Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

It's 9:10 on an overcast San Diego Sunday morning and I'm furious.

Not so much because I'm awake and the weather is not the Utopian temperature the people out here glow about. Rather, my furor resides in the fact that HBO East does not exist in this little nook of San Diego that I have chosen to end a weeklong dance on the West Coast.

My flight takes off a few minutes after 10 p.m. Pacific time, leaving me Entourage-less on a summer Sunday night. That was poor planning on my part. No, wait a minute, this is all the fault of HBO programming people and airline flight schedule makers.

A Sunday night without "Entourage" just isn't a nice thing. And it's soooooooo 2003. What did we do Sunday nights before this show began three seasons ago? We weren't actually productive, were we? We didn't pay bills, clean the house or talk to people, did we?

Maybe there really is an East Coast media bias. Back at home in Long Island, I can watch "Entourage" at its scheduled 10 p.m. start time on HBO and then again at 1 a.m. on HBO West. (Not to mention two or three times in between via DVR.)

This will be a troubling Sunday, and I will have to avoid the water coolers at work on Monday because my luck suggests this will be an explosive episode.

The point here is that Best Printable Line and more thoughts on Episode 8 will be posted in the wee hours of Monday night/Tuesday morning. And for an added bonus to make up for my Weak 8 (pun intended), come back Wednesday for a fun story.

By Mark La Monica

Stranded in the living room, Eric was the Everyman. Caught between what he already has, the sickeningly beautiful and loving girlfriend that is Sloan, and what he desires "just because," the nearly-as-ridiculously attractive other girl that is Tori.

It's the classic struggle many men (and women) have dealt with. Often times, we chase what we don't have only because we don't have it and that "it" is something different. Different doesn't mean better, but the male mind is a very strange place to be, let alone try to live with every day.

Nice guy Eric got caught up in a lust triangle with his girlfriend and her best friend after their little experiment in last week's episode. Always portrayed as the smart, emotional one of the group, E's brain went to mush. That put Vince in the role of advice-giver and situation-resolver, a side we rarely see from him. Usually, it's the other way around. But if there's one person on this show who understands sex and women, it's Vince.

E was all whacked out because emotion is involved. Sloan is his girl. Threesomes with emotion rarely produce happiness for everyone . . . the day after. The human brain is not built to deal with all the questions being asked it by yourself. (Did she like it? Am I selfish for enjoying it? What do I say to her when she asks? Am I with the right girl? etc.)

It's a vicious cycle of emotion, guilt, inner questioning and bewilderment.

We've al dealt with these types of situations in our relatonships. Maybe not standing in our boxers in our girlfriend's apartment trying to figure out if we can sleep with her best friend before she leaves for the airport, but in other ways.

You meet someone one night and she's cool, then you go home to your girlfriend. After she falls asleep, you're sitting on the couch watching television and wondering what the other girl is doing right now.

The strange thing is that the girl you're already with is fantastic and is everything you could ever ask for in a woman. Except for one thing: she's already yours.

Credit Tori for being the smart one here and walking away. This just further supports the theory that threesomes are safest when a financial transation occurs first. Well, maybe not from a health standpoint.

By Mark La Monica

First off, apologies to my loyal Sunday night readers who are on this site at 11 p.m. seeking the Best Printable Line. (Don't laugh, you Monday and Tuesday readers, the Sunday readers are out there.)

But I'm on West Coast time this week and HBO East is not a privilege. But I'll trade that for my view of the pool and golf course. And I did have a keyboard sent to my room so I could provide the good people of some Entourageness and that kind of dedication should count for something somewhere sometime.

This week, E wins for Best Printable Line. He was sweating out the aftermath of his soiree with Sloan and her friend Tori. E woke up "snuggling" Tori instead of Sloan and was tweaking about it. The boys gave him some good-natured ribbing.

Drama explains to E that are no such things as accidents in threesomes. E responds with, "Yeah, you and Turtle crossed swords in your threesome. Accident?"

Bang. Drama got checked.

Best Printable Line standings
Ari 2.5
E 2
Drama 1
Turtle's mom 1
Turtle 0.5

By Mark La Monica

Inspired by last week's All-Star break in Major League Baseball, we present the world's first television blog midseason report card.

Season Three of Entourage is technically 20 episodes, but the final eight won't air until sometime in 2007 as part of HBO's new plan of extending seasons for what reasons I still don't grasp. So that leaves us with a 12-episode run concluding Aug. 27. With six episodes already saved to our DVRs and TiVos, let's review. (We'll deal with the final eight episodes next year once HBO figures out when to show them.)

Writing
Brilliant, as always. The writers have kept up the high level they set for themselves with the previous seasons. Lisa Alden, new to show’s writing staff, delivered a terrific episode (No. 6: Three’s Company) in her first official full-script credit.
Grade: A

Character Development
It’s the biggest reason a show succeeds or fails. No advancement means stale stories. Not the case here. Vince Chase became the biggest grossing movie star ever (until Johnny Depp in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 2,’ that is) but still struggles to land the roles he really wants to do. Johnny Drama has a pilot en route. Turtle is becoming a music management whiz. Ari Gold is building his own agency and has a softer side. So far, E hasn’t progressed much from last year, the threesome episode notwithstanding. But that’s why we have a second half of the season.
Grade: B+

Storylines
The first three episodes did a good job of carrying us from the second season into this third season. The next three episodes advanced the new stories just touched upon in the first three episodes and introduced a few new ones. From Vince’s next project and the conflict with the studio to Ari repping Drama and Turtle to the brief look into Ari’s home life, Season Three has a solid overall flow.
Grade: A-

Creativity
Every episode has the same underlying theme: four old friends maintaining their friendships as they deal with what life brings them. (And the life they lead brings them quite a lot of goodies.) The trick is dressing up that basic theme in different clothes each week to keep viewers interested. Watching Ari Gold’s progression during the “Aquaman” blackouts in the second episode was a unique way to tackle a box-office debut weekend. As was the same start dates for the filming of "Aquaman 2" and "Medellin," two movies supposed to star Vince.
Grade: B+

Guest Stars
This is based on general star power, storyline and performance. James Woods was outstanding as himself. His breakdown on the guys’ doorstep over premiere tickets was hilarious, as was the interaction with Drama. Any time you can get big-dog directors James Cameron and Paul Haggis, you’ve done well. Add Bruno Kirby, who played the young Clemenza in “The Godfather II” back in the day and everyone is happy. Domenick Lombardozzi was exceptional in his performance of “Dom.” We were supposed to despise that guy and, oh lord, did we despise that guy. But, for the love of Pete, more Emmanuelle Chriqui!
Grade: A-

Comedy
Just read the six previous “Quote of the week” entries in the archives section of this blog as the cast vies for the Big Knish Award as this season’s winner of Best Printable Line. Enjoy the laughs those quotes evoke, then realize the significance of “printable.” The best stuff usually has a curse or 12 in it, so I have to avoid repeating those, in print that is. And, seriously, has there been a funnier scene on television this year than Drama diving face first into the pool when the blackout hit at that high school graduation party?
Grade: A

Closure
Leaving plotlines open from one season to another is what whacked “The Sopranos” down a notch in recent years. At the All-Star break here, there are a few loose ends. Fans of the show may be wondering whatever happened to “Queens Boulevard.” The guess here is we’ll find out something soon. And what about Mandy Moore? No mention at all, not even one little crack here and there about her after the huge “Aquaman” release. Surely, Turtle or Drama could have been given a line somewhere.
Grade: B-

Hot chicks
Sorry, lady readers, but the nature of the show begs for such a category on the report card. Although we demand to see more of Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui), we haven’t been disappointed with the bevy of eye candy floating around the scenes, even the girl who was “top tall” in the season opener.
Grade: B+

By Mark La Monica

Lawyer friend Steve called me Sunday night at 10:30 p.m. to discuss the show. This is a normal occurence. This time, he wanted to discuss the coming attractions.

I've known this guy since we played on the same travel team in PBC soccer 23 years ago, but this may have been the first time I was seriously ticked off at him. I had to explain politely that he should cease speaking unless he didn't mind talking to a dial tone.

He knew better than to attempt to discuss coming attractions. I don't watch them. That would ruin the next six days, 23 hours and 30 minutes. I won't log onto HBO's site after Thursday for fear of seeing a brief plot summary or a photo from the episode. (Although, I have bookmarked the Parapazzi Chase game. Try it here if you haven't yet. It's a great way to kill time at work.)

I don't even take full advantage of the perks this job provides. Since July began, I've had access to the plot lines for every episode this month. Can't read them. Won't read them. Why destroy the one 30-minute block of stress-free, enjoyable life each week? It takes extreme discipline. After the strength of the past three episodes, it's getting harder and harder to not look. I may need therapy.

"Entourage" is one of those shows you don't TiVo until it starts. (Note: I love how TiVo was originally a noun but has revolutionized the way we watch television so much that it has become a verb.)

Setting your TiVo or DVR to record this show in advance of Sunday nights at 10 p.m. should cause those machines to immediately delete their hard drives and unplug itself from the wall, just to teach us a lesson. Even worse, Cablevision should send those who pre-record the show a pair of Knicks tickets. That'll set people straight real quick.

Re-arrange your schedules. Leave a little earlier from your summer house. Heck, stay later and watch the show there.

Just be in front of your television at 10 p.m., then you can hit record. It's for posterity and future viewing, not a catch-all for incomptence.

By Mark La Monica

So, I got roped into purchasing tickets and walking into a movie theater that happened to be showing "The Devil Wears Prada" on Saturday night.

Not my first choice, but I'll try anything once. Plus, the smart man does what she says, even if the she is just a good friend having a bad day.

I knew nothing about this movie other than it was a popular novel first, has chick flick written all over it and that I was about to watch it.

Within the first minute or so, who pops up on the screen? Adrian Grenier.

"Oh [s-bomb], that's my boy Vinny Chase!" I said loud enough for the gaggle of caddy chicks to my right to shoot me one of those "shhhhh!" looks.

Suddenly, this movie got a little better. I've seen 28 episodes of a great TV show talking about this guy's movie acting abilities and here was a chance to watch it happen.

About 20 minutes into the movie, I thought to myself, "How cool would it be if Vinny Chase's movies from 'Entourage' were actually real movies?"

To this point, 2.5 seasons into the show, all we've seen of Chase's on-air talents is one scene in a looping stage from "Queens Boulevard," a commercial for the Japanese equivalent Red Bull and a dive off the end of a pier in "Aquaman."

No, seriously, how awesome would it be if "Queens Boulevard" became a real movie? Or "Head On." Or "Aquaman." I may be a lunatic experiencing a temporary break from reality with this thought, but I know I'd see you all waiting in line for tickets on opening weekend. Don't even try to front. You know I'm right.

Think of the ultimate power play that would be. A fictional movie created on a cable sitcom about Hollywood turns into a real movie. That's explosive. Send me some ideas and I'll start working on the script.

P.S. "The Devil Wears Prada" was actually a pretty funny movie. Watch the trailer | Read the review

By Mark La Monica

As if we didn't already want to spend the rest of our lives with the real-life Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui)!

She returned to the show for the first time this season (minus her half-second, non-speaking cameo in the season premiere), and she made her presence felt.

Seeing how this is a "family Web site," and I enjoy receiving paychecks for writing this blog, I can't fully delve into the ramifications of Sloan's performance in Episode Six. But I can tip my cap to her mindset and say that I support Turtle's assessment of the situation when the guys returned to the house after hanging out at night in the first part of the show.

The ultimate male fantasy aside, Sloan's return gave E an episode that was predominantly about him while weaving in the rest of the cast. Turtle had his episode last week when Saigon blew up on radio and Drama is likely to have one soon. (It could happen next week, but I won't know until then because I refuse to watch the coming attractions so as to not ruin the surprise for next week.)

It also gave us another reason to drool Sunday night. Apparantly, the heat wave here in New York simply wasn't strong enough to drain us of all our excess fluids. Sloan is just plain ridiculous. As I wrote two days after meeting her (I needed that long to fully regain all my faculties):

There's TV hot, Internet hot and movie hot. Then there's Emmanuelle Chriqui hot.

Add:

Prince, in 1994, asked the question in the first lyric: "Could u be the most beautiful girl in the world?" Clearly, Prince hadn't met Chriqui yet. If he had, he'd know that there's no need to ever ask that question.

These still hold true.

By Mark La Monica

Episode 6 brought the pain like Method Man on his first solo album. Great lines flowed from beginning to end.

For the first time in the history of "Entourage, the blog" we have a split decision for Best Printable Line.

Maybe it's a cop out, or maybe it's just a nod to the brilliant writing of Lisa Alden from Episode 6 of Season Three. Either way, who really cares, because in the end, we all win for being able to watch this show.

The first co-winner, based on the episode's chronology, is Turtle.

Since Vince was ignoring his agent, Ari and Lloyd show up at Vince's house. The bell rings and the guys see Ari and Lloyd on the security monitor. Turtle turns to Vince and says, "This must be serious. He brought his muscle."

Ridiculous.

Shortly after that, Ari Gold claimed his share of this week's title. Ari is explaining, loudly, to Vince what will happen if he plays hardball with the studio and can't get around on the studio head's fastball. "He will sue you," Ari says. "He'll take everything you have. He'll take the house, the cars, maybe even Turtle."

Equally ridiculous.

We're six episodes in and the race for the Big Knish Award and Ari Gold is starting to pull away.

Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 2.5
E 1
Drama 1
Turtle's Mom 1
Turtle 0.5

By Mark La Monica

Encased by the snide facial expressions, the self-esteem-destroying comments and the cursing mini-monologues is the softer side of talent agent Ari Gold.

The man talks hard and fast in the office, at the club and on the cell, but at home, his wife rules. Known simply as Mrs. Ari (played by Perrey Reeves), she seems to be the only one that can put a dent in Ari's armored facade.

In the first two seasons of HBO's "Entourage," we saw very few glimpses into the private life of Mr. and Mrs. Ari Gold. We knew he had a few daughters and a very impressive house.

As with all successful television shows, each season brings new story lines. Otherwise, it's the same old, same old and the viewing public will eventually change the channel. Yes, it's true even for a show this good. If there's no character development, there's no show development and no show development means no audience development which means no ratings development which means no marketing development.

Humanizing Ari Gold this season has been a terrific development for the show's growth. He's still that crass, obnoxious jerk at work, but then he comes home and deals with real life. And when he does bring work home with him, the family dynamic is still there. It's not unlike what made "The Sopranos" such appealing television in its first few seasons.

Episode 5 this season (officially, it's Episode 27: Guys and Doll) beautifully illustrated this dichotomy. He didn't want his 14-year-old daughter to date tween actor and next door neighbor Max Ballard. So, he sacrificed his own client (Jimmy Whitaker) and made sure Ballard got a movie role that sent him to Kazakhstan for 24 weeks.

Sure, his daughter wasn't happy about it, but she doesn't know how the deal went down. Ari was just trying to protect his first-born child from a world she doesn't yet understand. Fatherly instinct.

We got a chance to see how fatherhood affects Ari in this episode. When his daughter asked to go on a boat trip with "the math club," he knew she was lying (he has a spy in the house). She asked how he knew it was Max, not the math club.

"A father always knows when his daughter is lying to him," he said. "It's heartbreaking."

From there, you could see he was emotionally affected by the thought of his little girl growing up. How else can we explain his being so nice to Turtle and Drama and agreeing to be their agent. This might have been the most underrated startling moment of the show's three-year history.

Human Ari Gold is pretty cool. Now, let's hug it out, get drunk with Russell Crowe and head-butt some kangaroos.

By Mark La Monica

The race between Turtle and Johnny Drama to see who could get to lunch with Ari Gold first is easily one of the funniest scenes of Season Three.

It began in the kitchen with Drama calling "shotgun" for the meeting, and continued when Turtle disregarded the call and said first one to get there for the sit-down talks first. Drama pulled up to the restaurant first, but Turtle got in the restaurant first by snatching the valet receipt, tripping and doing a ninja roll to get back up. (Impressive agility for the shorter, thicker Turtle, by the way.)

This amusing scene highlighted one of the greatest life games reserved for males: Shotgun.

The rules of Shotgun are simple and complex, which basically mimics males in general and may explain why women have problems understanding men. He who calls "shotgun" first gets to ride up front in the passenger seat while the rest of the crew gets to eat their knees and slowly develop hip dysplasia sitting in the back seat. Not to mention, once you arrive at your destination, everyone outside knows exactly who the second-class citizens are.

"Shotgun" is also one of those things that transcends life. It applies to just about every endeavor. Examples: Racing home when everyone has to use the bathroom, that new girl in the office, a dual purpose meeting with a top Hollywood agent. The list is endless.

More importantly, shotgun is respected, understood and indisputable. When asked why your pal got the date with the new girl in school before you did, saying "Well, he called shotgun" is a perfectly good explanation. No one can argue it.

Rules differ within each group of friends. Some claim you have to be outside for "shotgun" to apply. Others play "the car must be in sight" as the decisive factor. Others just go with the first one to call it gets it. There is no governing body to lay forth the official rules. The only thing that matters is what rules your group has sanctioned.

I've been involved in some crazy games of shotgun. I've seen people with long arms stick their hands out the door in front of someone else and yell "Shotgun!" I've seen friends of mine climb out windows a minute early and yell "Shotgun!" I've seen friends lock their friends inside a house just so they can ride in the passenger seat. All of which is completely acceptable behavior when the stakes are so high.

And we've all been involved with disputed calls. Those are some crazy arguments. I know people who didn't talk to each other for two days after arguing over shotgun. Completely ridiculous, isn't it? Yes. Completely understandable, isn't it? Yes.

Which is what makes the Turtle-Drama shotgun race that much more fun. We've all been there.

Drama called "shotgun" for the meeting with Ari, the meeting that was already arranged for Turtle. Vince's response when Turtle complained was, "Turtle, he called shotgun."

It made perfect sense.

By Mark La Monica

Ari Gold had the top three quotes this week, but unfortunately, they don't qualify for Best Printable Line because of the discretionary language clause.

It's a clause we struggle with weekly. The reality of it is sort of upsetting, but such is life on a family Web site. And besides, at least they don't edit the actual show.

So, this week, we see Johnny Drama return to the leaderboard as he attempts to defend his Big Knish Award as winner of the Best Printable Line pennant race last season.

Vince just bought each of boys their own Aston Martin. Not a bad gift just for being friends with the biggest movie star in town.

As they're all about to get into their cars to drive to a meeting with Ari, Vince wonders if they'll look like a bunch of schmucks driving three cars.

Drama responds: "We'd look like schmucks in Jettas. In Aston Martins, we look good."

Best Printable Line Standings (through five weeks)
Ari Gold 2
E 1
Drama 1
Turtle's Mom 1

By Mark La Monica

Vince Chase's reign as the biggest grossing box-office movie star ever didn't last long.

After beating "Spiderman" with his $116 million opening weekend, the "Aquaman" star got supplanted by Johnny Depp and "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" this weekend.

Depp's character, the "Is he gay, drunk, just really effeminate or some of the above?" Capt. Jack Sparrow, brought fans to the movie theater to the tune of $132 million, according to studio estimates released this Sunday. Spiderman opened at $114.8 million in 2002. What a few weeks it has been for Tobey Maguire, as he went from first to third quicker than Rickey Henderson in his prime.

OK, people, clearly I understand that "Aquaman" isn't a real movie (yet?), but if the good folks of "Entourage" can have some fun by placing a two-page ad in Variety congratulating "Aquaman" and Chase on the biggest opening ever, surely, the good fella of "Entourage, the blog" can keep the joke going.

Watch the 'Pirates of the Caribbean" trailer

By Mark La Monica

At the New York Season Three premiere of "Entourage" last month, Kevin Connolly stood on the red carpet and said if Jeremy Piven and Kevin Dillon don't start winning awards soon for their work on the show, "It'll just be a travesty."

Piven, who plays agent Ari Gold, gets his chance this year with his second straight Emmy Award nomination for Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

He's up against Will Arnett of "Arrested Development," Bryan Cranston of "Malcolm in the Middle," Jon Cryer from "Two and a Half Men," and Sean Hayes from "Will & Grace."

The sentimental vote may go to Hayes since "Will & Grace" is done, but Piven deserves the award this year. His work has been exemplary. Of course, we're a bit biased in that opinion, given the fact that we have this space dedicated to "Entourage" and our tagline for this space models Ari Gold's catch phrase of "Let's hug it out."

The HBO show, now four episodes deep into Season Three, received four other Emmy nominations and some of them might fall into that "These awards were given out earlier because we don't want to show these people on TV" segment. This makes Piven's nomination that much more important as the show aims to reach -- and maybe eclipse -- the mega-ratings of "Sex & The City" and "The Sopranos," HBO's biggest hits.

Entourage's other nominations:

Casting for a Comedy Series
(competing with "Desperate Housewives," "My Name Is Earl," and "Weeds")

Directing for a Comedy Series
Two nods for the episodes "Oh Mandy" and "Sundance Kids."
In "Sundance Kids" the crew went to the Sundance Film Festival with "Queens Boulevard" and Vince landed the role of "Aquaman." In "Oh Mandy," Vince found out his first love Mandy Moore is in line to play Aquagirl in his next movie. Drama picked a fight with Point Break and landed a movie of the week.

(competing with "The Comeback: Valerie Does Another Classic Leno," "Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Christ Nail," "My Name Is Earl: Pilot," and "Weeds: Good S--- Lollipop)

Writing for a Comedy Series
For the episode "Exodus"
This was perhaps the best episode from Season Two. Mandy Moore crushed Vince, and Ari's attempted coup resulted in him getting fired.

(competing with "Arrested Development: Development Arrested," "Extras: Kate Winslet," "My Name Is Earl: Pilot," and "The Office: Christmas Party")

By Mark La Monica

Props go to "Entourage" creator and executive producer Doug Ellin for apparently eliminating the character of Dom from the show in just two episodes.

Although I'm not positive of his complete ouster from the show, he was caught stealing from a producer's house during a party and thus potentially jeopardizing Vince Chase's career. And once Vince figured out it was him (after defending him the first half of the show), he appeared to cast him off from the group.

Turtle solidified the kicked-to-the-curb status of Dom with his line at the end, "A Hummer and an apartment. Not a bad severance package."

Peace out, Dom!

So, thank you, Doug Ellin, for creating a character we were supposed to hate -- and we hated him! -- but having the creative sense to get rid of him quickly.

At least, I hope that's the case.

By Mark La Monica

Plenty to choose from this week as just about every cast member had a line worth remembering. But, seeing how we're based in New York and the show's characters (and the actors who play them) are from New York, we're going to claim geographic proximity with this week's quote.

This week's winner of Best Printable Line goes to Ari Gold for a second straight week.

Dom and the crew walk into Ari's office for a meeting to discuss the next project for Vince.

As they approach Ari's office, Dom is wearing a dark-colored tanktop, more commonly referred to by this generation as a wife-beater.

Ari blurts out, "Whoa, Vinny, you're rolling in bank now. You can't get this guy a whole shirt?"

Boom. Well done, Ari.

Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 2
E 1
Turtle's Mom 1

By Mark La Monica

It was around 7:30 p.m. Sunday night when I checked into the Marriott Hotel in Trumbell, Conn. I had grinded it out for a few hours at nearby Foxwoods Casino to the tune of minus $38 dollars.

All I wanted to do was check in, make sure the hotel had HBO, then make a cameo at Consultant friend Jay's pre-wedding day lobster bake.

Check in went smoothly . . . until I popped the question.

"You guys have HBO in the rooms, right?" I asked the dream team behind the concierge desk.

It seemed a simple enough question. I mean, this is a Marriott hotel and this is the affluent state of Connecticut. It would seem HBO in the hotel room would be a basic staple.

"Um, uh," one concierge desk worker said as he looked quizzically at the other.

"Um, uh," the other concierge desk worker said as he looked quizzically at the first.

"I don't think so," they said to me in tandem.

"Excuse me? Are you serious?" I said. "Dude, I need to watch 'Entourage.' This is going to be a problem."

I got my room key and walked toward the elevator. I was furious. I looked briefly in the gift shop to calm down. Oh, this makes total sense -- I can buy a life-sized stuffed dog (choose from three breeds, too!), but I can't watch HBO in my room?!?

Once I got to the room, the first thing I did was frantically check the television stations. Boom! Channel 12. HBO! The world is safe.

Find me the suggestion card. I've got a suggestion: Hire intelligent concierge workers.