You’d think parenting and Guns N' Roses don’t go together. But when I think about raising my soon-to-be five-year-old son and soon starting over with a newborn, I can’t seem to get the chorus of one of the ‘80s band’s songs out of my head: “All you need is just a little patience…” Queue the whistling…

Before my son was born, I knew I’d need help in the patience department. I’m naturally impatient. So in the words of a wise blue dog preschoolers love, I learned to “stop, breathe and think.” (Thanks, Blue's Clues.)

Some parents have a different mantra: “stop, threaten and spank.” My parents spanked – well, mostly threatened to spank. Just one sting of my dad’s slipper was enough to remind my siblings and me that we should listen to our parents before they walked to the closet. There’s endless debate about the effects (or lack thereof) of spanking. Here is one more to consider. I don’t put too much stock in these studies because there are so many other variables to consider, which a study’s author typically concedes.

My husband and I made the conscience decision not to spank. But what to do instead? What’s more effective?

I took a six-week class at the Mailman Segal Institute at Nova Southeastern University when my son was two years old. Called the STEP program (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) for children under six, the course gave me a lot to think about. Mainly: Discipline and punishment are NOT the same thing. You want to correct bad behavior, not a bad child. And knowing the difference can not only relieve your stress level but also help foster self esteem in your child.

Here are a few of the key takeaways when a child is misbehaving:

Distract: If your toddler insists on playing with that fragile vase sitting in your living room, grab a toy and direct him to another corner of the room. Do it calmly and without making a big fuss.

Ignore: When my son yells across a room to ask me for some cheese and crackers, I don’t respond. It might take a few times, but he eventually understands and will walk up to me and ask politely, even adding a “please” for good form. Obviously, if your kid is about to run into a busy street, ignoring the behavior is NOT an option. Use common sense.

Set routines: Children need limits. It helps them learn what to expect. Make a routine for the morning, mealtimes and bedtime. Doing so can save you quite a few battles and headaches in the long run.

Give choices: Control the situation, not the child. This is particularly important for older toddlers or preschoolers, who want to feel some control. When my son interrupts me while I’m on the phone, I let him know he can stay and play quietly or leave the room. His choice. When he insisted tonight that he didn’t want me to comb his hair in the morning, I explained to him that I could leave the knots in his hair or gently smooth them out. His choice. (He ultimately didn’t like the idea of going to school with knots in his hair.)

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