Season 1: Best Printable Lines
By Mark La Monica
We began this blog midway through Season 2, but thanks to wonderful advances in technology, the first episodes aren't lost. DVDs are a good thing, dear readers.
So, for historical purposes, I went back and watched Season 1 to determine the Best Printable Line from each episode. The winner, listed at the end, receives our Big Knish Award for Season 1.
For those who are new to this blog or who just need a refresher course, we're a family Web site. So, the truly funniest lines each week often involve cursing, and we can't reprint those. Hence, "Best Printable Line."
Episode 1: Entourage
Johnny Drama and E are discussing Vince's career when Drama unloads with this gem:
"The guy does two years of Queens Community, suddenly he runs this town."
Episode 2: The Review
The guys are cruising in their newly purchased Rolls Royce. They come to a stoplight when a girl in the passenger seat of a Jeep leans over and looks at Drama.
"Hey, you look familiar?" she said. "How do I know you?
Turtle interjects.
"You watch Cinemax at 5 a.m.?"
Episode 3: Talk Show
The guys are shopping for new suits as Vince is picking out new clothes to do the Jimmy Kimmel show. His publicist, Shauna, rips into Turtle and Drama laughs. Never hesitant to hammer on Drama, Shauna says:
"What are you laughing at? Maybe I'll get u on Montel with Don Swayze, Joey Travolta and the other retarded star siblings."
Episode 4: Date Night
This one is pure Drama. Gearing up for a quadruple date on the opening night for "Head On," Drama is seen on the phone talking to his girl when he says:
"Baby, I know you like my hair natural but I'm gonna put a little product in it, OK."
Episode 5: The Script and the Sherpa
The guys are in the gym with Vince's vegan lady friend, Fiona. It's a going-away shot of something herbal/organic to celebrate Fiona before she leaves for another country. About the stuff the boys are about to drink, Drama says:
"I don't trust it. I lived on this stuff in '93. By the end of the year, I was sleeping standing up."
Episode 6: Busey and the Beach
Drama has a mini-meltdown after meeting with his new potential agent Adam Davies, hand-picked by Ari Gold to revive Drama's career. After he goes off on Ari and Adam in the elevator, he tells Vince to fire Ari. Turtle has other ideas and says:
"Whoa, Fredo is angry."
Episode 7: The Scene
Ari Gold and Mrs. Ari are away for a romantic weekend when his phone rings. She gets mad and storms out of the room. Ari, who took a Viagra pill beforehand, yells out:
"I'm ready to go here. It's like R. Kelly at recess."
Episode 8: New York
The gang is ripping on E, who's having a bit of a crisis. Turtle gives E a little lip and E tells him to be quiet, although not in those words, when Vince steps in and drops this one:
"You had 10 waiters underneath you, but you can't handle one little Turtle?"
And the Big Knish Award for the most "Best Printable Lines" in Season 1 goes to . . .
Johnny Drama
Final Standings
Drama 3
Turtle 2
Ari Gold 1
Vince 1
Shauna 1