At least you tried?! For what, a day or 2? Of course it is not easy at first but you have to keep trying, kinda like everything in life! I wouldn't blog about it, just to make yourselves feel better!

Raf - although most health care professionals agree that "breast is best," they also recognize that babies need a non-frazzled mom more.

Bottle feeding isn't the end of the world. Only the most vehement of the "Breast Milk Mafia" would suggest otherwise - and they are wrong.

I would humbly suggest that what babies need most is a pair of happy relaxed parents, especially mom, and the source of the nutrition, whether breast or formula is somewhat less important. If baby Leo is meeting his milestones and is happy and comfortable, that is what's best, IMO.

Need to point out: I chose that picture because it illustrates bottle feeding. It's a cute kid, but it's not Leo. A pic of Leo is here: http://blogs.trb.com/features/family/parenting/blog/2009/02/choosing_babys_name.html

To ImWithThemob:

It was more than a day or two. We did try. Hard. And I'm not writing this to make us feel better. I wrote this because we already feel better as a result of our decision, not in spite of it. People who choose formula should not feel guilty about it, and their efforts should not be mocked as though they gave up too easily or didn't try hard enough.

My daughter is now 9 weeks. I just switched to formula after many tears. It's nice to know that I am not alone.

amen! to those who want to and can breastfeed...good for you! for the rest of us mortals...keep the comments and judgement to yourself. I have a healthy 11 week old who has been bottle fed from day one. Formula is an amazing thing...science and technology have perfected it. Actually i feel that my baby is eating much healthier than me.

Well, Karen, they can comment!

Guess what people!!!!??? When they start school, they don't seperate kids into FF or BF classses. They don't choose teams that way either. Seriously though, when the kids get older you are going to be asking yourselves why it was even an issue. It is sad to see others push their "beliefs" on others and put them down for not "trying" hard enough. I have come to the conclusion that parents that put down other parents have insecurities themselves. Enjoy the children you have and don't try to live up to other's standards.

Just in case you haven't heard this, it is definitely more difficult and painful to breastfeed after a C-Section. My oldest was bottle-fed exclusively as I went back to work 2 weeks after the C-Section, my middle child was breastfed exclusively as I had plenty of time and could do this until he was about a year old, and while I had hoped to do this with my youngest, after that C-Section it was incredibly painful and difficult to breastfeed. I had 4 appointments with a lactation specialist and it was still no better, so when my husband said "let's just bottle feed" I KNEW I had married the right man! It's not the end of the world, Breast Milk Mafia.

Raf, in the end regardless of what everyone, myself included says, it's your baby and as the father of 2 with wife that had issues breastfeeding, the health and happiness of your wife and child are most important, no opinion matters, important to point out that these are opinions.

Before my three year old son was born I had a conversation with my obgyn about weather or not I was going to BF. Long story short he said it's a wonderful thing and that I should try if I wanted to, but that his two young children had never been BF and they were the smartest and healthiest kids he knew (and his wife was a pediatrician) I tried and was able to do it for about 6 months, but then when I went back to work it was too overwhelming and I slowly stopped. I never felt guilty because I did what was best for my family.

I am the type of person who feels guilt for everything! I used to even feel guilty for not breastfeeding my 3 children- felt like a a lousy parent. After reading Susan Carrell's book "Escaping Toxic Guilt," I have let go of the guilt! Like Susan points out in her book, the guilt I was feeling stemmed from not being able to accomplish everything I thought I should be doing- breast feeding was one of them. Once I learned how to let go of the guilt, I felt so much better.

How much of a positive response do you expect when you refer to people who breastfeed and extol its virtues as "the breastfeeding mafia" (although I give you props for at least being smart enough not to refer to us as "Nazis.") The problem is that babies want and deserve to be breastfed. Formula is an approximation of breast milk and is no way "perfect." If you can't breastfeed yourself, formula is OK as a 4th choice (and yes, it is fourth best, not second best). Whatever works for you and your family, but no need to be nasty. I work hard to support women who are breastfeeding. It's a commitment that sometimes takes a bit of work, but it's worth it. Oh, and no one can make anyone else feel guilty. Either you feel guilty or you don't. If you're happy with this choice, good for you. But please don't act like formula is just as good as breast milk. It's not, not by a long shot.

Touche. While I seek to be tongue-in-cheek at times (come on, the Breast Milk Mafia?), I also seek to be balanced. Breastmilk is best. No doubt about it. Everyone who's tried and failed at breastfeeding has heard that, and it is true and it bears repeating. Often.

But for whatever reason, some people can't do it. And I think you'll agree that if you gave it your best shot and it didn't work out, you shouldn't feel guilty about switching to the fourth best thing...

Wait a minute. Fourth? I hope you're still around to answer: what comes in second and third?

1. Breastfeeding from the breast
2. Feeding pumped breast milk from a bottle
3. Donor breast milk in a bottle
4. Formula

I know, #3 is not very realistic because we don't have a real system of milk banks in this country and even if you're near one, it's too expensive (breast milk is about $3 an ounce!)

The problem with the whole breast v formula thing, is that formula feeders feel the need to defend their "choice," when often they feel bad because they wanted desperately to breastfeed and it didn't work out. That's not a choice. We need more and better support for breastfeeding and not just at the hospital, but within our entire society. That means less medical interventions during childbirth, longer and paid parental leave, on-site and government sponsored day care and normalization of nursing in public. Then and only then will we see the overwhelming majority of moms doing what the AAP and WHO recommend: exclusively nursing until 6 months and continuing to nurse until age 1 and beyond.

Elita,

There's something in Netiquette called "Godwin's Law," which states that in an online discussion, if one side compares the other side to Hitler or Nazis, the conversation is over and the person who made the comparison loses. That's why I didn't refer to breastfeeding Nazis. :)

On to the more serious side: I agree that donor breast milk isn't exactly a realistic option (though I hear Salma Hayek offered to breastfeed someone else's kid... I'll shut up before I say something stupid, or male - which I guess on this subject can be mistaken for the same thing). Pumping breastmilk into a bottle sounds good if you're doing an effective job of producing milk.

I deeply appreciate the feedback (and the understanding).

Salma didn't just offer, she DID breastfeed someone else's kid. It's now referred to as cross-nursing, but has been going on since the beginning of time (although back then it was called wet nursing). My grandma used to breastfeed the next door neighbor's baby because the mom didn't make enough milk.

Not making enough milk is a tough situation. There are things you can do (pills, herbs, use a supplemental nursing system, etc) but it's a huge investment, sometimes for what is perceived to be a very small payoff. People should remember that breastfeeding doesn't have to be an all or nothing proposition and some breast milk is better than none.
I'll stop monopolizing the conversation now. Congrats on the new baby! I look forward to reading more about your life with your new son.

I thought she did: I just didn't remember for certain and didn't have the facts handy. That's something. Odd that I never knew what wet nurses were.

Thanks for the well wishes, and don't worry about "monopolizing the conversation." It's constructive, and anyone who wants to join in may do so.