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Should a date pitch in for babysitting?
There is a debate stirring among some of my single mom friends about who should pick up the tab for baby-sitting.
While no one expects a first date to pitch in for someone to watch your child, when you’ve been dating someone consistently for a few months, I think the cost of baby-sitting should come up in conversation at some point.
Often, parents don’t want to expose their children to the person they’re dating until the relationship is serious, which makes sense. But what happens when baby-sitting fees start to cut into your budget?
A friend of mine recently shelled out $200 to a baby sitter who watched her daughter while she was out with someone she’s been seeing regularly. That’s two week’s worth of groceries in my house.
For those with family and good friends to lean on, this isn’t an issue. But for single parents who have to pay a baby sitter, dating can get pretty expensive.
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Comments
Its interesting that this question is only being posed on behalf of single moms, not single dads. That's because I don't think anyone would ever suggest that a woman help pay a single dad for babysitting.
Assuming that the man is already living up to the chivalristic stereotypes and is still picking up the tab for the date even after the first several dates, then I think that's enough. I think it would be totally inappropriate to ALSO ask a date to help pay for the cost of your babysitter.
Your child is your responsibility (and that of your husband) NOT YOUR DATE!
The article mentioned a cost $200 per month for babysitting. I'm sorry, but if you cannot afford the babysitting, then don't go out so much. Or ask a friend or family member to babysit once in a while.
Look mom, you might be a single mom, but you still have obligations to your child. How about spending more time with your child!
Posted by: Joe | June 15, 2009 3:09 PM
The parent should pick up the tab for baby sitting. I can't see any reason why her date should be held responsible for this. What if he is paying for his own sitter? Is he also buying dinner? If the parent can't afford a night out, live within your means, don't ask others to pay for your entertainment.
Posted by: NathanG | June 15, 2009 3:16 PM
I think if it came up in conversation it would be something like, "I would love to go out with you on Friday but it cost me a lot of money that I don't have right now for a babysitter."
Then either your date will offer to help pay for it or suggest an alternative. Such as, if it is a young child (4 or under) suggest your date come over your house for a late dinner and movie after your child is already in bed. For older children maybe make plans for them to sleep over a good friends house that night and offer that family to have a sleepover at your house the next week. Of course this is all if there is no father in the picture. If there is try to make arrangements with him.
However, I would never feel comfortable asking a date to help pay.
Posted by: Beth | June 15, 2009 9:36 PM
I agree that asking for help is uncomfortable no matter how you slice it. And for my single dads out there, I wasn't trying to leave you out. You should feel free to bring up the babysitting tab too. The late dinner is a really good suggestion.
Posted by: Georgia East | June 16, 2009 1:11 AM
I dunno. I think when you've been seeing someone for three months, you're getting serious enough to start talking about helping you pay for babysitting so the two of you can continue going out on dates. Are you calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend? Have you told each other you love them? If so, then talk honestly about it.
Posted by: another single mom | June 16, 2009 5:51 AM