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When your 13-year-old asks about sex
By Cindy Kent
We were sitting around the breakfast table recently when my 13-year old son asked why doctors give out free condoms to kids .
And what adult wouldn't jump at the chance to display their deep wealth of knowledge on any given topic -- especially sex?
So almost simultaneously we both answered, "Because kids your age are having sex."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because they love.....loving," I said. I was trying to avoid being graphic. But my son caught the error.
"Oh come on, " he said. "Even I know at this age it isn't love."
Wow! He's good. Darn, the conversation is going to end before it gets started!
"You're right, " said the other wizened adult in the house. "But for some, it might feel like love to them."
That doesn't make it right, we all agreed. We talked about how risky it is - that there is a lot wrong with young teenagers being sexually active. (Trust me, there are a lot more discussions ahead.)
As he and his friends discuss sex, he is pretty well armed with sensible information.
The only true test will be over time, how he manages, processes and puts into practice the things he knows .
In the meantime, he can take a quiz: Sex, do you know your stuff? on About.com: Teen Advice.
For parents and their children, there are quizzes, articles, blogs and advice. Questions children have about sex are headlined as topics. I took the Sex, Do you know your stuff ? quiz and passed. Whew!
The idea is not to turn your child away from getting answers and having discussions with you. But if you find you are at a loss for words when the big questions come, or you think you child would appreciate the additional information then check out "Let's talk about sex, for the first time" and "Why do adults make such a big deal about teens having sex? "
Discussing sex on our son's level is powerful and beneficial to him. We hope he'll keep that line of communication open always for a wonderfully fulfilling relationship in the future .
Gretchen Day-Bryant has a son in high school and a daughter in middle school. She’s lived to tell about the struggles of juggling little kids and work...
Joy Oglesby has an infant daughter and a sister 13 years her junior, whom she babies to the now-adult...
Cindy Kent Fort Lauderdale mother of three. Her kids span in ages from teenager to 20s...
Rafael Olmeda and his wife welcomed their first son in Feb. 2009, and he's helping raise two teenage stepdaughters...
Lois Solomon lives in Boca Raton with her husband and three daughters...
Anne Vasquez is the Online Editor in charge of overseeing SunSentinel.com. She is the mother of a 5-year-old boy and a newborn daughter.
Georgia East is the parent of a five-year-old girl, who came into the world weighing 1 pound, 13 ounces...
Brittany Wallman is the mother of Creed, 13, and Lily, 6, and is married...
Chris Tiedje is the Social Media Coordinator, and father of two boys and a girl all under the age of seven.
Comments
Hey, I was really very very surprised when my 12 years old Son asked me about condoms, I did not know what to say! obviously I was not to explain everything about a condom, I just laughed and told him it has something to do with grown ups, the next question was whts with the grown ups, I replied I will let you know when you are 16 LOL!hey but I know he will get to know about it even befor 16 from his friends!
Posted by: Medela | December 5, 2008 11:28 PM
You should read Dr. Meg Meeker's thoughts about why parents' are so AFRAID to talk to their kids about sex. It explains a lot.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-meg-meeker/sex-why-we-hate-talking-a_b_148810.html
Posted by: joeant | December 8, 2008 9:40 AM
Um, you do NOT want your son to "get to know" from his friends. My kids starting asking quite young, like 9, because of "things" they had heard at school. Never pass up the opportunity for communication with your child. Now, at 16, we still discuss anything they want. Luckily, they have a mature of view of sex, based on "respect", for themselves and others!
Posted by: Jenny | December 10, 2008 12:36 PM
Um, you do NOT want your son to "get to know" from his friends. - Jenny
You are so right! I don't understand this whole "fear" thing about talking to your teenagers about sex. I had 2 boys and 2 girls and, when our kids turned something like nine or ten, we engaged them in conversations about it. My wife talked to our daughters and I spoke with our sons. It worked well and they are all grown up now with families of their own. It really wasn't hard; just do it. For their sakes it has to be done!
Posted by: john | December 10, 2008 8:16 PM
My son was in 5th grade when he came home and told me kids were trying on condoms in the bathroom.
What do you say to that? Well I took the opportunity to ask him if he tried one on or if he wanted to know how they worked. I used a banana to show him how to use one. We also discussed about abstinence and how to handle himself when the situation comes up. Communication is the key.
Posted by: tina | January 7, 2009 12:01 PM