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We meant it when we said "No Gifts Please"
Lucas Emilio turned 1 last week. We invited a handful of friends over very informally for a small party. We made sure to tell people not to bring gifts. Yet every one of the guests brought something.
Don’t get me wrong. We appreciate their generosity and thoughtful gifts. But we really meant it. We just wanted to have people over to celebrate my son’s milestone birthday.
We’re guilty of doing it too. My wife and I both have brought gifts to parties when the host said don’t do it.
That got me thinking of how do you get the message across in the future that we are sincere in our request without being overbearing.
It’s all in how you explain your wishes to guests, according to an etiquette expert the Emily Post Institute. Simply saying “please no gifts” won’t work.
“You’re really trying to change a tradition,” said Cindy Post Senning, who has a new book coming out next week, “Table Manners for Kids”.
If you’re inviting guests over the phone or in person, she said, tell them that you’re trying to start a new tradition in your family. You want to make birthdays about a celebration and not gifts. In a written invitation, add a sentence to the “no gifts please” note saying the same thing.
There will still be gift givers. Senning said, but don’t open the presents at the party. That would make for an awkward situation for others who listened to your wishes and didn’t bring gifts. She suggests telling the gift givers that you plan to save the gift and give it to your child at another time.
Maybe we’ll try this for Ana Isabel’s upcoming birthday. She turns 4 in August. We’ll see if it works.
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Chris Tiedje is the Social Media Coordinator, and father of two boys and a girl all under the age of seven.
Comments
Why not tell your guests up front that any and all gifts, if brought to the party, will be donated to Kids in Distress or the nearest homeless shelter?
Posted by: Tree Hugger | May 7, 2009 3:54 PM
That's another good suggestions. Thanks Tree Hugger.
Posted by: Luis Perez | May 7, 2009 3:56 PM
Or perhaps you could ask your guests to bring pet items to be donated to a local pet shelter?
Posted by: Dixielou | May 10, 2009 9:05 AM
If you're trying to change tradition, you might think of donating to charity, etc., I've been to many parties where parents ask that in lieu of gifts, guests bring canned good items, gently used baby toys, etc,. for local organizations serving families need. For those of us raised with the credo, that one always brings your host a gift - it feels rude not to bring something....just a thought.
Posted by: shola | May 11, 2009 1:07 PM
If you're trying to change tradition, you might think of donating to charity, etc., I've been to many parties where parents ask that in lieu of gifts, guests bring canned good items, gently used baby toys, etc,. for local organizations serving families need. For those of us raised with the credo, that one always brings your host a gift - it feels rude not to bring something....just a thought.
Posted by: shola | May 11, 2009 1:08 PM
i have had the same feelings about gifts with my kids, now 5 and 3. since our very first birthday, we've asked that instead of gifts, party-goers bring something for a charity or group that the kids decide. we've done things like teddy bears for the fire station to give when they have to transport children, or coloring books to a childrens hospital, or a care package of snacks and magazines for their unlce serving in the middle east. having the child come up with the donation will give them ownership of it, and starting at a young age will help you raise generous and kind adults. there will always be people that 'need' to bring a gift to a party, so by asking them to bring something specific for a good cause will fill their 'need' to gift-give and help those around your community and the world.
Posted by: sarah | May 21, 2009 8:40 AM
Does anyone have a good way of asking parents not to buy a year end gift for the teacher? I don't want to say it like I expect one but I would really prefer they just send me a nice note. That is all that is needed.
Posted by: Heather | June 13, 2009 8:40 PM
I read your blod and from that i conclude that you and your wife are so much funny and joyable people.I like this type of people.Keep countinue and enjoy your life.
Posted by: r4 card | November 11, 2009 12:58 AM