Loves sports, just not with other kids
Even when Evan was an infant, I had visions of setting up a chair on the field at his soccer games, rooting him on and going out for pizza afterward. And now that he's 4, he actually does love soccer. Loves baseball. Loves basketball.
Loves all those games, as long as he's playing them at home. With us. He's old enough now to join T-ball or little kid soccer, but he immediately resists the idea whenever I mention that it might be fun to sign up to play with other kids his age.
I think I've established on this blog that Evan is a bit of a character. Can't call him shy, because my husband can't stand the term, but he is definitely reserved and it takes him a while to warm up to other people. He'll talk an adult's ear off, but when he sees other kids at the playground he sticks to his little brother no matter how badly he might want to run wild with the other kids.
I took him to a gymnastics-themed birthday party recently where he knew all of the kids because they were from his class, where he's quite comfortable, but he started crying because he didn't want to run or jump with the other kids, especially with other people watching him.
I'm not surprised at his very emotional, negative reaction to the prospect of playing in a soccer game or something similar with other kids. But he's not some sort of couch potato or bookworm either -- he adores being outside, hitting the baseball (or trying) and kicking around a soccer ball.
And I'm not going to make him do anything. Or should I strongly encourage it? Should I sign him up anyway, hoping that he'll end up loving it even if the first couple of practices or games make him absolutely miserable? I can't stand to see him unhappy, particularly in that sort of setting, so I can't see myself forcing the issue. But I'd love to hear from other parents if they have had similar experiences.
Comments
This is another one of those sticky areas of child-rearing. Several years ago I signed my daughter up for gynmastics. Based on her activities and interests I decided to provide her with this opportunity. The first few classes she just stood there and sometimes cried. I tried stepping in and encouraging her. But, in the end, the best thing was going to every class and over time she became familiar with what to expect and eventually became very involved. She has moved on to trying other sports and each time she has become quicker in joining in with the other kids. It's okay to prod our kids to deal with things that are a bit uncomfortable. It's never too early to learn that life isn't always easy.
Posted by: Shelly | December 17, 2007 1:50 PM
As a parent I can understand your point here. I would sign him up for the team this I think would not only help him to overcome this shynes about playing with other kids but to show him the value of team work.
Posted by: ORTANCIA | December 17, 2007 1:51 PM
I've seen Evans out there almost every year. My suggestion is sign him up, and then leave practice. Hopefully, you know the coach. If not, tell them beforehand what's up.
Stand from afar. If after one practice, he's still off to the side, tell the coach you don't want to push things -- no c'mon let's go play, no rewards for participating, no begging.
"Don't want to play, Evan? OK fine. We'll just go to the game and you can sit with your teammates." (You gotta walk yourself through this beforehand; don't trust that you'll be quick-minded enough to think on your feet on how to handle. Well, at least I can't.)
If he just sits on the sideline and watches --wears the uniform -- that's perfectly fine, especially at 4 years old. Some kids it takes a couple of years, and then they get the bug.
But I say try it now, because when they get older, it's often harder.
One other thought: Have some 'backyard games' if you know other kids on the team. Wear uniforms, and play kids vs. adults. Walk around like monsters and let your son laugh and bond with the other kids.
Personally, my kid is not a team-sport kid -- it's as much that he doesn't want to let the team down as anything. There's a chance he's better off in karate, etc. (We do swimming.)
Posted by: Nick Sortal | December 17, 2007 2:47 PM
We had the same problem with Lily when she was 4. It was a complete disaster of a soccer season. She cried at every single game even while kicking the ball (we forced her out there). It never got better. Then she always felt like she'd failed at soccer. So I signed her up this year, now that she's 5, and even though she resisted. Honestly, 4 was just too young for team sports. She's doing great out there now, and has rebuilt her confidence about sports. If I could do over I'd have waited till she was 5.
Posted by: Brittany Wallman | December 20, 2007 4:46 PM
Hi,
We are having he same problem with our 4 year old son. He loves to play in the yard with us, but ended up crying and pouting on the field when we tried the team soccer. He also did this with swimming over the summer. We are still going to work through the soccer season and hope that he participates more each week. I'm thinking too that maybe age 5 will be better when it comes to team sports.
Posted by: Amy Lehman | September 7, 2008 6:20 PM