Divorce complicates school forms

Filling out school forms for your child is never easy, but for parents who have remarried it comes with an added burden—figuring out where to squeeze in information about a stepmom or stepdad.

I was filling out some required enrollment forms for my daughter last week when I noticed that while there were two or three lines allotted for information about the child’s mother and father there was no space specifically allotted for step-parents.

There was space further down on the forms for “Emergency contacts,” which is where I suspect some folks list a step-parent.

But in this day and age with so many blended families I’m surprised public school forms in general haven’t been modified to reflect our changing demographics. I know some forms ask about custody arrangements, but few ask for any specific information about step-parents.

While some may argue that it’s a private matter that doesn’t deserve ink on a school form and that in some cases it could get too complicated, I think it would help schools to know all of the primary caregivers in a child’s life, beyond mom and dad.

In a lot of households it’s stepmom or stepdad who is picking up a child consistently from school or the first point of contact should the child get sick.

Don’t they deserve to be recognized?

POSTED IN: Georgia East (24), Step-parenting (48)

> Please comment

Comments

I think the emergency contacts and/or authorized pick up people is where someday I will put the girlfriend of my soon to be ex-husband. Couldn't bring myself to do it last week, though.

Posted by: single mom | August 31, 2009 7:41 AM

Ms. East:

You are in my head!!! I was thinking the exact same thing!!! My husband (stedad) picks them up every day so, what I did to be safe, as the school had who is registering first, I put me, then 2nd
it listed "other parent" I am sure to try to accomadate changing family dynamics. I listed step-dad. For children lives with I crossed out both parents and put "mom and stepdad"

On the bottom under emergency contacts, I listed again stepdad, dad,and stepmom, in # order of how I want them called.

It is not easy, for sure, and always raises questions(Why aren't you married to my dad anymore, ect).

While we are on the subject, I absolutely hate the family tree thing, which also raises questions I don't want to answer at this time.

To singe mom, it gets easier. Girlfriend, who is now step mom, has been listed for years.

Posted by: Exactly!! | August 31, 2009 8:38 AM

I was so happy to see this post! Many times step parents are not given the credit they deserve and are unfortunately still seen in a negative light.
I take my hat off to all parents (biological, adoptive, step parents,etc)..we all have one of the hardest jobs!

My husband and I came across this same issue when filling out forms for my stepson and making sure that we are all in the loop in case anything should happen. We have asked his teacher to contact BOTH his mom and dad so that the 2 households are aware of what's going on (misbehaving in school,feeling sick,etc) and if either mom or dad are unavailable we asked that they contact me (stepmom)..Soon-to-be-stepdad does not want to be contacted for some reason.
Thankfully there is a nice relationship between my stepsons's mother and I..I reached out to her from day one and let her know I was not there to replace her, only to help her son succeed and be the best he can be. To Single Mom--It may be hard to do now, but I would recommend doing the same later down the line (approaching SM)..It will make it much easier on your kids to see that there is an amicable relationship between all of you. You don't have to be best friends, but that communication will go a long way! Hang in there!

Posted by: Agreed! | August 31, 2009 10:00 AM

Yes, I think just like you, Exactly, a lot of people are writing in step-dad or step-mom. And i can understand your sentiments single mom, if you feel like you're just not ready for that yet.

Posted by: Georgia East | August 31, 2009 12:11 PM

I think this is a very important issue. I still have to be added to my stepkids emergency forms as someone who can pick them up. As for the person who wrote she couldn't bear to put down the name of the girlfriend of her soon to be ex-husband just know that someday hopefully you will consider her help a blessing.

Posted by: Carol Shwanda | September 1, 2009 11:21 AM

The issue of where a stepparent fits into the lives and schedules (and legal care) of a child is growing as the percentage of American families in subsequent marriages/relationships grows. My wife and I settled our own problem by her filing a notarized letter with school, doctor, hospital, and dentist which stated my rights to deliver her daughter for care or to pick her up from school.
Really troubling is the school that doesn't care or know who picks up the kids!

I generally advise our stepfamilies to contact their child's school, doctor, etc. directly and ask them what they prefer. That way you're less likely to run into complications at some important point.

Looking further off, our legislators will have to, at some time soon, establish guidelines and regulations regarding this exploding demographic.

Posted by: Bob Collins | September 1, 2009 3:17 PM

I enter my husband's name where the father's information should go but write in "step" above where it says "father." He takes a more active role in raising my daughter because her father (my ex-h) lives out of state and only sees her once or twice a year. The likelihood of her father picking her up from school is slim to none so most of the time I don't even include his information.

And when it comes to answering the question "where does the child reside," I usually select mom and then write in stepdad.

Posted by: Kristy | September 3, 2009 9:49 AM