I just wanted to put some thoughts up here from my perspective -- both as a sports coach myself and the father of a swimmer -- regarding the youth swim coach arrested on charges of possessing child pornography and saying he had had relationships with minors.

1. There's a fine line between talking with your child and spooking him or her, but I suggest starting a conversation with your child about all kinds of adults and situations. Are there times when your child is alone with an adult? If so, does the door stay open or is there a window? (As a coach, I never do one-on-ones in private spaces with an athlete. There's either another coach or another child, or we sit in the bleachers.) [Previously on transPARENT: Talking to children about sexual abuse]

2. If your child plays sports, band or other activities, make sure you don't take them to practice too early or leave them too late. This is actually more courtesy and respect for the coach than anything else, but in almost every case, there really shouldn't be a situation where an adult is left alone for a long time with a child. (Note: In the swim coach case, there has been no claim announced that he was involved with any of his students.)

3. Whenever you sign your child up for an activity, ask what kind of background checks your league runs. And if they don't run any, at least punch your coach's name in the Broward Clerk of Courts or the Palm Beach County Clerk of Courts web site.

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I'm working on a story about youth sports and injuries, centered on how to decide whether to a.) take your kid to the emergency room or b.) tell him or her to "suck it up."

Anyone have any tales to tell? Life experiences? If so, call me at 954-356-4725 or email me at nsortal@sun-sentinel.com.

Meanwhile, the Positive Coaching Alliance has a monthly debate, and I like this one:

Several weeks into the season, you are frustrated by your child's lack of playing time. The team is successful on the scoreboard, winning more often than losing, usually by comfortable margins. As far as you can tell, other parents and athletes on the team seem satisfied with the status quo, even ones who also are sitting on the bench. But you wonder if a coach has a responsibility to get players into games even when there are no external rules or requirements to do so.

Your child has not complained about not playing, but you sense diminished enthusiasm since the season's start.

Should you talk with your child about this? If so, what do you say?

Should you approach the coach about this? If so, how would you go about it?

Is your approach affected by whether players had to try out to make this team?

Fire away with your thoughts. I'll come back and re-comment on them in a couple of days.

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Any parent who's had a boy in tackle football knows what I'm talking about when I say that it's the next best thing to disciplinary boot camp.

They might not paddle in the schools anymore, but thank goodness football hasn't wimped out.

Kids who are treated like babies into adulthood will always be babies. I'm sure you work with some.

Not in football. In football, it's, 'No excuses, just do it.''

Creed's coaches are fond of telling his team that football is about "controlled violence,'' and "controlled aggression.''

Strength of body, and mind.

When a kid got yelled at for not paying attention and then glared at the coach, he was outta there. You will not disrespect a coach, he was told. Take your stuff and leave.

They teach physical toughness, too. When a kid was sitting on the field the other night after a tough two hour practice in the blazing sun, he was asked: Are you passing out? No, he wasn't.

OK, came the coach's response. Then get up on one knee! We don't sit down on the field!

One coach told my son's team that they're there to learn about life: That life is tough, you have to work really hard, and sometimes someone's going to put a foot up your rear. And you just have to learn to deal with it.

Touchdown!

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The world has changed. It used to be the dad on the neighborhood corner gathered the kids together, formed a baseball team and everyone knew everybody.

Now, you sign your kid up, get a call a month or two later, and meet some stranger who's your coach for the season.

And while 99.9 percent of them are good people -- volunteer dads working for free -- society has gotten so litigious and there are legitimate fears out there. So youth sports coaches, and other volunteers, even those at youth centers, for example, get their backgrounds checked and wear ID badges.

Read the points of view of administrators, coaches and others in this story, published Dec. 24.

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(Also posted on Trials and Errors.)

Finally sitting down to write after the long weekend. Our family, and fitness, highlight came before 8 a.m. Thursday, as the five of us raced with 1,300 of our closest friends in the Tamarac Turkey Trot 5K.

Our two girls in college, Diane and Michelle, were looking at finishing in about 30 minutes. Aaron, 11, just wanted "to run the first mile with my sisters, and beat Mom." Robyn was the good sport, walking most and trotting a little bit, wearing her Gator visor and headphones.

I usually take off and leave them all, finishing in 23, maybe 24 minutes. But a sore knee and back eradicated any hope of running for time. It was a day to waddle.

So, I ran with everyone in my family. I started walking with Robyn, caught Aaron during the first mile -- the girls had already taken off -- and then caught the girls for the end. Meanwhile, in the back of the pack, Robyn closed in to within a few yards of Aaron, but made the mistake of yelling to him, to get his attention. So he bolted for the finish line. Left her.

We stretched a few minutes afterward, went and looked at our results in our age groups (all of us were bottom 10 in fields of 70 or so), then came home for breakfast, a nap and Thanksgiving dinner, when our visitors just kind of looked at us askance when we told them what we did. College kids? Getting up at 6 a.m. to run on Thanksgiving?

You know, life is short. You don't get many days like this. But at least I can say I had one of them.

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(also posted on Trials and Errors)

If you're curious about fitness in general and physical fitness in schools in particular, you might want to attend meetings Wednesday and Thursday in Fort Lauderdale of the Governor's Council on Physical Fitness.

Gov. Crist created the organization earlier this year. The meeting details:

9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Wednesday and 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Keiser University Broward Branch, 1500 NW 49th St., Fifth Floor Auditorium, Fort Lauderdale.

Public comments will be heard between 2:45 and 3:05 p.m. Wednesday and 11:30 a.m. and noon Thursday. You need to show up a half-hour early if you plan to speak.
Call 850-488-5394.

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If you've been flipping through the TV channels the past few days, you might have seen me talk with Comcast Newsmakers' Spero Canton about overall sports parent demeanor, or background checks of sports volunteers (I'll post about that part some other day).

I talked about how parents at games sometimes go crazy, partially because they confused education (youth sports) with entertainment (pro and college sports). They figure "Hey, I paid my money (registration fees), I should be able to yell whatever I want." Which obviously doesn't help their child or anyone else.

Meanwhile, my son had a swim meet this weekend. We got up at 6:15 a.m. on Saturday for a 7 a.m. warmup, in the dark. For parents, the day was from 7 a.m. to noon or so.

And I have it lucky. For a child to truly be successful at swimming, he or she goes twice a day (at 5 a.m. and 5 p.m.), which is why they make bumper stickers that say "Swim Taxi" for minivans.

So I got to thinking... which youth sports parent has it the worst? I think hockey is clearly No. 1, with the expense, odd hours for rink time and few rinks around. Maybe tackle football, with practices every night interrupting every dinner, is next. After that....?

I know it's worth it, and you're doing what's best for you child. That's not what this post is about. Just go ahead, let out your whines here. Fire away.

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If you think South Florida has cornered the market on nuts and sports parents, take heart: Our sister paper, Newsday, carries a report about a parent, upset about his son's playing time, who punched out a coach.

Brooke de Lench, who runs a web site called MomsTeam.com, writes an op-ed piece that brings us to the point: When there are kids on the bench, frustrations mount. My take is that the parent is usually more embarrassed than the kid, especially in this case, because Pop Warner football, like youth tackle football down here is open about being competitive.

Basically, I believe 99 percent of the parents are out there trying to do the right thing. The dangers pop up when they get too worried about their child being "successful," which they equate with winning. So they want to help their Johnny or Sarah get that extra goal, or make that extra basket...

And that's where it starts getting crazy.

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A new hybrid skateboard/snowboard is becoming increasingly popular with kids.

Seems harmless enough.

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Your child's fall sports season has likely started, which means you've likely sat through his or her games. Which means it's time to review behavior again.

Parents at games can drive me nuts. I love it when they shout "pass!" while the coach shouts "shoot!" And some parents think they're helping if they can get their kid a hit, a goal or a basket; I say the problem comes when parents look at youth sports as education, not entertainment. Pay your money and yell at the Dolphins if you want; at your kid's game, maybe it's better to bring a lollipop. By the time you take it out of your mouth to yell, the play is usually over.

With that in mind, here are five major points in the The National High School Athletic Coaches Association's parent code of conduct.

1. Be a positive role model through your own actions to make sure your child has the best athletic experience possible.

2. Be a team fan, not a "my kid'' fan.

3. Weigh what your children say; they will tend to slant the truth to their advantage.

4. Don't instruct your children before or after a game -- it might conflict with the coach's plans and strategies.

5. If you as a parent have a concern, take time to talk with coaches in an appropriate manner, including time and place.

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Twenty percent of our transPARENT team has children playing tackle football (see posts below), and overall, about 10,000 kids in South Florida are playing.

So you might want to read about how some coaches are getting better educated on how to assess injuries. The "Suck it up" era is pretty much over.

Also, some coaches explain why they work for free almost every weeknight and a good chunk of the day Saturday.

Note to Brittany and Gretchen: Let us know how you do the family dinner thing when you have practice four nights a week and Game Day Saturdays. We have enough trouble as it is.

Also, football safety information is all over the Internet.

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I'd like to point you to three interesting points of view on kids, sports and how we parents behave.

They are: Ralph De La Cruz's Sunday article on parks (actually, sports fields) as a hub for life, and a cut-to-the-bone back-page cartoon essay in the April 23 Time magazine, called Eight Again and thoughts from Brian Shulman, from his new book: The Death of Sportsmanship, and How to Revive It available via his site.

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We spent Easter Sunday with friends who live on a golf course in northwestern Palm Beach County. My husband took our 4-year-old son JJ onto the nearby course to let him swing the club. It was JJ's first time and -- being the sports nut he is -- he loved it and was immediately hooked.

Since the next day was Monday and Spring Break vacation, we were looking to kill time and JJ kept hounding me about getting real kid-sized golf clubs (as opposed to the plastic toddler toy ones at Toys R Us). Since I was not about to pay for pricey clubs, I called a few friends who enlightened me about a real shopping gem for anyone who has kids who like to "try out" sports.

It's called Play It Again Sports, a chain that sells and trades new and used sporting goods and exercise equipment. Has your kid lost their soccer shinguards for the third time? Got 'em. Need a pair of cleats to finish out the season. Got 'em. And at super reasonable prices.

We hit the Plantation location (after finding out the hard way that the one in Hollywood no longer exists; note to self: call ahead!) and found several sets of kids golf clubs, but most were lefty and the prices ranged from $19 to $50 (the most expensive included the golf bag, club covers and the like.) I convinced JJ to start with a single club ($8) and some plastic golf balls. He has been out in the yard practicing every day since.

Here are the Play It Again Sports locations in SoFla. (Don't forget, the Hollywood location is closed.)

K.V.W.

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