Backtalk and timeouts on Easter
Just last week I blogged about what a sweet kid my 4-year-old Evan is. But yesterday he temporarily turned into a rude and ungrateful little boy.
I had taken great care in ensuring that the boys' Easter baskets contained an equal number of treats and small toys. Did I make sure that each item was the SAME EXACT COLOR? No. I didn't really think that would be a problem.
But after the initial euphoria of opening Easter baskets had worn off, and I was dozing on the couch at 8 a.m. as the boys played with their new stuff, I heard the all-too familiar wail from Elias that indicated something had been taken away from him. I opened my eyes. A distraught Evan was holding a blue egg that had once held a Hot Wheels car while Elias was crying that it was his. Apparently Evan didn't get a blue egg among the three that contained brand-new cars. I told him that they each got the same number of cars, and that I didn't want to hear any more out of them.
Five seconds later, there was the unmistakable sound of jealousy rearing its ugly head again. Eli crying, Evan acting as though it was a huge injustice that he did not receive a blue plastic egg container. I told him once again that he and Elias both got the same amount of toys and candy and that he should be thankful to the Easter bunny instead of whining. And that the color of the egg didn't matter. I closed my eyes.
"Shut up."
Those two little words were uttered so calmly, yet almost tentatively. And they came out of Evan's mouth for the first time. My jaw dropped. I bolted out of the couch.
"Time out -- NOW," I told Evan.
He went, crying.
I immediately marched into my bedroom and informed Jeff of what Evan had said. Nothing I say usually stirs him out of bed, but his eyes immediately opened. Take his basket away, my husband said firmly.
I wasn't willing to go that far, but Jeff was insistent that Evan's entire Easter basket should be off limits, at least for a little while. He then went in Evan's room and gave him a stern talking-to that provoked the kind of tears usually accompanied by hyperventilating.
Eventually, Evan got his basket back. After an apology. Jeff and I were both aghast that Evan would ever say such a thing. But that's the influence of TV, I guess. And I was left wondering if we addressed it properly.
Any thoughts? How old were your kids when you first became the victim of their shocking language?
Comments
It sounds like your son was annoyed that you weren't listening. It is so fustrating, you think that you've done something so nice but all there is is complaints. Trust me I know! I have my own children and teach 10 year olds all day. If I listened to ever complaint and tried acting on them all it would just drive me crazy.
However, look at it from your sons point of view. He doesn't even know that you did anything since the Easter Bunny brought it all. Then when he wanted a blue egg you wouldn't listen. You have to keep in mind that it seems silly to us, but is important to them. Not to say you should have acted on it but listening is the key to avoiding most of those meltdowns. Maybe just telling him your sorry the bunny didn't leave him a blue egg, that it's sad and next year we'll write a note asking him to leave one. Then distract him some way such as asking him to bring you his favorite egg to see. I know it sounds like a lot of work when all you really want to do is lay there, however in the long run it usually saves time beacuse it can avoid a fit.
Posted by: beth | March 24, 2008 5:15 PM
Beth has some good points, although it sounds to me like his frustration came from the fact that he wanted the blue egg (not to be listened to). It's a small distinction, worth pointing out. With that said, Beth's suggestions often work with kids as a way to soothe the disappointment of not having a blue egg. So maybe next time, it's something to try. However, you might still get the behavior because little kids try them out to see if they work. Caveman mentality - I don't have it, I want it, I'll take it. HIs behavior was unacceptable and timeout/temporary loss of Easter basket is a great way to show him that that kind of behavior does not work in your home. After a short timeout, then you can give him the Easter basket back with a reminder of how to behave appropriately.
Posted by: Amy | March 25, 2008 12:43 PM
Beth has some good points, although it sounds to me like his frustration came from the fact that he wanted the blue egg (not to be listened to). It's a small distinction, worth pointing out. With that said, Beth's suggestions often work with kids as a way to soothe the disappointment of not having a blue egg. So maybe next time, it's something to try. However, you might still get the behavior because little kids try them out to see if they work. Caveman mentality - I don't have it, I want it, I'll take it. HIs behavior was unacceptable and timeout/temporary loss of Easter basket is a great way to show him that that kind of behavior does not work in your home. After a short timeout, then you can give him the Easter basket back with a reminder of how to behave appropriately.
Posted by: Amy | March 25, 2008 12:43 PM