You think your property insurance is high, you should see how expensive it has become to be my neighbor. My poor neighbors have been asked to purchase cups and trinkets and flower bulbs and all variety of fund-raising crapola over the years, for these school and sport fund-raisers.

Matter of fact they just purchased a set of four sports cups from my son, to benefit his football team.

Now I get a pile of booklets full of candles and other "treasures'' they sent home with my five-year-old BABY who just started kindergarten.

I pictured her knocking on doors, and actually for a second, I was just trying to decide whether it would be negligent if I sent her around a block alone, where surely the residents of my neighborhood would be smitten with this itty bitty saleslady and buy her wares.

Yes, negligent. Can't leave her in car alone at liquor store, can't send her out as a door-to-door salesman. I'm learning!

Then Lily dropped the bomb. This was not a project for her at all. It's Parent Homework!

"We can win jewelry! Mommy, I really want the jewelry. Will you do this for me?''

I looked at the materials, and sure enough it tells the kids not to sell door to door.

"Parents,'' the note reads, "this is a family project. Please DO NOT allow students to sell door to door.''

Do they really think I want to ask my co-workers to buy wrapping paper and mint patties to benefit my child's school? Cripes.

Couldn't they leave the fund-raisers to the parents who don't pay taxes?

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Unrelated strange quote of the week, asked by Creed during algebra homework last night: "If I had three arms, would you amputate one of them?''