You must not have read the complete news article about the girl forced to EAT A Bar OF Soap, which by the way almost killed her and her uncaring mom and stepdad refused to even get her medical help after she went into shock. She was saved when police came to her house and discovered she needed critical medical attention immediately or she would have died. I would not suggest using those parents as a good example for any type of discipline. Except, maybe for what they are about to receive for their crimes.

I've heard the expression used many times, but I have never run across anyone who has ACTUALLY washed their child's mouth with soap. Do people (other than the parents mentioned in the article) actually do this? Does anyone think that is a good method of discipline?

I agree that giving NO punishment for bad behavior will spoil a child, but there are many ways to punish bad behavior. Do you really think a child is spoiled if one method of punishment (washing mouths out with soap) is not utilized?

And the last part of your post "eating ice cream in the foster home" puzzles me. I have never been in foster care, but I have a hard time believing that it is a pleasant experience for a child. I somehow doubt that the child is going to vindicated by being dragged off to foster care. Nor do I think that they child is going to feel good about being taken away from his/her parents.

Yes, people actually DO put soap in their kids' mouths, Joe. My point about spoiling this generation is that many of the disciplines that used to be accepted by our society, such as paddling in schools, and even simple spanking, have been replaced by "time out.' Type in 'consensual parenting' and you'll see the extreme, where kids are treated equally to adults. Kids aren't ready to make judgments or decisions. That's why parenting is so important. My comment about the foster home is probably driven by the many foster parents I know. They are awesome, beautiful people. I wouldn't mind spending a night in their home eating ice cream. The point is if the cops show up, it's the parent in trouble, and the tables have turned.

Brittany,

I'm with you. I got soap in my mouth a couple times as a kid for either talking back or cursing. My mom did not make me eat the whole soap bar or anything but trust me it was no fun. There is always going to be a fine line and everyone's idea will be different. Some parents think spanking on the butt with an open hand is ok, others consider it abuse. I agree the good old days of old fashioned disipline is gone. I have to say though as a mom I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny as a parent. For instance in the supermarket if my three year old is having a tanturm I either get "take that kid outside and show him who's boss" or "Poor thing why would she bring him to the supermarket?" People need to Butt out unless they are seeing something very severe and let parents do their job!

Brittany,

I agree that if "time out" does not work then maybe other forms of punishment need to be tried. But I think it is short sighted and narrow minded to think that punishment can only be implemented ONE way, i.e., good, old fashioned corporal punishment. Doesn't make more sense to first try punishments that do not involve hitting or yelling at your children? Hitting and/or yelling at your kids might make them more prone to become angry, belligerent children.

I am almost 40 and when I was a kid paddling was allowed in school. I might have been paddled once. At home, however, my parents NEVER once hit or spanked me from the time I can remember. So, I am living proof that it is not necessary to use corporal punishment.

I agree that parenting is important, but you do not have to hit your kids in order to teach them right from wrong. I'm sorry, but that's just lazy way of trying to be a parent. Its much easier to yell at a child and/or hit him when he does something wrong than it is to sit down with the child and explain (sternly) what the child did was wrong. If people are unwilling to try this before resorting to yelling and hitting, then I'm sorry, but they suck as parents. If they have tried this and it hasn't work, then maybe it is time to take a more drastic approach. But I fear that too many people just default to the lazy way of disciplining.

Lastly, I'm sure your friends who are foster parents are lovely people, but you can't seriously tell me that it would be a pleasant experience for a child to be taken from his home by child protective services. My kids cry when we drop them off at my in-laws for a couple hours because they don't want us to leave them! It would be my guess that if a kid who is taken away from his parents by child protective services DOES enjoy his time away, then there's a pretty good chance that his parents are abusing him, and the kid wasn't merely taken away because his parents were administering some "good old fashioned discipline."

Looking at the whole case there is really not much here to concern an ordinary parent.

Firstly, the girl did not have her mouth “washed” with soap, but was made to swallow about half a bar. She apparently became very sick and was then taken to the hospital by the mother’s boyfriend. She must have looked pretty bad, because the staff decided to call the cops.

It might have been that the child simply, without warning, had an allergic reaction, in which case I would expect that the matter would end at the hospital after a few questions. But what happened next was that the boyfriend took the child and ran away, and the police turned up a prior abuse complaint against the mother.

Now if a stranger saw you crawling through the window of your own house, he would have to be curious about that. And if he called the Sheriff and it turned out there was recently a string of burglaries in the area, then the police are pretty much going to have to come and ask you a few questions. And if you haul ass when the cops show up, you ought to know that you are going be chased and arrested. That doesn't mean you are guilty of burglary, mind you, it just means that you now have to explain yourself to the judge.

Even if you discount all the authorities as progressive parenting weirdo’s, you still have to account for the mothers own statements, in which didn't deny that the child had been abused, but rather essentially said she knew that when a nurse saw her child somebody was going to jail. At that point you need to consider just how sick that kid must have looked for the adults to decide it was more risky to keep her at home than to seek help at the hospital. Considering the mom’s prior record I’d guess the kid had to look like death – which, incidentally, is what the hospital staff, police, and EMT’s said too.

Given those facts the parents still may be innocent of abuse, if the child only started to look sick after the punishment was well over. But unfortunately, when a child who is vomiting is she had to clean her own puke off the floor before she can rinse the soap out of her mouth it kind of doesn’t sound like that.

OH MY Brittany! I am a little surprised at your entry on this one. We are not spoiling our kids by refraining from soap in the mouth. Lets start with the fact that this practice and other similar actions ARE NOT effective in the long run. So why do it. Typically these type of actions show parental frustration rather than meeting the goal of teaching. If generations of soap in the mouth worked, I guess our kids would not use those unacceptable words today. In one of your earlier columns, you really provided the most powerful answer. Parents' role modeling is THE most powerful tool.

As for spanking, if it were provided in a calm and consistent manner, it might be more effective. The problem is that it almost always happens when the adult is at the end of their rope and acting out of rage. What is actually being taught in this situation? I DO believe in setting limits, providing consequences, and raising kids with solid values. I believe this can be done via other means. I am VERY supportive of parents in dealing with the stress of parenting.