring her drinks . . . can get anything she wants with one phone call.
Vote for Shauna.

By Mark La Monica

HBO West is partially responsible for the lack of personal productivity for many cable subscribers.

When “Casino,” any of the "Godfather" movies – yes, even part III – or any other movie that runs close to or longer than three hours comes on regular HBO, the temptation to watch it again immediately on HBO West is entirely too strong to resist all the time. It's more devastating than the two-hours-later appeal of good chinese food.

There’s something strangely compelling about watching the start of a three-hours-plus movie knowing it’s still playing on another channel. Or maybe we really are just a bunch of lazy Americans.

But as with all great inventions, there is a practical use. After watching the season finale of “The Sopranos” last night, I realized something: I failed to watch and/or program the DVR for the last two episodes of Season 2 of “Entourage.” Oh sure, I saw them last year when they first aired and again as part of the New Year’s Eve marathon, but with the start of the new season just a week away, brushing up on the fellas seemed appropriate.

It was 10:02 p.m. when I felt the void. It was 10:03 p.m. when I said to myself, “Hellooooooooo, HBO West!” (Usually, I’m an Ari Gold quick-thinker, but it was a long weekend, hence the one minute delay in proper mental etiquette.)

Boom. I set up the DVR and did some indoor errands in the remaining 57 minutes. As if I weren’t already charged up for next week’s season premiere, I decided to watch the trailer on HBO.com again.

It was then that I discovered the latest bit of Internetism that will ultimately contribute to my insanity.

The headline was short but informative: “Ari Interview.”

The subhead was even more enticing: “Think you have what it takes to work for Ari Gold? Here's your chance to prove it to the master himself.”

The good people of HBO.com have provided fans the opportunity to apply for a job as a talent agent at Ari Gold’s new agency.

Oh yeah. Procrastination Island, here I come! There was simply no way I wasn’t going to click on this Sunday night – and several times this week while at work. (I will cite life’s Moral Imperative Clause as my affirmative defense when the boss comes calling.)

The game begins with a general information job application. Name, date of birth, email address. That sort of stuff. Just type it in and click submit.

Lloyd, Ari’s assistant from Season 2, then greets you at the door for a quick pep talk. The door then opens and Ari Gold is sitting at a virtual desk.

He asks you questions, you answer them.

It’s beyond hilarious.

I can’t publish my answers because they were all Ari Gold quotes from past episodes and, well, much of what he says isn’t reprintable here.

But there are some fun aspects to this game. If you take too long to think of your answers, type them and click submit, Ari yells at you. It’s almost worth waiting, just to hear how he insults you. (Trust me, it’s a good laugh.)

The game also has repeat playability because Ari’s answers can change depending on your responses.

Thankfully, I set my DVR for the 11 p.m. airing on HBO West because I couldn’t stop applying for a job with Ari Gold until 11:15.