Shyness -- just a phase?
First of all, I should disclose that I probably shouldn't even be using the word "shy." My husband absolutely hates it. Multiple people have used the word to describe our older son, Evan, who turns 4 next month. My husband thinks it has a negative connotation and that it possibly sets up our son to be shy for the rest of his life if he keeps hearing it.
Although I'm not entirely on board with that theory and I think it's a word that people who meet Evan have used for lack of a better word and because they don't really know him, I'm not ready to throw it out either. And I don't appreciate that my dictionary's first definition of shy is "easily frightened."
Evan was never a daycare baby, but has been exposed to other kids through playground visits, some play dates, occasional visits with cousins and the like. It has always taken him at least half an hour to warm up to kids, but then he has a great time. I notice it seems like he's always thinking, watching, taking everything in before he acts.
On Saturday we went to the birthday party of a close friend's son, who turned 5. All of the birthday boy's friends were there that he sees on an everyday basis. They were strangers, naturally, to Evan. So Evan hung back, never straying from my side. Never participated in playing with any of the kids and did not really even want to stand in line for a piece of cake without me.
I have to say, it was painful. Because the Evan that I know is strong-willed, funny, loud, and even a bit of a daredevil at home. He'll have extended conversations with adults but all of a sudden become meek with other kids. It makes me wonder how much of his personality is influenced by parenting and what have we possibly done to contribute to this. Have I hovered? Did we keep him at home too long? He is a sweet, sweet kid -- so bright. I know he wants more friends, he's already naming kids from his preschool and talking about inviting them to his party. But there is something holding him back.
I'm wondering whether he will always be so reserved, so timid with kids or whether he can still outgrow this, and what I might be able to do to push it along without it backfiring on me. I'm also wondering if I'm overreacting. I'd be interested in hearing from other parents with "shy" kids.
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