Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

Once again, we're back with another shoutout to a blog reader.

In the Season 2 Best Printable Line category, Entourage, the blog gave th BPL award for Episode 14 to Pauly Shore for his zinger to Drama, "What are you, a cast member on the ‘Surreal Life?"

Upon further review, at the pointing out of blog reader "The Lightweight Pen-Stealing ----face," our judges have ruled that entry ineligible. Turns our Shore actually cursed in that line, and that's a no-no in the BPL by-laws (minus the opening episode of Season 3 when we thought we could get by with using the -- dash in certain instances; a panel was convened and they ruled against that notion.)

So, we watched Episode 14 from Season 2 and, not surprisingly, Drama takes the BPL.

Drama, Turtle and E are waiting in the SUV outside James Cameron's office as Vince talks with the director. E is considering taking a job offer with Terrence, the agent who had just fired Ari Gold. Drama and Turtle decide that E is going to take the job.

Then, in classic Drama angst, he says, "I could already see his future. He's going to move in with Sloan, drive her daddy's Bentley and join a country club that restricts us."

For the sake of posterity and accuracy, we have updated previous entries in Entourage, the blog to reflect this change.

Thanks again to "The Lightweight Pen-Stealing ----face" for keeping us in check. Although, technically, we shouldn't even repeat that name, but in the name of the Big Knish Award, we'll do it this one time.

Revised Season 2 Best Printable Line Final Standings
Drama 6.5
Ari Gold 3
E 2.5
Turtle 1
Vince 1

By Mark La Monica

While Johnny Drama was already crowned with Season 2 Big Knish Award for most Best Printable Lines, we here at Entourage, the blog, thought it would be fun to go back and recap all of Season 2 and see if Drama still won the title or if we'd have to put an asterisk in the record book.

See, this blog began midway through Season 2, but thanks to a steady paycheck and the advent of TV on DVD, we can exist in a world where every episode of "Entourage" exists in perpituity for the masses.

And here we go with the complete edition of Season 2 Best Printable Lines:

Episode 1: The Boys are Back in Town

The guys return from New York and head to Ari Gold's office where they are greeted by his new assistant, Lloyd, a gay Asian.

When the guys ask about Lloyd, Ari delivers a typical Ari Gold response: "He's cute, and he fills two quotas."

Episode 2: My Maserati Does 185

E just cheated on his girlfriend, Kristen, with a Perfect 10 model. The guys then go to a jewelry store so E can buy an apology necklace. They're praising E for his work with the hot girl, played by Holly Valance, when Drama drops this gem:

"Kristen's cute in that 'I want to marry so I can divorce you someday' kind of way, but that girl last night, she could start wars."

Episode 3: Aquamansion

Despite the Johnny Drama-Ralph Macchio hilarity in this episode, E takes the BPL title this week when the guys are shopping for pajamas for a Playboy Mansion party.

Turtle gives the dialogue a quality start when he says to Vince, "You can go to the Mansion in Underoos and still get laid, Vince."

E closes it out Mariano Rivera-style with this lights-out verbal cutter to Turtle: "Yeah, and you can go wrapped in bearer bonds and still not get laid."

Episode 4: An Offer Refused

Drama has been lamenting his inferior calves for two episodes when he finally goes to a plastic surgeon. The doctor implies that bodily imperfections are often based on genetics. Drama fires back: "I was a double victim. We used to say about Pops, 'No child support, no calves.'"

Episode 5: Neighbors

It was tempting to praise Ari Gold for his "You look like Michelle Kwan in drag" zinger to his assistant Lloyd. But, that is pretty much par for the course with Ari, and given the basis of the show (guys mooching off their star friend), we went with Vince for the BPL.

Vince is having money problems and he's the only one who doesn't know it as the guys all sit for lunch. The check comes and Turtle and Drama both offer to pay. Drama also said he didn't need the new calves and Turtle says he doesn't need the new plasma TV. Surprised by the attempted givebacks, Vince blurts out "You guys haven't paid for anything since '95. What's going on here? Am I getting Punk'd?"

Episode 6: Chinatown

Vince needs work. Ari finds him a commercial for the Chinese equivalent of Red Bull. Vince balks. Ari tries to convince him to do it because the director is very talented, clinching the BPL with this quip: "Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from."

Episode 7: The Sundance Kids

This one may be a bit regional, but Drama left us no choice but to defer to our Northeast roots here at Entourage, the blog.

When the guys land in Utah for the Sundance Film Festival, they're talking about hitting the slopesfor some skiing and snowboarding. After some back-and-forth banter, Drama seals the deal with "If you can ski Hunter Mountain, you can ski anywhere."

Episode 8: Oh, Mandy

Clearly, Jerry Ferrara spoke to the script writers before they sat down and crafted this episode because Turtle took the gold, silver and bronze medals this time around. Even though it only counts as one point in the standings, we'll list the three gems in ascending order:

Bronze medal: When first seeing their new digs (Jessica Alba's house in Malibu with an outdoor pool), Turtle yells out "This is like Far Rockaway minus the crackwhores."

Silver medal: When trying to explain how much Vince's head was screwed up after the Mandy Moore breakup, Turtle tells E, "He made a mix tape!"

And the gold medal . . . and the BPL for the week: Drama is having a classic meltdown on the PCH when a surfer dude gets out of his car to call out Drama. Turtle, trying to reign in Drama, says, "Why we picking a fight with Point Break?"

Drama, Turtle and E are waiting in the SUV outside James Cameron's office as Vince talks with the director. E is considering taking a job offer with Terrence, the agent who had just fired Ari Gold. Drama and Turtle decide that E is going to take the job.

Then, in classic Drama angst, he says, "I could already see his future. He's going to move in with Sloan, drive her daddy's Bentley and join a country club that restricts us."

By Mark La Monica

Clearly, Ari Gold is the most hilarious character on "Entourage." The only problem is that most of his lines on the show are not reprintable on our web site.

However, the agent finally delivered the "Best Printable Line" on the show's second-to-last episode of Season Two.

Ari is drunk and sitting in his assistant's car after being ousted from the agency. Not dealing with this scenario well, Ari turns to his assistant, Lloyd, and has this to say: "i drove to work in an $80,000 Mercedes. Now I'm driving home in a prop car from 'The Fast and The Furious.'"

Oustanding.

Ari's work in Episode 21: Exodus means Drama has clinched at least a tie for the BPL title.

Standings:
Drama 3
E 2
Ari 1

Next week's season finale will determine who wins the inaugural yet coveted Big Knish Award for the most quotable material.

By Mark La Monica

No surprise this week as once again Johnny Drama delivered "Best Printable Line."

With just two episodes left this season, Drama has a one-game lead over E for the title. At season's end, the winner will be received the coveted Big Knish award.

In Episode 20: Good Morning Saigon, Drama and Turtle are cruising through a presumably not-so-safe neighborhood in search of the rapper who left his demo CD in E's Maserati.

Drama, in his typical angst-ridden manner, comes out with, "It's crazy coming down here not strapped."

Ridiculous. Hilarious. Hilarious. Ridiculous.

By Mark La Monica

Line of the week, part 1

Johnny Drama once again delivered the "Best Printable Line," and with only a few episodes left this season, he has a chance at victory!

Vincent informed his boys that he and Mandy Moore have started seeing each other again. Her birthday is the next day and Vincent needs to find a special gift.

Drama comes through with what every guy has thought of (or tried) at least once: "You should've started dating her next week, bro. Could have saved yourself some coin."

Line of the week, part 2

Just as Drama pulled ahead in the "Best Printable Line" standings, E came back minutes later and tied him for first place.

The guys were about to start skeetshooting and Drama asserts that he's a former paintball champion.

Turtle, his manhood questioned, jumped in with "Whose whole family is of Sicilian ancestry?"

A tremendous line, but E trumped them with this retort: "Your grandmother ran numbers out of a deli, Turtle. You're far from a made man."

Johnny Drama wins this week's "Best Printable Line." In Episode 18: The Bat Mitzvah, the guys are getting ready to leave and they're all busting on E's relationship history and his tendency to lament excessively over his lost loves. Drama, anticipating future pouting, drops this gem:

"I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you."

By Mark La Monica

This week's "Best Printable Line" comes from E, who when talking to Shauna about Internet movie writer R. J. Spencer said: "He can wreck a movie faster than Stephen Dorf."