Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

In perhaps his finest work to date (and that's saying a lot), Ari Gold secured his second Big Knish Award for the most Best Printable Lines on Season 4 of "Entourage."

So stand up at your desk and give a round of applause to the man who said, among other things, "Do you know that your man broke out of the Oompah Loompah factory and is up to no good?"

I also suggest an old-school tribute: Walk around your office and whisper "Tse tse fly" to everyone you see.

This is the first solo Big Knish for Ari, who shared the Season 3 title with Turtle.

By Mark La Monica

For a television comedy to film in Cannes during the actual film festival is pretty impressive. As was that epic scene of the guys walking the red carpet and up the stairs for the screening. Great filming right there.

And prior to that walk up the carpet, we had delivery of this week's Best Printable Line. In a show that was as much about Drama as it was about Cannes and "Medellin," it's fitting that Drama would deliver the BPL.

Just before reconnecting with his French paramour outside the theater, he's lamenting about losing her. E suggests that it's his celebrity status that landed him a hot and horny Jacqueline.

"Nobody's ever wanted to sleep with me just because I'm a celebrity," Drama said in a tone that was part touching and part pure Drama. "It makes me feels wanted and validated all at the same time."

Well done, Drama.

Ari Gold wrapped up the Big Knish Award for Season 4 last week. The e-ceremony will be held Tuesday afternoon at 2 p.m. Don't miss it!

By Mark La Monica

For those who have bought into the hype (deservedly so) of "Entourage, the blog" and watch the show trying to guess what the Best Printable Line will be, you could have turned off your television two minutes into this week's episode.

Ari Gold dropped a bomb early.

The boys meet Ari and Billy Walsh at a bar to celebrate their departure for Cannes. Walsh lets it slip that Ari is bringing is Mrs. Ari with him to Cannes. Vinny is surprised and reminds Ari that this was supposed to be a boys trip.

"Vinny," Ari said, "when you get married, you'll realize a wife is like a herpes sore. She comes and goes when and where she pleases."

Wow.

(The views expressed by Ari Gold are solely that of Ari Gold and do not represent the views of "Entourage, the blog.")

By Mark La Monica

If not for her brief dalliance as a potty mouth, Anna Faris would have become the first real-life guest star to take home a Best Printable Line title for that Randy Jackson line.

But alas, no cursing allowed here. Such is life.

So, once we sift through the clean lines, we're left with Ari Gold. And not surprisingly, E was on the receiving end of a Golden zinger.

E was missing in action for the first time as the crew went into crisis mode. No one could reach E, who was on an Anna Faris photo shoot in the Hills and has no cell phone reception.

He eventually reaches a reception spot and checks in with Ari, who then spouts out "Wow, it's like finding Jim Morrison alive."

That's quite good, especially in a show that didn't produce too many potential BPLs.

By Mark La Monica

Just three episodes left in Season 4 and Drama is right back in the mix for yet another Big Knish Award.

His work in this week's episode pulled the three-time Knish winner within one of co-leaders Ari Gold and Turtle. It's going to be a heated race in the final weeks.

In an episode short on BPL nominees, Drama iced it when Turtle came back from the supermarket with a carload full of food and women.

As Turtle led the three ladies into the new digs, Drama mutters under his breath to Vince: "Looks like someone came home with fresh meat from the market."

He wasn't talking about the food.

Victory!

By Mark La Monica

Just a handful of episodes left in Season 4 of Entourage, and we've got ourselves a tie at the top of the Best Printable Line Standings.

After Episode 8's performance, Turtle moved into a deadlock with Ari Gold for the Big Knish Award, given to the character the most BPLs each season.

Turtle's work went like this:

By Mark La Monica

With great dialogue being spewn every other line in this episode, the Sunday night Best Printable Line judges had to sift through and find words that were actually printable.

After a brief consult with the BPL magistrate, we decided that Drama produced the line that was both the best and printable.

As the guys debate E's ability to have non-emotional sex, Drama finally put his foot down and staked his claim to this week's BPL, his first of Season 4.

"All people need to get laid, except that whackjob who only needs a good book, a cup of tea and a nice long hug."

Well done, Drama.

By Mark La Monica

The next time you broker a deal at work or negotiate a truce with your wife or mediate a dispute between friends, you will use this line.

That is the essence of Best Printable Line. And for the third time in four weeks, Ari Gold embodies the true spirit of the BPL.

After getting Heath Ledger off the "Lost in the Clouds" project and replacing him with Vincent Chase and the "Medellin Dream Team," he tells E to go meet with Dana Gordon.

E balks at working with Walsh again. Ari is having none of that lip from E when he ends the conversation with, "I parted the Red Sea for you, E. Don't piss on the sand."

Footnote Mr. Gold accordingly upon your frequent usage of that line this week. And that dude at cafepress who keeps creating new shirts based off "Entourage" each week, feel free to print my URL on the left sleeve of that shirt.

Season 4 Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 3
Turtle 2
Vince 1
E 0
Drama 0
Billy Walsh 0

By Mark La Monica

Cursed be the one who first penned the rules governing the Best Printable Line here at Entourage, the blog!

Ah yes, that would be me.

And it serves me right to stew in my own madness after this episode. Billy Walsh and Ari would have garnered the second-ever BPL split vote. But, alas, in this world, we have walls. And those walls are protected by BPLs without curses.

This week filter let the bad stuff slip through and kept Turtle in its colander for his work upon entering the medical marijuana facility with Drama.

"Wow, something about getting my weed legally just never seemed right," Turtle said. "But this seems OK."

This puts Turtle in a first-place tie with Ari for the Season 4 Big Knish Award with seven episodes remaining.

Season 4 Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 2
Turtle 2
Vince 1
E 0
Drama 0
Billy Walsh 0

By Mark La Monica

The fans have let their voice be heard, and they chose the voice of Vincent Chase for the Week 4 Best Printable Line.

It was a squeaker, with E leading most of the way. But, clearly, Vince texted everyone in his phone in the final hours. And the movie star always beats out the manager, unless of course, Sloan is involved.

Let's set the scene.

E walks into a bar called Winston's with Harvey and meets the guys. He has a sheepish look because he's afraid of screwing over Harvey again, this time by not selling him "Medellin."

Vince blurts out, "He looks like a POW."

The perfect line for E's expression.

See the final poll results

Season 4 Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 2
Vince 1
Turtle 1
E 0
Drama 0
Billy Walsh 0

By Mark La Monica

This episode may go down as the most fruitful of repeatable lines in this blog, thus making for a more stressful Sunday than usual.

Normally, the judges reserve the 10-o'clock hour for the weekly premiere of a new episode of "Entourage" followed by a repeat viewing. By then, the judges have their Best Printable Line selected and just let the episode run on loop for another hour or two, just because they can.

But this episode was way too stellar with BPL nominees. They came at us like a Roy Jones Jr. (in his prime) barrage of punches. One right after another. Boom, boom, boom! It felt like DMX in his heyday releasing full-length albums every six months or so.

Maybe it's the sweltering summer Sunday, or maybe I'm just fried for life. But I couldn't pick the BPL this week. Too many options. So, it's up to you, dear readers. The nominees are listed below, and you've got until noon Tuesday to cast your vote. Then, at 3 p.m., we'll announce the Week 4 BPL winner. (Editor's Note: I bumped the times back a bit on Monday evening when I realized I've got a video shoot Tuesday morning out east. Sorry, but hey, that's just more voting for you.)

The nominees (in no particular order):

1) Vince: "He looks like a POW."
Said when a sheepish E walked into the bar with Harvey the producer/galoot to meet the guys.

2) Ari: "Indians and improv. No greater match."
Said to M. Night Shyamalan about his new script.

3) E: "Are you expecting a fire or you just hoping to slide up and down their pole?"
Said to Drama after he says he introduced himself to the Beverly Hills Fire Department.

4) Drama: "That Barbie is a Ken."
Said to the Beverly Hills mayor after Drama told him his new lady friend was really a dude.

By Mark La Monica

His scenes were limited this week, but they were powerful. Ari Gold swiped the Best Printable Line for this week from E, who had swiped it from Turtle.

Turtle's line of "E thought Rocky IV sucked when it came out. I mean, what does he know?" was the early front runner. E trumped him a bit later with "The French have the biggest mouths in the world."

But Ari Gold stuck his claws into this week's BPL trophy -- his second straight week after a 13-episode losing streak. E stormed into his office and the two went at it over the "Medellin" movie and trailer. So, Ari goes straight to the top and calls Vince to try and get him to control E.

"Do you know that your man broke out of the Oompah Loompah factory and is up to no good?"

Wow.

Season 4 Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 2
Turtle 1
Drama 0
E 0
Vince 0
Billy Walsh 0

Coming This Week
Tuesday: Being a good wingman
Wednesday: Mrs. ??? Gold

By Mark La Monica

Now that Ari and Vince are back together, the show has regained its proper continuity. It also has Ari Gold back as Ari Gold, with brilliant one-liners and brutal treatment of other people.

Ari took home the Best Printable Line this week, his first since Episode 8 of Season 3. (That's a 13-week absence for those counting). He earned it early with his "It's the 'Gigli' effect," but that's not what won the BPL. Although, comparing Vincent Chase to Ben Lopez, er, Garner, er, Affleck is hilarious in its own right.

Rather, Ari Gold wears the BPL crown for his work in the meeting at Briar Country Day School. He and Mrs. Ari were talking with a woman who suggested their son, Jonah, wouldn't get accepted into the school because he hit another kid with a ruler who supposedly stole his Power Ranger.

"I teach my son never to let people to just take things from him," Ari said. "It's my Israeli blood."

Stunning work.

Season 4 Best Printable Line Standings
Ari Gold 1
Turtle 1
Drama 0
E 0
Vince 0
Billy Walsh 0

By Mark La Monica

Often with great episodes such as this one, the search for Best Printable Line takes a little more time than usual.

But Turtle saved us from multiple viewings Sunday night near the end of the episode. Billy Walsh began interrogating the entire crew of "Medellin" to find out who was sleeping with the actress he was trying to get with (played by Sofia Vergara).

E puts a stop to it, then the documentary cuts to a confessional from Johnny Drama, who predictably claims it was he who got with the actress.

Turtle stars laughing (didn't it feel like a real laugh and not an acted laugh?) and spurts out, "No shot, no shot. But please bust out a polygraph machine."

Score one for Turtle on the opening night of Season 4.

Season 4 Best Printable Line Standings
Turtle 1
Drama 0
Ari Gold 0
E 0
Vince 0
Billy Walsh 0

P.S. For those new to Entourage, the blog, or for those who just a need refresher course, here's the explanation of Best Printable Line: The weekly honor of Best Printable Line comes with the caveat of the quote being able to be reprinted for people of all ages. If not for this rule, Ari Gold would win every week. If not for this rule, I'd have been fired for dropping too many curses and lewd material in this blog.