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When is the right time to talk to kids about sex?
Much has been written recently (including in this blog) about the two Palm Beach County moms who went on Oprah to talk about their kids’ sex lives. I’ve always been a consummate planner, so it got me thinking: When is the right time to talk to your child about sex?
Forget going to the bookstore to pick up a hardback on the topic. I took my research into the 21st Century and did what any respectable Gen Xer would do: I posed the question to my elaborate network of friends on Facebook. After all, as this blog so often reminds you, it’s the advice from parents in the throes of childrearing who can offer the best words of wisdom.
Here’s some of what I heard:
Take it slow. You don’t need to cram everything into one BIG talk. Instead, have ongoing discussions and make them short. One of my friends thinks the car is the best place. That way, her daughter can look out the window and pretend to stare off into space while Mom is driving.
The “right” age is relative. Everyone, though, seems to agree that if you wait until your kids are teenagers, chances are they’ve already started learning on their own. And the basics start early: Talking to kids about their bodies (and overall gender differences) begins when kids learn to talk. My pre-schooler right now has lots of questions.
Split up the work. If you live in a two-parent household, ask your spouse or partner to help. My friends from California decided early that Mom would handle talks with their daughter and Dad with their son. The talks began around ages 9-10. The kids are now 13 and 11, and they have grown accustomed to Mom’s and Dad’s talks. At the beginning of the conversation, daughter always says: “Awkward.” And Mom replies with: “For me too! Get over it…”
How this generation of parents deals with the sex talk will differ greatly from how our parents handled the situation. (I don’t think I ever had a “talk” with anyone in my family as a teen. The closest I came to one was a 5-minute conversation initiated by my older sister on a flight to Paris for a family vacation.)
What’s your plan?
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Comments
It is better that our children be educated about sex. The right age for it is when they know how to handle situations. Information must be given out for them to understand the positive and negative effects of sex.
Posted by: Stokke Sale | May 20, 2009 6:49 AM
Agreed, Stokke Sale. Parents are still uncomfortable, though, how to go about doing it.
Posted by: anne | May 20, 2009 9:22 AM
i think 10 is a great time! my son just started a human growth class in school which covers these topics....i think thats a great start then i will start "the talk" with him as well....better to start off with a different adult and then go over what he was taught....yes awkard but has to be dealt with ....
Posted by: momofboys | May 20, 2009 3:21 PM