Cursing at the age of 3
Apparently my husband thinks its acceptable for our son to express his displeasure by uttering a certain curse word. We're not talking about the F-bomb here. And in the great scheme of things, it isn't considered one of the curse words that's so horrifying, but still. He's not even four years old yet.
Here's an example for you. We were in the restroom at the mall the other day and Evan was trying to wash his hands with soap but the dispenser was all out of soap.
"Damn it," Evan said.
"Honey, don't say that word, it's not a good word for us to use," I told him.
He got annoyed. My amused husband said that this simply illustrates how children easily pick things up and mimic their parents. Duh. And that it's not such a bad word and we shouldn't scold him for doing something that we do. Hmm. The dictionary defines it as "to condemn, especially to hell." I don't think a preschooler needs to be condeming the lack of soap in a bathroom with such finality.
So yes, we have to watch what we say. But I still don't think that gives our boys a free pass to drop the D word or worse.
I'm not going make the ol "wash your mouth out with soap" threat. Any suggestions on enforcing a no-cursing rule in the house and explaining why certain words shouldn't be used? I'm afraid I sometimes come up short after the constant "why" question when I issue an edict. "Because I said so" doesn't seem to cut it.
Comments
Nancy:
IMHO, "Because I said so" is perfectly fine. Learn it, use it. It is your friend.
Also, a friend of mine recently gave me this nugget: " 'No' is a complete sentence."
Posted by: Nick Sortal | July 23, 2007 2:06 PM
First of all, mom and dad being a good example of not speaking that way is the best "teacher" for the child. If not, it seems kind of hypocritical to ask your child not to do something that you clearly think is okay. Why would it be okay for you and not for them? Certain words aren't kind/loving to say - whether you're a child or an adult. That's a good "why" to give your child. Nothing can be more instructive to a child than your example - don't forget that! And yes, "because I said so" can be enough at times. But in a situation like this, you might want to give a little bit more of a why, especially if you're trying to establish a new rule...
Posted by: Becky | July 23, 2007 4:07 PM
Considering the fact that his father does not have much restraint in that department, I consider myself very lucky that Jeremy, 8, has not picked up words worse than "crap" and "that sucks". Not that I'm crazy about those - but it could be so much worse. These he seems to have picked up at school.
I can't say the same for Allyson (16), who in the last year or two started using too much foul language to express herself. I told her that it's ugly and really upsets me to hear her talk like that and she has really made an effort to stop and I think she's succeeded, at least within hearing distance of me.
Posted by: Mari | July 24, 2007 12:52 PM
When she was about 4, one of our daughters called her dad at work. When she got his voicemail, she uttered the same invective and hung up. I guess she really wanted to talk to her dad.
He was so amused by this that he took the recorded sound of her little baby voice saying "dammit," and made that the sound his computer made for errors, replacing that ping that most computers make.
That recording also started a conversation in our home about the use of curse words and scatalogical terms that continues today, into my children's teens. We all slip sometimes, but our emphasis has always been that the use of certain words, besides being offensive to those who hear them, also show the speaker to be less imaginative and not in control of their language.
Posted by: Vicki Brennan | July 24, 2007 1:13 PM
Just like Evan, I’ve heard my 5-year-old practice “damn it” on his sister when he thought I wasn’t looking or listening. His sister, not yet two, whispered “shhht” the other day the second after I dropped pizza into the bottom of the oven and burned it and said it under my breath. Luckily she doesn’t really know how to pronounce it ‘cause then I’d be in deep doo doo. Anyway, I correct my son if he says damn, darn, stupid, poop, etc. (not that it works much, he still says it. There’s a fine line between giving him the look and making a big deal about bad words so that he repeats them again and again and again just to annoy me). I know they're imitating us. And I know we say bad words sometimes, but we’re grown-ups, DAMN IT! Double standards were made for us.
Posted by: shana | July 27, 2007 2:21 PM