McMommy has tales.
Short and long ones about traveling with kids, maternity fashions gone wrong, taking family pictures and putting together a color-blind outfit like Kate Gosselin of TV's Jon & Kate Plus 8.
The McMommy Chronicles tracks the 30-something mother of two who says she has no clue how to parent, but tries to anyway. Here's her take on the most-used parenting excuse:
While on vacation recently, I dared to make the thoughtless remark of "OK kids, five more minutes in the pool and then we'll get out to clean up for dinner, OK?"
Have you ever made that remark to a young child?
If not, you better duck and cover, my friend. Because first you will get pummeled with "WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! MomIDon'tWannaaaaa!! Waaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! I'M NOT HUNGRY!!!! Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! No! No! NO!!! YOU ARE SO MEAN!"
And then they will proceed to throw the World’s Biggest Tantrum right there before your very eyes.
And as you are pulling your water-logged children out of the pool, kicking and screaming and limbs flailing, you look around to everyone and mouth one of the most famous parental phrases in parenting history: "I'm sorry. They are so tired!"
If you are a parent, you cannot sit there with a straight face and tell me you have never used that line before. It truly is the perfect catch-all for any childhood tantrum thrown in public.
The kicker? It doesn't even matter if it's true or not.
My children could have just woken up from a nap 20 minutes ago, and I'll bust that line out if they have a meltdown.
I don't care.
Because uttering this phrase:
A.) Causes others around you to nod their heads sympathetically instead of throwing looks of disgust your way.
B.) Gives off the vibe "I totally know what I'm doing as a parent" and you look in complete control of the situation.
When in actuality you have no flipping clue as to why your kids have turned into little monsters.
Of course, there are variations of the famous phrase:
“Someone’s ready for a nap!”
“He’s just cranky because he went to bed late last night.”
“Early bedtime for you tonight, Mr. FussyPants!”
All work remarkably well.
It’s also the one phrase that can be used no matter what the age of the child. You can be a parent for a mere couple of hours and if that baby starts wailing, throw out a simple: “Oh, you must be so tired after the morning you’ve had!”
Nice, you are off the hook. Everyone around you will murmur “Look at her parenting instincts! Oh, she is such a natural!” and applause, applause . . . you come off looking like a mothering genius.
And truly, isn’t that all we ever want as parents? To come across looking like we know what we’re doing when in reality, we are just flying by the seat of our spit-up stained pants.
Next time, I’ll cover the second-most famous saying in the history of parental excuses: “He’s just overtired now.” (What does that even mean? No clue, but guess who just said it 20 minutes ago?)