Kicking the bird out of the nest

I have really matured in the past year.

Last summer, I sent my 13-year-old and his buddy cross-country on a plane all by themselves. We worked diligently with the other parents to find a flight that didn't require changing planes. We paid the extra fees for flying as unaccompanied minors. We got them official picture IDs from the police department. We had lists of phone numbers stashed in their bags. Phone calls flew back and forth between all the parents and both boys when they had a layover in Austin. My sister took time off from work to be at the gate in plenty of time to pick them up in San Francisco. (Then she had a flat tire on the Bay Bridge, but that's another story.)

This summer, my son is flying alone. He has to change planes twice. I figure he can pass for 15 so we didn't have to pay the exorbitant unaccompanied minor fair. Since the rest of us will have already left, I'm not entirely sure how he's going to get to the airport in Fort Lauderdale. In fact, I'm not entirely sure how he's getting back from the out-of-town baseball tournament he'll be playing in. (We do have a great network of friends and neighbors to help.) When we pick him up on the other end, we have to time it just right so our seven-hour car ride across South Dakota ends just when his plane touches down in Rapid City. Piece of cake.

What could possibly go wrong?

Ok...as I typed those words. I shuddered. Is it getting hot in here? Why am I breaking out in a sweat?

But here's the deal. When I was 15, I flew to Hong Kong by myself. Alec has a good head on his shoulders. He's observant. He's responsible. He's...mature.

Right?

What do you think?

PHOTO: Associated Press/Frank Augstein

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Comments

Passing for 15 and being 15 is 2 different things. It is the same as asking your 12-year-old to slouch down so he can get a kid's ticket at the movies.

Who will be liable if something happens? If you did not lie about his age the answer would be clear.

Posted by: ImKate | July 10, 2009 6:19 PM

I think kids need to experience things on their own to become confidant, capable people. I was over protective with mine, and have just begun to learn to let them go. It should be a lengthy process, with more freedom each time. Good for you - good for your son. He can reach you and the 'network' if needed. I think it's good for him AND you - we parents can get dependent too . . .

Posted by: fumom | July 10, 2009 8:04 PM

I was 6 when I first flew by myself so I would think he'd be fine at age 14.

Posted by: Tchaka | July 11, 2009 3:08 AM

My husband and I accept full responsibility for our choice to trust our very capable son. I'm not going to worry about "liability." Life is full of risks, and as fumom says, experience leads to confidence. I worry about the kids today whose "helicopter parents" keep them on such a tight leash they don't know how to make their own decisions.

Posted by: gretchcen | July 11, 2009 4:25 PM

I don't have a issue with someone his age traveling alone on a plane...at some point you do have to loosen the rope a little at a time...not to crazy about the changing planes..that can even be hairy for some of the adults!!!

Posted by: Anna | July 11, 2009 6:33 PM

Each of my 3 boys flew alone to visit grandparents at age 8 on a non-stop FL to PA flight. It was an excellent experience for each of them. This in the days of no cell phones. I always encouraged adventure, and have been glad I did now that the boys are all independent.

Posted by: jaime | July 11, 2009 8:55 PM

You may feel proud to send your son alone but going alone like this has nothing to do with maturity.And why are you in such a hurry of throwing him out of nest? He will have plenty of opportunity in 4 years to do that.It is good that you have a good social network but what makes you think he will like to use it? After all you wanted him to behave independent.

Posted by: alka | July 12, 2009 12:37 AM

"Kicking the bird out of the nest" I would think entails more ability in daily life skills than the ability to travel alone. Can he do his own laundry? Does he know how to clean his room--and the bathroom? Can he cook simple meals, and do the cleanup afterwards? Can he budget his allowance? Those are some of the things he NEEDS to know before he gets out on his own, and that knowledge will benefit him on a daily basis.

Posted by: pete | July 13, 2009 9:23 AM

Pete...excellent points. Since my kids live in a house with two working parents, they have had to be more self-sufficient then some of their friends. Both have a ways to go before they are truly ready. Thank goodness....I'm not ready to kick them out for real just yet!

Posted by: gretchen | July 13, 2009 9:38 AM

I didn't say he shouldn't travel by himself. I was just suggesting, for the sake of 1 more birthday, that you should be honest with the airline (and pay the difference in the airfare).

It is also a matter of saying to your son that it is ok to fudge the truth if it suits your purposes.

Posted by: ImKate | July 13, 2009 11:30 AM

I have a lot less problem with a 14 year old flying alone (there are currently 2 17 year olds about to complete separate circumnavigations of the globe, and I'm fine with that, too!) than to skip out on the unaccompanied minor fare. Lying to the airline is wrong. It teaches the wrong message to the boy, who is mature, but is going to watch his mom lie to save money. Liability notwithstanding, a parent is supposed to be the moral compass. This isn't a little white lie told to spare someone's feelings, this technically is fraud. I suspect it is less to save the money than to avoid the hassle Alec will have to put up with by having someone try to hold his hand throughout the trip. But that is the price you pay until you are "of age" for whatever the situation is.

Posted by: Tray M | July 13, 2009 5:31 PM