Guest blogger Jenny Isenman talks about losing her cool. She last debated the age-old question to clean or not to clean.

She has a fabulously funny and relatable Suburban Jungle blog: It May Be Suburbia, But it's a Jungle Out There.

I have something to tell you: I screamed “shut up” at my son today.

“SHUT UP!”

Not “shush” or “sshhhhh” or even “ferme la bouche.” No, “Shut Up.” I didn’t say it in a whisper, or even hiss it through clenched teeth. I yelled it in a vein popping tone, and it felt sort of good, aside from the fear of having an aneurism. I hate to admit it, but in the moment I actually enjoyed the shock value.

In my house, “shut up” is still the “S” word. That and “stupid”…fine. “Shut up” is a phrase that I -- a person who has managed to say “Sugar” and “Fudge” through the last seven years -- have never uttered to my children.

Had I witnessed you on the street saying -- no, screaming -- that to your child, I would have judged you with disdain. I may have even considered calling child services on you. Now, I’m the one with the scarlet letter.

I’m not going to tell you what my son did, but just know, he started it! Fine, I’ll tell you. He was yelling at me, telling me “No,” contradicting me, and being incredibly obnoxious all at once, and all at warp speed. He never took a breath. I didn’t know whether to punish or have him try out for the swim team.

The funny thing is, I just finished writing an article about the Spanking / IQ study, and here I am doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t do: “ensuring my child will need hours of therapy.”

The worst part of this whole confession-inducing incident was the look on his face. It was somewhere between “Uh-oh, you said a bad word!” and a lip biting, “Sniff, sniff. You said that bad word to ME?”

Somewhat in shock myself, I had to regroup and think of my options: Apologize, use candy or some other bribe to gloss over it, or explain my actions. I went the obvious route, and when he finished licking the Kit-Kat residue off his fingers, I said I was sorry.

I’ll tell you, when my kids were little, I would have sworn this day would never come. How could you look at those sweet chubby cheeks and imagine they could ever frustrate you so much?

Conversely, when I told a few of my friends the story, they were shocked at how long I’d held out.

Wait a minute, I think there’s some praise in there. I amazed people with my nearly infinite patience. I deserve a medal, not a scornful eye. I take it all back. I am the best mom. It took me almost eight years to tell my child to “shut up.” Wahoo!

See, if you practice patience (but not too much), and bottle up frustration like seltzer (that your kids can agitate until it pops), you, too, can astound people.

(Picture by Tiago Riberio)

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The Pantry of Broward has teamed up with an Oakland Park school in an effort to teach children the benefits of philanthropy.

Penny Loughan, the CEO of the Fort Lauderdale outfit that provides food and assistance to low-income seniors, offers this update on the students' progress:

This week we visit with St. Mark’s Episcopal School fourth-graders and follow them on their lesson in philanthropy, and see them intensely focusing on ways to give back to their community.

Lesson plans created by teachers Mrs. Knafo, Mrs. Glasser, and Mrs. Knife this week have been encouraging discussion among this group of students and they seem especially thoughtful to the questions: “Why people are hungry, how we can help them and why we should help them”.

Their responses so far, reveal that the students are carefully crafting what kind of project would best serve the seniors who are helped by The Pantry of Broward:
"Its so sad that some people have nothing to eat," says Naomi E.

"Everyone should have enough food," says Paige V.

"It gives us a chance, an opportunity, to be better," says Colin F.

St. Mark’s first- and second-graders are busily collecting “Pennies for Pasta” and “Nickels for Noodles”, in which they will turn over the change to The Pantry of Broward for the agency to purchase the macaroni products.

Parents, tell us about your projects to involve children to share their wealth -- be it time, money or food?

Pictured: Ron Hayde, St. Mark’s school chaplain, with students in Mrs. Knife’s class.

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It can start small with pennies collected in a jar. Or it could be a multi-state plan worthy of news coverage.

Here's their story about how students at an Oakland Park school responded to the challenge of helping others:

On September 3, Bruce Harris, The Pantry of Broward’s Development Director, addressed two student assemblies of St. Mark’s Episcopal Church in Wilton Manors at the conclusion of Morning Chapel. St. Mark’s staff and students have long been friends to the seniors served by agency, and jumped at the opportunity to participate in this very special philanthropy lesson.

Upon explaining to the students that in Broward County, more than 25,500 seniors age 60 and older are hungry -- and further, that poor nutrition causes sickness resulting in a multitude of health problems, Mr. Harris asked the students if they believed anyone in Broward County or anywhere should be hungry? Their reply? A resounding “NO!”

He then presented a challenge: Raise 2 tons of food for seniors in need. It could be done, he said, if each St. Mark’s student brings in four canned good items that weighs one pound each, which would equal 1 ton. The students were then challenged over the the Labor Day holiday to think of ways to raise another 1 ton of food to meet the goal by the end of October.

The students in pre-kindergarten and kindergarten have also started a campaign, which they've coined Pennies for Pasta. They will collect pennies in empty pasta containers. Once filled they money will be used to buy food.

Behind the scene:
The fund-raisers: 470 elementary and middle-school students from St. Mark’s Episcopal School,1750 E Oakland Park Blvd., Oakland Park.

The moderators: Chaplain Ron Hayde, Jeremy Ayers and Father Dub Brooks

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Diane Viere and her husband, Gordy, are life-long residents of Minnesota (but plan to one day soon be snowbirds). They are the parents to three birth children and have parented 21 foster children during their 35 years of marriage. Diane has partnered with author Allison Bottke and is the Director of Group Communications in Setting Boundaries, LLC. In that capacity, she joyfully helps parents of dysfunctional adult children find hope and healing through the 6 Steps to SANITY and 12 Weeks to Freedom: SANITY Support Program.

An insidious thing happened on the way to my son’s 18th birthday—he learned to believe that I was responsible for his life.

He was born with learning disabilities, and I advocated for him at every turn. When children teased him at school, when coaches didn’t let him play, when doctors and teachers seemed indifferent – I did not rest until the wrongs were made right. It was my purpose and my passion.

In spite of my good intentions, I never allowed my son to learn how to fail while living in the safety of our home. He had learned as a child that Mom and Dad would bail him out of any situation. Why, then, was I shocked when he began to live irresponsibly as a young adult?

“How did this happen?” As a SANITY Group Facilitator, I am asked this question often when I meet with parents. “We only tried to help her,” they tell me. “How did he miss the importance of responsibility? We have worked tirelessly to help him!”

To understand the answer to this heartfelt question, we must first understand the critical difference between helping and enabling.

In Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents, author Allison Bottke defines this critical difference:

Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.

Enabling is doing for someone what he could and should be doing for himself.

An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to continue with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.

What does enabling look like when you are the parent of an adult child?

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We wrote yesterday about the Mailman Segal Institute's free class for newborns and their parents, held at Nova Southeastern University in Davie. Today we present a guest post from the institute's dean, Dr. Roni Leiderman, an educator, author, speaker and consultant in the fields of child development, early brain development, family relationships, work/family issues, parenting, and autism. Leiderman shares her memory of sending her little girl to preschool for the very first time, and she reminds us that there's more to the experience than just the first day of school:

I can remember the first day that I took Rachel, then almost 3 years old, to preschool.

I still vividly remember that anxious feeling when Rachel’s hand slipped from mine to her new teacher’s and the pride in my daughter’s budding independence. I can also recall the reflective emotions about my little girl growing up and leaving me plus downright panic and fear that her well being was, for the next 3 hours, in the hands of others.

We have prepared our children with shiny new shoes and fresh new hair cuts and have been there to cheer them on those first weeks. What do we need to do to support ourselves and make the upcoming year the best it can be for the entire family? Here are some ways to make sure that that the school year is a great experience for everyone:

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Guest blogger Tom Kent has already had his fun in the sun. He's got to hit those books now. To his mom, the new ninth-grader seems pretty cool and calm about the whole deal - going into high school and all.

Well, high school really is approaching fast. What I truly mean is… summer sure is ending fast.

I’m looking forward to high school – I don’t have much to worry about. I’ll be earning college credits as a freshman. How cool is that? I am very lucky to have the opportunities my high school offers me.

Which high school is that, you ask? Well none other than South Broward High School. The programs at South Broward are very interesting to me.

I went to New River Middle where I took the marine science program. (I love the water.) It just so happens, that South Broward also has a marine science program which I will continue to follow! In college I plan on majoring in Journalism with a minor in Marine Science.

When I grow up (no joke) I want to work at the Sun Sentinel in its Science and Health section; just like my mom, Cindy Kent (only she works in the business section).

Well, my expectations for high school should be just as I anticipate because I have already been there sixteen times! I participated in a marine science camp, called the Summer Beach Program and already earned 35 volunteer hours. Go Reefdogs!

I will definitely have a good four years at South Broward.
--Tom Kent

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Guest blogger Jenny Isenman debates the age-old question to clean or not to clean.

She has a fabulously funny and relatable Suburban Jungle blog: It May Be Suburbia, But it's a Jungle Out There.

I remember the days before I found a regular housekeeper. I cleaned a lot!

In fact, I could do nothing else around my house until it was clean. I would clean in the morning, watch my kids immediately undo my work, and then clean the same stuff all over again.

I would Swiffer at 9 a.m. when they went to school and at 9 p.m. when they went to bed. Each time I was amazed at how long it took to clean the house and how quickly it became undone.

I made up fascinating “cleaning games” to justify not spending time playing Nerf dart tag or doing spin art like the “good Mommies” did.

Our play was much more educational. I honed my son’s eye for detail and fine motor skills: “Jake, let’s see if you can match the socks and roll them neatly into pairs.”

I knew Jake was a true genius the day he found matches for the 23 mate-less socks I had been rewashing for a year.

I taught my daughter about the nuances of tone and hue: “Ryan, which colors are dark and which are light?”

I considered asking my husband for help, but the truth is, to watch him try and clean could send us straight to divorce court. He would say, “Just do it once a day, why waste your time?”

If you want the job done right (i.e. your way) you have to do it yourself.

I couldn’t delegate because I was too disappointed in the way someone would load my dishwasher. Loading a dishwasher takes serious problem-solving skills and visual prowess; done correctly, it is an algorithm of perfectly fitting pieces with not a single one to spare.

Okay, I’m beginning to sound pathetic, but some of you actually get what I’m saying. You know who you are, you’re the ones thinking: "Please, my dish-loading could kick your &#$*."

Well, you know what I say? Bring it!

I was so vehemently against having help because I was sure it would reflect on some inability to be a good Mother/Housewife (a title I never thought I would covet the way that I do).

However, my need to have “a life” won out and I hired someone.

After a single day I felt like screaming “FREEDOM!” while swooshing down a mountain with a cool breeze on my face, or into a deep echoing canyon while blowing my Riccola horn.

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Today's guest blogger is Penny Loughan, chief executive officer of The Pantry of Broward.

Penny talks about how the Pantry is working to get students more involved in philanthropy.

As a new school year looms with a multitude of lessons, schedules and homework assignments demanding most of our children’s time, when and where do parents find the perfect moment to "teach" the concept of philanthropy?

We’d like to hear your stories about how your family teaches the idea of "giving back" to the community.

In that vein, over the course of six weeks, this blog will follow two schools in Broward County as they put their special spin on a food drive for our featured non-profit, The Pantry of Broward.

The agency provides food and support services to more than 350 seniors on low fixed-incomes and grandparents raising their grandchildren throughout Broward County each month.

The need for food brings these seniors to seek assistance from the agency, but it's usually the symptom of greater needs, such as payment toward a utility bill or medical care.

Count on both classes of students to come up with philanthropic tips and create the "look" of the food drive at their respective school, with the ultimate delivery of grocery items to The Pantry of Broward.

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The milestone birthday. The Christening. The graduation. These banner events in children's lives cause intense hand-wringing for many parents in terms of how to celebrate the day. Should the once-in-a-lifetime event be marked big-willy style or in an intimate and low-key fashion?

Our guest-blogger Deborah David is struggling with the same decision on how to celebrate a rite of passage.

Deborah is a wife and mother to a six year-old daughter and 19 month-old son. She currently hosts the Balanced Melting Pot, which is a blog she created to share the experience of raising her children as second generation immigrants.

She is the Director of Community Relations & Resource Development for a South Florida non-profit and her interests include social and community development.

Here is her dilemma:

My daughter is just about to complete her first year of Confraternity of Christian Doctrine (CCD).

For you non-Catholics, it’s basically religious education classes that prepare children for their First Holy Communion and Confirmation. Even though we are not devout Catholics, culturally this is a very important milestone for her, as well as the family.

To commemorate this occasions, many Haitians throw lavish parties where family and friends all participate in the celebration. In the past, I have always considered these parties to be over the top and the true meaning of the occasion is often lost.

I envisioned the celebration for our children to be intimate gatherings where close family and friends would be present, as they would for many other momentous occasions.

Well, this sounds good -- in theory. My husband and I are now beginning to develop our invitee list and somehow it just keeps growing. We will think of one person and realize by inviting him/her, you automatically need to invite another four people who are associated and/or family (this has to be another cultural phenomenon).

I think what I will eventually have to come to terms with is that this is going to be big party, whether I want it or not. I am going to choose to look at the positive side and accept that there many people who wish to celebrate this milestone with our family.

Do you have a similar tradition in your culture that you continue to observe?

Also, do you have any suggestions on how to keep this party manageable without offending anyone?

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Jon Kolbe agreed to write about his "dadness" at Cindy Kent's request. She's off to celebrate Father's Day with her own dad. Kolbe's creative use of social networking is engaging and effective. Today he shares with us how being a dad has changed since he lost his job.

My life is...almost perfect.

I've got a beautiful, caring and selfless wife; I have the two most beautiful girls. Ever. I have family, I have friends. Everyone is healthy, who could ask for more?

The only little teeny, tiny thing that is missing is: a job.

I've come to the realization that only after a job is gone can you fully appreciate it and what it really does for you.

I worked as a project manager for an architectural firm for 11 years. My two girls were born during a time of rampant construction, economic expansion and an economy that Kryptonite could not hinder. I worked, and I worked, at least until nightfall, sometimes later.

I'm not complaining. This was the way I was raised. My dad has always had his own business, his dad had his own business and his grandfather had his own business. This 'work til the job is done' ethic is ingrained deeply in me. Life was good, my wife was a stay at home mom and my kids were among the happiest around.

Cue the "bubble burst," "market correction," the "financial crisis," or as I refer to it: the implosion.
The one thing missing in my life during the "good days" was family time. Six day work weeks did not allow me to spend any amount of quality time with my family.

Now, between applying for jobs and the phone not ringing with offers, I have had time.

I have tried to capitalize on this opportunity by building strong bonds and one very cool lemonade stand.

I have changed more diapers in the last six months than I have in the last six years. I've made lunches, burned dinners, been to the playground, applied Band-Aids, removed splinters, walked to school in the rain, been stuck in the car line, spared the rod, spoiled the child and taught tic-tac-toe. I've had fevers, I've held their hands and given them baths when they had fevers. I've even collected hail in the middle of what I can only describe as a typhoon for a science lesson.

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Today's guest post comes from New York writer Jenna D. Barry, author of “A Wife’s Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband’s Loyalty Without Killing His Parents.” You can find more about her on www.WifeGuide.org. You can also follow her on Twitter @JennaDBarry. The advice she dispenses here is her own: feel free to let her (and us) know your thoughts.

“My in-laws want to see my kids constantly. They drop by the house unexpectedly and stay for long visits. They offer unwanted advice about everything from breast pumps to hemorrhoids.”

Can you relate to those statements? If so, then how do you usually respond when your in-laws say or do something you don’t like? Do you gossip about them to your spouse, parents, siblings, and friends? Do you hold grudges against them? Do you demand that your mate tell his or her parents to jump off a cliff? If so, then it’s time to tweak your behavior a bit so you can start getting your needs met.

Rather than gossiping about your in-laws, why not communicate directly with them to resolve differences? Instead of holding grudges, why not set boundaries so their behavior doesn’t have such a negative impact on you? Rather than insisting that your spouse handle every disagreement, why not earn their respect by standing up for yourself in an assertive manner? (Sure, there are times when your spouse should confront his own parents, but there are also times when it‘s appropriate for you to address the problem.)

It’s quite possible that you have in-laws from hell, but don’t assume that until you’ve communicated your needs and given them a chance to respond appropriately. They may not realize you feel smothered when they invite themselves over constantly or show up unannounced. They may have no idea that you’d like their visits to be a bit shorter. They may honestly think they are being helpful when they give you advice about how to flatten your tummy.

It’s usually not necessary to have a big serious confrontation to communicate your needs. Just be respectfully assertive whenever a problem situation comes up, and set boundaries if necessary. Here are some examples of what I mean:

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Today's guest blogger is The Kid, Cindy Kent's son. He's a good guy, and a busy one.

In between participating in South Broward High School's Summer BEACH program and finishing the rest of the day in martial arts, he took a few moments of his free time to jot down these notes, mostly because his mom made him. But for the record, after the task, he said he enjoyed it and he's up for being a guest blogger in the future.

Whew! Done with the middle school legacy, time sure goes by fast. In middle school I matured a lot, I also gained a ton of knowledge, friends and life skills.

Too bad not too many of my friends are going to my high school. I am lucky if ten of my friends are going to my high school. Most of my friends are going to South Plantation High, only because they want to be with their friends that are going there.

I am going to go to South Broward because I am really interested in marine science and they have a great marine magnet program. I really do care about my education and want to become successful.

I am going to be a freshman and have to start all over again as I work my way up to "The Top Dog."

As I am going into 9th grade I really do hope I can continue to do as well as I have done in middle school. I am an A and B student NO C's. I'd say that's commendable, and I am not over-complimenting myself.

Math is definitely my weakest point. The only grade I got in it this whole year was a B, still a good grade though, right? I even got an A in Spanish every quarter except the third quarter.

High school shouldn't be any harder as long as I continue to keep up with my assignments. I will surely be going into high school with a positive attitude!!!

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Guest blogger Kathy Bushouse is a mother to one rambunctious toddler who turns 2 on Saturday. In her spare time, she covers schools for the Sun Sentinel and contributes to two Sun Sentinel blogs.

To show my son I loved him, I made him a mix tape.

Well, it’s sort of a mix tape. My son Andrew has his own playlist on my iPod.

While I made it for him, it’s also a playlist for me. We spend at least 35 minutes in the car together each day, and honestly, some of the music on my iPod is not appropriate for 2-year-old ears.

We have some children’s CDs, but I either forget to bring them or they’re stashed in my husband’s car. And truth be told, there’s only so much children’s music I can stomach.

Thus, the iPod playlist. A kid-friendly playlist gives me peace of mind that he won’t hear songs with wildly inappropriate lyrics. (I’ll save those for when he’s not in the car) And since I always carry my iPod, I’ll always have mom-approved music at the ready.

I know a kid playlist is not a novel idea – I’m sure other parents have done this long before me – but I decided to do it after our commute home one day, when I caught Andrew grooving to They Might Be Giants’ “Birdhouse In Your Soul.” When we got home, I pulled out the CD and played the track for him, and he danced.

Little did I know that the group I loved in high school and college was now a kids’ act.

I downloaded some new TMBG and combed through the music already on our iTunes to assemble Andrew’s playlist. (I use the iPod, but feel free to substitute your own MP3 player)

I’ve got 54 songs on there, and while I haven’t tried them all on Andrew yet, I already know he has some favorites.

This is Andrew’s top 5, by my best estimation (which is the amount of kicking and cheering that goes on during and after the song). Feel free to try them out on your kids:

No. 5: Anything by Jason Mraz. Really, any Jason Mraz song will do. Andrew loves him. He’s actually cried a few times when I tried to flip through a Jason Mraz song. If anyone reading this knows Jason Mraz or one of his people, please pass along my thanks for making such catchy songs that don’t contain curse words.

"Wordplay" is one of his favorites:

More songs (and videos) after the jump.

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McMommy has tales.

The McMommy Chronicles tracks the 30-something mother of two who says she has no clue how to parent, but tries to anyway. Here's her take on the most-used parenting excuse:

While on vacation recently, I dared to make the thoughtless remark of "OK kids, five more minutes in the pool and then we'll get out to clean up for dinner, OK?"

Have you ever made that remark to a young child?

If not, you better duck and cover, my friend. Because first you will get pummeled with "WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! MomIDon'tWannaaaaa!! Waaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! I'M NOT HUNGRY!!!! Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! No! No! NO!!! YOU ARE SO MEAN!"

And then they will proceed to throw the World’s Biggest Tantrum right there before your very eyes.

And as you are pulling your water-logged children out of the pool, kicking and screaming and limbs flailing, you look around to everyone and mouth one of the most famous parental phrases in parenting history: "I'm sorry. They are so tired!"

If you are a parent, you cannot sit there with a straight face and tell me you have never used that line before. It truly is the perfect catch-all for any childhood tantrum thrown in public.

The kicker? It doesn't even matter if it's true or not.

My children could have just woken up from a nap 20 minutes ago, and I'll bust that line out if they have a meltdown.

I don't care.

Because uttering this phrase:

A.) Causes others around you to nod their heads sympathetically instead of throwing looks of disgust your way.

B.) Gives off the vibe "I totally know what I'm doing as a parent" and you look in complete control of the situation.

When in actuality you have no flipping clue as to why your kids have turned into little monsters.

Of course, there are variations of the famous phrase:

• “Someone’s ready for a nap!”

• “He’s just cranky because he went to bed late last night.”

• “Early bedtime for you tonight, Mr. FussyPants!”

All work remarkably well.

It’s also the one phrase that can be used no matter what the age of the child. You can be a parent for a mere couple of hours and if that baby starts wailing, throw out a simple: “Oh, you must be so tired after the morning you’ve had!”

Nice, you are off the hook. Everyone around you will murmur “Look at her parenting instincts! Oh, she is such a natural!” and applause, applause . . . you come off looking like a mothering genius.

And truly, isn’t that all we ever want as parents? To come across looking like we know what we’re doing when in reality, we are just flying by the seat of our spit-up stained pants.

Next time, I’ll cover the second-most famous saying in the history of parental excuses: “He’s just overtired now.” (What does that even mean? No clue, but guess who just said it 20 minutes ago?)

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Last week I asked a couple of experts, stepfamily coaches, about the biggest challenge facing step-parents. They agreed discipline is at the top of the list. I'm not so sure, but it's certainly near the top, in any event.

Anyway, I've noticed a tendency in myself to focus on the challenges of being a stepfather, but I haven't really focused on the rewards, which are plentiful. Again, I asked for advice. The answer I got back from Arkansas family mediator Bob Collins was so good, I thought I'd just run it without further comment. So, without further comment...

When I became a stepdad in 1994, I was shocked to find that my 14-year-old stepdaughter was less than thrilled to have a new adult in her life to tell her what's what. Go figger!

Over the next four and a half years, she did her dead level best to chase me away. Verbal and physical attacks, silent treatments, and much worse failed to scare me away (they certainly scared me, just not away).

When my stepdaughter finally accepted that I was telling the truth about sticking around, she began calling me Daddy, saying she loved me, and she asked to adopt my last name for her high school graduation gift. I thought my heart would explode!

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I invited Len Simonian, president of the company that makes the Only Hearts Club line of dolls, to post in response to a recent item we put up about the sudden aging of Dora the Explorer. The Only Hearts Club collection is billed as a line of wholesome, age-appropriate fashion dolls and books that provide girls with a positive image and message.

I found myself nodding in agreement more than once as I read what Simonian wrote. I hope you feel the same. In the meantime, my question to our readers is: What toys, dolls and entertainment do you recommend to keep kids from growing up faster than they have to?

Here's what Simonian, father of a young girl, had to say:

You can’t stop them from growing up, but you can influence the pace.

Yes, Dora is growing up. She went from a 5-year-old to a 10-year-old, almost overnight. That could only happen to a girl in the fantasy world of animation, right? Maybe not. Have you been paying attention to what is going on out there?

How “fast” is your daughter growing up? Faster than you may think, or would like. When talking about girls today, the saying goes that, “6 is the new 9, and 10 is the new 13,” and so on. Especially now, girlhood is shrinking more and more quickly.

In past generations, parents may have been concerned about their college or high school-aged daughters’ innocence. Few parents, if any, thought to worry about that sort of thing for a 10-year-old daughter. They were still “little girls,” after all. They were either at school or at home, and not even aware of things like drugs, alcohol and sex. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case.

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Today we bring you our first guest writer:

I wrote last week about our decision to bottlefeed Leo after our foray into breastfeeding didn't work out as we would have liked. In a bit of admitted unfairness, I chided the "breast milk mafia" for being so enthusiastic in their advocacy of breastfeeding that they sometimes, inadvertently, make parents feel guilty about choosing formula.

Well, most advocates of breastfeeding aren't like that at all, and I was really pleased to hear from Elita, an Oakland Park mom who encourages breastfeeding and didn't take too kindly to being compared to a member of the Corleone crime family. She prefers the term "lactivist," and I asked her to share some thoughts with us in response to what I wrote. She makes some powerful points.

Here's what she wrote:

It’s been said time and time again, and I’m sure you’ve heard it by now: breast is best. But guess what? Breast isn’t best. Breast is just normal and natural. It’s the way babies want to and should be fed. Saying breast is “best” sets it as a lofty goal, often one that feels unattainable by many moms.

And the research shows that often it is. Although we’re currently at an all-time high breastfeeding initiation rate (about 70% of new moms are nursing when they leave the hospital), a paltry 30% are still nursing at six months and only about 12% at one year. When you look at the rates for African-American moms, they're even lower. We, as a society, have set moms up for failure. We tell them to only give their babies breast milk for the first six months and to nurse for at LEAST one year, but we make it nearly impossible for them at every turn.

Gave birth in a hospital? You had a 30% chance of ending up with a C-section, and studies have shown that women who have C-sections have more difficulty with nursing.

Then there's the formula. Your baby was probably supplemented (even if you aren't aware of it) and the hospital probably gave you a "breastfeeding support bag" that curiously contained formula. You probably also got some formula delivered to your front door, courtesy of your OBGYN. The research on this is very clear: breastfeeding duration is shortened when women are given free samples of formula.

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