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Forcing the Hug

Growing up in Panama, surrounded by a large extended family, the Kiss and Half Hug was obligatory. Don't know what I'm talking about? It's what you do whenever you arrive at your aunt's house, or whenever your cousins came over, and you immediately planted a kiss on their cheek along with sort of a sideways embrace. Then when they left you did it all over again. Even if it was just a 15-minute visit. That's just the way things were.

Now twice in the last couple of weeks, I've wondered what to do about the fact that my own boys aren't showing that sort of physical affection with family members.

Granted, my sons have never met my aunt and grandmother, the victims of the non-kisses. On separate occasions (and they are from different sides of the family), both of these fine ladies wanted kisses from my kids as we were ending visits. And both times, my kids turned their cheeks.

In our household, we show a lot of affection. But my kids aren't used to being around family, as only my mom and brother live locally. I'm not sure that I want to force them to kiss and hug people that they just met, but at the same time I want my kids to be courteous and respectful.

I'm just wondering how to accomplish that, and whether my expectations are too high. My oldest is not even 4 years old, and I can't remember when my manners began to kick in. I would welcome any suggestions on how to tell my boys that proper greetings, especially for visiting family members, are a good thing.

POSTED IN: Toddler (105)

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Comments

i think you should explain the way it works with the kiss and hug it is a very important in most latin americans and its part of the culture your kids will understand and after all you are the parent since they will get the best of both worlds if you know how to combine them well

We tell our kids to be weary of people they don't know, then expect them to hug and kiss someone they don't know?

Big time mixed signals!

If the kids don't want to be hugged or kissed then the shouldn't be - regardless of culture!

I think as long as you explain who it's okay to hug and kiss, just persist in teaching them. I don't think this should be left for the child to decide - they need our instruction as parents. If you left things up to my kids, they'd never do anything except play in their underwear and eat macaroni and cheese! We need to be faithful to explain when it's okay and when it isn't. It's an important part of our culture, and as long as you're persistent in teaching your kids, they'll figure it out soon enough. I know mine have...I have a six year old, almost four year old, and an 18 month old. And at first, especially my son, he would not want to hug and kiss anyone. But with patient, gentle teaching, he has become quite friendly and enjoys hugs and kisses, to the point I do not have to push him to do it anymore - it's just what we do!

Hope this helps!

: ) Becky

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