Previous entry: 
Next entry:
‘Don’t hit your brother’
This has become a familiar line in the household. Our sons, ages 1 and 2-and-a-half, are taking to taking their frustrations out on each other. You’d think that it would be driven by the older one, but no, both engage in this age-old sibling tradition. I never expected to order my 1-year-old to “stop hitting.” I mean, he can’t even say the word! It seemed like that parental refrain would be saved for later years.
My question is whether, psychologically, they can understand at this age that it’s wrong. We can tell them not to do it, and that will have an effect. We remove treats, take away fun trips and put them on a time out. So maybe the association of hitting-leading-to-disappointment is what we hope for at this point. But I wonder: How can we get toddlers to understand that hitting is inherently bad? What worked for you?
Gretchen Day-Bryant has a son in high school and a daughter in middle school. She’s lived to tell about the struggles of juggling little kids and work...
Joy Oglesby has an infant daughter and a sister 13 years her junior, whom she babies to the now-adult...
Cindy Kent Fort Lauderdale mother of three. Her kids span in ages from teenager to 20s...
Rafael Olmeda and his wife welcomed their first son in Feb. 2009, and he's helping raise two teenage stepdaughters...
Lois Solomon lives in Boca Raton with her husband and three daughters...
Anne Vasquez is the Online Editor in charge of overseeing SunSentinel.com. She is the mother of a 5-year-old boy and a newborn daughter.
Georgia East is the parent of a five-year-old girl, who came into the world weighing 1 pound, 13 ounces...
Brittany Wallman is the mother of Creed, 13, and Lily, 6, and is married...
Chris Tiedje is the Social Media Coordinator, and father of two boys and a girl all under the age of seven.
Comments
I am a parent of 2 (ages 3 and 7 months) as well as a behavior analyst and special ed teacher. The following has worked in my classrooms and with my own 3 year old. As often as we give negative consequences for hitting, we also need to be there to correct the hitting before it starts. Look at the function of the hitting. For attention, if you can catch them before they hit and tell them an appropriate way of getting attention (i.e., give a hug, high 5, ask to play etc). It it's in a frustrating situation, i.e, younger one has the toy that the older one wants, try to give him the words to solve the problem or label how he's feeling (if it can't be solved). Give him the exact words to say as well as verbally praising him for telling you with his words (instead of his fists-haha). Finally, we can't expect to do it all with just our words. There are times where we are sharing a toy with my 7 month old, which makes my 3 year old crazy. I will physically prevent him from taking the toy back for 1-2 minutes, while we are sharing. Same goes for about to hit. I will get in the way and stop him from hitting. At this point, I also prompt the appropriate behavior.
It's a tough situation. The above strategies have been helpful, but it's still really frustrating. I think it also takes time. Your 2.5 year old will understand better, but make no mistake that, if your 1 year old has learned to hit, he can learn to do something else. :) Either way, I feel your pain....
Posted by: Amy | November 18, 2008 9:30 AM
There is no such thing as "understanding" for quite some time. Toddlers don't even naturally "play" together -- without adult supervision-- for more than a few minutes; they simply don't know how. Boys, especially, need lots of physical activity. Hence, hitting.
Probably they could use time apart. Is there a play group where they could play separately with other kids? Can you send one to Grandma's occasionally? In a couple of years they will be ready for sports, toddler gym maybe sooner. Meanwhile, lots of outdoor time (fresh air is free) will help to wear them out.
Good luck!
Gigi
Posted by: Gigi | November 20, 2008 11:21 AM