Lucas Emilio turned 1 last week. We invited a handful of friends over very informally for a small party. We made sure to tell people not to bring gifts. Yet every one of the guests brought something.

Don’t get me wrong. We appreciate their generosity and thoughtful gifts. But we really meant it. We just wanted to have people over to celebrate my son’s milestone birthday.

We’re guilty of doing it too. My wife and I both have brought gifts to parties when the host said don’t do it.

That got me thinking of how do you get the message across in the future that we are sincere in our request without being overbearing.

It’s all in how you explain your wishes to guests, according to an etiquette expert the Emily Post Institute. Simply saying “please no gifts” won’t work.

“You’re really trying to change a tradition,” said Cindy Post Senning, who has a new book coming out next week, “Table Manners for Kids”.

If you’re inviting guests over the phone or in person, she said, tell them that you’re trying to start a new tradition in your family. You want to make birthdays about a celebration and not gifts. In a written invitation, add a sentence to the “no gifts please” note saying the same thing.

There will still be gift givers. Senning said, but don’t open the presents at the party. That would make for an awkward situation for others who listened to your wishes and didn’t bring gifts. She suggests telling the gift givers that you plan to save the gift and give it to your child at another time.

Maybe we’ll try this for Ana Isabel’s upcoming birthday. She turns 4 in August. We’ll see if it works.