My son walked on his freshman football team two years ago. Practiced in 90 degree heat all summer, we forfeited summer vacation so he could attend, practiced after school every day during season. He got to participate in ONE play of ONE game. As an involved mom, I was very upset. However, I asked him if all this was okay with him. He was happy just being a part of the team. I told him I was disappointed he didn't play. We even attended every game, with a toddler in tow. But I had to respect his feelings and would never embarass him by speaking with the coaches about it. He got to play a bit more in his sophomore year and has decided not to play this year, instead focusing on cross-country, where he is actually stellar. He found his way, on his own. As a parent, its hard watching your child go through this but you have to ride it out.

Being a coach, I would like to provide my opinion.
Age and level of play factors into this very subjective debate.
Ask any parent, no matter how good, bad or interested their child is, and they will surely tell you that their child should start or play more than Johnny because he/she is just as good if not better. When it comes to their own kids, many parents can be blind to the obvious. In today’s culture, there is an overwhelming feeling of entitlement. The thought is “dammit, my kid paid his dues (or league fees), he/she is OWED the right to play” this mentality has permeated all the way down to the t-ball level. The reality of the situation may be that your child might not be as good as some other players out there.

While playing for fun and making it as fair as possible for all kids to enjoy sports is a great gameplan at earlier ages (11 and under), as children mature, their own competitive juices start flowing. Sports become more about winning and performing more than it is about solely recreation. Fielding your best is the primary concern while ensuring fair playing time is a very close second. Rewarding hard work also has to be factored in.

Beyond the middle school level, sports are solely about results. Winning is paramount and should be treated as such. Equal playing time has gone out the window. Those that post results will get an opportunity. The rest will fill when and if needed. It sucks, but it is the truth. Yes, there are some coaches that do a great job of balancing it all; letting the bench players play when the score or situation allows it. But, the vast majority only see the end game: wins and losses.

In the end, sports is not that much different than life, really. Would you hire the best performer or the nicest person for an important job? Would you admit the student with an “A” average or the “C” student?

Good points, Richard. But the biggest problem I see in youth sports is Daddy Ball. These are the coaches who let their kids and their kids' friends play the prime positions and never sit, regardless of their talent level.

I only hope that there are more coaches like you in middle school and high school who recognize and reward talent. But I'm starting to doubt that.

DaddyBall is more of a problem in the youth travel leagues. If you are not coaching you better be sure that your kid is one of the better players that is not related to the coaching staff. Otherwise you will be driving all over to watch your kid sit on the bench.
In high school, particularly at the bigger schools, there are so many kids that some pretty good players never get a chance.
It is a shame but that is the way it is. I do think high school coaches miss out by not playing more kids. It would help their practices alot if players knew they were going to get in. A alot of it is a lack of imagination in how to use certain players in certain spots.
I sat the bench in high school and I have always advised my kids to find a team/sport where they will play. Forget about watching someone else play. Like the son of the first poster there is a spot somewhere else where you can succeed.

Now that I go back and re-read the Alliance's question, I guess it should be clarified: I'm taking this to be a rec or travel league situation, where the coaches are volunteers/unpaid. So that makes a difference, to me.

My thinking is this: if it's a younger child, and it's a rec or travel situation, there's nothing wrong with a parent talking with a coach -- at the right time (not before or after a game, but some time when it's just them).

If it's a team/school sport, I encourage the kid to do the talking him or herself. They learn how to handle problems, how to speak up for themselves, and it trains them for real life -- employee-boss kind of thing.

As far as the high school comments go, I always tell parents of children who are in middle school who are wanting to play when they reach high school to go see a high school game or two. This gives them an idea of how much hard work, and intensity goes into high school sports -- not necessarily a bad thing -- even on teams that aren't state powers.

Thoughts?

"Richard" says "winning is paramount". What?!? Kids sports is NOT about winning, this is a poor, poor attitude. Kids sports is about teaching them life skills, discipline, and team work. Winning is a side-effect. Richard, are you teaching these kids that winning is everything, at any cost ? Surely not....