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Questioning gender is real mind-bender

What do you say, what do you do, if your child says he or she wants to change their gender?

Chastity.jpgIf it takes a famous person like Chastity Bono to openly go through the process to create dialog, that's great. But not everyone is so lucky to have a built in fan-base, financial reserves, good connections. And not everyone is an independent adult.

Your questioning child still depends on you.

It's a complicated issue for those on the outside looking in.

But "complicated" doesn't even come close to describing the process for the individual going through it. How does he or she even begin to articulate it to others?

Think about this: a female wants to transition to male (F2M). Would that person want to be with females (straight) or other males (gay)? Conversely, would a male, transitioning to female (M2F) want to be with males (straight) or other females (lesbian)?

Is it even that simple? I think not.

Several articles and blogs have discussed one family where the parents are letting their 8-year-old son openly live life as a girl.
Here is one report.

For more insight, read this account of a woman whose son came to her and said "Mom, I need to be a girl."

Lots of organized information is available.

In this post Transproud helps parent navigate the reality that their child just announced they have a gender conflict.

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network is a voice within the school community to ensure a safe environment to GLBT youth and create open discussion.

POSTED IN: Cindy Kent (46), Family Fitness (12), Family Issues (165), Health (86), Sex (12), Teen (105)

Please comment

Comments

I've posted a resource list for parents of trans kids at Mombian. The best single volume is Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper's The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals. Also see Trans Youth Family Allies, a group founded by several mothers of trans children.

It really is pretty simple, if you just ask the questions instead of presuming the answers.

Who are you? And who are you attracted to?

Good for Chaz. I hope her being famous makes it a little easier for people who aren't.

One of the links on transproud brings you to this brochure, which many may find helpful.

http://www.transproud.com/pdf/transkids.pdf

Is Chasity bono going to become a girl? Any Dr. that can make that happen has to be a magician!

She/he is mixed up, and that is sad, but a parent should support his/her child.

She was such a cute little girl. How screwed up is she???!!!!

If your Mom is Cher...anything goes!

Sonny must be turning in his grave!!!!

Chastity,please,please whatever you do,please do not have a sex change. i loved you ever since you were a little girl. I even named my own daughter after you. I used to watch you and your mom and dad way back in 1969 on the Saturday Night Special. You were so cute. Maybe you should try gastro by pass surgery to lose the weight.Your mom could afford good doctors. I know that you will be okay. You are still pretty Chastity. Please consider that. With Love.

No

Macie, weight has nothing to do with wanting to be another gender. If you really care about her (him) then you would stop projecting your needs on her/him - this is not about you.

well 1)She will finally be normal..since he will be into women
2)Probably has something in the will about not being gay
3)If Cher was smart..she would pull a modonna, learn from this screwed up reject and start over again..she could afford it.
4)Thank God Sonny is dead cause this would have killed him anyway.
5)Please don't let Chas/Chastity/OR whatever its name is ADOPT and continue the cycle

What a embarrassing screwed up human....

Listen to all of you. Like Chasity/Chazz's life and decisions she makes is ANY of your business or that you even have the right to comment negetively on it. Embarrasing are people who limit people's choices. "Pro-life" people: don't have an abortion, same gendered opponets of marriage: don't get married to your friend of the same gender, etc. Gender reassignment is a tough, long process that people only do after counseling and research.
For everyone who threw a snide stone in their glass house: I hope it comes back and hits you twice as hard.
Best of luck and support to Chasity/Chazz and her family.

God created male and female. Sodmom and Gomorrah was destroyed because of foolishness like this. Doctors can change a person sexual make-up but God still knows what sex a person was born. A female at birth will never be a male and vice-versa regardless of man does or a court says. God bless all of you in jesus name.

Those of us who do not pay Chastity's bills should keep our mouths shut. At the end of the day, she has to look in the mirror and be happy with who she is.

This is another example of parents not being there for their kids and the kids growing up with major mental problems. My kids know who and what they are and understand and believe there is an omnipotent, omniscient God of the Universe that doesn't make gender mistakes. This is a symptom of mental disease and low self esteem issues. "Maybe I'll be happier as a man/woman. Chastity is confused to the point of psychosis and thinks this will heal the God shaped vacuum in her life. Good luck and thank her celeb parents for another fine job in child rearing.

I think that her mother behavior might have helped in her decision. Cher was a bit extreme.!!! Not from Native side but from her other side. WILD WILD WILD

God doesn't make mistakes?
Guess we can skip that surgery on babies born with heart defects. Maybe a baby born prematurely is meant to die and should not be put in an incubator.

Oh wait- those mistakes are ok to remedy but a person born into the wrong sex should just suffer an entire lifetime?

You can't pick and choose what you accept as being God's will. Either let the weak die and the hungry starve or open your eyes to the fact that occasionally medical science can right a congenital wrong.

God dont make mistakes? I think a heart defect is a lot different than a brain defect!

It is nice to see the dawning of a new day. We are realizing that human sexuality occupies a range of expressions. As in so many other human traits, sometimes they are just not in sync. 'Tis nice that there can be some correction.

A great testimony of how God provided hope and healing is the story of Sy Rogers. God answered his prayer and the surgery was interrupted. His life took an amazing turn for the better. Watch his testimonies on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpW-P96HLSQ

I was born as a human, but I am actually a fish.
I keep asking the doctors to have fins and gills installed, but they tell me I am mentally unstable.
I do not see any difference between a female getting changed into a male and a human being changed into a fish.
Do you?

Is that what you would tell your child if he or she came to you and said this, "Charlie"?

There's no such thing as "gender change." Someday future generations will wonder why we weren't helping these people work through their issues rather than giving into them and ‘helping’ them permanently damage their bodies. Where is the TRUE compassion for these people?

My child, male or female.

And yes, hl, I do see a vast difference between changing gender (some animals do it spontaneously) and changing species. I'm sure you'll make a lovely fish, however. Follow that dream!

No.

Just askin' but where do they get the part she is missing now?
You know, the parts that will make her a "man".
Or should I say "male".

When she is a he, will he date straight guys?
Or lesbians?
But if she changes to a he, then lesbians won't date her/him because she is now a guy?
But then if a lesbian DOES date her/him, then she really isn't a man, right?

too confusing...

Dorian brings up some good points.

This is one of those decisions where at every turn, another issue will be raised. That's not a good or bad thing - but it means constantly being ready for the next slew of challenges!

This has been a very enlightening conversation and I really appreciate everyone's thoughtful participation. Thank you.

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