Is it a mom's duty to clean house?

Guest blogger Jenny Isenman debates the age-old question to clean or not to clean.

Jenny is a freelance writer/humor columnist and wiper of noses, tushies and countertops. She has two perfect children, a boy who is 7 and a girl who is 4.

She has a fabulously funny and relatable Suburban Jungle blog: It May Be Suburbia, But it's a Jungle Out There.

I remember the days before I found a regular housekeeper. I cleaned a lot!

In fact, I could do nothing else around my house until it was clean. I would clean in the morning, watch my kids immediately undo my work, and then clean the same stuff all over again.

I would Swiffer at 9 a.m. when they went to school and at 9 p.m. when they went to bed. Each time I was amazed at how long it took to clean the house and how quickly it became undone.

I made up fascinating “cleaning games” to justify not spending time playing Nerf dart tag or doing spin art like the “good Mommies” did.

Our play was much more educational. I honed my son’s eye for detail and fine motor skills: “Jake, let’s see if you can match the socks and roll them neatly into pairs.”

I knew Jake was a true genius the day he found matches for the 23 mate-less socks I had been rewashing for a year.

I taught my daughter about the nuances of tone and hue: “Ryan, which colors are dark and which are light?”

I considered asking my husband for help, but the truth is, to watch him try and clean could send us straight to divorce court. He would say, “Just do it once a day, why waste your time?”

If you want the job done right (i.e. your way) you have to do it yourself.

I couldn’t delegate because I was too disappointed in the way someone would load my dishwasher. Loading a dishwasher takes serious problem-solving skills and visual prowess; done correctly, it is an algorithm of perfectly fitting pieces with not a single one to spare.

Okay, I’m beginning to sound pathetic, but some of you actually get what I’m saying. You know who you are, you’re the ones thinking: "Please, my dish-loading could kick your &#$*."

Well, you know what I say? Bring it!

I was so vehemently against having help because I was sure it would reflect on some inability to be a good Mother/Housewife (a title I never thought I would covet the way that I do).

However, my need to have “a life” won out and I hired someone.

After a single day I felt like screaming “FREEDOM!” while swooshing down a mountain with a cool breeze on my face, or into a deep echoing canyon while blowing my Riccola horn.

But, alas, Florida is flat.

So, I traipsed into the lake (swamp) in our backyard, and screamed at the top of my lungs.

As soon as I zigzagged back into my house, I considered all of my options: Grocery shop, get Starbucks with a friend, shop for my kids, get a mani/pedi, shop for myself, go to the gym, get Starbucks again.

My days were filled with endless monotony and it was exhilarating.

Of course some days I was too tired from all the shopping and Starbucks, so we lazed on the sofa together and watched Sponge Bob.

Each day I returned to a neat and straightened house, with clean clothes and an organized pantry.

I began saying things that gave away control like, “You know, I don’t care if you rearrange my drawers, whatever is easier for you.” I had to make phone calls to find out where my daughter’s stuffed kitty and my new Hogan bag were, and I reveled in it.

So, I decided to write again. Three weeks later, I felt reborn and my Amex felt dejected, jumping out of my bag anytime we so much as drove past a retail store.

My Amex, however, wasn’t the only one let down. A week later my housekeeper told me she was offered a job at a physical therapist’s office. I said, “Are you kidding me? Who do you expect to do my laundry, clean the kitty litter, the dog pee, the garage… me? I had that job once, it sucked!” Luckily, when I talk fast she doesn’t understand a word.

Then I slowly said “You have to take it, congratulations!” and gave her a huge hug.

She still comes about five hours a week because in her own words: “I’ll help as much as I can. I know how much you need me.”

Apparently, she’s never seen me load a dishwasher, but if you don’t tell, I won’t either.

Jenny has a forthcoming book titled C://Mom Run: Stories from the world's most-harried mommy bloggers.

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Comments

You know, I'm a little OCD when it comes to housecleaning, specifically, loading the dishwasher. I don't know why it's such a hard task for some people to comprehend.

The divider caddy was put in those marvelous machines for a reason. The forks were never meant to co-mingle with the spoons, and the knives *must* be in the cubby way in the back, pre-rinsed and blade up, unless, of course, you're hoping I cut my wrist while reaching in for a fork.

Hmmm...

Posted by: Maneuvering Motherhood by Miss Behavin | August 6, 2009 4:03 PM

This was hilarious! I too never know whether to clean or play. I like the mix of the two.

Posted by: Kelly Kauffman | August 6, 2009 4:39 PM

aahhh, I remember the days when I actually used to care if my house was clean... but around the time my twins were old enough to walk, and destroy everything in their path, I just gave up... sleep became a priority, and if I got to take a shower or go the grocery store, the day was a complete success.. never mind that we have to wash some dishes by hand just to have clean dishes to eat dinner on... it's what I like to call "just-in-time cleaning".

I love your blog, Jenny! Keep the humor coming... if I wasn't laughing, I'd be crying!

Posted by: Liana Weitz | August 6, 2009 4:51 PM

Why do some people struggle so with the dishwasher? I swear my husband screws it up on purpose so I won't ask him to do it again. But my baby sitter is just as bad. ... As for household help, I say if you can afford it, it's totally worth it. I would have someone in every day if I could. (And a cook, too!)

Posted by: Charlene | August 6, 2009 4:54 PM

Love your stories and look forward to seeing your name in print again in the newspapers.
Personally I can relate to your story, was a fanatic before I had help. Definitely prefer household help even when I had to go to work to pay for it. It is amazing how one mellows through the years.
You learn to look away when you don't have to clean it yourself.... but I would go balistic if I lost my domestic help.

Posted by: Ina Rae Fox | August 6, 2009 5:44 PM

I used to be so neurotic that I would tease myself by thinking that some magical cleaning inspector was comming over. The inspector would know if I moved the furniture when I vacuumed and if I washed the hardwood floors before using the hoover. Needless to say, I was so exhausted I had to hire a live-in and never looked back!

Posted by: bari baitch | August 6, 2009 9:37 PM

I loved this article. I have three children ranging from almost 23 months up to 15. I have been cleaning up little messes all day long for a very long time. Jenny hits the nail on the head while giving a little comic relief to an otherwise frustrating job! Love it as usual. I am a very big fan of the blog!

Posted by: Jenee Evans | August 6, 2009 9:46 PM

Another great post, Jenny, taking everyday life and depicting it hilariously!

But I keep thinking about the title. Why do we all think it normal that mom clean the house?

What if the title were "Is it a dad's duty to clean the house?"

What would husbands and wives think? How many women would laugh out loud at the thought? How many man would desperately thinking up an excuse, like “I work all day” (as though a woman doesn’t work all day)?. But I’ve known men who are great home cleaners. (Come to think of it, I think most are gay.) But the point is that there is no anatomical reason that men can’t clean a house as well as a woman. So why do we presume it’s a mom’s duty to clean?

Posted by: rachy | August 6, 2009 10:00 PM

Geez Jenny, sounds like you stay home & shop most of the time? You're a very lucky girl, indeed, but your nonchalance is a bit nauseating for those of us juggling work, home and family ... many struggling just to buy food (not to mention losing their homes) in this economy. I don't find your cleaning "woes" one bit funny, in fact, pathetic. Most of us HAVE TO try to work 8 - 10 hours a day, grocery shop, cook, clean, take care of the kids and/or pets, and more! (Any you're feeling "guilty" for not finding enough play time with your kids? SHAME on you!!!) I'd like to hear a bit more gratefulness in your tone for being able to afford a housekeeper or even to stay home AND have the rare luxury to devote hours of your day to cleaning and taking care of it!

Posted by: Reality Chick | August 7, 2009 8:21 AM

I'm glad this hit home with so many of you and like Liana said, If I wasn't laughing I'd be crying. (Cute Line)

To Reality Chick -of course I understand that people need to work very hard to stay above water.. I work very hard... this is my job. I am very lucky to do what I love. I am also very greatful for what I have.

That said, I am a humor columnist who writes about the things that come up in my life. This is not meant to be social commentary.

Moms relate to many different things. I can not relate to being frustrated with my pilot because it's taking too long to gas up the private jet for a jaunt with the hubbie to Paris, but I understand the feeling of frustration over not being able to get out of the house with any amount of speediness.

Like everyone else I feel the economy and have made cut backs including the help I had in this very article, from 25hrs a week to 5, but I try to laugh at the feelings that are universal to moms like guilt.

Whether it be over taking a 40hr a wk job plus OT and missing out or being a stay at home mom and giving up some of your responcibilites or taking them on and missing time with the kids... guilt is guilt.

To all who read...Thanks for reading!
Jenny From the Blog

Posted by: Jenny From the blog | August 7, 2009 11:17 AM

PS to all the moms who mentioned the dishwasher, you'll love Minutia Mom. It's about the super heroes that we moms truly are... with a lot of laughs.
http://www.suburbanjungle.net/weekly-column-minutia-mom

Posted by: Jenny From the Blog | August 7, 2009 11:23 AM

Did you have a housekeeper EVERY DAY??? Wow. I have one that comes once a month (used to be twice a month, but now I am unemployed and that seems extreme) and that is the best day of the month! I can't imagine if someone came every day...awesome!

Posted by: Kristen | August 7, 2009 11:45 AM

Loved this article! So funny...can totally relate! Keep this blog...I say "Bring It"!

Posted by: Jamie | August 7, 2009 6:08 PM

Oh puhlease. I can only wish that I had enough money for a professional service. I guess when you don't have money you don't worry about petty things like cleaning your house twice a day. (btw see a psychiatrist about that) The rest of us out here couldn't really care less about keeping everything spotloss or who is loading the dishwasher as long as it gets done when needed. If you want your kids to resent you, keep making a big deal about how to load a dishwasher.

Posted by: K | August 8, 2009 8:39 AM

Wow ladies! Chill a little. Remember this is a humor column. If you can't laugh at yourself or someone else don't read it.

Posted by: jennie Klein | August 8, 2009 10:35 PM

So funny like all of her other articles.

Posted by: Christina Wilson | August 10, 2009 9:17 AM

I understand that this is supposed to be funny, but it comes off sounding like she's a pampered spoiled little princess. If you don't work outside the house... the house should be your job...spending time with your kids should be BOTH father and mothers jobs. So what if there's a little dust on the dressers? Although, I can relate to the dishwasher issue..

Posted by: Ally | August 10, 2009 11:11 AM

Posted by: Ally | August 10, 2009 11:12 AM

This was hysterical. I love her work. I know exactly what she means. Once you have had a cleaning service, its tough to go back to the old way of doing things. Maybe we become lazy...or complacent. When it comes to the dishwasher, I'm the only one that can fill it properly.

Posted by: Cherie | August 10, 2009 11:55 AM

Hahahaha! I don't know what is funnier your post or those two upset ladies who have way too much time on their hands to write hate comments like that. Bring it!

Posted by: mrs.notouching | August 10, 2009 2:57 PM

Great writing as always. Your blog always makes me smile and sometimes break into hysterical laughter. Keep it up, please.

Posted by: Mike | August 17, 2009 12:08 PM

Congratulations on being published in the Sun! Your blog is hilarious and its high time everyone else knew!

Posted by: Leah O. | August 20, 2009 2:03 PM

Congratulations, Jenny. You have a way with words that's entertaining and a point of view that's unique. You seem to have a knack for picking subject matter that almost anyone can relate to on one level or another. I dig the way your thoughts flow in logical succession with an offbeat flavor. Getting them down on paper so I can follow along is no small accomplishment. Bravo!
"If you want the job done right (i.e. your way)..."
What guy who has helped his wife clean the house can't relate to that?

Posted by: John | August 21, 2009 10:35 AM