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What I learned from stay-at-home moms
My days of masquerading as a stay-at-home mom have come to an end.
For months, for one weekday, I have been able to frequent the haunts of stay-at-home moms: Parks, indoor playgrounds, children's museums, water parks.
I marveled at their ability to call a girlfriend in the middle of the day and talk for long stretches. (What luxury to have a friend available!)
I marveled at their firm bodies. (Who has time to work out?)
I marveled at their expertise. (No, I didn't know there was an indoor playground four miles from my house.)
My time spent with the moms reinforced three things about parenting:
Be prepared. I'd see the mom with the jogger stroller and exercise clothes and think: brilliant idea. Darting from swing to slide is exercise, right?
Have a support system. Many of the moms came in twos and swapped tales and advice on carving out personal time and the latest oddity their child exhibited.
Diversity is the spice of life. In talking with some of the moms, I found that their routines didn't break away from the cycle of park, library, nap time, museum. I was able to share tips for places and restaurants that didn't scream kids but would satisfy both parties. Kids need exposure to things that aren't tailored to a T for them, too.
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Comments
Stay at home moms work out because there is free babysitting at the gym and they need a break. We go to the park, library, etc. because we need to get our kids out of the house or they go crazy. We go on walks to kill time trying to come up with new ways to entertain our children. We talk on the phone because we are lonely with no social interaction. It's a hard job, harder than most people realize. Still, I would not change it for going back to work.
Posted by: J | September 19, 2009 10:04 AM
I am a teacher so during the summer I feel the same way. As if I am a phony and that at any moment some "real" stay at home mom is going to point me out to everyone as the working mom I really am. I know.... crazy.
Being that I get to experience both worlds for part of the year I believe they both have there positive points and negative. What I really enjoy when I am working is the fact that my 4 year old has his own little life that he gets to share with me. I might not know everything that he has happened in his day, but I get to hear about what he feels and thinks are the most important parts. They are usually not things that if I had been with him all day I probably would have noticed as being significant and wouldn't have discussed with him. When I stay at home I love the low key way we are able to be. My son gets up when he wants we are able to relax and eat breakfast. Try to make it to the library or wherever by the designated start time, but if we don't... oh well no biggie there's always something else later or the next day. Just much more laid back. The negatives are much more obvious. Both are tiring in different ways. When I work all day and have to come home and still work another five or six hours until bed it truly exhausts me completely. When I get to stay home it can be mentally challenging to constantly stay engaged with my son while trying to get to everything that needs to be done. I feel that I am lucky to be able to work and still spend a significant amount of time with my son. I am able to understand my stay at home mommy friends and my working mommy friends.
Posted by: beth | September 20, 2009 1:27 PM
Some of the stay at home moms envy Beth and women like her. I am the stay at home mom of an autistic son, and their are times I miss the excitement of going to work and taking care of the family too. I have found that by taking a meditation and relaxation class, my son gets some of the social interaction and entertainment 'J' mentions, and we both get a little break from life. Being prepared and having a support system are important, but the part about diversity is very true. In my case, being flexible in how things should happen and the way they happen is also true.
Posted by: DeeDee | September 28, 2009 4:38 PM
Well said, Moms, we all need balance and variety in our lives. It's good to hear how some parents are juggling both.
Posted by: Joy | September 28, 2009 4:54 PM
I find this article disturbing. I am so sick of mother stereotypes! Every mom works, no matter where their workplace is. I've worked full time, I've stayed at home, and now I stay at home and work part time. Every mom has something in common - being a mom. Let's remember that!!
P.S. Not EVERY stay at home mom has a "firm body". I'm still laughing at that comment.
Posted by: Liz | October 21, 2009 10:31 PM