The 'Breast Milk Mafia' strikes back

Today we bring you our first guest writer:

I wrote last week about our decision to bottlefeed Leo after our foray into breastfeeding didn't work out as we would have liked. In a bit of admitted unfairness, I chided the "breast milk mafia" for being so enthusiastic in their advocacy of breastfeeding that they sometimes, inadvertently, make parents feel guilty about choosing formula.

Well, most advocates of breastfeeding aren't like that at all, and I was really pleased to hear from Elita, an Oakland Park mom who encourages breastfeeding and didn't take too kindly to being compared to a member of the Corleone crime family. She prefers the term "lactivist," and I asked her to share some thoughts with us in response to what I wrote. She makes some powerful points.

Here's what she wrote:

It’s been said time and time again, and I’m sure you’ve heard it by now: breast is best. But guess what? Breast isn’t best. Breast is just normal and natural. It’s the way babies want to and should be fed. Saying breast is “best” sets it as a lofty goal, often one that feels unattainable by many moms.
And the research shows that often it is. Although we’re currently at an all-time high breastfeeding initiation rate (about 70% of new moms are nursing when they leave the hospital), a paltry 30% are still nursing at six months and only about 12% at one year. When you look at the rates for African-American moms, they're even lower. We, as a society, have set moms up for failure. We tell them to only give their babies breast milk for the first six months and to nurse for at LEAST one year, but we make it nearly impossible for them at every turn.

Gave birth in a hospital? You had a 30% chance of ending up with a C-section, and studies have shown that women who have C-sections have more difficulty with nursing.

Then there's the formula. Your baby was probably supplemented (even if you aren't aware of it) and the hospital probably gave you a "breastfeeding support bag" that curiously contained formula. You probably also got some formula delivered to your front door, courtesy of your OBGYN. The research on this is very clear: breastfeeding duration is shortened when women are given free samples of formula.

Once you get home with your new baby, it's easy to get thrown off track by well-meaning friends and family who don't know much about nursing and offer bad information because they believe a lot of the myths about breastfeeding.
Returning to work after your paltry 12-week maternity leave (or less!) can also derail your breastfeeding relationship. Florida has no laws requiring your employer to provide you with a private space and the break time to pump. Even having a pump is a luxury. A good, double electric pump (the kind you'll need in order to maintain your milk supply) runs about $300 and renting one from the hospital is about $50 per month. Still less than formula, but a pricey investment for an act that shouldn't cost you a thing.

And don 't get me started on nursing in public! It's as if people expect a breastfeeding mother to never leave the house! Women are so scared of other people's reactions that they hide in bathrooms or their cars or give the baby a bottle in order to avoid having to feed the baby in a public place. You have the legal right to breastfeed your baby in public (Florida was actually the first state to enact a law to protect this right) but sometimes you wouldn't know it!

I say all of this not to discourage women from nursing, but to encourage you to work through the obstacles because it is so worth it! Breast milk is a living, changing organism designed expressly for your baby. The bond you create with your child when you nurse him is unmatched. There are a million reasons to breastfeed for both mom and baby's benefit. It's seriously one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my entire life.

However, I have no issues with parents who choose to formula feed their babies. What I have a problem with is women who want to breastfeed who have their nursing relationships sabotaged by the formula companies, family, friends, doctors, nurses and our society at large. It's a disgrace that if you want to breastfeed it takes a mix of good luck and tenacity. If we, as a nation, a world, a community, want women to breastfeed, then we have to truly start supporting them. That means fewer unnecessary medical interventions during childbirth, longer and paid parental leave, on-site daycare, laws requiring employers to give women breaks for pumping/nursing, and normalization and acceptance of breastfeeding in public. Then, and only then, will we see women doing what the American Academy of Pediatrics and World Health Organization recommend: exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months, and nursing until age 1 and beyond.

Maybe women need to stop feeling so guilty and start feeling angry that breastfeeding is not a priority in this country!

So the next time you are reading an article online or are at the playground and hear a woman extolling the virtues of nursing, please don't assume she is judging you or trying to make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Perhaps she's trying to let you know that she is there to support you in any way that she can. And if that means being a part of the breastfeeding mafia, then I'll be a card-carrying member for life.

Elita is a librarian and the mother to a 15-month-old son named Miles who is still nursing. She blogs about breastfeeding at the Blacktating Blog and can be found on Twitter @blacktating.

And since I know you're already following SSParents on Twitter, I won't remind you to do it again. (But if you're not, what are you waiting for?)

POSTED IN: Guest Post (23), Newborn (25), Rafael Olmeda (91)

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Comments

I absolutely agree, Elita! So many people are sabotaged by misinformation and lack of support. I am so glad I had good support and was able to work through early issues and have a long, wonderful breastfeeding relationship with my son!

Posted by: mamaseoul | March 2, 2009 6:26 PM

Interesting point about the hospital formula feeding without you knowing it. That happened to me (well I guess I do know about it). My instructions were to breast feed only, however on the second night at the hospital the baby had a cough so they wanted to keep him in the nursery. They were suppose to bring him to me to feed, but in the morning when I woke up I realized they had not brought him. When I asked they said they didn't want to wake me up. I was already having a hard time breast feeding. I never thought of it as sabotage...but who knows.
On a different note shouldn't b/f be really easy.

Posted by: thought | March 2, 2009 9:08 PM

Excellent article! I'm now in my first week of breastfeeding the struggles are tremendous. If I hadn't already been through this once before I probably would have given up by now. As for those hospital samples, I took them out and left them on their counter.

Posted by: Cat @ 3 Kids and Us | March 2, 2009 10:36 PM

I think breastfeeding COULD be easier if more women did it and it became a more normal part of society. If you grow up watching the women around you nurse, and they understand how to overcome the more common issues, it becomes easier for everyone. Breastfeeding is natural, but not necessarily instinctual.

Cat, good for you for dumping the samples.

Posted by: Elita | March 3, 2009 8:35 AM

I couldn't agree more. With my first child I knew I wanted to breast feed and thought it would be easy. Yeah right! I had to return to work after only 6 weeks because my hubby had been laid off. The company at the time did not offer me any support and even advised me that if I took extra breaks to pump I would have to take it out of my personal time. So with my son I only breastfed for a little less than 3 months. Then my daughter came 5 yrs later and I was more determined than ever to breastfeed...just for the simple joy I felt when doing it. I did get my 12 wks leave and it was great. Then I had to head back to work. This was a new company and they did not have any procedures or support for breastfeeding mothers. So I became an activist for all the pregnant moms at my company (and there were many). I went to Human Resources and demanded (nicely) that I be provided an area to pump. After about a week and getting some support from those pregnant mothers the HR group realized it was better to support us and keep us happy then to make us feel like we have to hide in a car or a bathroom. And they even allowed us 2 additional breaks. I nursed my daughter for 6 months exclusively and for an additional 4 months with breast milk and formula combination. My daughter had been a preemie and came home at just under 5 lbs. By the end of the year she was healthy and had no complications and was even gaining weight. I attribute it to my efforts. I wouldn't give up and neither should anyone else. Get out there and ask for help...get the support and prove your case. A happy employee is a productive employee. And as for breastfeeding in public....who cares what everyone thinks. They'll get over it. I breastfed at the mall and restaurants all the time. Just cover up a bit....

Posted by: Camen | March 3, 2009 10:52 AM

Camen, good for you! I am sure your co-workers seriously appreciated your efforts.

Posted by: Elita | March 3, 2009 4:28 PM

And thank you, Elita, for your efforts. When I wrote "Defying the breast milk mafia," I figured that there were those breastfeeders who sought to make formula feeders feel bad about their decision. It took your insights to remind me that breastfeeders face far more persecution than they inflict. I thank you for bringing that to my attention. I have no doubt that if we had succeeded at breastfeeding, I probably would have written about how hostile society is to women who make this choice.

I deeply appreciate your insight and the balance your article provides.

Posted by: Rafael | March 3, 2009 5:40 PM

Your posting is an eerie similarity to my own experience. I had an emergency c-section with my now 4-month-old son. No one at the hospital told us a c-section would delay my milk coming in for 4-5 days. So while we thought we were on the right track at the hospital, it was a different story the minute we got home. My child was crying and screaming out of hunger, but would not take to the breast.

What were we supposed to do? We couldn't starve the baby? We can't make him nurse? So formula was supplemented.

But then comes the downhill slide, which is unavoidable no matter how hard you try (despite all the advice and support groups you seek): The baby got used to the bottle and never became satisfied by the breast. I pumped for a couple of months so he could have some breast milk, which was better than none.

To those who are quick to judge the instant they hear you are bottlefeeding: Try listening to the whole story before you go off. There are parents who genuinely try, but are unsuccessful for a multitude of reasons. That does not make them lazy or selfish or any other horrible labels that are quick to be used.

And babies who are formula fed (like myself) still go on to be healthy children. I'd like to hear the lactivists argue that point.

Posted by: Belinda | March 4, 2009 4:59 PM