Teens learning the wrong thing from the Chris Brown and Rihanna fight

Chris%20Brown%20Rihanna.jpg A coworker sent me this link to a Chicago Tribune article with a disturbing observation. Remember the accusation that entertainer Chris Brown beat his girlfriend Rihanna? Well, it turns out some teens think she had it coming. I’m not kidding. Here’s the beginning of the Tribune article:

Ed Loos, a junior at Lake Forest High School, said a common reaction among students to Chris Brown's alleged attack on Rihanna goes something like this: "Ha! She probably did something to provoke it."
In Chicago, Sullivan High School sophomore Adeola Matanmi has heard the same.

"People said, 'I would have punched her around too,' " Matanmi said. "And these were girls!"

As allegations of battery swirl around the famous couple, experts on domestic violence say the response from teenagers just a few years younger shows the desperate need to educate this age group about dating violence.

Their acceptance, or even approval, of abuse in romantic relationships is not a universal reaction. But it comes at a time when 1 in 10 teenagers has suffered such abuse and females ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of any age group, research shows.

***

I heard the rumors, too. It didn’t take long for them to pop up. My stepdaughter came home from school the day after the allegations were made public and let my wife and me know exactly why Chris Brown beat Rihanna (a talented entertainer in her own right). And while she didn’t say Rihanna deserved it, she might as well have. After all, so the rumor went, what Rihanna gave Chris Brown was worse than the beating he gave her, wink wink.

First, my wife and I explained that schoolyard rumors are usually best left in the schoolyard. Only two people witnessed whatever happened, and it’s not likely that one of them called up a friend at Cypress Bay High School to spread the word.

But the bigger lesson, the one we hope stuck, was that violence in romantic relationships is unacceptable. I could tell my stepdaughter with near certainty that Rihanna didn’t deserve it because no one deserves to be beaten like that. I don’t care what she did. If you’re a man, you don’t hit her. Maybe you'll yell or scream or get loud in the heat of the moment. But you do not get physical (unless self-defense is an issue, which may happen but is certainly not representative of abuse cases).

I know some men (and some women) can explode if the wrong buttons are pushed, and without a doubt, it’s unwise to intentionally push those buttons. But I want my teenage stepdaughters to know that it is never, ever right to let a man strike them.

Erica Herman, director of social change at Women in Distress, succinctly shot down the notion that victims of domestic violence provoke the attacks against them. "Domestic violence is about power and control," she said, addressing a different rumor about the Brown-Rihanna altercation. "He didn't hit her because he was angry. He hit her to gain control."

We don’t know what happened. In our family, we hope Chris Brown is innocent, and we hope those pictures of Rihanna that surfaced on the Internet were faked. But if they’re authentic, then someone hurt this woman. And if it was Chris Brown, then he should pay. The shame of this whole thing is that our family is fond of this talented singer, dancer and actor. He’s a heck of an entertainer – I’d bet he could get a standing ovation at a cemetery.

But if this charge sticks, then he’ll have gone from Chris Brown to Bobby Brown, from undeniable talent to disgraced has-been (if only in my eyes). No, I wasn’t expecting perfection out of him. But I was expecting him to refrain from beating his girlfriend. I don’t think that’s much to ask at all.

If you’re a victim of domestic violence or of violence in a romantic relationship, you didn’t have it coming. You didn’t ask for it. It's not normal and it's not your fault. And there are places you can turn to for help. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. If you need counseling in Broward County, call Women in Distress at 954-761-1133. In Palm Beach County, call Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse at 1-800-355-8547.

Elsewhere, call the Florida Domestic Violence Toll-free Hotline at 1-800-500-1119 or the National Domestic Violence Toll-free Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

POSTED IN: Entertainment (74), Rafael Olmeda (91), Safety (32), Step-parenting (48), Teen (105)

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Comments

I agree, that definitely seems to be the attitude about this whole thing. "She must have had it coming." I think that the die hard fans of Chris Brown can't fathom that he did this, and so they are lashing out at her in his defense. It's sad, and definitely a scary sign of the times.

Posted by: Christina | February 25, 2009 4:14 PM

Well as a girl i often take rihanna side cause i no if a boy touched me in the wrong way. We would be having a field day!..lol if u no what i mean. I think rihanna did have it coming for her. because she must have did something to make him mad!.but as they say she hit him too.She cant hit nobody and just think they not going to hit her back i thank famous den got into her head a little to much. lol. but if she new he was cheatin and it has been going on for a while. why she just didnt cheat back or leave him cause she a pretty girl{nohomo}. She can get another one come on now. and chris brown if you ever touch another girl ill beat u up myself small self!. got it kiddd.! but i take chris browns sidee to dont say it was self defense thats lieing cum on now. u probably was tried of her shit and couldnt take no more. Cause i no she probably had her hating ways all females do in a way. But if she deserved to be slapped around and she let you maybe she likes that type of stuff who nows??. But to hit a lady is not right and im a girl myself!.And i dont let boys hit me now so watch ya self yall both were wrong. im not on either one of your sides. you hit each other and still love each other.
but rihanna hurt rite now and theres really nuthin chris can do about that.
-kay.k
#1 fan of both of you guys!
{chris brown} & {rihanna

Posted by: kaija jelks | February 25, 2009 4:52 PM

Do you really feel that way, Kay.k? I really hope not. Victims don't like it. They're not asking for it. The victim is not to blame.

Posted by: Rafael | February 25, 2009 5:14 PM

well i think that rhianna is lieing i know my baby chris brown would not have hit a girl for no reason like that she would have had to really piss him off or hit him or something cause there isnt a boy i know that would just beat a girl like that and make her look that bad thats not possible evn though i am a girl myself i still think rhiannas lieing.But i also take rhiannas side cause chris had no business putting his hands on a female because i know if a boy put his hands on me we would be fighting were ever we are i dont care but rhianna and chris i lave yuh both and i wish yuh all the best and i hope yuh guys work things out and get back together rhianna all i got to tell u is learn how to control ur man and keep him around yuh all the time so yuh know wat hes doing at all times so yu'd know if hes cheating on yuh or not and im hpoeing by this experience that u will know wat to do next time but good bye for now my finges hurt lol i <3 yuh guys chris u better keep ur hands off the ladies hahaha good bye -teonna f bad

Posted by: teonna | February 25, 2009 9:39 PM

If this is what the young generation is justifying (cause that's what most of these letters are, justification. Even if they're multiple posts), that is truly sad that you don't know better! No one is entitled to batter someone else because they were provoked. God forbid any of you so called girls raise daughters, it would be a vicious cycle of domestic abuses. Chris Brown should make a public statement against physical abuse, maybe then you'll all get it.

Posted by: Ashamed by these responses | February 25, 2009 9:56 PM

Sorry about the duplication. It's been fixed.

Posted by: Rafael | February 26, 2009 6:16 AM

What is more pathetic than a man who smacks a woman around?

People that think this pos is some kind of a role model.

He isn't.
Neither is she.

Another Epic Failing of the "black community"

Posted by: Dick | February 26, 2009 6:25 AM

Race has nothing to do with it. Abusers come in all colors and cultures. Judge a person for his actions; don't judge a people.

Posted by: Rafael | February 26, 2009 7:50 AM

While the views of these 2 young women are confused to say the least, I am much more concerned with their butchering of the English language and inability to use capital letters where appropriate. Perhaps every middle and high school English teacher in Broward County should assign a composition on this subject which will be graded for content as well as style, punctuation, spelling and grammar. In addition, these teachers could then refer these girls with such confused ideas to self-esteem workshops or counseling.

I hope men realize that the first relationship a girl has is the one she establishes with her father. If she witnesses her father treat women with respect, she will expect respect from the men in her life. Dads out there, take note: You are the role models for your daughters to learn how they deserve to be treated and for your sons to realize how to treat a lady.

Posted by: caroline | February 26, 2009 1:39 PM

Caroline,

What can I say? Welcome to Generation Text, where ppl wryt lyk dey talk. I wish it weren't so, but it is. Did you notice that teonna's comment is only two sentences? Punctuation marks are our friends!

But your larger point is the more important one. For girls and boys, we learn about relationships with men by the relationships we have with our fathers. As a father (and stepfather to teenage girls), I've just been given a wake up call, thanks to you.

Posted by: Rafael | February 26, 2009 2:15 PM

Rafael -- your 2 daughters and newborn son are very lucky to have you for their example.

Posted by: caroline | February 26, 2009 7:05 PM

I don't know about that. Give me a call in 2039. I'll let you know how things turned out.

Posted by: Rafael | February 26, 2009 7:08 PM

Hi i think whatever the situation is Chris shouldn't have heat the girl, @ the end of the day if the love is there they can still talk about the issues and sort it out than to ague and beat the girl. Chris sorry for that and i hope u learn something out of this situation, all the best at the court. Vida.

Posted by: Vida | February 27, 2009 2:46 PM

"Well as a girl i often take rihanna side cause i no if a boy touched me in the wrong way. We would be having a field day!..lol if u no what i mean. I think rihanna did have it coming for her. because she must have did something to make him mad!.but as they say she hit him too.She cant hit nobody and just think they not going to hit her back i thank famous den got into her head a little to much. lol. but if she new he was cheatin and it has been going on for a while. why she just didnt cheat back or leave him cause she a pretty girl{nohomo}. She can get another one come on now. and chris brown if you ever touch another girl ill beat u up myself small self!. got it kiddd.! but i take chris browns sidee to dont say it was self defense thats lieing cum on now. u probably was tried of her shit and couldnt take no more. Cause i no she probably had her hating ways all females do in a way. But if she deserved to be slapped around and she let you maybe she likes that type of stuff who nows??. But to hit a lady is not right and im a girl myself!.And i dont let boys hit me now so watch ya self yall both were wrong. im not on either one of your sides. you hit each other and still love each other.
but rihanna hurt rite now and theres really nuthin chris can do about that.
-kay.k
#1 fan of both of you guys!
{chris brown} & {rihanna"

First of all learn how to speak proper english and use correct grammar. It's obvious the poster is either a child or just a plain idiot. There is no reason at all ever that a man should hit a woman. How would you like it if you got hit and people said that you deserved it because you did something wrong? What if you didnt do anything wrong? I'm not saying she didnt, but you need to look at the whole picture and stop trying to agree and fit in because there is no way in hell that hitting a women, famous or not is right under any circumstances. Try thinking and reading up a little more before defending your so called "idols"

Posted by: Joel | March 1, 2009 11:06 PM

Heey Wats up Chris? Dis Is ur Gurl Laquisha & I just wanted to let u know that no matter wat happened w/h u n Rihanna I'am still a big fan of your's. I just think dat if she hit u den she should be able to get hit bac. Also I think u didnt start having problems in ur life until she came into ur life. So no matter wat just stay strong and keep ur head up.LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: HoodSexy | May 15, 2009 12:05 PM

I JUST WANT TO SAY EVERYBODY NEEDS TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS IF THEY HAVE SOME AND GET A LIFE BECAUSE JUST LIKE SOME TEENS EVEN THEY ARE ORDERED TO STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER THEY MEY BE STILLSNEAKING AROUND WHO KNOWS BUT GOD AND THE TWO THAT ARE DOING IT.

Posted by: MS DATS WHATS UP | August 6, 2009 12:02 PM