Five questions every couple should ask themselves before starting a family
It’s wedding week at SouthFlorida.com/LIVE, and it got me thinking…
There are seminal moments in a young couple’s life: There’s the day you meet, the day you move in together, the day you get married (which can coincide with No. 2), and the day you become parents.
Each one is both blissful and stressful. Perhaps none more than becoming Mom and Dad. If you’re smart, you’ve talked about family planning before you walk down the aisle. And if you’re really smart, you keep talking about it long after the honeymoon.
It’s not as simple as knowing whether or not you both want kids one day. That’d be way too easy. Life is much more complicated than that. So here’s my list of questions any couple on the cusp of marriage should be asking each other. I encourage readers of this blog to add ones I may have missed.
How many? My husband and I quickly settled on two. We both have siblings and couldn’t imagine having an only child. Three kids and we’d be out numbered. Not to mention broke. My sister is now a working mom of three. My brother-in-law jokes about having a fourth. She doesn’t think it’s funny. She’s plenty happy with a party of five.
Where will you live? Before I got married, I knew I wanted to own a home before a little one arrived. Not only that, I knew I’d want to eventually move back to live close to my family in Miami. My husband, a California native who really loved our seven years living in the Golden State, definitely would have been in for an unpleasant surprise if I kept either of those two expectations to myself.
What if you can’t conceive? Admittedly, this one didn’t come up for us until after we had our first child. We just assumed we’d have two kids. Little did we think Mother Nature may not work in our favor exactly when we had planned. Two miscarriages and more than a year of trying, we finally decided we were blessed with one child and grew at peace with our new reality. No fertility treatments. No adoption. A few weeks later, we learned we were pregnant with Baby No. 2, who is due this fall.
Keep the faith? We’re still wrestling with this one. My husband was raised Catholic. I am Methodist. We both quickly decided to baptize our son but knew we didn’t want parochial school. Now we’re torn about Sunday school. What church? What faith? We’ve put it off long enough.
How will you deal with change? You can plan until your face turns blue. More important than any answer to my questions above is coming to an understanding that things could change. You may want that home with a white picket fence but can’t afford more than your two-bedroom rental. You may vow against fertility treatments but later realize you couldn’t live with yourself without trying every possible solution.
Just keep talking, and you’ll figure it out.
Gretchen Day-Bryant has a son in high school and a daughter in middle school. She’s lived to tell about the struggles of juggling little kids and work.
Joy Oglesby has a preschooler...
Cindy Kent Fort Lauderdale mother of three. Her kids span in ages from teenager to 20s.
Rafael Olmeda and his wife welcomed their first son in Feb. 2009, and he's helping raise two teenage stepdaughters.
Lois Solomon lives in Boca Raton with her husband and three daughters.
Georgia East is the parent of a five-year-old girl, who came into the world weighing 1 pound, 13 ounces.
Brittany Wallman is the mother of Creed, 15, and Lily, 7, and is married to a journalist, Bob Norman. She covers Broward County government, which is filled with almost as much drama as the Norman household. Almost.
Chris Tiedje is the Social Media Coordinator and the father of a 7-year-old girl, and two boys ages 4 and 3.
Kyara Lomer Camarena has a 2-year-old son, Copelan, and a brand new baby. 
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