Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

Rare is the summer Monday that transpires without people saying they want to hang out with Johnny Drama or live the Hollywood lifestyle depicted on "Entourage."

Just as scarce are the days gone by where we don’t wonder what would happen if “Entourage” came home for an episode.

Hey, why not? The backstory to the show is that Vince, Drama, Turtle and E grew up together in Queens before moving to Hollywood. Most episodes make reference to New York at least once.

In real life, the crew is from the New York area. Adrian Grenier is from Queens. Kevin Dillon is from Mamaroneck. Jerry Ferrara is from Bensonhurst. Kevin Connolly is from Long Island (Medford). Even the show’s creator, Doug Ellin, is from Long Island (Merrick).

To this point, all we’ve seen of New York is Scarlett Johansson talking to Vince on her cell phone inside Grand Central Station.

So, here’s a crazy scenario for an episode. It’s concocted for Season 4, since the remaining 18 episodes of Season 3 have already been written and/or filmed and only the cast and crew know if any of them contain a New York episode.

EPISODE TITLE
Subway

BRIEF PLOT SUMMARY
Vince Chase is asked to throw out the first pitch for a Mets-Yankees Subway Series game at Shea Stadium in July. So, he and his crew return to New York for an extended weekend and travel to the Hamptons after the game. Along the way, they hit up a few places you might find familiar. And, of course, there are plenty of hijinks.

CLOSING CREDITS MUSIC
“New York (Ya Out There)” by Rakim.

EXPANDED STORYLINES

Friday Night
Why the Mets? Why Shea Stadium, instead of the more fashionably chic Yankees and more historic Yankee Stadium? Simple: Vince and the boys are all from Queens, which is where the Mets just happen to play. Plus, the Mets are slowly gaining control of the New York front-runner baseball fans, so the pairing of the big A-lister and the Mets makes sense.

In the days leading up to his debut on the mound, Vince is slightly concerned about not making a fool of himself at Shea. He seeks help from the knower of everything: Johnny Drama. Drama teaches him how to pitch. “Bro, I read for Charlie Sheen’s part in ‘Major League,’” He tells Vince.

Part of the beauty of fame is getting crazy access to whatever’s available. In this case, the boys venture into the Mets’ clubhouse to shoot the breeze with the players. Drama already knows Tom Glavine, but it’s unclear how. Drama challenges him. After two swings and two misses by Drama during batting practice, Glavine plunks him in the arm with a fastball.

Meanwhile, Turtle is still in the clubhouse, alternating between hitting on David Wright’s girlfriend and telling Pedro Martinez how much he enjoyed Grady Little’s managing in 2003.

Once the moment arrives, Vince throws a perfect strike to catcher Paul Lo Duca. The boys then go to their seats right near the Mets dugout. Turtle is dressed in Yankee gear, because, well, he’s Turtle and this is the Subway Series. When he goes to the concession stand to pick up perishables for the boys, he gets into it with Met fans Cowbell Man and Joe Benigno. Turtle challenges Benigno, but Sid Rosenberg steps in to break up the madness. Again, he somehow knows Drama.

Leaving the Stadium, E suggests a late-night meal at their favorite place when they were in high school: Wo Hop. It’s a 24-hour Chinese restaurant on Mott Street in Chinatown. “Downstairs?” Vince asks. “There’s no other way to eat at the Hop,” E responds. “Just making sure, E,” Vince says.

The guys eat and laugh inside the dingy restaurant. The scene is reminiscent of “Diner,” one of the movies that help inspire creator Doug Ellin’s vision for the show. Drama’s 1992 black-and-white publicity photo is still on the walls of Wo Hop, right next to a picture of 1980s comedian Fred Travalena.

Saturday
During breakfast at the Gansevoort Hotel, in strolls Lindsay Lohan. She also happens to be in her hometown this weekend and is staying at the hotel. She and Vince talk life, love and work. They discuss maybe doing a film together sometime.

Lohan says she’s heading to a party that night in the Hamptons at Diddy’s house. Or Russell Simmons’ house. She’s not really sure which one, but invites the guys to meet her out there.

After spending the afternoon driving around the old neighborhood in Queens, where E stumbles upon an ex-girlfriend from high school and gets emotional about it, they set out for the Hamptons.

Too much traffic on the Southern State Parkway gives Turtle road rage and he decides to take the streets for a while. In a rented Lexus RX 350, they get hungry and stop for lunch at All-American in Massapequa. Per the rules of summer on Long Island, there is at least one youth baseball team in there ordering everything on the menu.

Once they reach the Hamptons, they head straight to Surf Club, where Dan’s Papers and the Impulse I-Team battle for the best photo of Vince. From there, the guys go for a few belts at Conscience Point. Then Neptunes. Lohan calls Vince and wonders where he is. He tells her he felt weird about crashing the party without an invite from the host. Lohan gets the host and puts him on the phone. “Vince, it’s Diddy. Get over here now. Take that, take that, take that.”

Driving to Diddy’s house, the guys pass a one-car accident. “Yo, we must be close,” Drama says. “I think that was Billy Joel’s car.” And there we have the Best Printable Line from this episode.

Sunday
The day begins on the beach. Early morning. Four guys are awakened by the sun and the smell of themselves. They’re still in last night’s clothes.

As they feebly attempt to piece bits of the previous night together to form one consensus story, a now revived Turtle sets forth a plan. “Fellas, there’s only one thing to do now,” he says. “Boardy Barn!”

Reluctantly, the guys nod because they know a wild night in the Hamptons is not complete without a stop at the Boardy Barn on Sunday.

Oh, look, Lohan is partying it up with some friends at the Barn. She sees Turtle and walks over. “Last night was great, Turtle,” she says, then walks away. Stunned, shocked, mortified and perhaps a bit stunned, shocked and mortified, Vince, E and Drama stare at Turtle with their mouths agape. Turtle stares at himself.

The guys then drive back toward the LaGuardia Airport. Vince and E are in the back. Drama is driving. Turtle has shotgun. He’s earned it.

Fade to black. Cue music.