I think that taking some of the novelty of drinking away while at home might help. Your son and husband have a drink together in a mature way. Maybe a small beer maybe a mixed drink with just a bit of alcohol and a lot of ice cubes. In simpler times, i might even suggest your husband and your son and his male friends having a small drink maturely, discussing some topic intelligently (of course the parents of the other kids would have to agree, but with the laws we have that might not be wise, I know your own child can have alcohol in your home), then on other occasions have a similar discussion with the kids without any drink, so it is more of a take it or leave it kind of a thing. If you drink, it has to be introduced some way like this I believe. Better with a parent than without.

When I was in high school, there was one family who allowed all the kids over to drink and party at their house. They had two sons. One of them ended up dying young from an illness (unrelated to drinking), and the other is in prison after being convicted of murdering his wife. I don't think it's a good idea to condone teen drinking by throwing keg parties at your house.

Been there.

Rule #1 You can't trust a teenager, especially the ones you think you can trust. Even your own.

Rule #2 Kids lie, and they are damned good at it. Get smart & doubt whatever they say.

Rule #3 They don't believe anything you tell them because you're a parent. But they'll listen to a friend, even if they've known them for all of 5 minutes.

Bottom line: Keep the booze out of the house until they hit their twenties. Smell their breath when they come home. If they tell you you're crazy or imagining things, you're not. Take the keys away, ground them, keep their friends away but take some kind of action.

I wish I knew back then what I know now.

I'd love an update on how the "one that might not make it," is doing.

I'm glad your son was among the sober. But still, I want to know what all the parents, including you, did as a follow up with their children.

Did this experience open up more communication among you parents?

Keeping teens away from alcohol is a tough sell.
I rarely drink now but I drank alot as a teen so I am realistic.
I preach to them that you don't need to drink to have fun.
I promised that if anyone, including their friends, needed a ride there would be no questions asked that night and no shouting the next day.
On the other hand, if I found out they drove drunk or with a drunk then I promised Dad would turn into a crazed maniac.
I have made a couple of late night runs and I did keep my promise which I think earned some respect and opened the doors a little.
I like Wally's idea of introducing alcohol to older teens(16+) in a very controlled setting. Obviously not a keg party.
Difficult subject, but with his idea alcohol is not the elephant in the room that the teens refuse to talk about.

I recommend the book "Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction" by David Sheff.

I believe the main point he makes is that marijuana is a gateway drug, but I would extend that to alcohol. I vow to stop drinking in front of my 7 year old daughter.

I disagree with Wally and I completely agree with Gladys, having barely gotten my 20 year old daughter through. She dabbled in alcohol and marijuana, and I might find out someday what else.

If you really want to help your children be a parent. Stop trying to be your child's friend. Grow up and be the parent!

I agree with Sheep Dog. The easy way out is to try to be your child's friend. Being your child's parent is much more difficult, and might require you to endure some of those "I hate you''s! I am against the idea of offering a minor a drink. No matter what. Bad idea. The kids involved in this incident got various levels of discipline. One of the drinkers got no discipline at all, the other got several weeks of grounding. My son was punished for being there, with no parent.

Brittany, a few minutes ago I entered "what do you do when you find alcohol in your teens room" and this page popped up.
I'm the mom of two girls 21 and 16. The 16 yr old was the kid we thought wouldn't give us any problems. An honor student, active in sports, etc. How stereotypical.
I just found a plastic water bottle of vodka in her room today.
We were never her "best friend," we were parents, and we're good parents at that. Regardless of how good a parent you are, these things can happen.
Gladys advice: to keep alcohol out of the house till they're in their 20's is not realistic. My daughter got her vodka from a guy in the band.
They were passing it around to celebrate the end of band camp.
Where to go from here? You and I are in the same boat, we're parents who care. Many parents that I've talked to just seem to shrug it off.
I just had a heated discussion with our daughter and we stopped it before it became a fight. but she's going to lose a lot of privledges, and her dad and I will discuss it further tonight.
All you can do is keep on them, trust your gut, keep the lines of communication open, and try to keep up a relationship with your kid that is also based on positive things.
Good luck to you!

Laura, I got chills reading this line: "I just found a plastic water bottle of vodka in her room today." I want to thank you for sharing that. It's frightening. There really is no way to alcohol-proof our kids, is there? But I'm with you -- the only thing we can do is react appropriately, and deliver consequences. And maybe a good speech or two. And set good examples, and continue to love our kids, but continue to show them what our expectations are. It sure isn't easy.