What do you say, what do you do, if your child says he or she wants to change their gender?

If it takes a famous person like Chastity Bono to openly go through the process to create dialog, that's great. But not everyone is so lucky to have a built in fan-base, financial reserves, good connections. And not everyone is an independent adult.

Your questioning child still depends on you.

It's a complicated issue for those on the outside looking in.

But "complicated" doesn't even come close to describing the process for the individual going through it. How does he or she even begin to articulate it to others?

Think about this: a female wants to transition to male (F2M). Would that person want to be with females (straight) or other males (gay)? Conversely, would a male, transitioning to female (M2F) want to be with males (straight) or other females (lesbian)?

Is it even that simple? I think not.

Several articles and blogs have discussed one family where the parents are letting their 8-year-old son openly live life as a girl.
Here is one report.

For more insight, read this account of a woman whose son came to her and said "Mom, I need to be a girl."

Lots of organized information is available.

In this post Transproud helps parent navigate the reality that their child just announced they have a gender conflict.

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network is a voice within the school community to ensure a safe environment to GLBT youth and create open discussion.

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We did what any parent must eventually do – we cut the cord.

Only in this case, we canceled the cable service for television. It’s very liberating - we aren’t tethered to it anymore.

Admittedly, it’s more of an adjustment for us rather than The Kid. We adults had become lay-a-bouts. We’d be the ones to mostly say, “wait, after this show I’ll [fill in the blank: help you with your homework; cook dinner; clean the house; put out the fire, etc.]

The Kid does lots of other things already. His withdrawal symptoms will be much less than ours. He plays video and board games, card games; he reads and practices Tae Kwon Do; hangs out with his friends and does his homework.

But I think us big people will survive too. This week, one of us focused more on graduate course homework and the other did more housecleaning.

Though the true catalyst for disconnecting from pay television and switching to rabbit ears was driven by cutting expenses, we’ll gain so much more than loose change. We already have, we’re re-connecting with each other.

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Oh boy!

And I do mean oh, Boy!

It’s about The Kid’s hair. He’s got that grooming thing going on now. And, I must say, he looks pretty dapper!

In the morning getting ready for school, we hear him thinking out loud: “Which gel today? The one that makes them want to run their hands through my hair? Which cologne?" Then we hear humming. Water running, straightening the collar; another quick glance in the mirror – lights off and he’s out the door.

"Bye," he calls out with a smile. He heads to the bus stop, a spring in his step. This is one confident and happy guy.

For those totally overwhelmed and baffled parents and teenagers, KidsHealth offers lots of tips and advice on personal hygiene.

In the meantime, we’re going to have to rearrange a few shelves in the bathroom, to make room for his stuff.

What fashion raves and grooming obsessions is your teen going through?

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At some point, your child's inability to ride a bike becomes a reflection not of his or her state of physical ability, but on your parenting.

So I've been thinking, Lily can't ride a bike yet. What is wrong with me? (See my previous post, topic Lily can't swim yet.)

She's actually very physically able. She just got selected for the "All Star'' soccer team. And she's a great rope jumper, as I've shown you before.

But when you mix in her fears, you start to realize why she is headed toward age 7 and is still scared to ride a bike EVEN WITH TRAINING WHEELS.

OK, add in a bad experience (a previous effort ended up with her splayed on the rocky landscape feature of my next door neighbor.)

But every time I see a young Olympic contender, I know how much the parents had to do with that. Because in the end, it's the parent's choice to push a child to learn some difficult physical task, like exceling in gymnastics, becoming a superstar tennis player, or just riding a bike.

I work. I don't have every afternoon to select what I want to play with my kids.

On the weekends, in our little bit of spare time, I can either take Lily to the library, which I did this weekend and she loved, or take her to the pond to feed stale bread to the ducks, which I also did this weekend and she loved. Or I can spend a bunch of time trying to make her learn something physical that's hard, like riding a bike.

And you start to wonder: Does everyone in the world really have to know how to ride a bike? Can't she ride one of those giant tricycles?

What finally pushed me over the edge was a little kid, maybe 3 at the most, whom I saw riding his bike without training wheels at Plantation's Central Park this weekend. I was shamed by a toddler!

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South Florida's winter is best spent outdoors in the parks, the Everglades, on the water. In places that are hostile in the summer because of the mosquitos and heat.

I'm partial to parks that cater to the under 5 set, which meet the needs of my 23 month old.

There's the newly expanded Hardy Park in Fort Lauderdale, which has cool chair-like swings for kids at heart.

The ground cover is artificial grass and crumbled tires.

We also like the Riverland Park that has two playground sets, a swing set and a nearby bathroom. The ground cover is mulch.

But I'm always on the hunt for another park that has a (reasonably) clean playset, a bathroom in close promixity and a covered pavilion or trees with shade.

What's your favorite kiddie park?

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Our entire family ran in the 5K Run Through Plantation Central Park on Sunday, making for a family fitness highlight and a Norman Rockwell moment.

I was surprised about a month ago when our 18-year-old said she'd get up early on a Sunday (7:30 a.m. start time) to work out. I ddn't even bribe her with chocolate or more cell phone minutes. She ran with two of her friends, and all ended up with the classic case of runner's high: Wide awake at 8:30 a.m. and full of energy.

My son and my wife ran-walked, enjoyed the group support that develops at the back of the pack, where everyone is out for exercise and not worried about a trophy.

So here's my point: If Team Sortal can do it, so can your family. Sign them all up for a 5K run -- who cares about time, the goal is finishing.

Running and other participant sports can be found at http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/sfl-splocalskeds22feb22,0,1087839.story
Also at http://www.splitsecondtiming.com

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[A version of this entry appeared as Editor’s Note, South Florida Parenting, January 2006]

This is what I did in 2006: I gained 10 pounds. That’s a lot easier than losing 10 pounds.

I can’t even blame my kids for this, although without them, I daresay there would be less candy around the house for Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s and Easter, with Girl Scout cookies slipped in there in January for good measure.

I used to blame them, saying that I couldn't get out to a walk or the gym or the yoga studio because they needed me at home. Or, I would try to take them with me for a walk, but that was no exercise for me at all, as they stopped to admire every bug and blossom, then whined that they were tired.

Now they're old enough to stay at home alone and they are perfectly self-sufficient, so it really doesn't wash, that no-time-for-exercise excuse.

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