My daughter is five and she still hasn't officially grasped the concept of race. Last week when I was discussing the importance of Democratic and Republican Pres/VP nominees, I had to say that Obama is the first brown person (like you and me) to be nominated a big political party. When I asked her if she knew who John McCain was, she said he is the blonde man who is blonde all over that she sees on TV.
I have decided to let her lead when we go into further details and in the meantime people are just brown, pink, peach, etc.

My 2.5 year old daughter said the other day, about two of her classmates: "Femi and Roman are brown" in a very matter of fact manner. Since we now live in the suburbs and not in NYC, I'm glad that she still has friends of all colors / backgrounds but I too have no idea when and how to further discuss it with her. Do I draw attention to it? Do I not? In Brooklyn, she was so accustomed to seeing and interacting with people of all races and I would love for her to grow up thinking that this is the norm. How do I do this while living in suburbia?

In 2nd grade (8 years old) my daughter asked if she could bring a friend home after school the next day. When I pulled up to school, my daughter was waiting with a little black girl and I was delighted that she had never thought to mention the child's race to me. All 3 of my children were "color blind" until 4th grade. This is the year that the curriculum spends a lot of time teaching about segregation and civil rights and Black History Month kicks in. I know it is valuable history but I couldn't help but wish there was a way to not plant those seeds. After 4th grade, the adjective describing color was often in their description of friends.

We praise our young children for accurate descriptions while they are building their vocabulary. "What color is the triangle? Blue? Very good!" There is no difference between a young child describing "a red bird" vs. describing "a tall, white man". On my son's first day in a new preschool he was asked about an incident that had happened in class. He said that he didn't know his classmate's name, but that it was a "brown girl". The African-American teacher became incensed with my son and asked him why he hadn't described what the girl was wearing instead of what color she was. My son immediately became scared and confused not understanding what he had done "wrong". I intervened on my son's behalf and assured the teacher that at the age of 2 1/2 years old, my son was neither racist nor sexist. My son also pointed out to me "a fat man" in a store one day while in the gentleman's presence. Although that was highly embarassing to me it was also a very accurate description.

It's a sad state of affairs when children are encouraged to describe everything they see, but we find it "interesting" when they don't stop at describing people. We should all lighten up a bit and explain to children that although we all look different, we all feel the same things inside.

I have one child. When she was five, she came home kindergarten and said " I don't like Joseph because he has brown skin"

I said "Well, in this house you will have to have a better reason than that."

She came back a bit later and said he had hit her. That was a springboard about tolerance and when we should tell the teacher, etc.

It helps when you address it in terms they understand, I think.