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If you think you're reproducing tiny "friends,'' think again
My kids aren't old and mean enough yet to hurl the I hate you!s around. But I know it's coming.
When your kids are young, it's tempting to start dreaming about the future, and the house you'll
Lily pouting.
But these are the thoughts you have when your kids are young, and still nice to you. We mustn't forget that it's probably not going to last. And if you try to remain friends with your child through their teen years, you'll probably do some really terrible parenting.
My 6-year-old daughter Lily gave me a good dose of this reality a couple weeks ago. Lily is a real Momma's Girl. She writes me letters, she makes me homemade books that are stapled together. She draws pictures of us together, with lots of hearts. She's a love bug.
So she gave me one of her love notes. It said "You are the best mommy in the world. I love you.'' The word "love'' was in a heart with two birds, and she signed it. She also stuck a "sealed with a kiss'' sticker on it.
I put her to bed, and was rearranging some of her toys when I found a slip of paper that had fallen behind her toy shelf.
Here's what it said: "My heart is broken because of a big fat meany.'' It had some pen swirls, and said "ugly.''
I read it out loud, and she knew she was busted. I asked her who she was calling a "big, fat meany'' and she said, "uhh, my invisible friend.'' Great answer, but an obvious big, fat lie. So she admitted she'd written it when I had yelled at her for something.
Mentally, I extrapolated this to 10 years from now, or 15, or 20. We're going to have actual fights, I realized. Am I ready for this?
The best way to approach it, I think, is to simply remember: Act like a parent, not a friend.
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Joy Oglesby has an infant daughter and a sister 13 years her junior, whom she babies to the now-adult...
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Rafael Olmeda and his wife welcomed their first son in Feb. 2009, and he's helping raise two teenage stepdaughters...
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Anne Vasquez is the Online Editor in charge of overseeing SunSentinel.com. She is the mother of a 5-year-old boy and a newborn daughter.
Georgia East is the parent of a five-year-old girl, who came into the world weighing 1 pound, 13 ounces...
Brittany Wallman is the mother of Creed, 13, and Lily, 6, and is married...
Chris Tiedje is the Social Media Coordinator, and father of two boys and a girl all under the age of seven.
Comments
I completely dissagree with this, whether the child turns out to be mean and rude to his/her parents depends on the child. I totally respect my mother, and even though we have our dissagreements, i would never say or think i hate her. Some children turn out this way because of outside influences like friends or tv, this does not mean that parents should find some way to control this, it is out of their hands; they can just try their best to keep them out of trouble. And there is nothing wrong with being friends with your child, my mom is like my best friend, but she is still a good parent. So maybe you should rethink what you wrote in this article, everybody is different, you can't just tell parents to expect bad things from their children when this might not happen.
Posted by: alex | March 24, 2009 5:41 PM
To Alex,
Perhaps you don't have the perspective of being a mom to pick up on the author's point. The point isn't that children will be horrible and not close to their parents. The author of the article is actually talking about her realization that she is in the cuddly, heart-warming stage of parenting, but that there are bound to painful moments in their relationship as her daughter grows and becomes independent.
This mom is realizing that she could be tempted to spoil her child in order to keep her daughter happy, but that instead she's going to provide loving parental guidance and discipline.
My father in law used to tell my husband that he didn't want to be his friend, he would have lots of friends in his life, but only one dad. He was proud to be his dad. They had a very loving relationship until he died last year.
Posted by: just me | March 24, 2009 7:38 PM
Agree with you completely Just Me.
Posted by: Amy | March 24, 2009 9:33 PM
To "Just Me,' I love the way that's put, and I might just adopt that line: "You'll have lots of friends in life, but only one Mom.'' When it comes to raising kids, I realized a long time ago that being a parent is a heck of a lot harder than being a friend.
Posted by: Brittany Wallman | March 24, 2009 9:53 PM