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Candyland trauma
Learning to lose gracefully is an extremely important character skill. And as parents, you might not think about it being your job to teach your child how to lose, but it is.
Lily loves to win. She's only 5, and until I bought the Candyland game, this hole in my parenting had gone completely unnoticed by me.
But while doing my Christmas shopping this weekend it struck me that my children are board-game deprived.
My three sisters and I spent a lot of time playing board games, with each other and with our parents. It's quality family time. It's also how you learn the strategies of competition, the frustration of playing with cheaters, and other life skills. You also have to focus.
And as I said, if you lose, you cannot heave the board and all its pieces into the air and storm out. Which is not, I hasten to add, what Lily did.
But she did burst into tears, and she did continue sobbing for about 20 minutes. She was crushed. Even as I made her tell us "Congratulations,'' her face was scrunched in agony and tears were rolling.
I had invited Creed, her older brother, to play. And Creed won. And I came in second. Lily lost.
In our first round of playing the night before, every time Lily got ahead of me, she would say something like, "You're a loser.'' I had to instruct her that to be a good sport, you do not rub your opponent's nose in his losses.
But she relished her victory. And so it was that much more painful to her when she lost the 
next night.
She cried and cried. "I wanted to win,'' she said, tears dripping down her cheeks.
I told her it doesn't matter, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, that's how life is. It doesn't mean you're not good at the game, it doesn't mean anything about you. You shouldn't be so hurt by it.
I suppose a good, competitive spirit and a strong desire to win can be good traits. But we can't let our kids think they're always going to win. We don't need more spoiled brats in this country.
Do the world a favor and beat your kid at a board game tonight.
Gretchen Day-Bryant has a son in high school and a daughter in middle school. She’s lived to tell about the struggles of juggling little kids and work...
Joy Oglesby has an infant daughter and a sister 13 years her junior, whom she babies to the now-adult...
Cindy Kent Fort Lauderdale mother of three. Her kids span in ages from teenager to 20s...
Rafael Olmeda and his wife welcomed their first son in Feb. 2009, and he's helping raise two teenage stepdaughters...
Lois Solomon lives in Boca Raton with her husband and three daughters...
Anne Vasquez is the Online Editor in charge of overseeing SunSentinel.com. She is the mother of a 5-year-old boy and a newborn daughter.
Georgia East is the parent of a five-year-old girl, who came into the world weighing 1 pound, 13 ounces...
Brittany Wallman is the mother of Creed, 13, and Lily, 6, and is married...
Chris Tiedje is the Social Media Coordinator, and father of two boys and a girl all under the age of seven.
Comments
Hey Brittany, we have the same kind of drama going on at our house but the game is Sorry and the one who cries is my 8 year old daughter (and not my 5 year old son.) Priya can not STAND to lose! Doesn't matter how many times we tell her that it's a game of luck and that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, she just hates losing. Meanwhile, her brother is just happy to play. Of course, our family is so competitive that we actually have a Sorry "trophy" (one of the kid's old soccer trophies) and the winner gets to keep it in their room till the next time. (The kids say it's not fair because if Mom or Dad wins, we both get it in our room.. not true; it is either at my bedside or his. Big difference.) Anyway, we do insist that at the end of each game, everyone shakes hands and says "Good Game." Even through tears.
Posted by: Kavita | November 27, 2007 3:02 PM
My "Boo" is only 3 1/2, but she is already a game fanatic. We have a collection of 8+ games from memory to candyland to dominos to go fish. The obsession started at age 2 1/2 and she would rather play a game than play with the normal girly activities - dolls or Littlest Pet Shop.
At this point, "Boo" sees it as everyone winning. We were putting a game away when daddy asked who won. As my daughter put it "Mommy won first and I won second." I guess it will be a different story when she's a little older and losing becomes a little more personal.
We don't throw games in this house, but hubby just can't seem to catch a break against our daughter for the life of him. Oh... and don't try to play memory with a 3-yo... they will beat your tush every single time.
Posted by: Erin | November 28, 2007 9:12 AM
I have to agree about the game "Memory.'' Lily can actually beat me legitimately at the Dora Memory game. ... No need to elaborate. I'm 39. She's 5. What can I say? ...
Posted by: Brittany Wallman | November 28, 2007 9:15 AM
I stole Kavita's idea last night and brought out the Candyland Trophy. It was an old trophy of my husband's. Lily was super excited about the idea. Then she said everyone has more trophies than she does and she really wanted to win it, and keep it forever. "I only have one trophy.'' And she burst into tears. She did win, but she was crying as she accepted her trophy, because the idea of ever having to give it up to the next winner just depressed the heck out of her. Oh well.
Posted by: Brittany Wallman | November 28, 2007 9:20 AM
B-
My daughter is now 5 almost 6..same thing at my house. She gets upset when she loses and wants to play over and over again until she wins, the DRAMA! Just like you we "try" to explain about winning and losing......HAVE FUN! Hope all is well with you and Kavita :)
Posted by: Cliff | November 28, 2007 10:59 AM