Oh no! I'm a step parent!
I didn’t become a parent until I was 37 years old. Now I’m 38 and I have two girls, aged 12 and 15. That’s what I get for marrying their mother.
I’m fond of saying that we live in a one-story house, so there are no “steps.” It’s a charming expression, but not a realistic one. The simple truth is that I’ve got two girls sharing my home now, and I’m often at a loss as to how I’m supposed to behave. I’m not their “dad.” They call me by my name, as they should (their dad is still in the picture).
The girls have quirks I need to get used to. I have quirks they need to get used to.
I’m into musical theater, books and karaoke. They’re into hip-hop, wall posters and dancing.
I excelled as a student all through my school and college years. They're average students who might think “FCAT” is short for “Forget College After This.”
I sometimes teach grammar to undergraduate college students. They “tlk n txt msgs n dnt blv n vwls.”
Being a parent is something I’ve always wanted, but like most people, I expected to start from the beginning, with diaper changes, first steps, first words and first days of school. I expected I would be “Daddy,” not just “Mommy’s husband.”
And now I’ve got one teenager, and another about to become one. It’s like taking a final exam without having sat through the class. There are no makeup tests. No time to study. And it has begun.
Comments
My question to you is.... Do you feel the girls are a burden? It seems to me like you are having trouble adjusting. I understand that being a step-parent is harder than being a parent.... especially if the children are pre-teens/teens. Also, how do you think the girls would feel if they read your blog and saw that you believe them to be..... "average"
Posted by: lacolombina | February 4, 2008 3:21 PM
Excellent question!
No, I do not think they are a burden. I do think they are a challenge, just as they know I am a challenge. But it's a challenge with tremendous rewards.
"Average" is not a word I would use to describe them in general. It's a word to describe them as students, to describe their grades, academic performance, etc. In other areas, they are exceptional: terrific dancers, really passionate about the performing arts. They think I'm a nerd (and they're probably right about that). Great thing about that is, they know they can come to me with questions about their homework. But I have to learn the best way to help them, because I'm used to teaching people on the college level, which requires a whole different approach.
And I don't think being a step-parent is harder. Just different.
Am I having trouble adjusting? You bet! No more than any other step-parent, but probably no less.
Posted by: Rafael Olmeda | February 4, 2008 3:35 PM
Good for you Rafael! It's hard and it takes a lot of a work. As a step-child, I know how important it is to have the step-parent who is trying his or her best. And it's perfectly ok to say that a child is an average student if that's the truth. You didn't say the kids were average, just their scholarliness....
Posted by: Amy | February 4, 2008 6:45 PM
"lacolombina" ~ I didn't get that impression at all. I think this is a great commentary on being dropped into a family that already has its places figured out.
Thanks to Rafael Olmeda!
Posted by: Tiffany | February 5, 2008 8:49 PM