A little boy who became a little girl
Two weeks ago, a mother told the Broward County Commission that when her son was two, he started acting like a girl. The child is 7 now, and they've been raising him as a daughter.
The mom showed a photo, and said her child was diagnosed with a gender disorder at age 3.
She was speaking about this because the county was passing a law giving protection against discrimination to transgender people.
I am really torn by this. My heart bleeds for this little child. But I can't help but think a parent should not make a decision that profound when the child is that young.
I don't know much about gender disorders, and I would imagine there's a lot of debate out there in the medical world about it. It just seems possible that the little boy was just playing around. I know I had a very long tomboy phase where I refused to wear skirts or dresses and hated girly stuff. I even had a pair of very boyish shoes I was quite proud of. Nothing with a pointed toe was coming near me.
Thank God my mother did not decide to take me to a therapist -- no telling what I would have said in there.
I know a little boy who wears his sisters' dresses. I'll bet it's not uncommon. Maybe if his mom fed that desire, he'd become even more girly. I don't know. Maybe I'm exhibiting the ignorance of the masses on this. I know they say the suicide rate for transgender kids is really high. Maybe it's because they're forced to remain a gender they don't want to be.
When this kid the County Commission was told about was two and the mom would say, "good boy,'' he would respond with "no, mommy, good girl!'' Then he started wanting to leave the house with a wig on. He stole his mom's makeup, he wanted his fingernails painted every day.
I just don't know what to think about this, except to be heartbroken.
To summarize the debate on this: Is your true self in your body, or in your mind? And even if it's in your mind, is the mind of a 3-year-old capable of knowing what it ultimately wants to be?
Keep reading for the full text of her testimony. It's captivating, really.
And here is a website with more information:
FROM THE FLOOR: Hi. Thank you. I'm here as a
mom today to speak on behalf of my child that is
too young to speak for herself, and I'll put her
picture up here so you all can see. I don't know,
pass it around or whatever you have to do. Seven
years ago I gave birth to my fourth child, a
beautiful baby boy who we named Jared. Since I
already had a four-year-old daughter and twin
two-year-old boys, he completed our family and
brought so much joy into our lives. However, when
Jarred was two and began to form a little
personality. It was apparent he was nothing like
his older brothers. He was attracted to all
things girly andI when I was praise him: Good
boy, he would always correct me and say: No,
mommy, good girl. At first we thought nothing of
it but when we kept insisting to leave the house
in a wig, we knew it was more than a passing
phase. By the time Jarred was three, he was
diagnosed as gender disorder. Jarred continued to
act just like a girl. He was obsessed with all
things bar be, stole my makeup and wanted his
nails painted every day and he never went anywhere
without his be loved mermaid dolls. Even his in
demeanor was delicate, graceful. As I continued
to learn about gender identity disorder, I was
horrified at what I did learn. 50 percent of
trans kids will attempt suicide at least once.
They are depressed, confused, and hate themselves
and their bodies. My husband and I were
determined that our child was not going to be
another static. We never encouraged this belabor
but instead allowed him to be true to himself. By
the age of five, my beautiful baby boy Jarred
became my gorgeous daughter Jarren. A simple
pronoun change, a change of clothes, and some hair
growth was all that it took. Today at the age of
seven, Jarren is a happy, popular well adjusted
little girl who most importantly loves herself.
Little does she know the rough journey ahead of
her but you all know what it means to be
transgender in today's world and as a mom I fear
what she may face. Jarren deserves a fair chance
to lead her life as she believes and be given the
same opportunity as her peers, and I'm happy to
see that change is on the way. She recently told
me that the happiest day of her life was when she
found out she was transgender. May she always
feel this way, always feel good about herself, and
I thank you very much.
Comments
Gender dysphoria is a very difficult thing at any age, but may be truly most difficult as a child, especially as he/she approaches puberty. I know this from my own personal experiences and I wish that I had parents that would have been more sympathetic to my cause. I am now in my late 20's and am miserable as a man. The cost of transitioning is very expensive, and now that the male hormones have affected my body, it's not really realistic for me to pass as a woman. However, if I had been raised as a girl, and given female hormones before the outset of male puberty, my chances at living a normal female life would have been significantly better. I feel for this child, because I know exactly what she is going through.
Posted by: John D | February 26, 2008 2:21 PM
Can someone at this paper please read blog posts before they are posted? I tried sympathizing with this child but was confused with all the grammar errors and typos in the mother's testimony. I mean you job is words, try to do it right.
Posted by: Please Proof read | February 26, 2008 2:50 PM
Hello, dear readers. The reason the mother's testimony is not perfectly spelled is that the county sent it to us as "dirty minutes'' that are essentially a draft version, oftentimes phonetically spelled.
Posted by: Brittany Wallman | February 26, 2008 3:24 PM
This is child abuse.
A 2 year old is not old enough to insist on wearing a wig, or painting nails.
This mother should be locked in jail for life for destroying the life of a child.
this is CHILD ABUSE plain and simple. I have nothing against trans-anything but did you all miss the part about being 2 years old.. tons of 2 year old boys act like little girls and vice versa, it has nothing to do with a gender disorder.
A some wonder why this country is going to hell...
Posted by: Erik | February 26, 2008 4:11 PM
"A little boy who became a little girl"
The lief begins, when you tell that this "boy" had been a "boy"... the only thing is: there are girls born with penis and gonads. It's also wrong that "he started acting like a girl"... cause it always had been a girl and itÄs fully normal that a girl acts like a girl. Think about it.
Posted by: Kim | February 27, 2008 4:46 AM
Brittany, from one who is inside of the gender mix-master, yes, the child knows the difference. There is a difference between play acting in dress up and knowing one isn't the boy or girl everyone else is proclaiming them to be. Some of us know by the time we realize there is a difference between boys and girls we were handed the wrong body. That realization could come anytime between three to five years old.
Just as you know you are a girl and probably never questioned the idea, some of us realized the same thing but something went wrong in the design from egg to birth. There are hundreds of thousands of things that have to go perfectly right in perfect ordered sequence for that egg to turn into a normal healthy baby boy or baby girl. It no longer surprises me there are those like me. What is surprising is there are any healthy bouncing baby boys or baby girls born.
I like the idea God made girls and boys. I like girls to look like girls and boys to look like boys. I like the idea of Adam and Eve. Maybe in time science will figure it out before those like me are born and we become a footnote in the medical journals of history. However until then, keep in mind, I'm not a freak or an abomination. I'm exactly the way God made me. I can only wish science knew what was going on when I was born. Life has to be a kazillion times easier when the mind and the body are in agreement with one another.
Posted by: Barb | February 27, 2008 8:06 AM
The person who wrote about the grammar errors in the mother's writing made a grammar error, also. "I mean your job is words, try to do it right" is incorrect (comma splice). A semicolon is appropriate where he or she put a comma.
Posted by: cat | February 27, 2008 8:28 AM
Erik,
You have no idea what child abube is. Your hatred clearly shows where you stand and how you would torture such children. If you have any children, social services should come and take them away. You are unfit to be a parent and yet you want to tell caring parents what to do? I don't think so!
I know why this country is in hell. It is because of people like you. But, believe me, we are working to fix it!
Posted by: Elizabeth | February 27, 2008 10:30 AM
I myself beleive myself to be a M2F Transsexual.I am now 60 and have raised a family and proably will not have the surgery to complete everything.My mother knows and her doctor told her that it was not her fault,but somewhere in the womb something went wrong.Because ever since i was also about 3-5 years old,i have felt this way.Nobody misused me or forced me to do anything.So people that don't really understand this condtion,should read up on the subject before they open there mouths.Like my dad used to say"It's hard to stand on one foot,when you have the other one in your mouth".
Posted by: David | February 27, 2008 3:17 PM
This mother left out some important info. How closed was Jared to his older sister? How much more often did he play with her instead of his older brothers? Did his older brothers push him away emotionally? My 3 year old daughter often plays "Poppi" because she idolizes her grandfather. That doesn't mean she has an identity problem - it means she identifies closely with an opposite-gender relative and wants to pretend she is him. I think most children go through this phase - when I was young, I pretended I was my cousin's brother, as he grew up and wanted less to do with me because I was a little girl.
Posted by: Altari | February 27, 2008 5:29 PM
I would agree with those that say that this child requires counselling at this young age. A child that feels this way is a real concern and many times these feelings and needs are real. The child is born with these feelings. I know parents that ignored these as a passing child thing. This child had only male siblings. The feelings only magnified as the only daughter in this family that loved the child dearly. The brothers were very masculine an protectors. At 19 the need to be a girl continued. Nothing could change them. Today this person is a wonderful well adjusted woman that is married to a loving and understanding man. This family understood and helped unlike many others that choose to ignor or change the person. This is my dear cousin and my BFF.
Posted by: Kristi | February 27, 2008 8:34 PM
Gender identity disorder real, and goes far beyond a girl acting like a tomboy or a boy who wears his sisters dresses.
There exist, in our society, individuals who can not identify with their physical gender. The body and mind are complex and we have her to discover all thier intricacies.
I would not wish this disorder on even my enemies.
I applaud the child's parents for taking the steps to help this child feel whole!
Posted by: DadofTwo | February 28, 2008 9:38 AM
You have got to be kidding!
Do you people really believe that God would make a mistake like that. NO he knows exactly what he is doing and although thinkngs don't always turn out the way we want them to doesn't mean we can change something as simple as our gender especially the gender of another human being, especially one of sucha young age. I have four children and teach children everyday. Boys should be encouraged to be boys and girls to be girls. Just because they want to wear a dress, doesn't mean they should.God never intended for genders to be mixed. Adam and Eve all the way!!
Posted by: Mom of Four | November 21, 2008 10:44 AM
You have got to be kidding!
Do you people really believe that God would make a mistake like that. NO he knows exactly what he is doing and although thinkngs don't always turn out the way we want them to doesn't mean we can change something as simple as our gender especially the gender of another human being, especially one of sucha young age. I have four children and teach children everyday. Boys should be encouraged to be boys and girls to be girls. Just because they want to wear a dress, doesn't mean they should.God never intended for genders to be mixed. Adam and Eve all the way!!
Posted by: Mom of Four | November 21, 2008 10:45 AM