We help our parents. We do for our kids. And at the end of the day, we get a good night’s sleep – mostly because we drop from exhaustion.

But we have to take time for ourselves. Sure the massage, pedicure and a glass of wine are on the top 10 of the list.

But getting an annual physical and mammogram should be #1 – though I happen to know it gets pushed way down to about #25.

Today, I took care of #1, me.

I got my annual mammogram.

Go take care of you. Whether it’s a physical and mammogram or just a physical, get it. You’ll feel better. Besides, what good is a sandwich without a middle?

Now I’m going to enjoy those other guilty pleasures, without the guilt.

Does social media fit the gender – or does the gender find the social media?

Maybe online gaming isn’t so bad after all. I was resistant to the idea of my son playing games online when he first started earlier this year.

But then again I was resistant to him having a Facebook page and a cell phone!

Things have a way of working out. After maybe a month of Facebook – my son discontinued it. Facebook was too much work, he said.

His cell phone has become a tool – he doesn’t really over-use it. When he first started texting, there was a bit of an issue, but that’s "stale" now too.

His social media de jour is online games.

My son can team up with friends – or play against them. All the while – he can chat with them – not in 140 characters or less, or through long Facebook missives, but actual talking.

With his headset on - he and his friends can go into “party” chat or one on one conversation. They advise, taunt and challenge one another. But they also encourage each other – and even make plans to meet up in person.

In my opinion, it’s the teenage boys’ version of girls talking on the phone. What do you think?

Photo: jwestcoast via Flickr

Follow Cindy Kent on Twitter.com @mindingyourbiz

Continue reading "Where the boys are" »

If I left it up to our cats to teach our son a thing or two…. he’d have a PhD in Sleeping, (see photo) before the summer is over.

It seems that when school’s out –sleeping is in: staying up until 3 a.m., and snoozing until noon the next day is my son’s idea of enjoying the summer.

Well – that’s just not going to happen – no lay-a-bouts here! And I’m inclined to nip it in the bud.

Yes, I’m going to let him have his late nights and sleep-in mornings.

Sometimes. We’ve told him, it’s the exception – not the rule.

He has to get out and ride his bike, do chores, keep up with martial arts and follow up on some volunteer stuff.

There is no doubt, hanging with friends is good – in fact, it’s important.

And they’re going to stay up late some nights and sleep in – which is fine, but not day in and day out – not on my watch.

I have to admit I am a little hard-pressed for an answer when he asks why he has to get up so early (8 a.m.-9 a.m.-ish.) After all – if I had the time, I might take advantage of a late night/ late morning myself–but only for a while.

Besides reminding him that as the parents we set the rules, I tell him I don’t want his schedule turning upside down – that it will be very difficult to get back on track for school.

I don’t think I’m too hard on him. He’s got more down time that planned time this summer – which is a first.

What are your kids up to this summer – are they over-booked? Hanging out? Or balancing their time with spurts of activities with nothing to do in between?

Photo credit: Cindy Kent/Houdini and Zoe demonstrate the art of chillaxing

Follow Cindy Kent on Twitter.com @mindingyourbiz

Now that you have joined the ranks of momminess – you are the mother of a lot of ideas – aren’t you?

Well, Huggies thinks you are. The Kimberly-Clark brand is launching a grant program - Huggies MomInspired - to provide inventive moms with the seed capital they need to help transform viable ideas into successful new businesses.

After all, Huggies says moms are “often creative problem-solvers that typically embody natural entrepreneur characteristics on a daily basis.”

To be considered for a grant moms, 21 years or older, residing in the United States, must submit an application online, outlining a unique baby or child care product idea that addresses an unmet parenting need.

Winners will be awarded with up to $15,000 per grant to help fund their product ideas.
Hurry up, the deadline is June 9.

Follow Cindy Kent on Twitter.com @mindingyourbiz

Get your little lions and tigers outdoors – after all - it’s National Wildlife Week, through March 21.

And since our children, by nature, are nature lovers – it’s also a good time to teach them the value of wildlife and enjoy the great outdoors.

That’s what the National Wildlife Federation -sponsored week is all about. This year’s theme: Be Out There At Home, School and Play

A few fun facts: The first National Wildlife Week observance took place more than 70 years ago.
Today’s average child spends only 4-7 minutes outside each day. Compare that to the 7 hours and 38 minutes per day the average kid spends engaged with electronic media, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation.

There are activities for all ages and links to resources here:

Get active: National Wildlife Week

Locate venues: NatureFind

For teachers: Educator Activity Guide

Now, go on, go outside! (Just like how Mom says)

If I left the decisions up to my daughter, she'd never play competitive sports (and she'd eat Pop Tarts at every meal).

In real life, you're not always No. 1.

Her first season of forced sports, when she was four years old, she cried every time she kicked the soccer ball. She stopped on the way from the parking lot to the soccer field, wailing that her legs hurt. And worse, she cried, "I'm sweating!''

A few years have passed, and she just completed her fourth soccer season. She's starting her second year of softball. Sports trophies line her window sill.

When basketball sign-ups came along last fall, she said she wasn't interested. I signed her up anyway. It was one of the best experiences of her little-girl life.

I learned from the years of football, soccer and baseball in my son's youth that kids need to experience being on a team, and they might not beg you to sign them up. You might have to force it on them.

They need to learn about sacrificing, and about commitment. When my now teen-age son is forced to get up for a 9 a.m. baseball practice on Saturday, he's getting a hint of adult reality.

If you read parenting articles out there, you'll find plenty of folks who shy away from competitive sports because they want their kid to always feel like a winner. I don't know what kind of idyllic life these parents must be leading, but in my world, I'm thinking I need to sign my kids up for something that will teach them about life's devastating disappointments.

Hence, I think my daughter picked up some good life lessons when her team lost almost every game last season.

Sometimes life is like that. Sometimes you get a bad call, the people on your team suck, you're tired and don't feel like playing, the coach is mean to you, someone scratches you in the face and steals the ball, and the snack parent forgets to bring treats. And the next week, you put on your uniform, and you give it your best.

Turns out, Title IX was good for girls. And not just because the landmark 1972 legislation required schools to give equal opportunity to girls sports.

The New York Times has a really interesting story on new research that shows how increasing girls' participation in team sports can have a lifelong impact on education, work and health.

“It’s not just that the people who are going to do well in life play sports, but that sports help people do better in life,” said Betsey Stevenson, an economist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. “While I only show this for girls, it’s reasonable to believe it’s true for boys as well.”

That's great news. And reason enough for me to hope that my daughter continues with sports into high school.

But, what's alarming to me is the chart that runs with the story. It shows the top five and bottom five states for varsity sports participation rates in high school in 2004.

And guess where Florida lands? Yep. Next to last. Above the District of Columbia, and below Utah.

How can this be? In the state where kids can play outdoors year round? What is wrong with this picture?

I keep coming back to this notion (in recent blog posts): Youth sports have become too competitive. With year-round travel leagues, we've turned 10-year-olds into "prospects." Kids feel forced to excel and "specialize" in one sport by age 12. If you aren't star material, forget it. Don't even bother.

So instead of trying out for a variety of teams because it's fun and something to do after school, a youngster has to be devoted and/or talented enough to spend hours and hours every day practicing with teams and private trainers.

Is that what's going on here? Help me out. Why don't more kids participate in sports in Florida high schools? Is it a money thing? Too many other things to do? Apathy? What?

And if sports participation is good for kids and will have lifelong positive impact, as the research shows, what needs to happen to change participation rates in Florida?

Illustration: Stuart Bradford/The New York Times

My colleagues at the Orlando Sentinel have an interesting story about how tens of thousands of Florida middle schoolers are opting out of the state's PE requirement. Of course, the subtext is that this is a tragedy.

I say, that's as it should be. I have a particular bias against PE classes, and not just because I never could throw a softball or do a chin-up.

My son took PE throughout middle school, and it was the biggest waste of time for him. After the time spent changing into and out of gym clothes, and the chatter from the PE teachers, you're left with about 20 minutes of activity, maybe. And that activity is still pretty traditional -- soccer, basketball, flag football. Where's the yoga? The aerobics? The tai-chi?

Kids who are not "ball kids" or into team sports aren't going to change their lifestyle because of PE. And kids like my son who are phsycially active could better spend their time in something more academic or enriching. My sixth-grade daughter will spend her middle school years in band rather than PE. She loves band, and I suspect a lot of kids who opted out of PE are just like her -- enjoying middle school because of music and other fine arts classes. If she didn't love music, or needed the exercise, she'd be in PE. But that's the thing: It's a option.

If the state is serious about encouraging physical activity, let's bring back intramural sports. Let's make it fun for kids to play sports in a way that's low pressure and inclusive of everyone -- the uncoordinated, the slow, the chubby. Open the gym before or after school for pickup games and other fun activities.

Organized sports have become so competitive that unless a kid is an above average athlete who has been playing nights and weekends for years, they have little chance of making a school team. Many many kids would love to play sports for fun, but they are shut out.

PE won't reverse obesity in this country, but putting fun back into childhood might make a dent.

Photo: Los Angles Times

What would possess a woman to take joy in not shaving her legs or underarms for months, when she always had, and in fact - simply stopped using shampoo?

That same woman even got her eyebrows tattooed, started working out and shaved her head.

That's because this mother/daughter was getting ready for the battle of her life - fighting breast cancer. And October marks the annual National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

It's been nine years since --Doris Pastl, now also a grandmother, and owner of the Boynton Beach-based Specialty Advertising Inc. was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. That's when she entered her own personal, self-imposed boot camp of readiness: creating a support group around her, a positive attitude, purpose, focus, and humor.

She underwent treatments and surgery. She endured wigs, hospital gowns, no hair, nausea, fear, strength, laughing and crying. She chronicled "This is My Story," in a pamphlet-style book with photos, short cutlines and lists.

Pastl lists feelings, advantages of being bald (you never have a bad hair day) and disadvantages (if you've had a face lift, the scars will show).

Pastl's simple presentation makes it an easy read despite the fact that it is about someone's real life emotional and physical roller coaster. Any woman: aunt, sister, mother, grandmother facing the challenge could sit with a child to read "This is My Story."

But Pastl also knows the experience is different for every one. So she wants other women to share with her, to add to her lists. Pastl wants people to read her story and share it with others. To obtain copies, to add to her lists, call Pastl at 800-433-7452.

For a donation, you can have a hot pink hair extension woven into place as another way to recognize Breast Cancer Awareness and as fundraisers. Find out here where PINK Extensions are available at participating hair salons throughout the month.

Do you have a breast-cancer survival story to share with the Sun Sentinel?

UPDATE: Find out about fundraisers this month on Rod Hagwood's Fashion calendar blog. Some events, starting around Oct. 18, are specifically geared to breast cancer awareness.

We already know the dangers of multi-tasking and cell phones.

But the jury is still out as to the extent of brain tumors and cancer connected to cell phone use - especially with regards to children using them.

It’s a heated debate: studies, seminars and more studies abound, but are often inconclusive.

Reuters and the Huffington Post reported on a two-day symposium on the topic that will take place in Washington DC Sept 13 - Sept. 15.

A blog post on foodconsumer.org emphasizes study flaws: that health risks of cell phone use is underestimated.

Last year ScientificAmerican addressed the issue – ultimately without concluding one way or another the health risks of cell phone usage.

There are already a lot of negatives stacked against cell phone users --kids or adults: driving and using cell phones, expense, time management and etiquette.

But health seems to also be an issue one should take into consideration.

Maybe - if we share that information with our children, they might opt IN for good old fashioned face to face conversations!

My daughter starts first grade today. She shared with me a few things she plans to do differently now that she’s a BIG girl.

Her thoughts led me to thinking that mommy could make some changes also. So here’s my back to school pledge.

• I pledge not to hold up the car line at my daughter’s school. I will not brush my daughter’s hair, search for her socks or sign permission slips while other anxious parents waiting to drop off their kids are behind me.

• I pledge to read every piece of paper that comes home and not wait until the night before her school project is due to comb the stores looking for glitter.

• I pledge to be a more stringent enforcer of bed time, so that we can both wake up more cheerful in the morning.

• I pledge not to become an over-involved mom, who wants to hold her daughter’s hand every step of the way, but to let her grow and learn by experience with some things. (notice I said “some.’’)

• I pledge not to over schedule my daughter’s after-school life with too many extra-curricular activities and to cherish the down time when we’re doing absolutely nothing.

Have you pledged to do things differently this school year? After all, the great thing about the first day of the school is that it's a new beginning for parents too!!!!

Hydration and sunblock. If you are a kid who plays sports in South Florida, you cannot avoid being lectured -- by coaches and moms and random sideliners -- about drinking plenty of water and spraying it on thick.

Alec came home from basketball camp at the University of Florida with this little tidbit: If your urine is like lemonade, you're hydrated. If it's like apple juice, you are dehydrated. Call the medics!

We are a protective generation of parents. Notice I didn't say OVER-protective. Avoiding heat stroke is a good thing. (Bad mommy confession: I once sent Erika to soccer camp without water, or lunch.)

But I tend to agree with Atlantic High coach Andre Thaddies who said, “The heat isn’t new here in South Florida. The kids are outside and living in South Florida. Their bodies adapt." By the time an athlete is in high school, he or she has been drilled on the subject for 10 years or more.

It starts at the earliest ages with the post-game snacks and drinks (don't get me started on the tyranny of that ritual!) By the time they've played a few years (soccer, football, baseball, what-have-you), these little button-pushers learn how to tap into the fear of prostration (usually it's Mommy's fear), especially if they are tired and/or having a bad game and/or losing. "Coach, I'm dehydrated, I need to sit." To which a coach is inevitably muttering that the kid is "out of shape." Funny, kids rarely want to sit when the score is in their favor or they are on a hot streak.

Erika has been practicing soccer at 8 a.m. Saturdays this summer. Her little round face is beet red and her clothes are soaked by the time practice is done at 9:30. She's wiped out. But each week she gets stronger. She's adapting.

Don't get me wrong: Running laps at 3 p.m. in 98 degree heat is no fun and probably best avoided. ESPECIALLY for those kids who are aren't in shape or have other underlying health issues.

The best we can do as parents is supply our kids with knowledge. Give your little athletes that lemonade/apple juice test so they can learn to pay attention to their own bodies. And don't forget to send them to practice with a jug of water.

It’s time to get serious now, we’re talking school lunches.

Bring ‘em or buy ‘em, either way, school lunches deserve a parent’s focus and consideration.

I’m as interested in packaging as I am ingredients.

On most occasions, I pack The Kid’s lunch in a brown paper bag. He folds it up and closes it between pages of a book after lunch, that way, he isn’t carry a bulky empty object. He re-uses the bag til the thing basically dies – up to a month or more sometimes. I wrap his sandwich in wax paper sheets. (I love the wax bags but can never find them.) Sometimes his drink is a water in a bottle he re-uses, or box drinks.

Whole Foods Market even partnered with the Fort Lauderdale Museum of Science and Discovery by providing nutritional snacks with environmentally low-impact packaging to summer camp attendees.

When I shop for food, just about everywhere you look, there are great simple recipes using produce, fish, meats, grains and dairy products.

For some upfront investment in prep and cooking time – you can send your kid packing with fresh, cool (as in hip), filling and healthy snacks and lunches.

If you rely on school-provided lunches, this just-released news today about another Whole Foods initiative might interest you:

Renegade Lunch Lady” Chef Ann Cooper will partner with Whole Foods Market to launch the Virtual Lunch Box Web Portal, which will enable administrators and like-minded “lunch ladies” throughout the country to reform their meal plans by offering the necessary tools and resources. The portal will serve as the most comprehensive, easily accessible, and free set of resources available, offering scalable recipes, training resources and educational tools.

Links to the joint projects enlighten us parents to the daunting task of what’s involved in the planning and feeding a mass of kids in a smart yet affordable manner.

The School Food Project – Boulder, CO

Sundance Channel: Grains of Change

If you’re on Twitter, follow other concerned parents to ask questions, share ideas and resources beginning with @SSParents and @lunchboxbunch and @WFMFtLauderdale

Follow Cindy Kent on Twitter @mindingyourbiz

What do you say, what do you do, if your child says he or she wants to change their gender?

If it takes a famous person like Chastity Bono to openly go through the process to create dialog, that's great. But not everyone is so lucky to have a built in fan-base, financial reserves, good connections. And not everyone is an independent adult.

Your questioning child still depends on you.

It's a complicated issue for those on the outside looking in.

But "complicated" doesn't even come close to describing the process for the individual going through it. How does he or she even begin to articulate it to others?

Think about this: a female wants to transition to male (F2M). Would that person want to be with females (straight) or other males (gay)? Conversely, would a male, transitioning to female (M2F) want to be with males (straight) or other females (lesbian)?

Is it even that simple? I think not.

Several articles and blogs have discussed one family where the parents are letting their 8-year-old son openly live life as a girl.
Here is one report.

For more insight, read this account of a woman whose son came to her and said "Mom, I need to be a girl."

Lots of organized information is available.

In this post Transproud helps parent navigate the reality that their child just announced they have a gender conflict.

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network is a voice within the school community to ensure a safe environment to GLBT youth and create open discussion.

We did what any parent must eventually do – we cut the cord.

Only in this case, we canceled the cable service for television. It’s very liberating - we aren’t tethered to it anymore.

Admittedly, it’s more of an adjustment for us rather than The Kid. We adults had become lay-a-bouts. We’d be the ones to mostly say, “wait, after this show I’ll [fill in the blank: help you with your homework; cook dinner; clean the house; put out the fire, etc.]

The Kid does lots of other things already. His withdrawal symptoms will be much less than ours. He plays video and board games, card games; he reads and practices Tae Kwon Do; hangs out with his friends and does his homework.

But I think us big people will survive too. This week, one of us focused more on graduate course homework and the other did more housecleaning.

Though the true catalyst for disconnecting from pay television and switching to rabbit ears was driven by cutting expenses, we’ll gain so much more than loose change. We already have, we’re re-connecting with each other.

Oh boy!

And I do mean oh, Boy!

It’s about The Kid’s hair. He’s got that grooming thing going on now. And, I must say, he looks pretty dapper!

In the morning getting ready for school, we hear him thinking out loud: “Which gel today? The one that makes them want to run their hands through my hair? Which cologne?" Then we hear humming. Water running, straightening the collar; another quick glance in the mirror – lights off and he’s out the door.

"Bye," he calls out with a smile. He heads to the bus stop, a spring in his step. This is one confident and happy guy.

For those totally overwhelmed and baffled parents and teenagers, KidsHealth offers lots of tips and advice on personal hygiene.

In the meantime, we’re going to have to rearrange a few shelves in the bathroom, to make room for his stuff.

What fashion raves and grooming obsessions is your teen going through?

At some point, your child's inability to ride a bike becomes a reflection not of his or her state of physical ability, but on your parenting.

So I've been thinking, Lily can't ride a bike yet. What is wrong with me? (See my previous post, topic Lily can't swim yet.)

She's actually very physically able. She just got selected for the "All Star'' soccer team. And she's a great rope jumper, as I've shown you before.

But when you mix in her fears, you start to realize why she is headed toward age 7 and is still scared to ride a bike EVEN WITH TRAINING WHEELS.

OK, add in a bad experience (a previous effort ended up with her splayed on the rocky landscape feature of my next door neighbor.)

But every time I see a young Olympic contender, I know how much the parents had to do with that. Because in the end, it's the parent's choice to push a child to learn some difficult physical task, like exceling in gymnastics, becoming a superstar tennis player, or just riding a bike.

I work. I don't have every afternoon to select what I want to play with my kids.

On the weekends, in our little bit of spare time, I can either take Lily to the library, which I did this weekend and she loved, or take her to the pond to feed stale bread to the ducks, which I also did this weekend and she loved. Or I can spend a bunch of time trying to make her learn something physical that's hard, like riding a bike.

And you start to wonder: Does everyone in the world really have to know how to ride a bike? Can't she ride one of those giant tricycles?

What finally pushed me over the edge was a little kid, maybe 3 at the most, whom I saw riding his bike without training wheels at Plantation's Central Park this weekend. I was shamed by a toddler!

Continue reading "Teaching a kid to ride a bike is for Supermoms" »

South Florida's winter is best spent outdoors in the parks, the Everglades, on the water. In places that are hostile in the summer because of the mosquitos and heat.

I'm partial to parks that cater to the under 5 set, which meet the needs of my 23 month old.

There's the newly expanded Hardy Park in Fort Lauderdale, which has cool chair-like swings for kids at heart.

The ground cover is artificial grass and crumbled tires.

We also like the Riverland Park that has two playground sets, a swing set and a nearby bathroom. The ground cover is mulch.

But I'm always on the hunt for another park that has a (reasonably) clean playset, a bathroom in close promixity and a covered pavilion or trees with shade.

What's your favorite kiddie park?

Our entire family ran in the 5K Run Through Plantation Central Park on Sunday, making for a family fitness highlight and a Norman Rockwell moment.

I was surprised about a month ago when our 18-year-old said she'd get up early on a Sunday (7:30 a.m. start time) to work out. I ddn't even bribe her with chocolate or more cell phone minutes. She ran with two of her friends, and all ended up with the classic case of runner's high: Wide awake at 8:30 a.m. and full of energy.

My son and my wife ran-walked, enjoyed the group support that develops at the back of the pack, where everyone is out for exercise and not worried about a trophy.

So here's my point: If Team Sortal can do it, so can your family. Sign them all up for a 5K run -- who cares about time, the goal is finishing.

Running and other participant sports can be found at http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-splocalskeds22feb22,0,1087839.story
Also at http://www.splitsecondtiming.com

[A version of this entry appeared as Editor’s Note, South Florida Parenting, January 2006]

This is what I did in 2006: I gained 10 pounds. That’s a lot easier than losing 10 pounds.

I can’t even blame my kids for this, although without them, I daresay there would be less candy around the house for Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s and Easter, with Girl Scout cookies slipped in there in January for good measure.

I used to blame them, saying that I couldn't get out to a walk or the gym or the yoga studio because they needed me at home. Or, I would try to take them with me for a walk, but that was no exercise for me at all, as they stopped to admire every bug and blossom, then whined that they were tired.

Now they're old enough to stay at home alone and they are perfectly self-sufficient, so it really doesn't wash, that no-time-for-exercise excuse.

Continue reading "Don't blame the kids: Shedding pounds is hard to do" »