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Grandparents: Good intentions, bad advice?
He needs water. My mother said so. Water will get rid of his hiccups.
Yes, I tried to explain that giving water to a newborn is not generally a good idea. We talked to our pediatrician about Leo's formula because he seemed to be spitting up a bit. We are following our pediatrician's advice, which brings us back to rejecting my mother's advice.
And then Leo has another hiccup.
He needs water. My mother said so. Water will get rid of his hiccups.
It worked for me when I was an infant. My mother raised five kids, thank you very much, and did it without all this expert advice from the expert experts who are now telling her, through me, that she was wrong to raise her kids that way.
Is that the rub? When my mom gives advice, do my wife and I take it to mean she thinks we don't know what we're doing? And when we reject that advice, does my mother think we're criticizing the way she raised her kids? Honestly? Yes, and yes.
So my wife and I need to realize that my mom's advice is not a criticism of our parenting methods, and my mom needs to realize that a lot has changed in the 39 years since I was Leo's age. Breastfeeding, once discouraged, is now recommended. Letting a baby sleep on his tummy? Great idea then, bad idea now. Those car seats that "thou shalt" place your child in now? Didn't even exist until relatively recently.
The issue pops up on my wife's side of the family, too. Leo cries too much and won't sleep through the night? There's a cure for that, my wife's grandmother insists. Applesauce. Just a teeny bit of applesauce will do wonders, she assures us. It should be noted that the formula made today is dramatically different from what was available in 1950, so advice that may have been completely understandable then is now unecessary at best, unhealthy at worst.
I found a few good suggestions on this subject on this Web site, which offers this recommendation:
If your baby's grandparents are having a hard time understanding how parenting, medical, and safety advice have changed, consider inviting them to one of your baby's visits to his pediatrician. That way, they can hear that advice firsthand, ask questions, and learn to better support your methods of raising your baby.
Good advice. I wonder what Mom's doing Saturday?
Oh, and yes, that's Leo in the pic. He's doing great. And those hiccups? Yeah, normal. Turns out they bother us more than they bother him. How do I know? He's a baby. If they bothered him, he'd be crying. Okay, Mom?
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Comments
Oh, Leo is so cute! But...won't sleep through the night? Wha? He's a newborn! He's not SUPPOSED to sleep through the night yet.
I hope he's feeling better. Sometimes just keeping the baby upright during a feeding can drastically reduce the spitting up.
Posted by: Elita @ Blacktating | April 1, 2009 10:29 AM
Thanks, Elita. Doc agrees with you about the sitting up. I agree with you about Leo being so gosh darned cute. :)
Posted by: Rafael | April 1, 2009 10:42 AM
I am a long distance grandma.I have 2 daughters-in -law, so keep my advice & opinion to myself-especially about the child choosing what to eat (the chicken fingers, fries & macaroni & cheese choices). Are there any long distance grandparents out there that would like to start a blog?
Posted by: long distant grandma | April 4, 2009 9:59 AM
I'm laughing, because I am sure that YOUR grandparents had some advice for your mother, which she did not take either. With my own in-laws, I did what I like to think of as the broken record technique. Acknowledge advice, "Oh, hmm. That's interesting" and then repeat what I was planning to do on the advice of the ped "We're going to do ______". Repeat as needed. Had to do it several times at first, but by my 2nd child, they had it down. Of course, I got a lot of "well I managed to raise ___ kids". I'm sure I'll say the same to my children and in-laws in the future. And so the cycle continues.
Posted by: Amy | April 6, 2009 9:44 AM
Amy,
As my friends have noted, it's all but certain that my wife and I will do the same thing when we become grandparents. I'd like to think not, but it might. The interesting thing is, my wife's first child is 16, and her second is 13, and she's been able to see how so many things have changed even in that time. A short time before your eyes is a long time in pediatric understanding, I guess.
Posted by: Rafael | April 6, 2009 6:24 PM
To: "Long distance grandma". I'd like to blog with you. How to contact?
Posted by: left out grandma | October 7, 2009 2:03 PM
To: "Long distance grandma". I'd like to blog with you. How to contact?
Posted by: left out grandma | October 7, 2009 2:03 PM
To: "Long distance grandma". I'd like to blog with you. How to contact?
Posted by: left out grandma | October 7, 2009 2:03 PM